A Week of Unlikely News: Bear League, DNA Testing, and Olympic Controversy

In a week that was filled with unexpected twists and turns, one thing became clear: nothing is as it seems. Let's start with the story of Hank, the 500-pound bear from Alaska who was recently cleared of allegations related to break-ins at Lake Tahoe. The Alaskan Winner of the Fattest Bear, as he has been dubbed, was initially blamed for the crimes, but DNA evidence has now revealed a different story.

According to reports, the true culprit behind the break-ins was not Hank, but rather a group of thieves who used the bear's fur to throw off investigators. The thieves, who were reportedly laughing about their clever plan, cleared Hank's name and left him to bask in the glory of being an unwitting participant in their scheme. As one witness noted, "He should be hibernating right now, but he's just chillin' like a villain." It's hard not to feel for the poor bear, who was clearly a victim of circumstance.

Meanwhile, on the world of sports, Eileen Go made headlines when she refused to compete in the Olympics as an American citizen. The Chinese-born athlete, who had been trained by Chinese coaches and competed under a team sponsorship deal with China, cited her personal feelings about the country's internet freedom policies as reason for not representing the United States.

However, it seems that Go may have misjudged the extent of China's influence over its athletes. As one observer pointed out, "She probably has never seen the real communist party she's seen a very loving communist party who thinks she's the best thing in the world and she probably didn't know that she can get a VPN but most people can't." It appears that Go's decision to forego American citizenship was not as nuanced as she may have thought.

In other news, the Bear League has been experiencing an increase in black bears returning to their territories. This is good news for fans of wildlife photography, as it means more opportunities for capturing stunning images of these majestic creatures.

And finally, there's the story of a dog named Roo who was taken by thieves and had its fur used to throw off investigators. The dog's owner reportedly found out about the theft when they noticed that their pet was missing, but not before the thief had already used the dog's fur to create an alibi for Hank, the 500-pound bear.

In a bizarre twist, Roo has become something of a social media star after a photo of her cuddling with her owner went viral. The internet seems to have taken a liking to this lovable canine, and it's easy to see why: who wouldn't want to snuggle up on top of Hank?

As we head into the weekend, one thing is clear: nothing in life is as it seems. From bears to dogs to Olympic athletes, there's always something unexpected lurking beneath the surface. So buckle up, folks, and try to stay calm – after all, that's what good news is for.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enhello everybody welcome back to level 1 news today is march 4th this is robot space and nonsense hopefully the best part of the week well maybe hopefully not the best part the robot stories are very heartwarming unless you wanted a job flipping burgers i don't think anyone wants that job does anybody aspire to that yeah i think it's more like i need to pay bills you know i bet there's some developmentally challenged people who do aspire to that i'm gonna love it there's probably also a lot of people that are just really tired of their insanely stressful job it's like hey flipping burgers pays 20 an hour sounds good to me i think that can be pretty stressful yeah yeah you have to do it quickly well let's talk about some robots now we talked about this robot a while back but it's taken amazon some time to roll it out probably don't want to prioritize chips for something this silly yeah and maybe because no one cared amazon's astro robot is making its way to customers but he'll here's how buyers are using it it's basically alexa on wheels yeah there's a video here of it getting a beer and a video of it harassing a dog delivers a beer chase is a dog it really doesn't do much of anything that guy could have got better cabinets for his kitchen wow that's kind of judgmental he's rocking the old like 70s parquet floor too so yeah i'm sure that guy when he took that picture he was not expecting his cabinets to be judged i feel like rue if if i put that machine in front of her we would just immediately knock that over just instantly try to bring some happiness and joy to our viewers i don't know what you want tell us what you want well what i want is robot made burgers and i want them now and i can get them very soon at white castle white castle to hire 100 robots to flip burgers the robotics program will take the place to nearly one third of the company's locations this is flippy i think isn't it it's not flippy it's flippy too the sequel an upgrade remember the original flippy was mounted down here all right the new one is mounted on this thing up here on the track that can move that's probably a lot easier to clean like when they mop at night just like the robot in the made for tv movie on the sci-fi channel called homewrecker and uh it's a deep cut he can he can work those fry baskets as well as flipping burgers and every other kind of sandwich at this point flippy is getting better and better white castle is kind of garbage food though yeah i don't think i've been to a white castle probably at least 10 years but remember from dunk the duncan hines book that it wasn't good restaurants that people wanted it was consistency and this will make white castle even more consistent they could be poised to dominate the fast food landscape consistently trash is a good way to look at the modern lifestyle it really is predictably horrible except sometimes you get a wild card and there's a war in europe well it's consistently bad well uh we know that clearview has all of our faces and if they don't yet it's only a matter of time and then that database will leak which means it's only a matter of time that everybody has all of our faces but maybe it doesn't matter because real faces are so 20 21 humans find ai generated faces more trustworthy than the real thing this this reads like old school freud where use this language to manipulate the the super ego and the id in order to get desirable outcome x it was a pretty small sample size too it wasn't like 300 people something right but the tests seem pretty uh you know rigorous and they were able to repeat it in another uh larger test i think trustworthiness too is just it's like how symmetrical is their face do both of their eyes look in the same place they have a jutting brow and they didn't say it was always good but the average was the people felt like the generated faces were a little bit better but remember that you know genetics can give you a terrible face right but an adversarial network will always give you a pretty decent one yeah i think that's what we learned from that that's a frodo makes that comment when they meet strider for the first time in bree he was like oh i knew i could trust you and everyone's like why and he's like because if you were a servant of the enemy you would feel you would look fair but feel fowler so he was kind of throwing shade yeah he was like you look like you're shady as hell but i trust you because you're actually legit so it seems like maybe they cast a guy who was a little too good looking for that part maybe yeah though i did really like his performance that is kind of true to life too it's like you can't see you can't judge a book by its cover yeah it's like the trustworthiness of the you know the the the toothless old dude with the with the scary laugh is super trustworthy does well does that does that set the whole test or whatever for the robots and stuff does that say more about us as a species and where we're going that we trust things that look more fake because of maybe like our media landscape oh yeah well i think once again it looks at the big thing that's being ignored here is how many of us at this table and listening at home would sit down and answer questions about an adversarial network who has time for that gullible people that's who has time for that people who follow influencers and marketers yeah so it's always going to be a skewed result well we've seen several cases about ai and the things they produce in terms of patents and trademarks and copyright and i think the european ones were the ones that ruled on this right like germany or somebody but now we have the u.s copyright office the u.s copyright office says that ai cannot copyright its art that requires a human element this guy went out of his way to make sure that there was no human input at all in this piece of art right here this is what the ai came up with krista you're the uh the art critic that looks like a puzzle you know like a puzzle someone does and then frames it on their wall do a lot of people do that yeah it's like kind of a granny thing it's always an image like that like a railroad or a garden or a rabbit in the sunshine you can probably copyright the thing the guy put together to make that but he was so careful to try to separate that he tried to put enough distance between the two that you couldn't attribute it back to him so the copyright office was like okay nobody gets it and another roblox story now we did a story about this guy he is a roblox troll he seems to do it for a living with his youtube channel but those days are over court orders youtubers to state our youtuber particular to stay off roblox ruben sam accused of leading cyber mob on the game platform what a weird thing to do that gets more and more awful as he gets older right because he probably started out fairly young and i was like okay maybe teenage roblox whatever but at this point it's time to move man's probably in his 20s yeah maybe even more than that we his next game what do you think he'll go to play minecraft right that was kind of minecraft had a huge content creator pool for a while i think it still does but a lot of them have moved on you know probably the roblox you've not played the microsoft minecraft a lot of people in the comments pointed out that in fact the microsoft minecraft has it's just riddled with micro transactions and user created content you have to buy wow wow that sucks big money in those worlds i'm sure that microsoft when they bought minecraft they were looking right at roblox right yeah like oh we're gonna make it that that's sad and notch took that billion dollars and then he went in his shower and cried like i'm leaving las vegas my child this this is a if you want if you love articles that are packed with ai buzz words my god is this the article for you because that's just piled higher and higher and higher with buzzwords if you don't know what these words mean you're not going to get anything out of this text microsoft details a planet scale ai infrastructure packing a hundred thousand plus gpus so microsoft basically wants to build a general purpose super computer but that also can run business workloads and uh each node in this thing is just bananas and the whole trick here is to be able to add scale to any process without that process being aware of you adding scale so seamlessly oh now we've got something that needs a big load we got the cl the clear view ai it's looking for a face we need it to be able to use a lot of stuff it can just quickly ramp up as much as it needs there's a lot of details in there about that that i don't understand but that's what it does you can go from zero to a million dollars in monthly billing in 2.4 seconds when someone compromises your azure account you can go broke and it's like it's like the south park and it's gone uh we did not have a black hole story this week i'm sorry this one's exciting though but this is as close as i could get the sun has erupted non-stop all month and there are more giant flares coming so if you want to not sleep tonight you should look up the carrington event that's a good one also if you're interested this kind of thing i would recommend the website spaceweather.com it feels like a relic from a different age it feels like it was done in like the early 2000s but it talks about this kind of stuff and you can also sign up for text alerts on your phone if you're worried about cmes we have just left the solar minimum or are we sure about that yeah anyway sure the magnetic we are magnetic field is going to flip if it has not already on the sun and it's going to get real angry for a little while yeah i like to think that all those uh ejections that it's doing are in solidarity with ukraine it's it's ejecting away from earth though which is a very nice courtesy but you got to figure that you know what's the chances of it ejecting toward her is that a 50 50 chance you ever be standing there like you're out in the cold and you're having a conversation with somebody who's smoking a cigarette and they do that thing where they blow it out the side of their mouth not to blow it in your face yeah i like to think that's what the sun is about they got enough crap going on right now i won't add to it right now is it one 365th of a chance i don't know that seems like it would be dangerously high it's our i don't think that our grid is really designed to handle another carrington style event no it was not good the first time it happened but we didn't have a lot of electrical infrastructure at the time no there's a paper on it that was published by the us government in like 92 or 93 and at that time they said that it would take between two and seven years to manufacture enough transformers to replace all of the transformers that had died would be dead as a result of a carrington event that was when we didn't have a crippled supply chain yes that was when we didn't have a crippled supply chain and the authors of that paper went out of their way to point out that if the uh downed transformers affected our ability to produce transformers then the timeline could be beyond seven years now what if when that new event happens we had gotten rid of most of the internal combustion engines it would have been much worse will be a lot of cars have a lot of electronics in them too i think the win-win is to have both because you use your internal combustion engine to charge the batteries in your car which is running your house that's terrorism that's killing the planet well we have a robot birthday let's all take a moment we won't actually do it but you should pause the video and quietly hum happy birthday nasa's perseverance rover makes its first year hunting past life on mars marks his first year does he sing to himself like the other one i don't think so oh what's so sad here's his path he's been playing this open world game and he hasn't managed to explore very much he's still very low level he's not got good armor yet there's the helicopter he's left it behind do you think he for like he forgot it he's like oh crap it takes another month to get back there you know that uh that meme where wolverine is looking at the picture he does that every night he's still a helicopter he's like well the tensions between russia and the west are something that's not going to go away anytime soon but imagine if you had to experience those tensions trapped in a tiny metal can with people from the two countries russia's space agency warns that u.s sanctions could destroy cooperation on the international space station oh it's in cnn politics uh nasa also put out a press release is that the next one do we have that one no i saw that too and nasa was like it's probably fine yeah nasa's like we'll get everybody home safe don't worry it's fine now they point out that in fact the space station is divided in half there is a russian side and a u.s side the u.s side has the batteries the russian side has the propulsion so they gotta work together yeah they cannot exist separately i always love an animal story where the animals show incredible intelligence and it seems like birds have a lot of that that we have not witnessed so far magpies have outwitted scientists by helping each other remove tracking devices they also do that upside down thing which is adorable look at them what a trickster my aunt who lived in the middle of nowhere i had trained magpies to bring her marbles so this little thing is like one of those uh anti-theft devices at the grocery store where it's a magnet and when you run the magnet over it pops off they said that unless you had a magnet you would need a very very strong pair of scissors to ever dream about getting these off of a bird well guess what the birds figured out about 30 minutes after they put them on i got i got a hummingbird feeder the other day it's not time to put it up yet but maybe i can do some cool stuff like this i've got attract magpies too they look like they're so proud of what they did yeah that's like an album cover so good job on the magpies they the scientists were actually pretty good scientists because they were like you know what what we set out to learn we couldn't learn it all this ruined our project but we learned a new thing yeah so it's even better they're still high-fiving each other yeah and that's the spirit that science should be we also have a test when it comes to animals chris do you think roo would pass the mirror test you could give it to her is that just where like they recognize it as a mirror image of themselves you put a mark on them that you know that they'll notice and see when they look in the mirror that you see if they're aware that that mark is on them and they try to deal with it i don't know that rue would i used to put her in front of a mirror when she was a puppy but she was a lot dumber than my cats if you show them a mirror that's on the ground they try to look behind it to find out where the cat is oh rue doesn't do that rue looks at the mirror but i think she registers that that is not another dog well turns out these dumb fish are way ahead of these are large animals yeah scientists demonstrate self-awareness in fish they did both of those tests they marked a fish in a way that you know they wouldn't know but then they saw themselves in the mirror and said oh i need to scrape this off they didn't do that if they didn't have a mirror they would swim over and try to scrape it off which is hilarious i guess that's how fish do that yeah the other test was instead of a mirror a tank full of other fish who also had marks so if they saw that would they think that was them no they knew no that wasn't them well that kind of makes eating fish a little weird doesn't it come on it was always weird it was always weird yeah i got no problem with it at all i mean cows are adorable right yeah they don't deserve that but we gotta eat there's a new kind of mountain dew and uh it's people are gonna be getting wild on this there's gonna be a lot of bad news for us a lot of sorority girls i bet are gonna love this florida residents will be among the first in the nation subjugated by hard mountain dudes this is gonna be huge on twitch we're gonna see ads for this i don't like the uh i don't really like the word choice in the headline but uh this is this is mountain dew that's alcoholic was subjugated is that what you disagree with yeah i mean it's it feels weird doesn't it yeah it's not it's not going to subjugate anything i think the the idea here is like the stereotypical mountain dew consumer is not someone we need to add alcohol to yeah right yeah that's going to be real and the only proper way to enjoy alcoholic mountain dew is just pure grain alcohol or moonshine didn't one of you mix mountain dew with alcohol yeah oh yeah i had the vodka and apple juice yeah that was good not getting it till next year guys don't get excited now if you are excited about new uh drink themes new trends in the drinking world but you say hey i'm an alcoholic i'm recovering i can't have alcohol what's the hot new drink for me it's this woman has quit her job to breastfeed her boyfriend full time question mark yeah that's what happened krista i'm gonna admit some ignorance here she found a way to keep herself lactating forever how do you do that i assume you have to take some sort of hormone supplement i would think i'm not certain either but i i think something about pregnancy that's what unlocks it so either she was pregnant recently or she found a way to create that hormone balance where she's lactating you know all those ads where uh it says that there are milfs in your area and they're looking to contact you i always assume that those were completely false but according to this story this this girl jennifer mulford was actively searching for someone to be a partner in her adult breastfeeding relationship and it took her a long time apparently a lot of guys when they were faced with the idea that she wanted them to do this kind of nope down but she eventually found a bodybuilder who believes that breast milk is good for that kind of thing and it seems to be a perfect match that's so strange to me because most of my friends who have breastfed have been like it's fine but it's not something i'd want to do long term because it can hurt yeah and adult teeth yeah i mean i guess the adult knows not to yeah but still a lot of questions there a lot of questions well we have uh another headline which i'm sure some people are happy was completely covered over didn't really get a lot of uh this is the one where last week there it was like a pre police prosecutor don't announce these until after the election and the prosecutor's like here you go all right yeah one thing we can say for sure is during the unrest in our country back a couple years ago there that we have you know evident video evidence incontrovertible i would say that the police just beat the piss out of several of those people yeah and that video is something you can't really pass up so 19 austin police officers indicted after investigation into 2020 george floyd protests documents say um it took a while for the carriage of justice to come around now you're wondering like why did you put this in the nonsense section and the reason like it's funny because when i'm reading the headlines on other sites sometimes they cherry pick them and uh yeah that's horrific we probably can't show that oh here we go here's the reason here's the headline that got me to call this nonsense eight of the officers were released on a one dollar cash deposit bond each with no additional bond conditions their lawyer said monday the the image that we can't show is an image of some of the injuries that people got from the cops that was a rubber bullet yeah they can point blank right mess you up yeah yeah we can't show you that but it's it's a big hole we've got another story of a young politician who has done quite the faux pas this is terrible she blames it on a sleeping pill i'm not sure if i believe that use house candidate sorry for intoxication during sleepovers even if it was a sleeping pill why would you take that when you knew you were going to be supervising children or why would you be drinking on top of them yeah because she admits that she says the alcohol in the sleeping pill was too much and it overwhelmed her so she vomited in a hamper and she verbally accosted two of the girls one of them she made fun of her acne and the other one her spanish heritage that's awful yeah and she refuses to apologize what a terrible human being yeah well she apologized like she made a press conference but she hasn't called the families to be like i'm so sorry which wow well family dollar we have a lot of dollar generals right here we're a dollar general family we don't go to family dollars i read this and i was like oh god is that no no it's not dollar general i'm safe although i imagine dollar general rat houses are probably pretty bad too yeah they're pocket dimensions but maybe not as bad as family dollar over 1 000 dead rodents found a family dollar distribution center so heads up know a lot of people in the audience use family dollar there's a huge list of products that are probably not something you should deal with from family dollar right now because oh boy the rodents yeah general where is that food items cosmetics animal foods medical devices you know bandages nasal care products blah blah blah over the counter medications pain medications dental products yeah you don't you don't want any of that because even if it looks clean it can still be contaminated even things like soda you can there were there were a couple of cases growing up where people would get soda from like the local discount chain and the rodent problem there was so bad that the rodent dust left on cans of soda that were otherwise put it to your lips and then yeah it was enough to make some people sick so people always point that out about your uh orange sodas yeah yeah when i just get them randomly in the mail and it's like oh yeah blah blah i look kinda you know i don't i don't like get an alcohol wipe out and wipe it down i probably should now we're like hmm i bet at least once at that warehouse or one like it some of those rats got into nyquil or something and just tripped balls for the rest of the night can you imagine like one capsule of nyquil how bad that would be right yeah well this story i was disappointed with i was expecting a little more i was expecting a video of a dog going at high speeds around the speedway that's not what this is this video is so silly this uh fox 29 reports that this deaf dog has been saved from euthanasia and is driving around a daytona speech look how unhappy this dog looks let's try to mute this real quick he's not even like you know dogs kind of have a smiley look on him a lot he's just looking around like okay that dog does not know what's going on it doesn't care there's nothing heartwarming about this fox 29 this was a terrible heartwarming animal story we wanted a heartwarming animal story to make up for all the sads we need heartwarming animal stories this story is somewhat heartwarming just because it's so stupid and i don't even know if this is yeah we're kind of thinking it might not be real it's canceled because there aren't any people anymore yeah it doesn't matter anymore and it might be fake news but there is enough madness in this man that we've seen before that i feel like it could be real mike lindell plans to drop ten thousand my pillows those are the ones that he can't sell anymore via little parachutes to ottawa protesters so he tried to send them in by truck as you normally would but of course that doesn't work they don't let those in especially if it says mike lindell on the shipping label so he decided he was gonna how far do you think this project got if it's real like is somebody knitting tiny parachutes right now and he's like oh you can stop he's like i had an idea okay let's put that on social media and see how that goes great we're good to go we got the press hey mike do you want to put that on your social media platform oh oh that didn't work out no and uh you know i mean this is not really all that unique but in the age of social media this kind of thing gets pointed out a lot quicker these guys can't get away with this nonsense anymore tennessee preacher greg locke says demons told him the names of witches in his church why are you talking to demons bro to find out the names of the witches in your church why are you talking to the demons this is the same guy that what did the did the book burning i think right yes he's been doing he's got this word pharmacy devil i think that's his way of making like the pharmaceutical industry is controlled by demons or something like that so he's got a lot of interesting uh theories about all that stuff we will not tolerate that logaro isn't even talking about the witchcraft apparently he also preached at length about the witches and he knew who they were and that they shouldn't get up right now it's like do you think is there anyone in the audience who's like maybe it's me and i start getting freaked out oh and they're gonna lure the church members into adultery with their demonic sluttiness you know what this feels a lot like ethiopia facebook and again how do you how do you moderate that yeah because i mean if you say he's making it up you're gonna have to block a lot of people talking about that subject right there's no way to do it and here's a fun modern technology story although again this is one of those things where like old society meets new society and it just gets crazy because we're coexisting in a world where we have smartphones and arranged marriage google maps leads indonesian man into the wrong wedding venue and nearly ends up marrying a stranger because there were two ways like this this is a great movie like we need can we get michael bay on this can he make the movie is it going to be great oh michael bay yeah he's not the right director there going to be explosions at the weddings yeah exactly so he went to the wrong wedding but it was a different arranged marriage wedding i think i thought one was like an engagement so like he was going to get engaged or something i don't know either way there was a mix-up well they showed up and they exchanged gifts and they were having a good time and enjoying themselves and it wasn't until well into the ceremony that somebody figured out just based on context wait a minute i'm in the wrong spot and they talked to the bride to be at the the wedding that he went to by mistake and she was like yeah it was weird because i didn't recognize anybody but i just went with it this is just what my life is now oops but isn't it kind of what their life is like does she have a lot of autonomy over any of this yeah probably not but you i would think you'd see your own family there even if you saw no one else you recognized no because she was all of his family came with him oh so they did the families knew one another but all of a sudden he showed up with an entourage and she was like i don't know i don't know any of these guys yeah eileen goo is not chinese now i'm not saying that ethnically i think she's a mix but she was born in san francisco she was raised in san francisco she learned how to do her sport in san francisco she's american citizen she's yes an american citizen there is no dual citizenship for china and the u.s unless this is a special case that the communist party is granted which maybe they did i don't think they did according this article but she decided in the olympics she wasn't going to represent america which in my opinion as adorable as she is and she is adorable she should never be allowed back on american soil for any reason and none of her offspring should either island goo defends china's internet freedom but her message is censored what was her message china's completely free you can download a vpn off the app store if you're really worried about it that message was censored and also false yeah and people in china were furious about this they're like what the hell are you talking about no the internet is not free now in her defense she probably has never seen the real communist party she's seen a very loving communist party who thinks she's the best thing in the world and she probably didn't know that she can get a vpn but most people can't she didn't know that they knew but they do how long do you think before she realizes the darkness okay like whenever she becomes less useful to them i don't know i is it possible that she doesn't now i mean wow she's probably pretty young if she's a first-time olympic contender she's probably 18 19. she's i think she is 19 yes it'll it'll take a while she'll probably pick it up though i mean she and also if she were to say anything else it destroys her life right right but she could have gone gotten brought that gold medal back to the good old us of a and not worried about it i didn't know you could just compete for another country like that you shouldn't be able to i thought it had to be like the place you're a citizen of it should be but i don't know i guess because china was running the olympics this year they could i thought the olympic committee was above all that though right i don't think anyone thinks the olympics is totally fair the olympics is kind of kind of messed up ruined at this point right and our final story and this was a last minute edition and i'm so glad to have it because my god is this guy look at him he is uh remember uh 747 yeah the alaskan winner of the fattest bear i think this guy's got him beat hank the tank a 500 pound bearer was initially blamed for lake tahoe break-ins but dna evidence has told a different story how much does it cost to do dna typing for that kind of thing these days is it fairly cheap these days yes it is because like 23 and me and stuff yeah but they actually wasted time look at the this absolute unit this little tiny face and that giant body and there's so much head and fat behind the face yeah that's just but and you would think at this point in the year shouldn't he be hibernating i mean that could be an old image yeah he should probably be hibernating so it seems like what happened was the the bear broke in made some headlines and then some criminals were like that sounds like an opportunity they found a black dog and brushed it about yeah got the dog fur and took it with them and sprinkled it i don't know if they did that but that'd be smart if they did apparently not because they cleared hank's name bear league is barely people who take videos of bears and post them on a website black bears coming back more i mean they've always been black bears in eastern kentucky but they're becoming more prevalent i bet he stinks to high heaven but if you knew he wouldn't be violent he'd be lovable wouldn't he love you just cuddling yeah just like just get on his back that's the greatest part about having like roo because you know she's not huge like that but she's 60 pounds so you can give her a big hug yeah you could just lay on top of this guy yeah just snuggle into it yeah roo doesn't like that but hank would you play it on top yeah like i'll i'll lay and put my head on her haunch and she'll and then like wiggle out what's the funnest thing about having a dog it's been quite a week let's hope that next week is uh unexpected news about maybe a ceasefire or something oh yeah just good news more calm calm good news less historical events we'll see you next week you\n"