Mint is Very Nostalgic
I used to have a mint garden when I was seven years old. I used to piss on it, and then eat the mint leaves. Mint is very nostalgic for me. I used to spend hours playing in my yard, surrounded by the fresh scent of mint. It brings back memories of my childhood, and I always feel a sense of comfort whenever I smell or taste mint.
Making Cretan Spinach Pie
Hello, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Andy Milonakis, and today I'm going to show you how to make Cretan spinach pie, also known as kalitsounia. Instead of using flaky phylo dough and a lot of mushy spinach pie filling, we're going to use a nice gentle hard dough, roll it out paper thin with a pasta maker, fill the dough, fold it, and pan fry with olive oil. Yeah, yeah, I eat like a real fat prince. I'm going to teach you how to make real shit from the village of Crete.
Ingredients
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Four baby scallions, ticcallion scallion, ten ounces of spinach, an ounce of mint, and an ounce of dill. We also need five ounces of feta cheese. Make sure you get the good stuff. There's a lot of generic fetas out there that kind of just don't have a real pungent flavor. It kinda just is like eating dog food your whole life. I mean, who wants to eat that? Not me, that's for sure.
Preparing the Filling
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We're going to put the dough through the pasta machine and roll it out almost paper thin. If you don't have one of these, it's gonna be hard. You gotta take a rolling pin and get your fat aunt or your fat grandmother that has a little bit of weight behind her, and that, you have to really roll it out. Okay, now we're going to cut it into squares. Now, we'll take our spinach pie filling, you want just like a little golf ball, press it down right in the middle, and we go boom.
Pan Frying the Pockets
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Once the first half is golden brown, the second half takes much less time because the top of the dough is already cooked. I would say the bottom part probably takes like half the time. All right, once they're brown on each side, they're pretty much ready. Part of what makes them good is that crispy golden brown pan-fried loving. Done, done, voila.
The Finished Product
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Tell me that doesn't look good if you don't think this is looking good, you're a liar. I think I pretty much did a damn good job. And now, I wanna take a bite. It's way too hot in the middle. I'm probably gonna burn myself, but fuck it.
Conclusion
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Making Cretan spinach pie is not rocket science, folks. Just follow the instructions, and you'll have a delicious meal in no time. And remember, if you don't think this is looking good, then you're a liar. Now, go ahead, take a bite, and enjoy that crispy golden brown goodness.
"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enMint is very nostalgic.I used to have a mintgarden when I was sevenyears old.I used to piss on it, andthen eat the mint leaves.Hello, ladies andgentlemen.I'm Andy Milonakis,and today I'mgonna show you how tomake Cretan spinach pie.We call it kalitsounia.And instead of a flakyPhylo dough, and fuckingmounds of mushy fuckingspinach pie filling,we make a nice gentlehard dough, roll it outpaper thin with a pastamaker, fill the dough,fold it, andpan fry with olive oil.Yeah, yeah, I eat like areal fucking fat prince.I'm gonna teachyou how tomake real shit from thevillage of fucking Crete.Four baby scallions,ticallion scallion,ten ounces of spinach,an ounce of mint,and an ounce of dill.You got five ouncesof feta cheese.Make sure you getthe good stuff.Like, there's a lot ofgeneric fetas, thatkind of just don't havea real pungent flavor.It kinda justis like soap.So, make sure youget some importedreal Greek stuff.And if you wantbonus points,go to a place that has itlike, soaking in brine.That's the real,real shit.The better your feta is,the better this isgonna taste, cuzthat's like where most ofthe flavor comes from.Yeah, hi, bitches.We need three cupsof boiling water topour over the greens.Two and a halftablespoons of olive oil.Olive oil isgonna be used inthe spinach pie mix, andon the pan to pan fry it.So, you usethe olive oil twice.We need some regularwhite flour,a little water, butthat's not hard to find.All right, sonow the first part isjust kindathe annoying part,is we've gotta chop upall these vegetables.My knife skills suckm butI'm very, very particularhow I cook, and I'm superinto tasting shit 20fucking times, of course,cuz I'm a fatty, andalso, I want it to tastegood like your moms bush.Okay.Okay, I think that'senough scallions.Okay, so we takethe scallions put them ina bowl, and we take themint, fold this shit up.Most places inGreece don't makespinach pie like this.They have like thatflaky phylo, andthen make reallybig pieces, andit's totally different,butspecifically in Crete,they make it like this,which is with a harddough rolled outpaper thin andkind of folded intopockets and pan-fried.And to me, it's abouta thousand times better.I don't know why.It just tastes somuch better to me.I need to get betterknife skills.This is my downfall.Okay, let metake some mint.Then we take some dill.Dill has massive flavors.Okay, and now spinach.A lot of work, man.It's like a workout.You gotta fuckingburnsome calories before youput some inyour fat mouth.Know what I mean,you fat sluts?Take that,put it in the bowl.So, so far,we're doing all right.We got scallions,we got mint, we got dill,we got spinach.All right, now we haveall the greens cut up.And, just sothey're not raw,cuz you don't pan fry itfor that long, just sothey're nottotally raw andto soften themup a little bit,you take three cupsof boiling water.So, all we need todo is kinda mixthe boiling water in justfor a couple minutes.Now we have to squeezeall the water out.The, the vegetablesare soft sowe have to squeezeall the water out.And now it's really hot,soI'm gonna pour a littlemore cold water in,just so my little pussygirl hands don't getburned when I squeezethe spinach out.Ooh, still fucking hot.I'm a bitch.That's workable.So, this part's annoying,but you got to do it.You just takea big handful, andthis is really important.Don't do this step andjust like, squeezea little water out andthen put the spinachin the next bowl.You have to really wringall of the water out,because if it's too wet,it's already gonna bewet from olive oil,but if it's too wet,it's gonna mess up thatthin sheet of dough.So, you have toreally work at it.Once you get allthe water out,it just looks likea little thing youput on your lips.I don't knowwhat that meant.Now we're gonna putsome olive oil inthe greens mixture.And then we're gonna mixthat feta, but puttinga little extra fetain is not gonna hurt.It's gonna taste good.And you know what?I have a good fuckingpalate, so listen to me,or you could eat fuckingdog food your whole life.I don't reallygive a fuck.So, this is howit looks now.The filling is done, allin a nice little package,and speaking oflittle packages,oh no, nevermind.And next, we're gonnamake a hard dough forthe pockets.Now, we're usingtwo cups of flour.So, I'm just gonna pourwater in the middle, andthen, you know,do my thing.Mix the flour andthe water.If it gets too sticky,you add more flour.If it's too dry,you add more water.If you can't do this,you're an idiot.This should bethe finished dough.It just feelslike Play-Doh.If it kind of sticks toyour hand a little bit,just take some flourin your hand, andjust kind of patthe flour on,and then mix itup a little bit.And if you've neverfelt Play-Doh before,your parents mighthave no soul.We have to putthe dough throughthe pasta machine.And if you don'thave one of these,it's gonna be hard.You gotta takea rolling pin andget your, you know,your fat aunt or yourfat grandmother that hasa little bit of weightbehind her, and that,you have to really rollit out almost paper thin,like really, really thin.So, we're gonnastart on zero andkeep going thinner andthinner.Stillway too thick.Okay,now it's gonna be toolong to manage, justlike my dick .Now, we're gonnacut it into squares.Okay, now we'll take ourspinach pie filling,you want just likea little golf ball, pressit down right in themiddle, and we go boom.Next corner, boom.Top corner,bottom corner.We got the burner onkinda medium lowish.Pour a little olive oil.Make sure you kindacoat the whole pan.So, the oil,starting to bubble.Should be hot enough now.All that work for one,two, three, four, five,six, seven, eight,nine little pockets.Once the first halfis golden brown,the second half takesmuch less time,because the topof the dough isalready cooked in two,just not as much.So, I would saythe bottom part probablytakes like half the time.All right, once they'rebrown on each side,they're prettymuch ready.Part of what makesthem good is thatcrispy golden brownpan fried loving.Done, done, voila.Tell me that shitdoesn't look good.If you don't thinkthis is looking good,you're a liar.I think I pretty muchdid a damn good job.And now,I wanna take a bite.It's way too hotin the middle.I'm probably gonna burnmyself, but fuck it.>> Hah, push it.Hah, push it.Push it real good.Mm.Look at that.Greens, feta, hard dough.Click on the linkbelow formy recipe for aka CretenSpinach pie, babies.\n"
