The Weight of Hate: A Message to My Fans

I'm not going to pretend like I haven't noticed the hate lately. There's been an influx of comments on my Instagram, and while I know it's easy to get caught up in the drama, it's getting old. People are commenting on my weight, which has become a major issue for me as my mental health goes up and down. I'd like to ask you to please think about what you're saying and consider that I'm a real human being behind the camera.

I've been fortunate enough to have a wonderful community of fans who support me and uplift me every day. They're always there to offer kind words, advice, or just a listening ear when I need it. And for that, I'm truly grateful. However, there are those who seem to take pleasure in tearing others down, including myself. It's disgusting and hurtful, and I wish they would find something else to occupy their time.

I've tried to ignore these comments in the past because I didn't want to give them attention. But lately, it's been getting harder to just brush it off. Waking up most days, there have been notifications on my Instagram for terrible comments. It's exhausting and demoralizing. So, I decided to address this issue head-on. I know some of you might be thinking, "Why are you making a big deal about this?" But the truth is, it's not just about me; it's about creating a safe space for everyone.

I've always been someone who values honesty and vulnerability. When I talked about my struggles with mental health in my recent video, Dumplin', it was therapeutic for me to open up about something that has been weighing on me for so long. I hope that by sharing this part of my life, I can help others feel more comfortable talking about their own struggles.

I want you guys to know that I'm okay. Despite the hate, I'm doing well. I've learned to focus on my self-care and prioritize my mental health. And that's what I want to encourage all of you to do as well. Please don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Talk to someone you trust, whether it's a friend, family member, or mental health professional.

I know some of you might be thinking, "But what about the comments? Shouldn't we just ignore them and move on?" The thing is, those comments can be hurtful and damaging. They can make us feel like we're not good enough, that we don't deserve love and respect. But I'm here to tell you that's not true. You are a beautiful, worthy human being, deserving of kindness and compassion.

I want to leave you with a message of hope and encouragement. Don't let the hate get to you. Instead, focus on spreading love and positivity wherever you go. Leave comments that uplift others, share articles or books that promote mental health awareness, and be an ally to those who are struggling.

As I close this video, I want to thank each and every one of you for being part of my community. Your support means the world to me, and I'm honored to have such wonderful fans. If you're going through a tough time, please don't hesitate to reach out. And if you're someone who's always been there for me, thank you for being a shining light in my life.

In the end, it's not about the hate; it's about spreading love and kindness wherever we go. So, let's do that. Let's create a world where everyone feels seen, heard, and valued. Thank you again for your support, and I'll see you guys in my next video.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: eneveryone its Haley and today I'm going to be doing a very different video that I feel like I have filmed before and I mean this is like my third time trying to film it but what I mean by that is I feel like it's one that after having my channel for four years I would have already done but apparently I haven't done it and by apparently I mean I definitely haven't done it so obviously you guys know from the title what I'm going to be talking about today and I'm going to be talking about my struggles with mental illness both past and present and this is a video that makes me really uncomfortable to film so I'm gonna warn you now when I'm uncomfortable I don't make eye contact which I'm doing right now even though it's literally a camera I'm not making eye contact with anyone and I also smile when I'm talking about uncomfortable things I'm just one of those people who laughs when I'm uncomfortable because I don't know what else to do so I apologize about that I promise you this isn't funny to me I just I don't know what to do with my face so that's what happens but I debated about filming this video for a number of reasons but I think that it is something that I need to do and the reason that I'm doing it even though it's going to make me uncomfortable is because I think it needs to be out there I feel like you guys as viewers are like my friends and it's weird to me that you guys wouldn't know about this part of my life since it is something that has definitely shaped who I am as a person I have alluded to this in the past but I've never actually addressed it head-on in a video so that's what I'm forcing myself to do today after some encouragement from friends I feel like this is what I need to do I think I'm just adding to the stigma by not talking about it so here I am talking about it so obviously from the title you can tell that I'm going to be talking about some things that might trigger you so if you're worried about triggers I'm going to have them in the description down below as well as some resources for you to check out but the main things I'm going to be talking about are depression and anxiety there are some other things I'm going to be talking about but not getting too in-depth into and I just don't really want to say them out loud so I will have them in the description box for you guys so just don't watch this if you're not in the head space to watch it I wouldn't anyone to be triggered by anything that I'm saying I'm not going to be going in depth into anything so just be aware that if this is triggering to you you can exit the video 100% not offended ever just don't watch it so I guess I'll start with the beginning I have probably had struggles with mental health my entire life and I've just never really had an easy time making friends and everything was always really hard for me I'm a very intense person my personality is very brash and I totally understand why people aren't always compelled to get to know more about me by depression is something that runs in my family and it's something that I have been aware of since I was really young because some events that occur in my life and they majorly shaped who I became as a person and everything kind of came to a head when I was 16 years old started getting really bad when I was 15 and basically all throughout high school by when I was 16 I became very suicidal I had something terrible happen to me that I really don't want to talk about that much but basically what I'm gonna say is one of the times that I considered posting this video because there have been many times before where I've considered doing it but I think I needed to do it when I kind of have some distance from the issues but one of the times that I considered doing it was at the height of the me2 movement so that's all I'm gonna say about that and please don't ask me anything more but basically all that I want you to know is that the fallout from that trauma led me to be suicidal it led me to self-harm and do some things that I'm not really proud of but I was struggling deeply I was hospitalized once in a hospital that was specifically for youth who are struggling with mental health issues and then once in the adult psychiatric ward and this all went on over the course of a few months but my life wasn't entirely consumed by my mental health issues it was just I couldn't think of anything else other than the fact that I was depressed and the fact that I didn't want to be on earth anymore but I eventually came to a point where I realized that I needed to start caring I was on medication I was going in and out of and I just nothing was working because I wasn't putting in the work at all I didn't want to get better I just had no interest in it and a big reason for that I think is because I didn't really have any friends to encourage me to care and I had a support system and my family and everything but I just didn't listen to them and I was seeking out like-minded people who are going to reaffirm what I was believing about myself and I luckily was able to with a lot of hard work and just taking medication and actually working on myself and trying to get better I was able to get out of it unfortunately one of my friends from that time actually ended up committing suicide a couple of years ago and that's really difficult for me to comprehend because it's just strange to me that I got out of it and he never did and that was a really difficult thing for me to go through but I am forever grateful for the support system that I did have and for the fact that I was able to make myself better and actually want to live and find a zeal for life again now one of the things that got me through it was reading that was when I discovered my love of reading was when I was in the hospital I didn't have anything else to do wasn't allowed to have my phone or anything like that so there wasn't really a lot to occupy my time so I found myself just constantly reading books and that was what helped me to get through all of my struggles so while I was able to largely overcome my struggles with depression and what I struggle with now majorly is anxiety I have a really hard time turning my brain off like many other people with anxiety I find it's a really hard thing to describe to people who don't know what it is they're having experienced it before but I basically just think of the worst absolute worst case scenario that's not even possible for things and that is what consumes my brain and I live life inside of my comfort zone because I'm so terrified of everything that's outside of it I just can't turn my brain off and everyday things that are really easy for other people tend to be a little bit more difficult for me because I think about them so so much and I got so frustrated with myself because of that so one of the things that I attribute to my anxiety is the fact that I overwork myself so much I'm basically constantly challenging myself to try and be the absolute best and I feel like any time that I'm slacking I'm an absolute failure which is just the way that my brain works but it is something that I am trying to work on I'm trying to work on that and my social anxiety and where social things that are really easy for other people are just so absolutely difficult for me and it really is a very frustrating thing and I don't think it will ever not be frustrating for me but being done with school has been a real help because school just put me through the wringer in terms of my anxiety that being said my struggles with anxiety definitely aren't over my struggles with depression will never be over either I'll always have these kind of relapses where I struggle again by I now know that it's okay to ask for help and to get it it's not being weak or anything like that and I'm hoping that by doing this video I will open up other people's eyes to the possibility of asking for help and putting yourself first because that is such an important thing and it's something that I need to work on is putting myself first but know that you are worth it no matter if you are feeling like you're not worth it you are absolutely worth it every second of every day put yourself first and choose you because you are an important human being who belongs on this earth and you are here for a reason when I was 16 I didn't even think I would live long enough to be 23 which is just like that's absolutely crazy but I I honest I honestly didn't I honestly didn't I thought if it wasn't me it was going to be something else and one way or another I would not make it and if I did I wasn't going to be successful but I feel like I have been able to find success I've done what my dream is I just it's so hard for me to comprehend how far I've come because that past life struggling with depression in particular and being suicidal feels like such a past life I feel like a completely different person than who I am today but it's not because it's shaped a lot of the decisions that I make and it's shaped the person that I am but the important thing is that I was able to rise above it and you can too like it absolutely is possible even if you're feeling like it's not I promise you that it is and that there are people out there who care and want to help you I'm going to have resources down below don't hesitate to reach out to anyone for help but I don't feel like you're a burden people want you to be here people love you and care about you I love you and I care about you and I want you to get the help that you need if this is something that you are struggling with one of the reasons I haven't done this video is because I was afraid of what people would say but the bottom line is that people are gonna comment and people are going to hate on me as much as they want and I know that apparently recently a lot of people have been hating on me and believe me I know about it I just decided to not let that stop me anymore because I know that there's constantly going to be people out there hating but one thing that I did want to address I know that I've been getting more hate recently and that's totally fine I know that people talk about me on guru gossip which is totally fine you can talk about me as much as you want I appreciate that that is your space to talk about me I've never read it and I will never read it but I only know about it because people have told me but I don't mind the fact that people talk about me that's going to happen the thing that gets me the most is when you come on to my Instagram and you are commenting on my weight which has been a major issue recently as my mental health goes up and down so it is my weight and I don't know why but in the past week I have just been receiving this influx of absolutely horrible comments on my Instagram and I would just like to ask you to please if you are one of those people I know that you're not going to be watching this video and if you are you've probably already left a hate comment but please think about what you're saying and think about the fact that I am a real human behind the camera you don't know what is going on in my life and you have no right to comment on my body I look at myself in the mirror every single day I know when I've gained weight thank you I don't need you to tell me I feel comfortable in my body and that is all that matters those comments always come and go and I never really addressed them because I know that they're seeking attention and I don't want to give them the attention that they're asking for bye over the past week I've woken up most days and there has been in notification on my Instagram for a terrible comment and that never really used to be something that I would get a lot so I just wanted to address it because I think it's absolutely disgusting and I think that you need to please stop bothering me and find something else to amuse your time maybe read dumplin or read some other book that will show you that it's not okay to be an but if you are going to continue making those comments then just make those comments about me don't bring my friends into it thank you I'm sorry I went into rant territory there for a second but I just wanted to tell you guys about this part of my life because like I said I feel like you guys are friends of mine and that sounds so corny but I just I feel like it seems so weird to me that I've never talked about this before and I also feel ready to talk about it now and I never really have before I know it's such a past part of my life but it's still is something that I struggled to talk about because I don't like being serious I'm not a very serious person but when travel novel actually deals with mental health a lot and it was kind of me fleshing out some things that I've struggled with in the past so that was such a therapeutic experience for me that I just I felt like this would be much the same and I'm just hoping above all else that this might help someone like I said please do not hesitate to ask for the help that you need and know that you are an absolutely beautiful human being even if you don't think you are I think you are and everyone else does I promise so thank you guys for hearing what I have to say thank you for being such a shining light in my life all the time whenever I'm feeling down I just read your comments and it really does bring me up because for every one bad comment there's like a thousand out there that are so nice and just make my day every day so I do really appreciate that but I hope that going forward this will help me to be a little bit more open with you guys because I feel like I've become kind of guarded at and I don't want to be at all so hopefully this will help and hopefully it will help you guys so thank you guys so much for your constant support and I will see you guys in my next video byeeveryone its Haley and today I'm going to be doing a very different video that I feel like I have filmed before and I mean this is like my third time trying to film it but what I mean by that is I feel like it's one that after having my channel for four years I would have already done but apparently I haven't done it and by apparently I mean I definitely haven't done it so obviously you guys know from the title what I'm going to be talking about today and I'm going to be talking about my struggles with mental illness both past and present and this is a video that makes me really uncomfortable to film so I'm gonna warn you now when I'm uncomfortable I don't make eye contact which I'm doing right now even though it's literally a camera I'm not making eye contact with anyone and I also smile when I'm talking about uncomfortable things I'm just one of those people who laughs when I'm uncomfortable because I don't know what else to do so I apologize about that I promise you this isn't funny to me I just I don't know what to do with my face so that's what happens but I debated about filming this video for a number of reasons but I think that it is something that I need to do and the reason that I'm doing it even though it's going to make me uncomfortable is because I think it needs to be out there I feel like you guys as viewers are like my friends and it's weird to me that you guys wouldn't know about this part of my life since it is something that has definitely shaped who I am as a person I have alluded to this in the past but I've never actually addressed it head-on in a video so that's what I'm forcing myself to do today after some encouragement from friends I feel like this is what I need to do I think I'm just adding to the stigma by not talking about it so here I am talking about it so obviously from the title you can tell that I'm going to be talking about some things that might trigger you so if you're worried about triggers I'm going to have them in the description down below as well as some resources for you to check out but the main things I'm going to be talking about are depression and anxiety there are some other things I'm going to be talking about but not getting too in-depth into and I just don't really want to say them out loud so I will have them in the description box for you guys so just don't watch this if you're not in the head space to watch it I wouldn't anyone to be triggered by anything that I'm saying I'm not going to be going in depth into anything so just be aware that if this is triggering to you you can exit the video 100% not offended ever just don't watch it so I guess I'll start with the beginning I have probably had struggles with mental health my entire life and I've just never really had an easy time making friends and everything was always really hard for me I'm a very intense person my personality is very brash and I totally understand why people aren't always compelled to get to know more about me by depression is something that runs in my family and it's something that I have been aware of since I was really young because some events that occur in my life and they majorly shaped who I became as a person and everything kind of came to a head when I was 16 years old started getting really bad when I was 15 and basically all throughout high school by when I was 16 I became very suicidal I had something terrible happen to me that I really don't want to talk about that much but basically what I'm gonna say is one of the times that I considered posting this video because there have been many times before where I've considered doing it but I think I needed to do it when I kind of have some distance from the issues but one of the times that I considered doing it was at the height of the me2 movement so that's all I'm gonna say about that and please don't ask me anything more but basically all that I want you to know is that the fallout from that trauma led me to be suicidal it led me to self-harm and do some things that I'm not really proud of but I was struggling deeply I was hospitalized once in a hospital that was specifically for youth who are struggling with mental health issues and then once in the adult psychiatric ward and this all went on over the course of a few months but my life wasn't entirely consumed by my mental health issues it was just I couldn't think of anything else other than the fact that I was depressed and the fact that I didn't want to be on earth anymore but I eventually came to a point where I realized that I needed to start caring I was on medication I was going in and out of and I just nothing was working because I wasn't putting in the work at all I didn't want to get better I just had no interest in it and a big reason for that I think is because I didn't really have any friends to encourage me to care and I had a support system and my family and everything but I just didn't listen to them and I was seeking out like-minded people who are going to reaffirm what I was believing about myself and I luckily was able to with a lot of hard work and just taking medication and actually working on myself and trying to get better I was able to get out of it unfortunately one of my friends from that time actually ended up committing suicide a couple of years ago and that's really difficult for me to comprehend because it's just strange to me that I got out of it and he never did and that was a really difficult thing for me to go through but I am forever grateful for the support system that I did have and for the fact that I was able to make myself better and actually want to live and find a zeal for life again now one of the things that got me through it was reading that was when I discovered my love of reading was when I was in the hospital I didn't have anything else to do wasn't allowed to have my phone or anything like that so there wasn't really a lot to occupy my time so I found myself just constantly reading books and that was what helped me to get through all of my struggles so while I was able to largely overcome my struggles with depression and what I struggle with now majorly is anxiety I have a really hard time turning my brain off like many other people with anxiety I find it's a really hard thing to describe to people who don't know what it is they're having experienced it before but I basically just think of the worst absolute worst case scenario that's not even possible for things and that is what consumes my brain and I live life inside of my comfort zone because I'm so terrified of everything that's outside of it I just can't turn my brain off and everyday things that are really easy for other people tend to be a little bit more difficult for me because I think about them so so much and I got so frustrated with myself because of that so one of the things that I attribute to my anxiety is the fact that I overwork myself so much I'm basically constantly challenging myself to try and be the absolute best and I feel like any time that I'm slacking I'm an absolute failure which is just the way that my brain works but it is something that I am trying to work on I'm trying to work on that and my social anxiety and where social things that are really easy for other people are just so absolutely difficult for me and it really is a very frustrating thing and I don't think it will ever not be frustrating for me but being done with school has been a real help because school just put me through the wringer in terms of my anxiety that being said my struggles with anxiety definitely aren't over my struggles with depression will never be over either I'll always have these kind of relapses where I struggle again by I now know that it's okay to ask for help and to get it it's not being weak or anything like that and I'm hoping that by doing this video I will open up other people's eyes to the possibility of asking for help and putting yourself first because that is such an important thing and it's something that I need to work on is putting myself first but know that you are worth it no matter if you are feeling like you're not worth it you are absolutely worth it every second of every day put yourself first and choose you because you are an important human being who belongs on this earth and you are here for a reason when I was 16 I didn't even think I would live long enough to be 23 which is just like that's absolutely crazy but I I honest I honestly didn't I honestly didn't I thought if it wasn't me it was going to be something else and one way or another I would not make it and if I did I wasn't going to be successful but I feel like I have been able to find success I've done what my dream is I just it's so hard for me to comprehend how far I've come because that past life struggling with depression in particular and being suicidal feels like such a past life I feel like a completely different person than who I am today but it's not because it's shaped a lot of the decisions that I make and it's shaped the person that I am but the important thing is that I was able to rise above it and you can too like it absolutely is possible even if you're feeling like it's not I promise you that it is and that there are people out there who care and want to help you I'm going to have resources down below don't hesitate to reach out to anyone for help but I don't feel like you're a burden people want you to be here people love you and care about you I love you and I care about you and I want you to get the help that you need if this is something that you are struggling with one of the reasons I haven't done this video is because I was afraid of what people would say but the bottom line is that people are gonna comment and people are going to hate on me as much as they want and I know that apparently recently a lot of people have been hating on me and believe me I know about it I just decided to not let that stop me anymore because I know that there's constantly going to be people out there hating but one thing that I did want to address I know that I've been getting more hate recently and that's totally fine I know that people talk about me on guru gossip which is totally fine you can talk about me as much as you want I appreciate that that is your space to talk about me I've never read it and I will never read it but I only know about it because people have told me but I don't mind the fact that people talk about me that's going to happen the thing that gets me the most is when you come on to my Instagram and you are commenting on my weight which has been a major issue recently as my mental health goes up and down so it is my weight and I don't know why but in the past week I have just been receiving this influx of absolutely horrible comments on my Instagram and I would just like to ask you to please if you are one of those people I know that you're not going to be watching this video and if you are you've probably already left a hate comment but please think about what you're saying and think about the fact that I am a real human behind the camera you don't know what is going on in my life and you have no right to comment on my body I look at myself in the mirror every single day I know when I've gained weight thank you I don't need you to tell me I feel comfortable in my body and that is all that matters those comments always come and go and I never really addressed them because I know that they're seeking attention and I don't want to give them the attention that they're asking for bye over the past week I've woken up most days and there has been in notification on my Instagram for a terrible comment and that never really used to be something that I would get a lot so I just wanted to address it because I think it's absolutely disgusting and I think that you need to please stop bothering me and find something else to amuse your time maybe read dumplin or read some other book that will show you that it's not okay to be an but if you are going to continue making those comments then just make those comments about me don't bring my friends into it thank you I'm sorry I went into rant territory there for a second but I just wanted to tell you guys about this part of my life because like I said I feel like you guys are friends of mine and that sounds so corny but I just I feel like it seems so weird to me that I've never talked about this before and I also feel ready to talk about it now and I never really have before I know it's such a past part of my life but it's still is something that I struggled to talk about because I don't like being serious I'm not a very serious person but when travel novel actually deals with mental health a lot and it was kind of me fleshing out some things that I've struggled with in the past so that was such a therapeutic experience for me that I just I felt like this would be much the same and I'm just hoping above all else that this might help someone like I said please do not hesitate to ask for the help that you need and know that you are an absolutely beautiful human being even if you don't think you are I think you are and everyone else does I promise so thank you guys for hearing what I have to say thank you for being such a shining light in my life all the time whenever I'm feeling down I just read your comments and it really does bring me up because for every one bad comment there's like a thousand out there that are so nice and just make my day every day so I do really appreciate that but I hope that going forward this will help me to be a little bit more open with you guys because I feel like I've become kind of guarded at and I don't want to be at all so hopefully this will help and hopefully it will help you guys so thank you guys so much for your constant support and I will see you guys in my next video bye\n"