A Day in the Life: The Unpredictable Adventures of a News Crew

Just as we thought things couldn't get any more interesting, our news crew pulled out all the stops. "I like it if they allowed firearms," one member said with a hint of sarcasm. The suggestion seemed to spark a lively debate about the use of firearms in certain situations. It's clear that our crew is no stranger to controversy.

As we continued on our way, we stumbled upon a spork-wielding individual who claimed to be from an area where firearms were not only allowed but also encouraged. "Get out of there!" they exclaimed. The news crew was armed, adding an extra layer of tension to the situation. It's clear that this person is comfortable with the idea of self-defense.

The conversation quickly turned to politics, with President Sanders inquiring about our location. We obliged, and it seemed like a typical day in the life of a news crew - minus the usual excitement. However, things took a turn for the unexpected when one of us mentioned the coronavirus. "I need to bring some love into my life," they said wistfully. It's clear that we're all looking for ways to cope with the challenges of our time.

Speaking of coping mechanisms, there's a cat up for adoption at a North Carolina shelter. The cat's name is unknown, but its reputation is certainly...interesting. Apparently, this feline likes to hide in the dark and can trip you up while doing so. It doesn't have a happy face and isn't too fond of other pets or children. In fact, it's quite violent when its belly is scratched. If you're looking for a cat that will keep you on your toes, this might be the perfect companion.

But what if someone wanted to turn this cat around? Perhaps with some love and care, they could become a beloved member of the family. It's not an easy task, but someone out there must be up for the challenge. Maybe it's a cat whisperer or a seasoned animal lover. Whoever it is, we wish them luck.

In other news, there's been an outrage over a theme park in China that forced a pig to bungee jump as part of their new attraction. The pig, whose name remains unknown, was apparently destined for the slaughterhouse but became an unlikely mascot instead. It's hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it all.

The fallout from this incident has been significant, with many people outraged on behalf of the poor pig. While some might say that in China, animals are seen as nothing more than food, it's clear that many others care deeply about animal welfare. Who knows? Maybe one day we'll see a pig-themed amusement park where visitors can ride alongside their new furry friends.

Finally, let's talk about justice and mental handicap. A remarkable story emerged of a woman being assaulted on the streets of San Jose, California. Fortunately, a group of furries intervened, putting an end to the altercation. The furries in question were not afraid to speak up and defend the victim. While some might say that their behavior was excessive, it's hard to argue with the fact that justice was served.

In conclusion, this week has been full of surprises. From firearms to furry costumes to bungee-jumping pigs, life is never dull when you're in the news business. And as for our crew, we're just glad to have made it out alive - and with a good story to tell.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enall right today's the 30th we've done this once before and it didn't record and we're very upset about it and my voice doesn't have much left on it so it's the first time in a long time we've messed up recording the news so this was gonna be a little short and we just really I mean Christa's you know disease aside we just don't have it in us to power through another one with the same level of energy which you know some good jokes - yeah we'll show you the stories oh so first of all let's talk about this honeypot so it's an amazing honeypot a really excellent job by the researchers to make a cool honeypot ransomware snooping and attempted shutdown and see what hackers did to these systems left unprotected online so you think about a honeypot you leave you know a fake system online to get compromised so you can look and see what the bad guys do well these researchers created an entire Factory you know machines automation robotics front-end Windows machines unpatched VNC the whole nine yards and they looked at everything that happened and as you might imagine there were skilled criminals there were unskilled criminals and it was sort of escalating complexity in terms of what was there there was a lot of recon a lot of a lot of it seems like one group of criminals would show up inventory the network and then another more sophisticated group of criminals would show up it started out with like Bitcoin mining and sort escalated from there alright big story and medical devices they're not secure and it's bad it's terrible because sometimes you know that the medical device is inside you like the pacemaker or the insulin pump but let's say you get hit by a bus you're unconscious they're gonna hook you up to telemetry guess what MDX vulnerabilities impact GE patient vital signs monitoring devices and GE is gonna patch those devices in q2 of 2020 so that's some time away seems like bad I mean especially if you're say a patient or move on waiting treatment and they're trying to see if you're in fact and it's like oh you don't have a fever but you can't trust that read up this medical device is mining Bitcoin what's going on and what better way to hide the number of infections than to turn off to limitary what nation-state has the capability and no need to do that from the last episode can you imagine if you have the RFID insulin pump it's like oh yeah you put in insulin and you can survive all I'm sorry there's no RFID chip in this insulin please eat verification cookie marks off let's say that you had a Microsoft support request recently and they had to help you out with something well guess what time to change password it's the breach of the week Microsoft disclosed the security breach of customer support database five servers storing customer support analytics were accidentally exposed online in December 2019 sad but even sadder is the kind of person who runs custom router firmware you immediately hear that and you think oh there's a level of sophistication that's not just some Normie who's running out to Walmart and buy one and plugging it in except it turns out that they made a very stupid mistake that's been capitalized on Internet routers running tomatoe are under attacked by a notorious crime gang but only if you left your default passwords on tomato who would do that you got all that trouble and then using the default password what's wrong with you well we talked about Apple and the FBI have a contentious relationship FBI says we want everything you have Apple says no we love our consumers we would never ever sell them out no matter what and then they turn off the TV cameras and apples like how we got your bro it's really like don't worry reuters has the exclusive Apple dropped plan for encrypting backups after the FBI complained so if you use iTunes for your backups it's gonna encrypt your phone because it's doing a local backup over a USB cable or whatever if you use the iCloud backup it's not encrypted so the whole like Apple we're not gonna decrypt your device for law enforcement we're just gonna give them your iCloud backup that your phone made like 20 minutes which is not encrypted everything in the tech world is subject to you know no longer being up to date you got old stuff and what do you do with it you just throw it away well you know what DDoS botnet operators have the same problem hacker leaks passwords for more than 500,000 servers routers and IOT devices this is mostly telnet but these were devices the DDoS operator used to use to operate through DDoS they've moved to a more sophisticated pay to DDoS service so I was like I really need this anymore anybody want them you know put these on Craigslist you have to pick them up yard so moving on to AI Facebook is perhaps terrifyingly moving the needle on AI a lot and good lord we not want Zuckerberg in charge of evil robots they're gonna come and kill us and drag us out of our homes because we have coronavirus and yet he's made another stride in that direction Facebook has trained AI to navigate without needing a map so you can just tell the AI assistant robot hey take these papers to Peggy on the second floor and the AI robot will make its way there without a map there's like Oh Peggy I don't want to go to Peggy's desk she always wants to talk about 911 she always fondles my ports and if you're thinking that the robot should be shut down and we need to go to the government and have real debates about whether or not self-navigate any robots are safe well you're not safe from that either because they've already got the tools IBM's debating AI just got a lot closer to being a useful tool technique called argument mining let's machines comb through huge data sets and make it help us make decisions so IBM's hoping that your personal assistant like your Cortana well you know top two system your Alexa whatever Siri will be able to use this to argue with you or you know whatever cortana disabled yourself let me give you five reasons why you shouldn't do that up on Mars while we were having our emergency here on the earth with a horrible virulence spread of coronavirus the Martian curiosity had its own crisis but the good news is powered through it Mesa's Mars rover Curiosity has an attitude problem but it's fine now listen to some Kelly Clarkson alright attitude I can do this that's the joke it's a science joke it's Kelly Clarkson known to like give you a good look apparently all the girls in my freshman dorm room like in the bathroom we had a radio and I always played Kelly Clarkson CDs and it was like that was their personal motivator in the morning because you'd hear Kelly Clarkson coming from the bathroom okay every day there might be a new version of that now Kelly Clarkson always had a like a whining component the robotic mechanisms the means of locomotion froze but they got it unfrozen that's fine well if you have the coronavirus here in the US the good news is you won't be trampled in a hallway waiting for treatment as it may be the case in Wuhan but you also won't have the loving touch of a human caretaker man diagnosed with whooping coronavirus near Seattle is being treated largely by robots the robot looks a lot like what you guys look like does yeah that's it's it's a medical cart I don't think it has any means of locomotion on its own but it's got a camera they can do two-way videoconferencing so they can just sort of roll it wherever they need it on a scale of one to ten how terrible do you feel awful sir look the guy looks into the car oh Jesus that time that I've drilled through my little finger they were like on a scale of 1 to 10 you know what kind of pain are you in and I just looked down at like the little bits of finger and fat and stuff sticking out of the hole and I was like are we really doing this right now and he's like okay something it just went to work on the my fingers I think we we had a jokin office on the whiteboard that after that happened it was like it's been five days like over a year now they did that when I have the kidney stones and I was just sitting there thinking okay I know what you did this is like the drug-seeking phasing thing it's like what do I need to answer for you to just give me a shot right now I don't care if you send me home with pills we just need to solve this now so I think I told him like six or something cuz like the way they play it out ten seems unattainable 10 is only if you like you break your femur in the middle of childbirth I think my answer literally was I'm coherent but you need to hurry well the if you want to enter the robot revolution yourself you can always purchase one and up until now we've been talking a lot about spot the robot we've been very we've been salivating at the idea of getting a spa so we can be strangled in our beds stretch go time is now spot the robot dog trots under the big bad world so Adam Savage from tested he got one there's a video of him playing with it it's amazing there's an SDK it seems to be really well put together don't know go play with it gotta see they're not selling the robotic arm the one that can like open doors and so you're not gonna be after it well you don't want to rapture it but I mean can you imagine how amazing it would be to have like a you know a refreshment fetching robot also Adam Savage from tested well the video was tested what decade is this yeah apparently very old decade because of the death of mr. peanut well mr. peanut was more than a hundred years old you know he had a long life so no one really cared about this until they ran a Super Bowl ad perhaps it was time I go through my entire life without thinking about mr. peanut the estate of mr. peanut at mr. peanut on Twitter uh mr. peanut died saving wesley snipes and somebody else there's some great art on Twitter I really I like that one that one's good that's strong I mean it's so bad and then I really enjoyed this one that's actually from Dr Pepper have you seen uh speaking of weird Twitter accounts bad sonic fan art we shouldn't look that up right now since we're doing a speedrun but like that's some nightmare fuel Oh darkside peanut I don't know I was so good but yeah he's dead and I can't imagine how they're gonna bring him back I think they'll do a son of mr. peanut I really don't want to feed whenever ad campaigns what if they do like mr. cashew I saw a tweet that was like okay we figured out how to monetize every other human emotion how do we monetize grief and love they've been killing off superheroes for a long time if if you do get the corona virus and you think to yourself I would like to be mummified if this kills me cuz I want to one day rise again and terrorize the people of the far future well maybe you won't get your way maybe instead they'll just be doing weird things to your decomposed body the AAP has the story about the ancient voice scientists recreate the sound of an Egyptian mummy but no sound clip yeah there's no well there might be in the video we didn't watch the video they did a 3d scan and 3d printed Alaric's so they could reproduce the sound they mentioned that like the time that's messed up I guess my theory is the only reason you would want to do this is the Stargate is a voice locked and they need the voice to unlock the Stargate it's an Alexa a 2000 year old Alexa - what if Jeff Bezos is wrong he's kind of got that look doesn't he TARDIS yeah could totally see him before those headdresses he should get one of those he probably has one already well the people on the International Space Station are immune to the corona virus so far and they might be looking on as we all die wouldn't that be sad because then they'd be on lock yeah but what they don't have is cookies until now the first space baked cookies took two hours in an experimental oven so this was kind of a surprise to everybody the oven was apparently operating correctly but for whatever reason cookies would normally take 20 minutes to bake here on earth took two hours in space oven it's high altitude super high altitude also they weren't allowed to eat the cookies which is disappointing the cookies are back here now but no one is allowed to eat them that really makes me angry how bad do you want a space cookie we should go down to insomnia and ask for one on the space station if you're gonna be in the stream later yeah I know I genuinely would like to go eat cookies but I curtsey when we previously recorded this you admitted that you are a terrible dancer and because you just really just go with the spirit of it right yeah I like to explore the space on the dance floor that's a good way I think upon consideration you're reflecting on things that you said that my ear may not be going out to the Internet to tens of thousands of people I know it perhaps I shouldn't have said those things no more somebody my friends and family know I like to dance they know I don't dance well the phrase explore the space on the dance floor makes me think of like a lecherous photographer I was trying to get to the tech news just explore the space make it your own and take your top off then he watches the dancing and he's like we're talking about like you know I always wear like I usually do like more athletic wear and I'll wear flats and like I just go to the bar to get water what was the what was the story from your wedding that you went to oh it was my best friend's wedding and I was a bridesmaid and afterwards her relatives came after and we're like no so they just watch me dance and assume that I had drank too much at the bar no well you probably know how socially awkward that is but did you know that was a huge security risk people can be identified by the way they dance I think I have a pretty distinctive dance style and that is white everybody so no matter what you do there's things about you that an AI can pick out a 90% success rate to tell you that you're dancing around dance yeah I hear they were trying to train to have it pick up like what the dance is but instead it just was like that's this person that's this person doing it's a slightly different version of the first dance now do you think that is also kind of like the random number thing where when we get to the Terminator phase we can force them to dance and immediately identify that it's too perfect no one has those kinds of moves well the coronavirus my favorite arm a dark humor here but my favorite phrase for it is the confluent it's also good but anyway dark humor seems to be something that's not lost on the Chinese people based on their app purchases pandemic game on plague inc climbs the charts after the corona virus outbreak that's what they went on sale on Steam that's the joke that we make here in the office so the whole point of plague incan I mean the Vikings been out forever it's an older game is you come up with a perfect you know pandemic virus we're in a long incubation period and not super lethal at first because people get clued in unless you play it poorly well yeah it's true I don't know if it still is but it used to be free on Android as well so like if you don't want to spend the like $5 to buy it can click for free on waffle now do you know that their other game is about social uprisings which is number two in China which is funny because it's like they're just tailoring it for those people and if we do make it through this pandemic and you know we don't all die maybe you want to express yourself more than ever because you've learned the value of life and how delicate it really is and the way that you want to express yourself is with a personalized license plate you're gonna have a bunch of new options Vermont build would allow emojis on state-issued license finally yeah this is gonna be great although there's not this hasn't been approved or anything like that and I haven't said which emoji sir allowing it's probably limited Australia's done this for $336 but you can only get heart smiley and winky face I'm out no eggplant and no peach poop would be a big one that was a bird trying to build a nest in the vinyl stupid bird he sees what's coming it's like I must plant my babies indoors it's gonna taste a plastic him any man unhappy clicking sound you know we don't have time for that stores a stupid story yes actually don't even remember anyways so yeah totally forget what it was done the impeachment is happening and most of the delight of one Donald Trump no one's paying attention because everybody's worried about the impending doom is you know creeping up from China and that includes the people in the room there seem to be having a real hard time paying attention senators are playing with fidget spinners stress balls etc too the time during the impeachment so the first time we recorded this I was like that's not the worst thing in the world cuz me and Wendell are both fidgeter 'z we both have to do something with our hands while we're listening but apparently some of these people are just reading books and it's like well you're not really paying attention at all at that point are you she claimed that so she's like a really hardcore right-wing politician and she was reading a book about how the Liberals are destroying America and I kind of you know called her out on it and she was like uh new moms are the best multitaskers in the world cuz apparently she's a bit of a Karen and she's got a new baby multi that you can't read the book and also absorb she's already made her decision although everything else is just gravy at this point yeah that's you're not gonna convince her but Krista this is coming from someone who buries her head in a book every time we have a meeting drawing yeah but I'm still listening it's a book drawing I'm not reading someone else's thoughts and trying to absorb them you can't absorb two sets of thoughts at the same time that's madness you have to listen to one and then listen to the other the people who are doing other things while listening to this right now disagree so the other people who are being usurped by the wuhan virus who are probably not as happy about it as mr. Trump are the Australians everybody had a lot of sympathy for them but now they're distant distant man just stocking up on antibiotics yeah but they tried to do some fundraising to to get rid of the fires I know it rained did the fires go out are they still burning I think some are still burning but a couple of people had a good idea we talked about there was an Instagram thought it was giving away nudes if you prove that you donate it to the fires which is I guess that's okay all right to the firefighting efforts we don't donate to the fire no I donate to that I like sent money just to be thrown into the fire but this British entrepreneur in Australia had a different idea not quite as well received Sydney Morning Herald seems a little incensed when they report the British entrepreneur shot down over a plan to sell koala fur as a bush fire fundraiser the real question I had was who gets the Koala fur well you know you action it off no but I mean like who is who is who harvest yeah who's running into the fires to get the fur before to burn up also alright thank you just like is there a warehouse full of dead koalas somewhere you know you can't just let it burn there you got a run in there and kill him save him I don't think he had answers for those questions he was just a Halliwell yeah man I bet it was like one of the princes or something they're just like oh it's just some random guy definitely not one of Britain's royal family we've taken enough heat this year and speaking of poor animals being subjugated the iguanas of Florida now they're an invasive species so they don't get a lot of sympathy not like the koalas and in Florida doesn't get very cold very often but lately it has been getting cold and something very special happens when it gets cold in Florida following iguanas prompt sale of chicken of the trees well it's kind of go into like a comatose state and their little claws can't hold on to the trees anymore there and this is the result mmm if you're someone who is a vegetarian maybe don't watch this segment of the program I say 10 seconds after it's been through you think the tail is good eating I bet it is I would I would eat a lizard that's probably balmy they're kind of slow-moving so maybe they're not that muscle you know I bet they're strong though if you've eaten iguana please comment off eat an alligator it was good chicken of the swamp it's not the same krysta is it still recording I don't want to lose that chicken and swamp comment and it would be a shame if we didn't finish this last episode of the news before the world ended and we are definitely on the clock the Doomsday Clock moves closer than ever to midnight it's a hundred seconds from midnight a hundred seconds less than down from 120 yeah the the escalating tensions with the yeah we're just getting closer to the great filter that's really the longest shorter yeah we got biological warfare nuclear warfare we got the fires more speaker lines we've ever had we got the what was the other like the fall of Rome in Decatur remember we're screwed look this civilization has developed a single weapon that can wipe out all life on the planet it seems inevitable somebody would set that off either accidentally or on purpose live it up while you can and donate to patreon Inside Edition went to San Francisco and they aimed to prove that crime was rampant they were super successful the Inside Edition crew gets robbed while reporting on San Francisco Bay Area crime let me set this up for you they got a car this is a completely ordinary looking car and they went you know went shopping and left the shopping in the backseat so there was like a speaker and a lady's handbag and smaller stuff and they staked it out in the news van so the news van was like across the road or somewhere that had a view of that car and so sure enough like not very long after parking the car there's a smashed craps and we smashed the window out and you know grabbed all the stuff all the stuff had GPS trackers in it so it was easy for the news crew to track the people that stole stuff so they were gonna try to get an interview with the people that stole the only people in all of Cisco that have been stealing fakes yes so they they got a you know they saw that robbery happened they got out of the news van and you know they chased him down and they did the interview with the people and I got the stuff back the news van was being robbed at the same time San Francisco Christa so they weren't Oh California just pulled out a spork and was like get out of there I like if in that area they allowed firearms that would make out a lot more interesting look the news crew was armed it's like up are you robbing me yeah it's like you are a literal Nazi forces president Sanders wants to know your location I turned off notifications can't that's out well maybe this you know you've seen the the delicate mortality with the coronavirus you think to yourself I need to bring some love into my life I need to pay it I need something that will adore me and I can cuddle up to at night and there are a lot of excellent options out there and one really bad one the world's worst cat is up for adoption at a North Carolina shelter so apparently this cat likes to hide in the dark and hide where you'll trip over her and scare you and she doesn't have a happy face there let's be honest yeah I mean this cats apparently terrible doesn't like other pets doesn't like children will lure you in to scratch her belly but does not tolerate her belly being scratched and it's very violent so they suggested someone who wants a cat in their life doesn't really want to ever interact with it if you want to just bring this creature into your home deal with its attacks and feed it this is the captor you just something to keep you on your toes for the apocalypse oh you're trying to trip me down the stairs again but what if you know a lot of women like they are attracted to men who they can fix that's a really common thing it never works out but what if you're that kind of person what if you really turn this cat around well I think that's probably old enough you don't know you don't know that would be a magical tale that you could document on YouTube and get moving zuv clicks meanwhile if you hate Hamill's perhaps well vacation in China would be a bad idea wouldn't it yeah maybe after this clears up you can head over there because they don't care about animals at all outrage after Chinese theme park forces a pig to bungee jump so they this new this theme park has a new attraction and that's the bungee jump so they put a cape on a pig and look afterthought like it's not on there good it's a flying pig so of course people not in China the people Charlie don't seem to care but people elsewhere are really outraged about this but when the way contacted the theme park for comment they said well we sent the pig to slaughter it was good eating what's the name of the theme park in West Virginia Camden Camden Park this could happen at Camden Park but afterwards the pig there would have become like the mascot of Cameron Park Camden Park for sure doesn't have body jumping no not last time I visited but you know maybe they're introducing that at all so you say nobody in China cares I'm sure there's some people there's a few people in Medicaid they might have some other concerns right now mm-hmm but I just can't help but think about the roller coaster of motion this poor pig went through it because he thought he was gonna die and then he didn't and it was like a flood of relief then they killed him he should have become like the mascot what's happening yeah I'm flying like the presidential pardon for the turkey that's better but they have that massive pork shortage over there yeah so they're definitely not gonna spare a pig even a good one like the little burr there you know what even if that one could do calculus I don't think they would have spared him no and finally let's just double check recording we've made it to the end and one of our best ending stories is a story about justice and mental handicap freeze stop assault of woman on San Jose streets this is actually like it's a positive story it's just comical watching them run up yeah so this woman was being assaulted I don't care about you Ken Bastida to restart the video it was outside of furry colon and they saw what was happening so they put a stop to it Oh what what CBS don't I love the it's like the pinkest furriest costume that's the one who like gets on the ground and beats this cameraman is trash though this is - at least he's not filming vertical it's a plus so this was a some sort of domestic dispute going on I believe it was that looked like a man someone assaulting a woman and the furries descended intervened they got their hackles up I stepped in good for them yeah this is good that's it for this week sorry this was a weird episode yeah second time around was definitely not as good as the first but we lost it oh shut up shut up CBS it's so loud - it's funny that this was also in San Francisco I know San Jose I'm sorry\n"