The Descent into Madness: A Journey Through the Chronicles of Tell Dunn

As I sit here, surrounded by the trappings of a life that has slipped away from me, I am forced to confront the reality of my situation. The words on this page are a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions, a reflection of the chaos that has consumed my mind. I can feel the weight of my worries bearing down upon me, like a physical force that threatens to crush me beneath its heel.

The Journal Entry

I look around the table, searching for answers that seem to be hiding in plain sight. I have whispered secrets into the wind, hoping against hope that someone, anyone, will hear them and respond. But my words are lost in the void, echoing off the walls of my own mind. I am trapped in a world of my own creation, where the lines between reality and fantasy blur and fade away.

My thoughts are a jumble of half-remembered dreams and fragmented memories, like shards of glass scattered across the floor. I try to piece them together, but they slip through my fingers like sand in an hourglass. I am haunted by the presence of strangers, their faces twisted into cruel grins as they whisper cruel taunts in my ear.

The Ambarosa Paper Ball

I spot a fluttering paper ball hovering above me, its surface glistening with dew. It is a tantalizing promise of hope, a reminder that even in the darkest depths of despair, there is always the possibility of transcendence. I reach out a trembling hand and snatch it from the air, cradling it in my palm like a fragile egg.

As I spread it out on the chair, I feel a surge of energy course through my veins. The words that have been written upon its surface seem to pulse with an otherworldly power, a siren's call that beckons me deeper into the depths of madness. I am drawn in, like a moth to flame, helpless to resist the allure of the unknown.

The Chair and the Streams

I climb up onto the chair, my eyes scanning the horizon for any sign of movement. The air is thick with the scent of decay, like rotting fruit left too long on the counter. I sniff at it, trying to make sense of it, but it's just a faint echo of something more primal.

The papers that lie scattered around me seem to mock me, their fragments torn and tattered like the pages of a worn-out book. I try to read them, to decipher the codes and ciphers that have been woven into their fabric. But they remain stubbornly opaque, refusing to yield their secrets to my grasping mind.

The Fuzz Pants

I drag myself back down onto the couch, feeling like a puppet on strings, controlled by forces beyond my comprehension. I try to summon up the courage to speak aloud, to call out for help or guidance. But the words catch in my throat, like sandpaper rasping against rough stone.

Fancy Pants is nowhere to be seen, but I know she's out there somewhere, watching me with an unblinking gaze. I strain my ears, listening for any sound that might signal her presence. But there's only silence, a heavy blanket of quiet that threatens to suffocate me whole.

The Waiting Game

I close my eyes and lie back on the couch, letting the weight of my worries wash over me like a cold tide. The darkness seems to press in around me, a physical force that pushes me deeper into the depths of despair. I feel like I'm drowning, like the air is being squeezed out of me.

But even as I struggle to hold onto hope, I know it's futile. I'm trapped in this abyss, with no escape in sight. The words on these pages are my only companion, a jumbled mess of thoughts and emotions that refuses to let go. And so I'll continue to write, pouring out my heart and soul onto the page, hoping against hope that someone, somewhere, will hear me and respond.

The End?

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enagain I find myself back in front of the desk working up the nerves to open the journal there will be pain but if not pain than Oblivion pain or Oblivion why must I always choose I crushed teeth together to kill the thoughts now is not the time to ask why but how how can I get at the page fool rushes into battle the wise divide and conquer peeling open a gap between pages spying the number on the corner I then open directly to the page after where I left off no drawing here I loosen a painfully tight grip only a page of Mantra verses even so one of my hands prepares to shut the book at a moment's notice as the other Glides over the words but first I don't understand them at all but I stay as relaxed as I can and keep my eyes on them waiting a rhythm gradually takes shape in my breathing first just a faint rasping than a low Mudder is my mouth moving to the letters on its own Dreadful familiarity meaning scratches at my scalp but when I turn my attention to them they disperse like skittering Shadows at the edge of Torchlight so I relax again and just breathe and they come back I don't chase them and simply look as I read one line after another a chill spreads into my fingers a feeling like icy water drips onto the back of my neck the room begins a slow dervish about me a voice it's definitely a voice singing something over and over they know my name how do they know my name so cold my breathing stutters been been the tune takes a downturn Al neat tiny needles of cold jab me all over I hate you with you hate you I hate you why what did I ever do the page flutters in my shaky ends I do have the last saying didn't you to leave me a gas without room to retort without time to respond what are you talking about the singing drops to a haunting whistling I hold my breath to listen words on the edge of recognition but you would whistle those Tunes they would make you smile I let you have those quieter and quieter I pressed my ear into the page chill radiates from it it can't be how could it be how was I to know where would I start I would have had to say in countless times say what a shrill tone like a kettle boiling in the distance Glides down then shatters into a screen that splits the night in two sorrow of it my heart breaks hairs stand tears stream I'm sorry there I said it I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry sorry sword I can't stop the tears stop please please save me from push on oh foreign screaming and pleading screaming and pleading what's wrong with you why can't you get yourself together for once no I will not give up at the first sign of difficulty this time I gave my word finding the spot where I stopped I read again with a shaking hand something under my finger pulls my attention away from The Voice a bump then it happens again more insistent I pause wondering what it could be it's quiet The Voice has loved when I turn the page over a laugh Escapes Me I stifle it with a hand a folded paper bird is tucked within the groove inspect it more closely holding it up for closer inspection my eyes brighten and my heart feels first time since waking a glow its body is Tyrell the blue of hopeful Melancholy its neck a delicate swoop its wings reach upward ready to take flight so delicate innocent soft as soft can be between the world and me are you mine too you know my story can you tell me who I am does its head bow just now you were important to me weren't you I have the feeling I'm forgetting something what as my hand moves over the bird's tail dull Pink Spot glows under my fingers touch gasp I stroke it again and the glow answers a tingling of excitement washes over my scalp I bring it closer breath quickening squinting lines and patterns emerge swoops circles words eyes wide and hands jittering I trace along the birds every Groove and Edge heart concentrated on the tips of my fingers twisting here pulling there corner under the right wing slides out of its Nook the bird transforms into a letter you know normally I would cheer you up by making a joke or baking a cake but I can't bring myself to do it this time failed once in a few dozen experiments whereas the rest of us succeed once in as many tries besides what are magi's careers built upon but a Bedrock of failures if you're still sulking maybe this will lighten your mood ever yours ilar P.S I lied lemony crumples are in the kitchen huh a cup ilar I can't believe that Grump can be so encouraging and them baking for me as if when I look back the symbol on the page flickers that's interesting I cautiously poke it with a finger spark leaps up and tickles me oh that's strange it's moving through me my arm now my shoulder my head what is that oh a cool silence fills me vast space opens up within pushing away the heat of the room spots of light in front of me swell and Shimmer joining together into pools drowning out the lines easing away edges and shapes until light is all I see in lightness I float breath coming through an opening atop my head legs wide filling a breast that's fathoms deep I am this lumine space colored spots dance in front of me Emerald the green of Dreams a garden laughs leaves rustle jakatas sing the grass is cool against my back soft Breeze brushes my hair the air shimmies with muffled words and snorting laughter I look up a face resolves into Clarity that grin illar I tried to say something but realize that I can only watch what illar is sprawled on their back one arm a folded cushion for their head I'm lounging next to them enjoying the cool shade of a tree on a sweltering Summer's Day Vin a sing soy sing-song voice calls me heat on my wrist fingers traveling across the back of my hand their eyes peer out from under Lush eyelashes a koi smile pulling the corner of their lips revealing a dimple I know what you're thinking don't what I was not thinking I retort and try to pull my arm free but I don't try very very illar rolls over with a grunt and lazily snakes their hand to the side of my neck of their skin and the toasty air combined is unbearable ah stop that you are cheating memory me wriggles pointlessly my head feels pleasantly fuzzy was this how close we were I'm saving your life is what I'm doing but I start to protest no their thumb starts tracing circles on my throat slow excruciating circles we had a deal the rest I of the day off I hear myself mumble protest I don't know do I want them to stop foreign I can't hear you now more fingers press into my skin Burns stop I Surrender their hand pulls away leaving an excruciating absence thank lira I couldn't have kept that up if I wanted to they collapse back onto the grass sign theatrically light blooms shapes meld together voices fade who did this that's not how you structure a narrative it needs an introduction a middle and a conclusion that was I don't even know what that was and how was it supposed to cheer me up more confused than ever now they didn't think this was important enough to mention paper curtly several times over until it's almost a block clench it in my fist and stomp back toward elar gnashing you lied to me a face of Horror anything to say for yourself um thank God I stare at them I it's not unable to contain myself I throw the letter at them how do you explain that if our flinches a little tightly folded letter bounces off their chest Landing in their limp Open Hands they look down very slowly um don't um me look at it yes yes they say unfolding the paper I tapped my foot rapidly on the floor arms crossed waiting a large brows reach New Heights yet again the corner of their mouth Twitches sporadically they look up perplexed touch the symbol they look down hand moving ice more waiting a distant look Falls over their eyes few breaths later they gasp well they cover their mouth with both hands and make a strange noise my turn to raise eyebrows what are you doing their eyes seem to want to say things but they keep making that strangling noise and shuddering slightly I don't know how I am feeling about this at last they loosen their posture and raise their hand apologetically at me I know I'm sorry I will explain I will but not right now something is happening with mashed potato I have to go what wait come and they're gone I stomp my foot I don't know what that was but this is not over not over comes an echo we had a deal my Mumbo mashed potato buzzes I glare at it not a word out of you still agitated I pace around the couch arms crossed why do they not tell me we were that close it's not like it was something bad or embarrassing is it is it I nibble my Phantom knuckle what if they have a good reason what if it was complicated what if it fell apart and there's still bitter about it I sigh maybe I am jumping to conclusions but still now that I know something I must know the rest they're not getting away next time what if it's really bad then maybe it's better I don't know slumping onto the couch rubbing my temples I grimace Notch I are so complicated why couldn't I have woken up as a Potter then the worst I would have to worry about is pottery maybe I'll do that after all this first I must survive then I will get some answers and later I can consider my retirement I fold the letter into a square or gently this time and tuck it into a sleeve you would agree right right rest for 50 breaths then return to the task yes one two three fifty all right time to go I dodged through the swirling debris and soon stand before the massive desk corralling my thoughts what needs to be done copy the sigil find the black salt memorize the mantra all tasks are done by reduction I'm trapped divide execute brevity is Magic magic brevity my heart is racing again at the thought of touching that awful page tear it out and sink it into the abyss before this is done or else it might haunt me for the rest of my days imagine ripping it out and crumpling it into a ball or maybe shredding it into tiny pieces setting it a flame seeing it blackened and hearing it Sizzle and beg for mercy quiet mewings drifts down from somewhere above breaking me out of the Grim exercise I swallow and look up slowly from the Shadows above the giant shelves beside the desk a melon size black shape pokes out throat tightens ready to reach for something to hit with a pair of pointy ears raise up from the shape and I inhale sharply it's a puffy looking black cat to Varna you nearly scared the waters out of me sniffs the air then hops down onto the table silent as a whisper reaching out a hand I hunched toward it it approaches me wearily sniffing glancing around head ducked occasionally twitching its ears come I will not hurt you it stops just short of my hand and gives me a flat stare ever so delicately I close the gap and Pat it on the head it immediately purrs deeply and rubs its head into my hand eyes shut in approval my heart nearly melts I stroke it all over feeling its Lush fur and the extravagant fuzz on its hind legs by the davarna the is that you fuzz pants excitement vibrates through me fuzz pants bumps or head firmly into me and purrs I was starting to worry about you where have you been all this time are you hurt do you remember me I read about you in ilar's letter I scratch her behind the ear mashed potato makes a grating buzz and fuzz pants Ducks away ears flattening visibly agitated as he turns around and leaps Atop The Shelf then looks back at me tail swishing wait where are you going he raises one paw and Jabs it twice in front of her the gesture is so purposeful that I raise an eyebrow he flattens their ears swishings her tail then jumps down head bumps me and leaps up again huh what is the matter are you looking for ilar fuzz pants switches or tail gives a disgruntled sounding mu and pads off in to the Gloom hey wait and he's gone I say looking up with dejection the beams and joists high above me still seem quite intact I can't tell at all where the cat has disappeared to so you could probably get to anywhere in the library from there or even other places in the tower I wish I were a cat I smile recalling the softness in my hands disease as temperamental as their human that fuzz pants too bad I'd have liked to bring her to alar maybe you'd make them behave a little nicer maybe they're just lonely then again I might get another earful for wasting time on distractions pairing up again I click my tongue you'll be back right I could use a friend myself I sigh enough I need to get that spell I straighten my spine and Nod to the book it sits on the desk defiantly a page turns over by itself my eyes narrow you are taunting me aren't you I turned to page 58 with extremely cautious optimism a quick darting peek at the sigil no Whispers I resist the urge to lean in and double check so far so good I pick out a pen from a holder and grab a blank sheet of paper from a stock Shelf civil post size fine grain I didn't notice these details last time lost memories trickling in this is good I can do this I am in my element performance of work fulfillment of Duty the confidence seems to jog something loose in my heart thoughts spring up inquisitive intelligent foreign I hear them like a stranger eavesdropping on myself The Whispers were the problem need to drown them out breathe through a constricted nose make it continuous it makes sense I realize I should try that taking a breath letting it fill up my abdomen then stomach then chest I release a thin stream setting it to rasp against my upper nasal cavity the rasping is loud enough that I could imagine I'm hearing the tides the other noises in the library all but disappear it's working I opened to the sigil and immediately begin to copy it as my breath wanes I hear a faint wispy lullaby insinuate itself no no no not that I take a quick breath and scrunch my nostrils more forcing the rasp louder it clashes with The Whispers working but not for long my pen flies over the paper my chest starts to burn the urge to gasp builds the voices hiss louder my hands start to shake I'm almost there just a little more squeezing the air out chest on fire pulse beating loudly in my ears I finish copying and Shout shut the book putting the words to sleep at last I smiled despite the throbbing pain and dizziness yes progress I cannot wait to see the look on their face I roll up the piece of paper and slide it into a pocket black salt Mantra and we have the dagger for the blood I see it lying on the floor the wet eye blinks at me Eric stays mercifully quiet at least I'll come back for you later two more pieces and I can solve this puzzle I tap on the journal don't go anywhere I'll return soon enough dodging the occasional piece of debris is almost an afterthought by now will they approve why should I care getting the task down is its own reward surely still it's nice to be praised maybe they'll be in a better mood and reveal more of my past to me that seems as likely as mashed potato deciding to just give up and go back where it where does the abyss come from is there something under it I should ask no no I shouldn't you have to keep your hopes up right not this again I stop myself just short of walking into the couch ah watch it I'm utter aloud where is elar a soft clink I turn around they're not here my nerves are on edge papers rustle nearby I turn around again just a book gliding too close I brush it away they're really not here don't tell me are they hiding from me because I remembered things about us I sigh determined to not give in to the Gloom you have to cheer up someone else when you're down right I start picking up papers scattered here and there hushing them you poor things more letters are those verses or what illar called my drunken ramblings every waking momentary switch off track progressing nowhere with all things half remembered that moment of terrible recognition of the familiar Stranger Than a drunken dream or never wakes of friends close but kept my enemy closer closer until they were inside to believe it these actually are drunken ramblings I look all around the table how many are there I wanted to I have whispered it inside and almost said it allowed a lot but whenever I endeavored to something would interrupt me a journal entry required editing a specimen needed dosing water sensors had to be refilled a mantra for the next ritual demanded further articulation the afternoon tea and mapacho they read these I'll never live this down I can still do it you know by intellect and the knowledge of a lifetime still fill my heart tree the relics and mantras ready the homunculus nearing full maturity nothing prevents this no material thing why can I not if only you if only could these be something else though there's so much sorrow my brows wrinkle like the whispering in the journal I can't suppress the feeling that someone is playing a joke on me I need it to make sense of it why would I write something like this that was even me who wrote These maybe it is related to my lost memories I definitely don't feel as bad as the person who wrote this could that be a clue I'm startled by Soft clinking behind me I tense up and turn it was only a triplet of cracked glass cups swirling by use a drink then I look at the papers again or maybe not still no sign of ilar I hope nothing bad happened I wonder if I should mention these letters to them I have a hunch they will not be thrilled well I might as well use this time to cheer myself up I could use something nice for a change I jumped to my feet and scanned the streams of flying objects looking for Sparks of vibrancy in the Gloom a hasten to a spot along the stream eyes locked on an ambarosa paper ball above nearly tripping over a chair too high the chair I turn it upright step atop and command my Quarry come on you by the davarna it seems to obey dropping and spinning toward me snatching it I plop down on the chair and eagerly spread it to read I know what you're trying to do and I dearly wish these gestures of yours could erase the words like arithmetics affection measured against pain but it isn't so simple I'm sorry ah gloomy what else is there I might have spent a tease time here resting or talking with LR surely I can turn that into the same amount of time Gathering Clues right pure up move the chair to a spot with the most activity and climb up set unplucking anything that resembles a discarded letter here comes a few now one hand on the chair back for balance I reach up with the other and snatch one in I'm here because of you and the unique opportunity you give I chose then I'm choosing now the choice is getting harder I don't want to think about what had happened when I can't make that choice anymore but I won't give up yet I scowl can't I have just one that's cheerful another flock comes catch one in Emerald unguard apparel comes your way I've Enchanted the letters again and now my birds will seek you even if you are not into study it might be a touch pointless since you live in the study but if you ever come out then be prepared is that why they seem to want to be caught and here I thought I was just lucky one more I can't sleep again this worry it won't leave me be digging for so long that we forgot why we were doing it worse yet we can't see anything else besides the things we could have done places we could have been yet you keep digging with heavy eyes I studied letters what are you telling me picking at frayed edges spinning them between fingers what am I not seeing fragments of a map pages from a story dispersed if only I had time to piece them together not if you have something to say about it mashed potato I dragged myself to the couch and slump onto it hugging the letters feels empty without a lar being around I realize begrudgingly wait they're not the only one around here there's fuzz pants can I call her how do I do that Clear My Throat come here Fancy Pants come to me I wait a while but nothing appears why am I not that surprised dejection sets in again I close my eyes and lie on the couch light dims sound dulls walls press in just for a little while just to freshen up maybe alar will be here when I wake up and with that I think we are going to end this episode Chronicles of tell Dunn the remainder I hope you're enjoying the story and as curious as I am to see how this mystery is going to unfold thank you for watching I'll be back soon foreignagain I find myself back in front of the desk working up the nerves to open the journal there will be pain but if not pain than Oblivion pain or Oblivion why must I always choose I crushed teeth together to kill the thoughts now is not the time to ask why but how how can I get at the page fool rushes into battle the wise divide and conquer peeling open a gap between pages spying the number on the corner I then open directly to the page after where I left off no drawing here I loosen a painfully tight grip only a page of Mantra verses even so one of my hands prepares to shut the book at a moment's notice as the other Glides over the words but first I don't understand them at all but I stay as relaxed as I can and keep my eyes on them waiting a rhythm gradually takes shape in my breathing first just a faint rasping than a low Mudder is my mouth moving to the letters on its own Dreadful familiarity meaning scratches at my scalp but when I turn my attention to them they disperse like skittering Shadows at the edge of Torchlight so I relax again and just breathe and they come back I don't chase them and simply look as I read one line after another a chill spreads into my fingers a feeling like icy water drips onto the back of my neck the room begins a slow dervish about me a voice it's definitely a voice singing something over and over they know my name how do they know my name so cold my breathing stutters been been the tune takes a downturn Al neat tiny needles of cold jab me all over I hate you with you hate you I hate you why what did I ever do the page flutters in my shaky ends I do have the last saying didn't you to leave me a gas without room to retort without time to respond what are you talking about the singing drops to a haunting whistling I hold my breath to listen words on the edge of recognition but you would whistle those Tunes they would make you smile I let you have those quieter and quieter I pressed my ear into the page chill radiates from it it can't be how could it be how was I to know where would I start I would have had to say in countless times say what a shrill tone like a kettle boiling in the distance Glides down then shatters into a screen that splits the night in two sorrow of it my heart breaks hairs stand tears stream I'm sorry there I said it I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry sorry sword I can't stop the tears stop please please save me from push on oh foreign screaming and pleading screaming and pleading what's wrong with you why can't you get yourself together for once no I will not give up at the first sign of difficulty this time I gave my word finding the spot where I stopped I read again with a shaking hand something under my finger pulls my attention away from The Voice a bump then it happens again more insistent I pause wondering what it could be it's quiet The Voice has loved when I turn the page over a laugh Escapes Me I stifle it with a hand a folded paper bird is tucked within the groove inspect it more closely holding it up for closer inspection my eyes brighten and my heart feels first time since waking a glow its body is Tyrell the blue of hopeful Melancholy its neck a delicate swoop its wings reach upward ready to take flight so delicate innocent soft as soft can be between the world and me are you mine too you know my story can you tell me who I am does its head bow just now you were important to me weren't you I have the feeling I'm forgetting something what as my hand moves over the bird's tail dull Pink Spot glows under my fingers touch gasp I stroke it again and the glow answers a tingling of excitement washes over my scalp I bring it closer breath quickening squinting lines and patterns emerge swoops circles words eyes wide and hands jittering I trace along the birds every Groove and Edge heart concentrated on the tips of my fingers twisting here pulling there corner under the right wing slides out of its Nook the bird transforms into a letter you know normally I would cheer you up by making a joke or baking a cake but I can't bring myself to do it this time failed once in a few dozen experiments whereas the rest of us succeed once in as many tries besides what are magi's careers built upon but a Bedrock of failures if you're still sulking maybe this will lighten your mood ever yours ilar P.S I lied lemony crumples are in the kitchen huh a cup ilar I can't believe that Grump can be so encouraging and them baking for me as if when I look back the symbol on the page flickers that's interesting I cautiously poke it with a finger spark leaps up and tickles me oh that's strange it's moving through me my arm now my shoulder my head what is that oh a cool silence fills me vast space opens up within pushing away the heat of the room spots of light in front of me swell and Shimmer joining together into pools drowning out the lines easing away edges and shapes until light is all I see in lightness I float breath coming through an opening atop my head legs wide filling a breast that's fathoms deep I am this lumine space colored spots dance in front of me Emerald the green of Dreams a garden laughs leaves rustle jakatas sing the grass is cool against my back soft Breeze brushes my hair the air shimmies with muffled words and snorting laughter I look up a face resolves into Clarity that grin illar I tried to say something but realize that I can only watch what illar is sprawled on their back one arm a folded cushion for their head I'm lounging next to them enjoying the cool shade of a tree on a sweltering Summer's Day Vin a sing soy sing-song voice calls me heat on my wrist fingers traveling across the back of my hand their eyes peer out from under Lush eyelashes a koi smile pulling the corner of their lips revealing a dimple I know what you're thinking don't what I was not thinking I retort and try to pull my arm free but I don't try very very illar rolls over with a grunt and lazily snakes their hand to the side of my neck of their skin and the toasty air combined is unbearable ah stop that you are cheating memory me wriggles pointlessly my head feels pleasantly fuzzy was this how close we were I'm saving your life is what I'm doing but I start to protest no their thumb starts tracing circles on my throat slow excruciating circles we had a deal the rest I of the day off I hear myself mumble protest I don't know do I want them to stop foreign I can't hear you now more fingers press into my skin Burns stop I Surrender their hand pulls away leaving an excruciating absence thank lira I couldn't have kept that up if I wanted to they collapse back onto the grass sign theatrically light blooms shapes meld together voices fade who did this that's not how you structure a narrative it needs an introduction a middle and a conclusion that was I don't even know what that was and how was it supposed to cheer me up more confused than ever now they didn't think this was important enough to mention paper curtly several times over until it's almost a block clench it in my fist and stomp back toward elar gnashing you lied to me a face of Horror anything to say for yourself um thank God I stare at them I it's not unable to contain myself I throw the letter at them how do you explain that if our flinches a little tightly folded letter bounces off their chest Landing in their limp Open Hands they look down very slowly um don't um me look at it yes yes they say unfolding the paper I tapped my foot rapidly on the floor arms crossed waiting a large brows reach New Heights yet again the corner of their mouth Twitches sporadically they look up perplexed touch the symbol they look down hand moving ice more waiting a distant look Falls over their eyes few breaths later they gasp well they cover their mouth with both hands and make a strange noise my turn to raise eyebrows what are you doing their eyes seem to want to say things but they keep making that strangling noise and shuddering slightly I don't know how I am feeling about this at last they loosen their posture and raise their hand apologetically at me I know I'm sorry I will explain I will but not right now something is happening with mashed potato I have to go what wait come and they're gone I stomp my foot I don't know what that was but this is not over not over comes an echo we had a deal my Mumbo mashed potato buzzes I glare at it not a word out of you still agitated I pace around the couch arms crossed why do they not tell me we were that close it's not like it was something bad or embarrassing is it is it I nibble my Phantom knuckle what if they have a good reason what if it was complicated what if it fell apart and there's still bitter about it I sigh maybe I am jumping to conclusions but still now that I know something I must know the rest they're not getting away next time what if it's really bad then maybe it's better I don't know slumping onto the couch rubbing my temples I grimace Notch I are so complicated why couldn't I have woken up as a Potter then the worst I would have to worry about is pottery maybe I'll do that after all this first I must survive then I will get some answers and later I can consider my retirement I fold the letter into a square or gently this time and tuck it into a sleeve you would agree right right rest for 50 breaths then return to the task yes one two three fifty all right time to go I dodged through the swirling debris and soon stand before the massive desk corralling my thoughts what needs to be done copy the sigil find the black salt memorize the mantra all tasks are done by reduction I'm trapped divide execute brevity is Magic magic brevity my heart is racing again at the thought of touching that awful page tear it out and sink it into the abyss before this is done or else it might haunt me for the rest of my days imagine ripping it out and crumpling it into a ball or maybe shredding it into tiny pieces setting it a flame seeing it blackened and hearing it Sizzle and beg for mercy quiet mewings drifts down from somewhere above breaking me out of the Grim exercise I swallow and look up slowly from the Shadows above the giant shelves beside the desk a melon size black shape pokes out throat tightens ready to reach for something to hit with a pair of pointy ears raise up from the shape and I inhale sharply it's a puffy looking black cat to Varna you nearly scared the waters out of me sniffs the air then hops down onto the table silent as a whisper reaching out a hand I hunched toward it it approaches me wearily sniffing glancing around head ducked occasionally twitching its ears come I will not hurt you it stops just short of my hand and gives me a flat stare ever so delicately I close the gap and Pat it on the head it immediately purrs deeply and rubs its head into my hand eyes shut in approval my heart nearly melts I stroke it all over feeling its Lush fur and the extravagant fuzz on its hind legs by the davarna the is that you fuzz pants excitement vibrates through me fuzz pants bumps or head firmly into me and purrs I was starting to worry about you where have you been all this time are you hurt do you remember me I read about you in ilar's letter I scratch her behind the ear mashed potato makes a grating buzz and fuzz pants Ducks away ears flattening visibly agitated as he turns around and leaps Atop The Shelf then looks back at me tail swishing wait where are you going he raises one paw and Jabs it twice in front of her the gesture is so purposeful that I raise an eyebrow he flattens their ears swishings her tail then jumps down head bumps me and leaps up again huh what is the matter are you looking for ilar fuzz pants switches or tail gives a disgruntled sounding mu and pads off in to the Gloom hey wait and he's gone I say looking up with dejection the beams and joists high above me still seem quite intact I can't tell at all where the cat has disappeared to so you could probably get to anywhere in the library from there or even other places in the tower I wish I were a cat I smile recalling the softness in my hands disease as temperamental as their human that fuzz pants too bad I'd have liked to bring her to alar maybe you'd make them behave a little nicer maybe they're just lonely then again I might get another earful for wasting time on distractions pairing up again I click my tongue you'll be back right I could use a friend myself I sigh enough I need to get that spell I straighten my spine and Nod to the book it sits on the desk defiantly a page turns over by itself my eyes narrow you are taunting me aren't you I turned to page 58 with extremely cautious optimism a quick darting peek at the sigil no Whispers I resist the urge to lean in and double check so far so good I pick out a pen from a holder and grab a blank sheet of paper from a stock Shelf civil post size fine grain I didn't notice these details last time lost memories trickling in this is good I can do this I am in my element performance of work fulfillment of Duty the confidence seems to jog something loose in my heart thoughts spring up inquisitive intelligent foreign I hear them like a stranger eavesdropping on myself The Whispers were the problem need to drown them out breathe through a constricted nose make it continuous it makes sense I realize I should try that taking a breath letting it fill up my abdomen then stomach then chest I release a thin stream setting it to rasp against my upper nasal cavity the rasping is loud enough that I could imagine I'm hearing the tides the other noises in the library all but disappear it's working I opened to the sigil and immediately begin to copy it as my breath wanes I hear a faint wispy lullaby insinuate itself no no no not that I take a quick breath and scrunch my nostrils more forcing the rasp louder it clashes with The Whispers working but not for long my pen flies over the paper my chest starts to burn the urge to gasp builds the voices hiss louder my hands start to shake I'm almost there just a little more squeezing the air out chest on fire pulse beating loudly in my ears I finish copying and Shout shut the book putting the words to sleep at last I smiled despite the throbbing pain and dizziness yes progress I cannot wait to see the look on their face I roll up the piece of paper and slide it into a pocket black salt Mantra and we have the dagger for the blood I see it lying on the floor the wet eye blinks at me Eric stays mercifully quiet at least I'll come back for you later two more pieces and I can solve this puzzle I tap on the journal don't go anywhere I'll return soon enough dodging the occasional piece of debris is almost an afterthought by now will they approve why should I care getting the task down is its own reward surely still it's nice to be praised maybe they'll be in a better mood and reveal more of my past to me that seems as likely as mashed potato deciding to just give up and go back where it where does the abyss come from is there something under it I should ask no no I shouldn't you have to keep your hopes up right not this again I stop myself just short of walking into the couch ah watch it I'm utter aloud where is elar a soft clink I turn around they're not here my nerves are on edge papers rustle nearby I turn around again just a book gliding too close I brush it away they're really not here don't tell me are they hiding from me because I remembered things about us I sigh determined to not give in to the Gloom you have to cheer up someone else when you're down right I start picking up papers scattered here and there hushing them you poor things more letters are those verses or what illar called my drunken ramblings every waking momentary switch off track progressing nowhere with all things half remembered that moment of terrible recognition of the familiar Stranger Than a drunken dream or never wakes of friends close but kept my enemy closer closer until they were inside to believe it these actually are drunken ramblings I look all around the table how many are there I wanted to I have whispered it inside and almost said it allowed a lot but whenever I endeavored to something would interrupt me a journal entry required editing a specimen needed dosing water sensors had to be refilled a mantra for the next ritual demanded further articulation the afternoon tea and mapacho they read these I'll never live this down I can still do it you know by intellect and the knowledge of a lifetime still fill my heart tree the relics and mantras ready the homunculus nearing full maturity nothing prevents this no material thing why can I not if only you if only could these be something else though there's so much sorrow my brows wrinkle like the whispering in the journal I can't suppress the feeling that someone is playing a joke on me I need it to make sense of it why would I write something like this that was even me who wrote These maybe it is related to my lost memories I definitely don't feel as bad as the person who wrote this could that be a clue I'm startled by Soft clinking behind me I tense up and turn it was only a triplet of cracked glass cups swirling by use a drink then I look at the papers again or maybe not still no sign of ilar I hope nothing bad happened I wonder if I should mention these letters to them I have a hunch they will not be thrilled well I might as well use this time to cheer myself up I could use something nice for a change I jumped to my feet and scanned the streams of flying objects looking for Sparks of vibrancy in the Gloom a hasten to a spot along the stream eyes locked on an ambarosa paper ball above nearly tripping over a chair too high the chair I turn it upright step atop and command my Quarry come on you by the davarna it seems to obey dropping and spinning toward me snatching it I plop down on the chair and eagerly spread it to read I know what you're trying to do and I dearly wish these gestures of yours could erase the words like arithmetics affection measured against pain but it isn't so simple I'm sorry ah gloomy what else is there I might have spent a tease time here resting or talking with LR surely I can turn that into the same amount of time Gathering Clues right pure up move the chair to a spot with the most activity and climb up set unplucking anything that resembles a discarded letter here comes a few now one hand on the chair back for balance I reach up with the other and snatch one in I'm here because of you and the unique opportunity you give I chose then I'm choosing now the choice is getting harder I don't want to think about what had happened when I can't make that choice anymore but I won't give up yet I scowl can't I have just one that's cheerful another flock comes catch one in Emerald unguard apparel comes your way I've Enchanted the letters again and now my birds will seek you even if you are not into study it might be a touch pointless since you live in the study but if you ever come out then be prepared is that why they seem to want to be caught and here I thought I was just lucky one more I can't sleep again this worry it won't leave me be digging for so long that we forgot why we were doing it worse yet we can't see anything else besides the things we could have done places we could have been yet you keep digging with heavy eyes I studied letters what are you telling me picking at frayed edges spinning them between fingers what am I not seeing fragments of a map pages from a story dispersed if only I had time to piece them together not if you have something to say about it mashed potato I dragged myself to the couch and slump onto it hugging the letters feels empty without a lar being around I realize begrudgingly wait they're not the only one around here there's fuzz pants can I call her how do I do that Clear My Throat come here Fancy Pants come to me I wait a while but nothing appears why am I not that surprised dejection sets in again I close my eyes and lie on the couch light dims sound dulls walls press in just for a little while just to freshen up maybe alar will be here when I wake up and with that I think we are going to end this episode Chronicles of tell Dunn the remainder I hope you're enjoying the story and as curious as I am to see how this mystery is going to unfold thank you for watching I'll be back soon foreignagain I find myself back in front of the desk working up the nerves to open the journal there will be pain but if not pain than Oblivion pain or Oblivion why must I always choose I crushed teeth together to kill the thoughts now is not the time to ask why but how how can I get at the page fool rushes into battle the wise divide and conquer peeling open a gap between pages spying the number on the corner I then open directly to the page after where I left off no drawing here I loosen a painfully tight grip only a page of Mantra verses even so one of my hands prepares to shut the book at a moment's notice as the other Glides over the words but first I don't understand them at all but I stay as relaxed as I can and keep my eyes on them waiting a rhythm gradually takes shape in my breathing first just a faint rasping than a low Mudder is my mouth moving to the letters on its own Dreadful familiarity meaning scratches at my scalp but when I turn my attention to them they disperse like skittering Shadows at the edge of Torchlight so I relax again and just breathe and they come back I don't chase them and simply look as I read one line after another a chill spreads into my fingers a feeling like icy water drips onto the back of my neck the room begins a slow dervish about me a voice it's definitely a voice singing something over and over they know my name how do they know my name so cold my breathing stutters been been the tune takes a downturn Al neat tiny needles of cold jab me all over I hate you with you hate you I hate you why what did I ever do the page flutters in my shaky ends I do have the last saying didn't you to leave me a gas without room to retort without time to respond what are you talking about the singing drops to a haunting whistling I hold my breath to listen words on the edge of recognition but you would whistle those Tunes they would make you smile I let you have those quieter and quieter I pressed my ear into the page chill radiates from it it can't be how could it be how was I to know where would I start I would have had to say in countless times say what a shrill tone like a kettle boiling in the distance Glides down then shatters into a screen that splits the night in two sorrow of it my heart breaks hairs stand tears stream I'm sorry there I said it I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry sorry sword I can't stop the tears stop please please save me from push on oh foreign screaming and pleading screaming and pleading what's wrong with you why can't you get yourself together for once no I will not give up at the first sign of difficulty this time I gave my word finding the spot where I stopped I read again with a shaking hand something under my finger pulls my attention away from The Voice a bump then it happens again more insistent I pause wondering what it could be it's quiet The Voice has loved when I turn the page over a laugh Escapes Me I stifle it with a hand a folded paper bird is tucked within the groove inspect it more closely holding it up for closer inspection my eyes brighten and my heart feels first time since waking a glow its body is Tyrell the blue of hopeful Melancholy its neck a delicate swoop its wings reach upward ready to take flight so delicate innocent soft as soft can be between the world and me are you mine too you know my story can you tell me who I am does its head bow just now you were important to me weren't you I have the feeling I'm forgetting something what as my hand moves over the bird's tail dull Pink Spot glows under my fingers touch gasp I stroke it again and the glow answers a tingling of excitement washes over my scalp I bring it closer breath quickening squinting lines and patterns emerge swoops circles words eyes wide and hands jittering I trace along the birds every Groove and Edge heart concentrated on the tips of my fingers twisting here pulling there corner under the right wing slides out of its Nook the bird transforms into a letter you know normally I would cheer you up by making a joke or baking a cake but I can't bring myself to do it this time failed once in a few dozen experiments whereas the rest of us succeed once in as many tries besides what are magi's careers built upon but a Bedrock of failures if you're still sulking maybe this will lighten your mood ever yours ilar P.S I lied lemony crumples are in the kitchen huh a cup ilar I can't believe that Grump can be so encouraging and them baking for me as if when I look back the symbol on the page flickers that's interesting I cautiously poke it with a finger spark leaps up and tickles me oh that's strange it's moving through me my arm now my shoulder my head what is that oh a cool silence fills me vast space opens up within pushing away the heat of the room spots of light in front of me swell and Shimmer joining together into pools drowning out the lines easing away edges and shapes until light is all I see in lightness I float breath coming through an opening atop my head legs wide filling a breast that's fathoms deep I am this lumine space colored spots dance in front of me Emerald the green of Dreams a garden laughs leaves rustle jakatas sing the grass is cool against my back soft Breeze brushes my hair the air shimmies with muffled words and snorting laughter I look up a face resolves into Clarity that grin illar I tried to say something but realize that I can only watch what illar is sprawled on their back one arm a folded cushion for their head I'm lounging next to them enjoying the cool shade of a tree on a sweltering Summer's Day Vin a sing soy sing-song voice calls me heat on my wrist fingers traveling across the back of my hand their eyes peer out from under Lush eyelashes a koi smile pulling the corner of their lips revealing a dimple I know what you're thinking don't what I was not thinking I retort and try to pull my arm free but I don't try very very illar rolls over with a grunt and lazily snakes their hand to the side of my neck of their skin and the toasty air combined is unbearable ah stop that you are cheating memory me wriggles pointlessly my head feels pleasantly fuzzy was this how close we were I'm saving your life is what I'm doing but I start to protest no their thumb starts tracing circles on my throat slow excruciating circles we had a deal the rest I of the day off I hear myself mumble protest I don't know do I want them to stop foreign I can't hear you now more fingers press into my skin Burns stop I Surrender their hand pulls away leaving an excruciating absence thank lira I couldn't have kept that up if I wanted to they collapse back onto the grass sign theatrically light blooms shapes meld together voices fade who did this that's not how you structure a narrative it needs an introduction a middle and a conclusion that was I don't even know what that was and how was it supposed to cheer me up more confused than ever now they didn't think this was important enough to mention paper curtly several times over until it's almost a block clench it in my fist and stomp back toward elar gnashing you lied to me a face of Horror anything to say for yourself um thank God I stare at them I it's not unable to contain myself I throw the letter at them how do you explain that if our flinches a little tightly folded letter bounces off their chest Landing in their limp Open Hands they look down very slowly um don't um me look at it yes yes they say unfolding the paper I tapped my foot rapidly on the floor arms crossed waiting a large brows reach New Heights yet again the corner of their mouth Twitches sporadically they look up perplexed touch the symbol they look down hand moving ice more waiting a distant look Falls over their eyes few breaths later they gasp well they cover their mouth with both hands and make a strange noise my turn to raise eyebrows what are you doing their eyes seem to want to say things but they keep making that strangling noise and shuddering slightly I don't know how I am feeling about this at last they loosen their posture and raise their hand apologetically at me I know I'm sorry I will explain I will but not right now something is happening with mashed potato I have to go what wait come and they're gone I stomp my foot I don't know what that was but this is not over not over comes an echo we had a deal my Mumbo mashed potato buzzes I glare at it not a word out of you still agitated I pace around the couch arms crossed why do they not tell me we were that close it's not like it was something bad or embarrassing is it is it I nibble my Phantom knuckle what if they have a good reason what if it was complicated what if it fell apart and there's still bitter about it I sigh maybe I am jumping to conclusions but still now that I know something I must know the rest they're not getting away next time what if it's really bad then maybe it's better I don't know slumping onto the couch rubbing my temples I grimace Notch I are so complicated why couldn't I have woken up as a Potter then the worst I would have to worry about is pottery maybe I'll do that after all this first I must survive then I will get some answers and later I can consider my retirement I fold the letter into a square or gently this time and tuck it into a sleeve you would agree right right rest for 50 breaths then return to the task yes one two three fifty all right time to go I dodged through the swirling debris and soon stand before the massive desk corralling my thoughts what needs to be done copy the sigil find the black salt memorize the mantra all tasks are done by reduction I'm trapped divide execute brevity is Magic magic brevity my heart is racing again at the thought of touching that awful page tear it out and sink it into the abyss before this is done or else it might haunt me for the rest of my days imagine ripping it out and crumpling it into a ball or maybe shredding it into tiny pieces setting it a flame seeing it blackened and hearing it Sizzle and beg for mercy quiet mewings drifts down from somewhere above breaking me out of the Grim exercise I swallow and look up slowly from the Shadows above the giant shelves beside the desk a melon size black shape pokes out throat tightens ready to reach for something to hit with a pair of pointy ears raise up from the shape and I inhale sharply it's a puffy looking black cat to Varna you nearly scared the waters out of me sniffs the air then hops down onto the table silent as a whisper reaching out a hand I hunched toward it it approaches me wearily sniffing glancing around head ducked occasionally twitching its ears come I will not hurt you it stops just short of my hand and gives me a flat stare ever so delicately I close the gap and Pat it on the head it immediately purrs deeply and rubs its head into my hand eyes shut in approval my heart nearly melts I stroke it all over feeling its Lush fur and the extravagant fuzz on its hind legs by the davarna the is that you fuzz pants excitement vibrates through me fuzz pants bumps or head firmly into me and purrs I was starting to worry about you where have you been all this time are you hurt do you remember me I read about you in ilar's letter I scratch her behind the ear mashed potato makes a grating buzz and fuzz pants Ducks away ears flattening visibly agitated as he turns around and leaps Atop The Shelf then looks back at me tail swishing wait where are you going he raises one paw and Jabs it twice in front of her the gesture is so purposeful that I raise an eyebrow he flattens their ears swishings her tail then jumps down head bumps me and leaps up again huh what is the matter are you looking for ilar fuzz pants switches or tail gives a disgruntled sounding mu and pads off in to the Gloom hey wait and he's gone I say looking up with dejection the beams and joists high above me still seem quite intact I can't tell at all where the cat has disappeared to so you could probably get to anywhere in the library from there or even other places in the tower I wish I were a cat I smile recalling the softness in my hands disease as temperamental as their human that fuzz pants too bad I'd have liked to bring her to alar maybe you'd make them behave a little nicer maybe they're just lonely then again I might get another earful for wasting time on distractions pairing up again I click my tongue you'll be back right I could use a friend myself I sigh enough I need to get that spell I straighten my spine and Nod to the book it sits on the desk defiantly a page turns over by itself my eyes narrow you are taunting me aren't you I turned to page 58 with extremely cautious optimism a quick darting peek at the sigil no Whispers I resist the urge to lean in and double check so far so good I pick out a pen from a holder and grab a blank sheet of paper from a stock Shelf civil post size fine grain I didn't notice these details last time lost memories trickling in this is good I can do this I am in my element performance of work fulfillment of Duty the confidence seems to jog something loose in my heart thoughts spring up inquisitive intelligent foreign I hear them like a stranger eavesdropping on myself The Whispers were the problem need to drown them out breathe through a constricted nose make it continuous it makes sense I realize I should try that taking a breath letting it fill up my abdomen then stomach then chest I release a thin stream setting it to rasp against my upper nasal cavity the rasping is loud enough that I could imagine I'm hearing the tides the other noises in the library all but disappear it's working I opened to the sigil and immediately begin to copy it as my breath wanes I hear a faint wispy lullaby insinuate itself no no no not that I take a quick breath and scrunch my nostrils more forcing the rasp louder it clashes with The Whispers working but not for long my pen flies over the paper my chest starts to burn the urge to gasp builds the voices hiss louder my hands start to shake I'm almost there just a little more squeezing the air out chest on fire pulse beating loudly in my ears I finish copying and Shout shut the book putting the words to sleep at last I smiled despite the throbbing pain and dizziness yes progress I cannot wait to see the look on their face I roll up the piece of paper and slide it into a pocket black salt Mantra and we have the dagger for the blood I see it lying on the floor the wet eye blinks at me Eric stays mercifully quiet at least I'll come back for you later two more pieces and I can solve this puzzle I tap on the journal don't go anywhere I'll return soon enough dodging the occasional piece of debris is almost an afterthought by now will they approve why should I care getting the task down is its own reward surely still it's nice to be praised maybe they'll be in a better mood and reveal more of my past to me that seems as likely as mashed potato deciding to just give up and go back where it where does the abyss come from is there something under it I should ask no no I shouldn't you have to keep your hopes up right not this again I stop myself just short of walking into the couch ah watch it I'm utter aloud where is elar a soft clink I turn around they're not here my nerves are on edge papers rustle nearby I turn around again just a book gliding too close I brush it away they're really not here don't tell me are they hiding from me because I remembered things about us I sigh determined to not give in to the Gloom you have to cheer up someone else when you're down right I start picking up papers scattered here and there hushing them you poor things more letters are those verses or what illar called my drunken ramblings every waking momentary switch off track progressing nowhere with all things half remembered that moment of terrible recognition of the familiar Stranger Than a drunken dream or never wakes of friends close but kept my enemy closer closer until they were inside to believe it these actually are drunken ramblings I look all around the table how many are there I wanted to I have whispered it inside and almost said it allowed a lot but whenever I endeavored to something would interrupt me a journal entry required editing a specimen needed dosing water sensors had to be refilled a mantra for the next ritual demanded further articulation the afternoon tea and mapacho they read these I'll never live this down I can still do it you know by intellect and the knowledge of a lifetime still fill my heart tree the relics and mantras ready the homunculus nearing full maturity nothing prevents this no material thing why can I not if only you if only could these be something else though there's so much sorrow my brows wrinkle like the whispering in the journal I can't suppress the feeling that someone is playing a joke on me I need it to make sense of it why would I write something like this that was even me who wrote These maybe it is related to my lost memories I definitely don't feel as bad as the person who wrote this could that be a clue I'm startled by Soft clinking behind me I tense up and turn it was only a triplet of cracked glass cups swirling by use a drink then I look at the papers again or maybe not still no sign of ilar I hope nothing bad happened I wonder if I should mention these letters to them I have a hunch they will not be thrilled well I might as well use this time to cheer myself up I could use something nice for a change I jumped to my feet and scanned the streams of flying objects looking for Sparks of vibrancy in the Gloom a hasten to a spot along the stream eyes locked on an ambarosa paper ball above nearly tripping over a chair too high the chair I turn it upright step atop and command my Quarry come on you by the davarna it seems to obey dropping and spinning toward me snatching it I plop down on the chair and eagerly spread it to read I know what you're trying to do and I dearly wish these gestures of yours could erase the words like arithmetics affection measured against pain but it isn't so simple I'm sorry ah gloomy what else is there I might have spent a tease time here resting or talking with LR surely I can turn that into the same amount of time Gathering Clues right pure up move the chair to a spot with the most activity and climb up set unplucking anything that resembles a discarded letter here comes a few now one hand on the chair back for balance I reach up with the other and snatch one in I'm here because of you and the unique opportunity you give I chose then I'm choosing now the choice is getting harder I don't want to think about what had happened when I can't make that choice anymore but I won't give up yet I scowl can't I have just one that's cheerful another flock comes catch one in Emerald unguard apparel comes your way I've Enchanted the letters again and now my birds will seek you even if you are not into study it might be a touch pointless since you live in the study but if you ever come out then be prepared is that why they seem to want to be caught and here I thought I was just lucky one more I can't sleep again this worry it won't leave me be digging for so long that we forgot why we were doing it worse yet we can't see anything else besides the things we could have done places we could have been yet you keep digging with heavy eyes I studied letters what are you telling me picking at frayed edges spinning them between fingers what am I not seeing fragments of a map pages from a story dispersed if only I had time to piece them together not if you have something to say about it mashed potato I dragged myself to the couch and slump onto it hugging the letters feels empty without a lar being around I realize begrudgingly wait they're not the only one around here there's fuzz pants can I call her how do I do that Clear My Throat come here Fancy Pants come to me I wait a while but nothing appears why am I not that surprised dejection sets in again I close my eyes and lie on the couch light dims sound dulls walls press in just for a little while just to freshen up maybe alar will be here when I wake up and with that I think we are going to end this episode Chronicles of tell Dunn the remainder I hope you're enjoying the story and as curious as I am to see how this mystery is going to unfold thank you for watching I'll be back soon foreign\n"