The Unlikely Steampunk Kitchen: A Tale of Lobster and Laughter

In a world where steampunks reign supreme, our kitchen is a realm of wonder and whimsy. It's every second Tuesday that we shed our mundane skins and don our most fantastical attire, ready to tackle the day with a sense of adventure. Our chef, a man with a penchant for the dramatic, has taken center stage, his rapping skills on full display as he prepares to devour his latest culinary conquest: Kendrick the Lobster.

As we gather around the table, our conversation turns to the art of cooking. Our guest, a lady with a most impressive mustache, has brought her own unique expertise to the table. She's been tasked with cleaning up after our culinary exploits, and we're grateful for her dedication. The air is thick with the scent of sea salt and spices as we discuss the finer points of Thai cuisine, particularly the delicate balance of flavors that make a dish truly unforgettable.

Kendrick, the star of our meal, has met his demise at the hands (or rather, the claws) of our chef. A quick plunge into boiling water or a swift stab to the brain with a butcher knife will do the trick, leaving him limp and lifeless. His fate is all but sealed as we prepare for the feast ahead.

As we savor our meal, we find ourselves lost in conversation, our words tumbling forth like a winding stream. We talk of far-off lands, of deserted islands, and of the allure of a simpler life. Our guest, with her steampunk flair, has brought a touch of elegance to our humble abode, and we're grateful for the distraction from the monotony of everyday life.

But as the evening wears on, our thoughts turn to the kitchen itself, a true marvel of modern science and artistry. The ship in our guest's hair is a testament to her love of all things steampunk, and we can't help but wonder what inspired such an ingenious creation. Perhaps it was a dream, or maybe it was just a product of her boundless imagination. Whatever the reason, it's clear that she's found her true calling as our resident mustachioed maestro.

As the night draws to a close, and the last morsel of Kendrick is devoured, we're left to ponder the mysteries of the universe. Are we truly at the center of everything, or are we just lost souls adrift in an infinite expanse? And what of our guest's past life as a figment of someone else's diseased imagination? Is it mere fantasy, or is there truth to be found in the realms of the steampunk mind?

In this kitchen, where science and art meet, anything is possible. The past, present, and future blend together like the colors on our guest's steampunk-inspired outfit. We're a tribe of misfits, united by our love of all things strange and wonderful. And as we bid each other farewell, we know that we'll do it all again next Tuesday, ready to embark on another culinary adventure in this most unlikely of steampunk kitchens.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enI'm in my element when I'm at Sea because I grew up with boats my dad's always work with boats got another hour of this bumpy journey and I am absolutely busting for a pee to be honest for me speed boats and alcohol go hand in hand cuz there was always like liquor flowing when I was younger so I wouldn't mind the drink even though it's not even 10:00 a.m. yet but um I can't really think about doing that until I've had a pit I was traveling to the southernmost island of the inner hdes the aisle of Isa home to more whiskey distilleries than any other Scottish Island Isa has a reputation for producing a smokier more robust series of malts which is a result of using Pete poorly drained soil made of decomposed vegetable matter I chose to visit Brook laddy which is not only one of the oldest distilleries on the island but is famous for making the world's most heavily peted whiskey I'm not quite ready for the hard stuff yet so I'm um lining my stomach with some tanic teacakes produced here in Scotland I used to have these in my lunch box when I was a wheel l wonder if they still taste as good I don't think I've had one in these for years oh just like I remember sort of nothing to it marshmallowy stuff and air who' have thought it I can't think of a more appropriate way to enjoy a tonic's tea cake time for some whiskey I think I'm already drunk off the sea so good oh hi buddy hey little guy hello Hi how are you good are you good to meet you welcome to R thank you I can't believe I'm here I'm so excited we should crack on wow this is what I envisage when I think about making whiskey I hadn't expected to fall so drunk in love with Brook laddy Kate gave me The Grand Tour explaining how committed they are to using most of the original equipment installed by their Victorian forefathers but what I was really here for was to try their most cherished and smokiest whiskey the legendary octomore the oore is a real cult risky people love it in fact we had a guest here from the states uh quite a few years ago and she really really loved it and you when we're making it we all go home smelling of the stuff well this woman came in one night and she just hung her clothes up around the outside of the mash ton so that she could go home and smell of the optimal whiskey takes all sorts Kate showed me around The Distillery to see how the octomore was made like all whiskey its life begins as a grain of barley here you'll see the different different types of of barley we've got have a sow okay taste ooh that's weird so that's the length of it tastes like smoke this is great this is the fermentation so this will be the next one to go through to the Stills so don't take a deep breath but uh have a smell oh it's very active at the moment fermentation I'm getting a top note of Stilton how close to being like the whiskey we'd get in a bar in a bottle yeah this is this is like beer at the moment this is beer do you know what it tastes like it tastes like I've put beer on my whey bit where to do next all right we're going to go into the still house the next part of the process the distillation oh that smells nice I'm getting excited now I've just realized what this smells like it smells like when you've got a whiskey hangover and you can feel the whiskey coming off you in the morning I couldn't come in here if I had a hangover that would be the end of me and what's the alcohol content at this stage we're talking about 68 69% so uh have a taste have a sit have a smell oh God it tastes delicious though but it's very sweet it's like burning my eye it feels like it's evaporating like there's so many fumes coming off it it feels there you go it feels really nice in your mouth yeah it's like syrupy and warm but has does anybody ever just want to brle that and drink that well we have is that called moonshine that's yeah well States they call it white dog it's very high strength you're talking 86 87 88% but we sold that as the X4 and very very what have we got here so a big one the big one so this is the timore whiskey the cult whiskey the cult whiskey the world's peatiest whiskey so this is PED 167 Hearts per million your average kind of P whiskey about 40 45 oh wow so way ahead it's going through all the same Stills and the same process that is delicious it's like you're almost having a spoonful of like hot caramel sauce or something I mean I am a whiskey fan and I'm also you know fascinated with sorry I think I'm drunk oh my God you're the best I or stay and you can go and I'll have your job that would be the idea s um so I'm staggering out of the uh Distillery Brook Gladdy it was amazing it's only just lunchtime and I've already had my five a day five meaning drinks and I've got a souvenir to take with me of my namesake whiskey what an amazing morning drinking beautiful whiskey and now I've got to get back on that boat for 2 hours I don't know if it's we I'll be worried about maybe more like sick I hope I can find my sea legs again I left Isa with ample time to sober up as I made my way up to the neighboring island of mul the stunning west coast of Scotland is well known for its premium quality of seafood the cold clear waters on this side of the coast are considered one of the best fishing zones in the world I was off to meet a chap called John who was going to teach me how to catch Lobster and his wife Carla was going to show me how to cook one we came out of the ferry port and turned left and we've been on the same road for about an hour just this one narrow road for all I can tell it's the only road on the island um our satnav doesn't know where we are we've gone into a portal to another dimension it's bizarre I've never been anywhere so lifeless no humans no animals just rocks and grass you kind of get the feeling that you're in a horror movie and um we're never coming home hi John lovely day for it lovely blue hand you're a lot better prepared than me I can see you've done this before I might need a hand I don't mind the glove thanks you don't know if that's been there how long per day are you out on the boat uh usually it's about 6 hours on your own yes how how many years have you been doing that about 3050 wow do you ever get lonely no no there's too many things to look at yeah look at the scenery I mean this is one of your spots this is the end of a fleet of 10 creels this is the cre have we got anything yeah there's hm not a lot that's a bucket what you call whelks I don't keep them it's a velvet crab carrying eggs so that goes back as well I just cut the fish in half to open it up put it in the bait pouch then I shut the door this goes back in the water lobster smells the fish comes along wanting a feed climbs up in there drops down and then can't find his way out again or that's the theory keeps you fit this Goob counts my self like figure I lost the boat once you lost the boat yes how capsized by a an unusual wave I wouldn't have made it if hadn't been wearing the life jacket heyo see that's my Lobster measure that's exactly the right size yes hi you look delish what are you doing now I'm putting rubber bands on its claws to immobilize them there was an old fellow I was speaking to he was telling me he caught a big lobster once and the there's a Nipper claw and the cruncher claw and he said the cruncher Claw on it which is much duller it tips on it and much slower moving got him right on the ball of the thumb like that and the two tips of it met in the middle you want to take that with you and give it to Carla and tell her that's the one you're going to have for dinner look at that from the sea and we're going to be eating you later I'm going to call you Kendrick Kendrick Lobster I am a lobster probably never swim again can't wait to get you in my belly Kendrick right what is that Kendrick's rapping he's laying down some verses he's spitting some bars hello hello hi Cara yes wow you look amazing thank you how are you I'm good and you I'm great I didn't get the memo is it a special occasion it's just uh every every second Tuesday a steampunk I love Tuesday in the kitchen so you got you've got a ship in your hair yes it's for Johnny yes as a tribute to the old husband there this is our little kitchen this is fedra from Hungary she's my rightand man this is Fiona she's our cleaning lady a lady with a mustache so we caught this guy great maybe you could show me how it's done and then we could eat him he's called Kendrick Kendrick right that sounds good I name everything yeah well maybe not every Lobster I kill otherwise it would be a bit strange The Daily Bread is called Floy he gets reincarnated every day why Floy I have no idea it just came to me in a dream so what are we going to do with kendri it's going to be a taii won it's a tomyang Kung soup but we're putting wons in it which are traditionally Chinese how do you kill lobsters cuz I've heard that you know the old myth you throw them in a pot and they scream and well what we found is the quickest plunge them into a large pot of boiling water or stab them in the brain with a butcher knife his brain will be dead in a couple seconds there we go and he'll be dead by now well dead by now and the rest is just involuntary movement of the body there's sweet sour hot and salty those are the four Thai flavors if you don't have those balanced properly you don't have a Thai Dish is that enough that's a bit that's a bit ambitious I must say we'll never get it closed kind of like my trousers lately never mind okay never trust a skinny Chef this is the most wonderfully and congruous experience I'm in a kitchen smells like I'm in Southeast Asia I look out of the window and I'm in Scotland and I look at you and who knows where we are we're in a nightclub in so you're on another planet yeah have you ever been out with him on the oh yeah I used to go out on the boat but but um until a rope caught around my leg and I almost got thrown overboard that was a bit too much for me it lost its romantic appeal I'm afraid and the crispy won's done now get in my mouth enjoy it should be able to still taste the lobster it should be enhanced by the flavors rather than overpowered the sauce doesn't overpower it at all does it taste like the sea it doesn't taste like the sea but I think that's probably a good thing Kendrick's looking pretty good is yeah I think he would have be pleased to know that he's turned out as a lovely one one time oh Hello Kitty how are you John is that you oh it's got a steampunk Cod on yeah the previous Incarnation was a figment of your diseased imagination SE chap so the past couple of days have been crazy when you go to the places like that kind of deserted islands for a minute you think oh my God this is incredible like this is how everybody should live the city I'm leaving I'm just going to come and like live here and grow vegetables but then you think oh actually it would get a bit boring and I don't know how I'd actually do it you know when you're from London you feel like you're at the center of everything you go there and you see these people that are just doing the most mad in congruous stuff and I could have hung out with them for days anyway I won't stop you working but I'll sit and talk to um what my friend here with the mustache well first thing I'm going to do is just dig a we hole over here don't clunk it down I look like a clunker yeah to us that's how scallops should be done sizz eat them you can't beat fish and chips ours are superior me like this it's going to be a tricky jobI'm in my element when I'm at Sea because I grew up with boats my dad's always work with boats got another hour of this bumpy journey and I am absolutely busting for a pee to be honest for me speed boats and alcohol go hand in hand cuz there was always like liquor flowing when I was younger so I wouldn't mind the drink even though it's not even 10:00 a.m. yet but um I can't really think about doing that until I've had a pit I was traveling to the southernmost island of the inner hdes the aisle of Isa home to more whiskey distilleries than any other Scottish Island Isa has a reputation for producing a smokier more robust series of malts which is a result of using Pete poorly drained soil made of decomposed vegetable matter I chose to visit Brook laddy which is not only one of the oldest distilleries on the island but is famous for making the world's most heavily peted whiskey I'm not quite ready for the hard stuff yet so I'm um lining my stomach with some tanic teacakes produced here in Scotland I used to have these in my lunch box when I was a wheel l wonder if they still taste as good I don't think I've had one in these for years oh just like I remember sort of nothing to it marshmallowy stuff and air who' have thought it I can't think of a more appropriate way to enjoy a tonic's tea cake time for some whiskey I think I'm already drunk off the sea so good oh hi buddy hey little guy hello Hi how are you good are you good to meet you welcome to R thank you I can't believe I'm here I'm so excited we should crack on wow this is what I envisage when I think about making whiskey I hadn't expected to fall so drunk in love with Brook laddy Kate gave me The Grand Tour explaining how committed they are to using most of the original equipment installed by their Victorian forefathers but what I was really here for was to try their most cherished and smokiest whiskey the legendary octomore the oore is a real cult risky people love it in fact we had a guest here from the states uh quite a few years ago and she really really loved it and you when we're making it we all go home smelling of the stuff well this woman came in one night and she just hung her clothes up around the outside of the mash ton so that she could go home and smell of the optimal whiskey takes all sorts Kate showed me around The Distillery to see how the octomore was made like all whiskey its life begins as a grain of barley here you'll see the different different types of of barley we've got have a sow okay taste ooh that's weird so that's the length of it tastes like smoke this is great this is the fermentation so this will be the next one to go through to the Stills so don't take a deep breath but uh have a smell oh it's very active at the moment fermentation I'm getting a top note of Stilton how close to being like the whiskey we'd get in a bar in a bottle yeah this is this is like beer at the moment this is beer do you know what it tastes like it tastes like I've put beer on my whey bit where to do next all right we're going to go into the still house the next part of the process the distillation oh that smells nice I'm getting excited now I've just realized what this smells like it smells like when you've got a whiskey hangover and you can feel the whiskey coming off you in the morning I couldn't come in here if I had a hangover that would be the end of me and what's the alcohol content at this stage we're talking about 68 69% so uh have a taste have a sit have a smell oh God it tastes delicious though but it's very sweet it's like burning my eye it feels like it's evaporating like there's so many fumes coming off it it feels there you go it feels really nice in your mouth yeah it's like syrupy and warm but has does anybody ever just want to brle that and drink that well we have is that called moonshine that's yeah well States they call it white dog it's very high strength you're talking 86 87 88% but we sold that as the X4 and very very what have we got here so a big one the big one so this is the timore whiskey the cult whiskey the cult whiskey the world's peatiest whiskey so this is PED 167 Hearts per million your average kind of P whiskey about 40 45 oh wow so way ahead it's going through all the same Stills and the same process that is delicious it's like you're almost having a spoonful of like hot caramel sauce or something I mean I am a whiskey fan and I'm also you know fascinated with sorry I think I'm drunk oh my God you're the best I or stay and you can go and I'll have your job that would be the idea s um so I'm staggering out of the uh Distillery Brook Gladdy it was amazing it's only just lunchtime and I've already had my five a day five meaning drinks and I've got a souvenir to take with me of my namesake whiskey what an amazing morning drinking beautiful whiskey and now I've got to get back on that boat for 2 hours I don't know if it's we I'll be worried about maybe more like sick I hope I can find my sea legs again I left Isa with ample time to sober up as I made my way up to the neighboring island of mul the stunning west coast of Scotland is well known for its premium quality of seafood the cold clear waters on this side of the coast are considered one of the best fishing zones in the world I was off to meet a chap called John who was going to teach me how to catch Lobster and his wife Carla was going to show me how to cook one we came out of the ferry port and turned left and we've been on the same road for about an hour just this one narrow road for all I can tell it's the only road on the island um our satnav doesn't know where we are we've gone into a portal to another dimension it's bizarre I've never been anywhere so lifeless no humans no animals just rocks and grass you kind of get the feeling that you're in a horror movie and um we're never coming home hi John lovely day for it lovely blue hand you're a lot better prepared than me I can see you've done this before I might need a hand I don't mind the glove thanks you don't know if that's been there how long per day are you out on the boat uh usually it's about 6 hours on your own yes how how many years have you been doing that about 3050 wow do you ever get lonely no no there's too many things to look at yeah look at the scenery I mean this is one of your spots this is the end of a fleet of 10 creels this is the cre have we got anything yeah there's hm not a lot that's a bucket what you call whelks I don't keep them it's a velvet crab carrying eggs so that goes back as well I just cut the fish in half to open it up put it in the bait pouch then I shut the door this goes back in the water lobster smells the fish comes along wanting a feed climbs up in there drops down and then can't find his way out again or that's the theory keeps you fit this Goob counts my self like figure I lost the boat once you lost the boat yes how capsized by a an unusual wave I wouldn't have made it if hadn't been wearing the life jacket heyo see that's my Lobster measure that's exactly the right size yes hi you look delish what are you doing now I'm putting rubber bands on its claws to immobilize them there was an old fellow I was speaking to he was telling me he caught a big lobster once and the there's a Nipper claw and the cruncher claw and he said the cruncher Claw on it which is much duller it tips on it and much slower moving got him right on the ball of the thumb like that and the two tips of it met in the middle you want to take that with you and give it to Carla and tell her that's the one you're going to have for dinner look at that from the sea and we're going to be eating you later I'm going to call you Kendrick Kendrick Lobster I am a lobster probably never swim again can't wait to get you in my belly Kendrick right what is that Kendrick's rapping he's laying down some verses he's spitting some bars hello hello hi Cara yes wow you look amazing thank you how are you I'm good and you I'm great I didn't get the memo is it a special occasion it's just uh every every second Tuesday a steampunk I love Tuesday in the kitchen so you got you've got a ship in your hair yes it's for Johnny yes as a tribute to the old husband there this is our little kitchen this is fedra from Hungary she's my rightand man this is Fiona she's our cleaning lady a lady with a mustache so we caught this guy great maybe you could show me how it's done and then we could eat him he's called Kendrick Kendrick right that sounds good I name everything yeah well maybe not every Lobster I kill otherwise it would be a bit strange The Daily Bread is called Floy he gets reincarnated every day why Floy I have no idea it just came to me in a dream so what are we going to do with kendri it's going to be a taii won it's a tomyang Kung soup but we're putting wons in it which are traditionally Chinese how do you kill lobsters cuz I've heard that you know the old myth you throw them in a pot and they scream and well what we found is the quickest plunge them into a large pot of boiling water or stab them in the brain with a butcher knife his brain will be dead in a couple seconds there we go and he'll be dead by now well dead by now and the rest is just involuntary movement of the body there's sweet sour hot and salty those are the four Thai flavors if you don't have those balanced properly you don't have a Thai Dish is that enough that's a bit that's a bit ambitious I must say we'll never get it closed kind of like my trousers lately never mind okay never trust a skinny Chef this is the most wonderfully and congruous experience I'm in a kitchen smells like I'm in Southeast Asia I look out of the window and I'm in Scotland and I look at you and who knows where we are we're in a nightclub in so you're on another planet yeah have you ever been out with him on the oh yeah I used to go out on the boat but but um until a rope caught around my leg and I almost got thrown overboard that was a bit too much for me it lost its romantic appeal I'm afraid and the crispy won's done now get in my mouth enjoy it should be able to still taste the lobster it should be enhanced by the flavors rather than overpowered the sauce doesn't overpower it at all does it taste like the sea it doesn't taste like the sea but I think that's probably a good thing Kendrick's looking pretty good is yeah I think he would have be pleased to know that he's turned out as a lovely one one time oh Hello Kitty how are you John is that you oh it's got a steampunk Cod on yeah the previous Incarnation was a figment of your diseased imagination SE chap so the past couple of days have been crazy when you go to the places like that kind of deserted islands for a minute you think oh my God this is incredible like this is how everybody should live the city I'm leaving I'm just going to come and like live here and grow vegetables but then you think oh actually it would get a bit boring and I don't know how I'd actually do it you know when you're from London you feel like you're at the center of everything you go there and you see these people that are just doing the most mad in congruous stuff and I could have hung out with them for days anyway I won't stop you working but I'll sit and talk to um what my friend here with the mustache well first thing I'm going to do is just dig a we hole over here don't clunk it down I look like a clunker yeah to us that's how scallops should be done sizz eat them you can't beat fish and chips ours are superior me like this it's going to be a tricky job\n"