I've always been very interactive and engaged with my child, Carter. I love spending time with him and watching him grow and develop his own personality. However, it's gotten to the point where he has more of a personality than I do, and he wants things that he can't always have. When he doesn't get what he wants, he throws tantrums. It's been a challenge for me to keep up with his energy levels and provide him with constant entertainment every single second that he's awake.

I've tried various ways to keep him occupied, including filming him during his naps while I watch over him. When he goes to bed at night, I try to get some work done until midnight or sometimes past midnight. But the truth is, it's taking a toll on me. I'm feeling drained and burnt out from not having any time for myself. I know what I really need is help - maybe a part-time nanny who can come in just a few hours a day to give me some extra support.

The guilt of asking for help is real, though. I feel like I should be able to watch him all the time and provide for him without any outside assistance. But deep down, I know that's not possible. And so, I'm trying to sort through my feelings about this and figure out what's best for both me and Carter.

Recently, we received some devastating news - Ryan's father is terminally ill with Stage 4 melanoma. We don't have much time left with him, and it's been hard to process everything that's happening. It's making us all realize how precious life is and how quickly things can change. When something like this happens, other problems seem trivial by comparison.

It's been hard for me to talk about our situation, but I feel like I need to be open with you guys - my audience. I'm trying to be more vulnerable and honest in my posts, and it's been a big help to share some of the struggles we're facing. One thing that has been helping me cope is an entertaining activity book for Carter. It's full of fun activities, recipes, and DIY projects that keep him engaged and happy.

One of our favorite things to do together is make quick and healthy lunches. I recently discovered a product called Safe Catch Tuna, which tests for mercury levels and packs 21 grams of protein per pouch. We add some diced bell pepper, cilantro, and a squeeze of lemon pepper (which I just can't get enough of) to make it tasty and filling. It's a simple but satisfying meal that gives us both the energy we need.

When I'm not busy taking care of Carter, I like to take a few minutes for myself. That's why I recently discovered a monthly book club for kids called "Your Belly Button" (which is actually just a fun way to talk about books and reading). It sends you five new books every month, along with some stickers and other fun extras. We're just starting out, but Carter seems to love it already.

As I wrap up this video, I want to be honest with you guys - I was hesitant to post this at first. I don't like to complain or negativity, but sometimes things need to be said. I'm grateful for everything I have in my life, and I know that's true. But right now, things are a little tough, and it's okay to acknowledge those struggles. If you haven't already, please enter my MacBook giveaway - there are still a few weeks left to do so. Thank you for watching, and I'll see you on Sunday with a new video!

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: encan you say hi yeah you can thank yeah yeah hello and welcome back to the weekly vlog Carter is 15 months old today very exciting Jay I'm trying to get back into the swing of doing these weekly vlogs a lot of you have been saying that you miss them so we're back things have been a little crazy partially to do with Carter and his age and it being a little bit of a challenging time and partially some other stuff you know which I will explain in a minute but oh I thought I would show you guys my breakfast a lot of you have been asking me to show more what I eat so this is my go-to I have a toast with avocado and a hard-boiled egg lemon pepper and salt on top just a easy and quick breakfast I have this one most every day what sound is the owl make yeah I'm done is the cow make what sound is this snake make yeah what sound is the Sheep make wet wet feast is the tiger meat yeah okay so our big project is I am turning this backyard into Carter's wonderland I've decided just because he loves being outside this is the easiest way to entertain him and we had the space I want to make the most of it so I'll give you a little tour what we have so far and then what we have planned so we have his little hoop basketball hoop we have the double gate situation because he was still trying to get up on those stairs splashpad which he loves and we've also done other sensory activities in here like rice we have a slide coming and it's a slide that's for 18 months to 3 years old so it's a smaller one that's gonna go over there our grass is dying we need to fix that there's already space here to put a swing so we're gonna put a swing here I want to get a kiddie pool to put under the shade over there and then over here he has his very own sandbox and I'm gonna get some outdoor mats to go here because I don't like these stones they're uneven and they're a tripping hazard so I'm gonna get some matting over here but you guys own little sandbox so who even needs to go to the park I will usually sit in this chair and kind of watch him play and play with him we even have this outdoor speaker that's waterproof so you listen to music also we put WV screening above this so it gives better shade and it can be cooler in the hotter months can you River dance get us a ball can you kick the ball yeah good job he likes to play soccer right here it is so crazy this orange tree there's flowers that are blooming and they smell incredible like the whole backyard smells like jasmine flowers I had no idea that was a thing all right this is so funny Carter found this oven mitt a few days ago and he's so attached to it he wears it like all day I bet your oven mitt yeah and what else happened after that all right so we're gonna have some real talk I don't know what I'm calling this video yet but it's probably something along the lines of stress mom because I'll be rude with you I've been very overwhelmed just a lot is going on that I haven't talked about so the first thing is I am working on something that I haven't talked about yet I haven't even really hinted on it you guys can speculate below but I don't think you're gonna guess I will be sharing it soon and it's something very exciting but also the biggest thing I've ever done it's so terrifying that I have started having panic attacks and this is the first time this has ever happened I've had two now where I wake up in the middle of the night like feeling like I have a heart attack I can't catch my breath so I am trying to sort through that other thing and I am struggling as a mom with Carter this is a tough age he just turned 15 months and in some ways this is the best age and my favorite age because he has so much personality and he's really learning a lot he's so much fun I love spending time with him but it's getting tough because he does have more of a personality and he wants things and he can't always have what he wants and so then he has a little tantrum um he also has to be constantly entertained every single second that he's awake I've always been very interactive and engaged with Carter but this is to a next level and he's not that easily entertained either but it is a lot on me I'm very drained because I watch him while he's awake I film during his naps like right now and then when he goes to bed at night that is when I work until midnight or sometimes past midnight so I just have no time to myself I am just burning the candle on both ends and I know what I really need is help I need a part-time nanny maybe just a few hours a day but I feel guilty I feel like I can watch him so I should watch them even it's at the expense of my sanity a little bit so I'm trying to sort through that maybe I will hire somebody but I just have to still come to terms with it in addition to all of that the biggest thing we have going on is that we found out recently that Ryan's father is terminally ill he has Stage four melanoma we don't know how much longer he has but it's not long so I have just tried to be there Ryan we're trying to process a lot it's hard I mean I I don't want to talk about it too much because it's his private situation but I can't pretend like we don't have this going on and that we're not all sad so when something like this happens it makes you realize that any other problems you have going on are really trivial I don't know how to transition from all of this but I did want to sit down and share what's going on I don't think I've ever really done this but I am trying to be more open and talk to you guys more one thing that has been helping me a lot an entertaining Carter is this book I got it is a whole book of activities to do with him and recipes and all different fun things so we've been going through this book I'm thinking about doing a video of some of our favorites so different DIY activities for toddlers I thought I would show you guys my favorite little quick and healthy lunch I've been eating a lot recently this is safe catch tuna they test it for a mercury I found it on Shark Tank and it's 21 grams of protein per pouch and to that I add some diced bell pepper and a bunch of cilantro just a little bit of mayo and then the most important part is my lemon pepper this is buy true lemon this is probably my favorite spice ever it's made with crystallized lemon so it has a very natural strong lemon flavor to it so good it doesn't look as good as it tastes but it does taste really good and then I have it with a side of brown rice and that's it it takes me like three minutes and then as a little treat I have chia seed pudding and all this is is chia seeds with milk and then I also put some tumeric in there where's your belly button with your belly button yeah you know your belly knees where your knees where your feet where your feet yeah three ears yeah what about your hair where's your hair yeah wanted to show you guys this not sponsored I paid for this myself but I thought this was really cool and I found it on a Facebook ad it is a monthly book club for kids it's ten dollars a month look how cute so this is his first box but they send you five books a month there's even little stickers and then you can decide which ones you want you have a week to read the books any ones you don't want you can send back right it's his first time first time ever it's Beyonc and I think he's pretty excited all right so it is the next day now and I wanted to pop on here and end the vlog I will tell you the truth I was kind of on the fence whether or not I even wanted to post this video I don't like to be negative and complain in general and I know if I put any of my issues out there people are gonna judge me please know I'm very grateful for everything I have in my life I did just feel like I wanted to open up a little bit I don't have everything together things are a little bit stressful right now so with all that said thank you so much for watching and for all of your support and if you haven't already entered my Mac Book giveaway I'm gonna have the link down in the description box there's still a couple more weeks left to enter that thank you for watching and I will see you on Sunday with a new video byecan you say hi yeah you can thank yeah yeah hello and welcome back to the weekly vlog Carter is 15 months old today very exciting Jay I'm trying to get back into the swing of doing these weekly vlogs a lot of you have been saying that you miss them so we're back things have been a little crazy partially to do with Carter and his age and it being a little bit of a challenging time and partially some other stuff you know which I will explain in a minute but oh I thought I would show you guys my breakfast a lot of you have been asking me to show more what I eat so this is my go-to I have a toast with avocado and a hard-boiled egg lemon pepper and salt on top just a easy and quick breakfast I have this one most every day what sound is the owl make yeah I'm done is the cow make what sound is this snake make yeah what sound is the Sheep make wet wet feast is the tiger meat yeah okay so our big project is I am turning this backyard into Carter's wonderland I've decided just because he loves being outside this is the easiest way to entertain him and we had the space I want to make the most of it so I'll give you a little tour what we have so far and then what we have planned so we have his little hoop basketball hoop we have the double gate situation because he was still trying to get up on those stairs splashpad which he loves and we've also done other sensory activities in here like rice we have a slide coming and it's a slide that's for 18 months to 3 years old so it's a smaller one that's gonna go over there our grass is dying we need to fix that there's already space here to put a swing so we're gonna put a swing here I want to get a kiddie pool to put under the shade over there and then over here he has his very own sandbox and I'm gonna get some outdoor mats to go here because I don't like these stones they're uneven and they're a tripping hazard so I'm gonna get some matting over here but you guys own little sandbox so who even needs to go to the park I will usually sit in this chair and kind of watch him play and play with him we even have this outdoor speaker that's waterproof so you listen to music also we put WV screening above this so it gives better shade and it can be cooler in the hotter months can you River dance get us a ball can you kick the ball yeah good job he likes to play soccer right here it is so crazy this orange tree there's flowers that are blooming and they smell incredible like the whole backyard smells like jasmine flowers I had no idea that was a thing all right this is so funny Carter found this oven mitt a few days ago and he's so attached to it he wears it like all day I bet your oven mitt yeah and what else happened after that all right so we're gonna have some real talk I don't know what I'm calling this video yet but it's probably something along the lines of stress mom because I'll be rude with you I've been very overwhelmed just a lot is going on that I haven't talked about so the first thing is I am working on something that I haven't talked about yet I haven't even really hinted on it you guys can speculate below but I don't think you're gonna guess I will be sharing it soon and it's something very exciting but also the biggest thing I've ever done it's so terrifying that I have started having panic attacks and this is the first time this has ever happened I've had two now where I wake up in the middle of the night like feeling like I have a heart attack I can't catch my breath so I am trying to sort through that other thing and I am struggling as a mom with Carter this is a tough age he just turned 15 months and in some ways this is the best age and my favorite age because he has so much personality and he's really learning a lot he's so much fun I love spending time with him but it's getting tough because he does have more of a personality and he wants things and he can't always have what he wants and so then he has a little tantrum um he also has to be constantly entertained every single second that he's awake I've always been very interactive and engaged with Carter but this is to a next level and he's not that easily entertained either but it is a lot on me I'm very drained because I watch him while he's awake I film during his naps like right now and then when he goes to bed at night that is when I work until midnight or sometimes past midnight so I just have no time to myself I am just burning the candle on both ends and I know what I really need is help I need a part-time nanny maybe just a few hours a day but I feel guilty I feel like I can watch him so I should watch them even it's at the expense of my sanity a little bit so I'm trying to sort through that maybe I will hire somebody but I just have to still come to terms with it in addition to all of that the biggest thing we have going on is that we found out recently that Ryan's father is terminally ill he has Stage four melanoma we don't know how much longer he has but it's not long so I have just tried to be there Ryan we're trying to process a lot it's hard I mean I I don't want to talk about it too much because it's his private situation but I can't pretend like we don't have this going on and that we're not all sad so when something like this happens it makes you realize that any other problems you have going on are really trivial I don't know how to transition from all of this but I did want to sit down and share what's going on I don't think I've ever really done this but I am trying to be more open and talk to you guys more one thing that has been helping me a lot an entertaining Carter is this book I got it is a whole book of activities to do with him and recipes and all different fun things so we've been going through this book I'm thinking about doing a video of some of our favorites so different DIY activities for toddlers I thought I would show you guys my favorite little quick and healthy lunch I've been eating a lot recently this is safe catch tuna they test it for a mercury I found it on Shark Tank and it's 21 grams of protein per pouch and to that I add some diced bell pepper and a bunch of cilantro just a little bit of mayo and then the most important part is my lemon pepper this is buy true lemon this is probably my favorite spice ever it's made with crystallized lemon so it has a very natural strong lemon flavor to it so good it doesn't look as good as it tastes but it does taste really good and then I have it with a side of brown rice and that's it it takes me like three minutes and then as a little treat I have chia seed pudding and all this is is chia seeds with milk and then I also put some tumeric in there where's your belly button with your belly button yeah you know your belly knees where your knees where your feet where your feet yeah three ears yeah what about your hair where's your hair yeah wanted to show you guys this not sponsored I paid for this myself but I thought this was really cool and I found it on a Facebook ad it is a monthly book club for kids it's ten dollars a month look how cute so this is his first box but they send you five books a month there's even little stickers and then you can decide which ones you want you have a week to read the books any ones you don't want you can send back right it's his first time first time ever it's Beyonc and I think he's pretty excited all right so it is the next day now and I wanted to pop on here and end the vlog I will tell you the truth I was kind of on the fence whether or not I even wanted to post this video I don't like to be negative and complain in general and I know if I put any of my issues out there people are gonna judge me please know I'm very grateful for everything I have in my life I did just feel like I wanted to open up a little bit I don't have everything together things are a little bit stressful right now so with all that said thank you so much for watching and for all of your support and if you haven't already entered my Mac Book giveaway I'm gonna have the link down in the description box there's still a couple more weeks left to enter that thank you for watching and I will see you on Sunday with a new video byecan you say hi yeah you can thank yeah yeah hello and welcome back to the weekly vlog Carter is 15 months old today very exciting Jay I'm trying to get back into the swing of doing these weekly vlogs a lot of you have been saying that you miss them so we're back things have been a little crazy partially to do with Carter and his age and it being a little bit of a challenging time and partially some other stuff you know which I will explain in a minute but oh I thought I would show you guys my breakfast a lot of you have been asking me to show more what I eat so this is my go-to I have a toast with avocado and a hard-boiled egg lemon pepper and salt on top just a easy and quick breakfast I have this one most every day what sound is the owl make yeah I'm done is the cow make what sound is this snake make yeah what sound is the Sheep make wet wet feast is the tiger meat yeah okay so our big project is I am turning this backyard into Carter's wonderland I've decided just because he loves being outside this is the easiest way to entertain him and we had the space I want to make the most of it so I'll give you a little tour what we have so far and then what we have planned so we have his little hoop basketball hoop we have the double gate situation because he was still trying to get up on those stairs splashpad which he loves and we've also done other sensory activities in here like rice we have a slide coming and it's a slide that's for 18 months to 3 years old so it's a smaller one that's gonna go over there our grass is dying we need to fix that there's already space here to put a swing so we're gonna put a swing here I want to get a kiddie pool to put under the shade over there and then over here he has his very own sandbox and I'm gonna get some outdoor mats to go here because I don't like these stones they're uneven and they're a tripping hazard so I'm gonna get some matting over here but you guys own little sandbox so who even needs to go to the park I will usually sit in this chair and kind of watch him play and play with him we even have this outdoor speaker that's waterproof so you listen to music also we put WV screening above this so it gives better shade and it can be cooler in the hotter months can you River dance get us a ball can you kick the ball yeah good job he likes to play soccer right here it is so crazy this orange tree there's flowers that are blooming and they smell incredible like the whole backyard smells like jasmine flowers I had no idea that was a thing all right this is so funny Carter found this oven mitt a few days ago and he's so attached to it he wears it like all day I bet your oven mitt yeah and what else happened after that all right so we're gonna have some real talk I don't know what I'm calling this video yet but it's probably something along the lines of stress mom because I'll be rude with you I've been very overwhelmed just a lot is going on that I haven't talked about so the first thing is I am working on something that I haven't talked about yet I haven't even really hinted on it you guys can speculate below but I don't think you're gonna guess I will be sharing it soon and it's something very exciting but also the biggest thing I've ever done it's so terrifying that I have started having panic attacks and this is the first time this has ever happened I've had two now where I wake up in the middle of the night like feeling like I have a heart attack I can't catch my breath so I am trying to sort through that other thing and I am struggling as a mom with Carter this is a tough age he just turned 15 months and in some ways this is the best age and my favorite age because he has so much personality and he's really learning a lot he's so much fun I love spending time with him but it's getting tough because he does have more of a personality and he wants things and he can't always have what he wants and so then he has a little tantrum um he also has to be constantly entertained every single second that he's awake I've always been very interactive and engaged with Carter but this is to a next level and he's not that easily entertained either but it is a lot on me I'm very drained because I watch him while he's awake I film during his naps like right now and then when he goes to bed at night that is when I work until midnight or sometimes past midnight so I just have no time to myself I am just burning the candle on both ends and I know what I really need is help I need a part-time nanny maybe just a few hours a day but I feel guilty I feel like I can watch him so I should watch them even it's at the expense of my sanity a little bit so I'm trying to sort through that maybe I will hire somebody but I just have to still come to terms with it in addition to all of that the biggest thing we have going on is that we found out recently that Ryan's father is terminally ill he has Stage four melanoma we don't know how much longer he has but it's not long so I have just tried to be there Ryan we're trying to process a lot it's hard I mean I I don't want to talk about it too much because it's his private situation but I can't pretend like we don't have this going on and that we're not all sad so when something like this happens it makes you realize that any other problems you have going on are really trivial I don't know how to transition from all of this but I did want to sit down and share what's going on I don't think I've ever really done this but I am trying to be more open and talk to you guys more one thing that has been helping me a lot an entertaining Carter is this book I got it is a whole book of activities to do with him and recipes and all different fun things so we've been going through this book I'm thinking about doing a video of some of our favorites so different DIY activities for toddlers I thought I would show you guys my favorite little quick and healthy lunch I've been eating a lot recently this is safe catch tuna they test it for a mercury I found it on Shark Tank and it's 21 grams of protein per pouch and to that I add some diced bell pepper and a bunch of cilantro just a little bit of mayo and then the most important part is my lemon pepper this is buy true lemon this is probably my favorite spice ever it's made with crystallized lemon so it has a very natural strong lemon flavor to it so good it doesn't look as good as it tastes but it does taste really good and then I have it with a side of brown rice and that's it it takes me like three minutes and then as a little treat I have chia seed pudding and all this is is chia seeds with milk and then I also put some tumeric in there where's your belly button with your belly button yeah you know your belly knees where your knees where your feet where your feet yeah three ears yeah what about your hair where's your hair yeah wanted to show you guys this not sponsored I paid for this myself but I thought this was really cool and I found it on a Facebook ad it is a monthly book club for kids it's ten dollars a month look how cute so this is his first box but they send you five books a month there's even little stickers and then you can decide which ones you want you have a week to read the books any ones you don't want you can send back right it's his first time first time ever it's Beyonc and I think he's pretty excited all right so it is the next day now and I wanted to pop on here and end the vlog I will tell you the truth I was kind of on the fence whether or not I even wanted to post this video I don't like to be negative and complain in general and I know if I put any of my issues out there people are gonna judge me please know I'm very grateful for everything I have in my life I did just feel like I wanted to open up a little bit I don't have everything together things are a little bit stressful right now so with all that said thank you so much for watching and for all of your support and if you haven't already entered my Mac Book giveaway I'm gonna have the link down in the description box there's still a couple more weeks left to enter that thank you for watching and I will see you on Sunday with a new video bye\n"