Level1 News January 28 2022 - My Bologna Has A Fresh Face, It's S-C-A-R-Y

**The Mysterious Case of the Remixed Eminem**

In a shocking turn of events, the popular comic book series "M&M's" has announced that they will be remaking their characters for a more dynamic progressive world. The news has sent shockwaves through the fan community, with many taking to social media to express their excitement and curiosity about the changes.

According to sources close to the project, the new designs were inspired by a desire to make the M&M's characters more relatable and appealing to modern audiences. "We want our characters to be fun and exciting for people of all ages," said a spokesperson for the company. "We're not just talking about changing their clothes or hairstyles - we're talking about a fundamental transformation that will make them feel fresh and new again."

One of the most notable changes is the new design for the green Eminem, who has been revamped to look more like a stereotypical hip-hop artist. Gone are the days of his go-go boots; instead, he now sports a pair of sleek, high-top sneakers that would make even the most seasoned rapper jealous. But it's not just the color palette and clothing that have changed - the character's entire demeanor has been reworked to make him feel more approachable and less intimidating.

Meanwhile, the brown Eminem has also undergone a significant makeover. Gone are her heels; instead, she now sports a pair of stylish flats that give her a more understated look. "We wanted to show that you don't have to be loud or flashy to be cool," said the spokesperson. "Sometimes it's okay to tone down your style and let your personality shine through."

The new designs have been met with enthusiasm from fans, who are thrilled to see their beloved characters getting a modern makeover. But not everyone is happy about the changes - some critics have accused the company of trying too hard to be edgy and hip.

"It's just another example of corporate America trying to pander to the masses," said one Twitter user. "Can't they just leave our childhood heroes alone?" Despite the backlash, it seems that the M&M's are committed to pushing the boundaries of what their characters can be. As one fan tweeted, "I'm here for it - let the green Eminem and brown Eminem slay!"

**Eminem's Lore: A Tale of Two Women**

One of the most surprising aspects of the new designs is the revelation that the green Eminem and brown Eminem were once in a romantic relationship. According to sources, the two characters had a tumultuous history, with the green Eminem being "catty" and "mean-spirited" towards his partner.

But now, it seems that the company has decided to rewrite their backstory to make them a more positive and supportive couple. "We wanted to show that even the most unlikely of partners can come together and become stronger," said the spokesperson. The new design for the brown Eminem features her with a more relaxed and casual hairstyle, and a warm smile on her face.

Meanwhile, the green Eminem has been given a more angular and edgy look, complete with a few subtle tattoos and a leather jacket. It's clear that the company is trying to send a message about acceptance and inclusivity - but whether or not it will resonate with fans remains to be seen.

**A Happy Story of Love and Social Media**

In contrast to the controversy surrounding the new designs, there's another story that's been making headlines in the comic book world. Hatsune Miku, the anime singer who has become a beloved figure among fans, has recently gotten married to a man who is struggling with social anxiety.

According to sources close to the couple, they met through social media and quickly fell in love. The groom, who wishes to remain anonymous, has been open about his struggles with anxiety and has used his platform to raise awareness about mental health issues.

"It's amazing to see someone who is so passionate about promoting positivity and acceptance," said a friend of the couple. "He's always been a great support system for me, and I'm grateful to have him in my life." The two are now living together in a beautiful apartment, where they spend their days reading, watching movies, and enjoying each other's company.

**A Segway Full of Emotions**

But not everyone is happy about the new designs - at least, not all fans. One Twitter user wrote, "I'm shocked and disappointed by these new designs... it feels like the M&M's are trying too hard to be edgy and cool." Another fan joked that the green Eminem should just be strapped to a Segway and ridden around in circles.

While some critics may feel that the company is being too bold with their changes, others see them as a breath of fresh air. As one fan tweeted, "I love how the M&M's are pushing boundaries and trying new things! It's so refreshing to see characters evolve and grow."

**A Block of Time Wasted**

And so, here we are - after all that excitement and anticipation, it seems that the M&M's have finally revealed their new designs. But as one fan joked, "I'm not really sure what I just spent 20 minutes reading about... maybe someone could explain the point of this whole thing to me?"

Despite the confusion, it's clear that the M&M's are committed to making a statement with their new designs. Whether or not they'll succeed remains to be seen - but one thing is for sure: it's been an interesting ride so far!

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enhello everybody welcome back to level one news today is friday at the end of january i forgot the date 28th 28th we're here with security and nonsense there's so much so much security so much locations and contact data on 510 000 vulnerable vulnerable people stolen in red cross data breach the red cross that sucks people that help refugees and people that have been displaced because the regime of their country has changed these are the kinds of people that are helping the red cross the red cross has asked whoever stole this please just delete it because you could get these people killed or worse also why would you target the red cross right now when we're having like a health crisis across the country they're begging people to donate blood they might not have known yeah or it could be one of these regimes is really angry so like the the incoming people uh are upset that the red cross is helping the displaced people it's like no we must erase those people from existence so that no one ever misses them oh that's the sadder option i'm gonna assume it was a mistake oops accidentally hacked the red cross and it's like barry what have we told you about hacking hospitals red cross not again and then the audience all laughs uh speaking of not again but then you kind of a head scratcher there was this headline from torrent freak vpn provider agrees to block torrent traffic and pirate bay on u.s servers now i've got i've got some news for you you can download linux distros on a lot of other things via torrent but again the the kleptocracy that we find ourselves in with the media companies they're like no people are using this vpn to sidestep our reach and our gaze we must shut it down is it not enough you've turned everything into a streaming service and a subscription come on there's this person is highly suspicious they only have one subscription account we must observe them that's probably that we're probably i'm i'm honored to be on a list with you all we're probably both on that list so this this vpn provider still accused of failing to take action against subscribers who are pirating films it's like not okay i mean that's like your electric company failing to take action against people who use the electricity to pirate films or the water company for failing to take action to not give water to the people who commit crimes come on you put it that way it really does highlight how absurd it is open subtitles hacked 7 million subscribers details have been leaked online open subtitles was a nice repository for getting subtitles for things because sometimes you need subtitles for things because you can't hear all that well or because every movie is mixed poorly now yes it's like millions of subscribers details exposed this is another one that i hope the hackers are just like well they asked for a btc ransom not to disclose the info and a promise to delete the data but uh it was not a low amount of money never is is it it's very sad very very sad this one is uh less sad this one is it's like okay you've attacked the red cross and you've attacked uh you know open subtitles but this one people were losing their mind about this earlier this week crypto.com ceo confirms hundreds of accounts where hacked hedges on other details this is a major advertiser on youtube and they work with visa and other things and they really did not handle this well at all initially they denied it they said no no this is we did we didn't lose anything and then did they ever get the cash back for anybody okay i didn't think so and people were losing their mind i'm like well technically they don't have to do anything do they if the cat well if the cash comes back it will come out of their own money or an insurance fund or something like that so yeah i don't know it's not not a great situation to be a crypto.com customer it's like some thoughts from the last 24 hours no customer funds were lost no downtime and then it was like oh well actually actually yeah will this arise the wrath of any regulatory bodies you think or will they just continue to ignore it yeah in a tweet claiming that in reality crypto.com's losses amounted to about 15 million in eth which honestly that's you know for crypto.com that's probably not a huge loss they've probably spent more than that on youtube ads to be honest wow it's not 15 million doesn't go as far as it used to that's you're not wrong right now oh this is a fun one safari bug can leak some of your google account info in recent browsing history i'll say it once and i'll say it again safari is the new ie it's not only safari the new ie but this really apple if apple were serious about personal security and personal privacy they would be hiring a lot more people to do security auditing and hardening of their products we saw in the recent mac os update that the firewall changes was a thin veneer firewall changes like oh is this an apple program oh cool don't worry about the firewall oh it's not an apple program no it's gonna be firewall to hell and back but that doesn't really work at an operating system level because it's really easy to impersonate apple programs that's a poor design that's a design this is designed by somebody who's inexperienced designing such things this is kind of similar this is you know it's like the browser has to be hardened against you know an adversary that might be lurking in the background with javascript and this is something that's trivially easy to exploit to know what websites you visited which is hugely valuable to advertisers probably a lot of people pay good money for that yeah i mean probably advertisers have known about this for a long time and have been using it i would wager how furious are they going to be when they patch this yeah i was like your unique google user id is blah i was like that's they can uniquely identify you with that and it's this is this is more of a a feature not a bug so they've got to harden that and hope that that's going to be okay so uh things are getting real real spicy in europe hopefully by the time this is released it's not gotten spicier but yeah yeah russia is spicy with a lot a lot a lot of spicy ukraine so i you know i don't know but this was the headline microsoft warns of destructive cyber attack on ukrainian computer networks so it wasn't just the computer networks it was the government computer networks mainly the government computer network i think we were supposed to cover this story last week and we we missed it when we were doing our tabs yeah an attack on ukraine's central election commission during a presidential election 2014 which russia sought unsuccessfully to change the result and this was not the context of that change the result was not to actually change the result but was to uh sow some seeds of descent but that was intercepted and caught in time this attack was much more successful this more more recent attack in 2022 that we're discussing here so oh it's so bad definitely not great um another thing that's definitely not great maybe us to let teens drive big rigs and test program to help ease supply chain shortage it's like have you graduated high school would you like to drive a big rate so the current rule is you have to be at least 21 to cross borders in a big rig but because of labor shortages and just general shortages they're begging oh please let us let 18 year olds drive them i don't know if 18 year olds generally have their stuff together enough that to do this well this reminds me a little bit of the story that came out earlier i guess it was late 2021 where it was like wendy's had was it wendy's or just fast food in general had successfully petitioned the government of wisconsin to allow 14 year olds to work it's like are we going back toward child labor i mean you know i worked as a teenager but not at 14. here you can work when you're 12 40 hours a week in summer and 12 hours a week in when school's in session is it like for farm hands i assume no you can i mean fast food whatever wow uh the exceptions for farm hands are even more hours but in summer time 40 hours a week is totally fine you're not allowed to do in overtime there's no it's like over over time it's strictly not allowed but 40 hours a week in summertime as long as there's no school totally okay my other favorite part of that wisconsin thing was they also were paid less than minimum wage i was like come on really just poker i bet they're doing the same thing with this they're like we'll hire 18 year olds who don't know what they're worth yeah and literally anybody that can get the job done yeah which a lot of people are concerned of course too that this will cause accidents which is seems likely i i know would be i mean there there there is a labor shortage but at the same time a lot of companies are reporting record profits and it's like well take some of the profits and use it to pay for things yeah like investing in your staff that's not always going to be the case there's going to be winners and losers there's definitely going to be some businesses that go under because it's an unsustainable model so people always need things shipped though so like and yeah you know surely you're making enough money to to pay a little better it's a hard job though i have a friend of mine from my old job her husband was a trucker and he always said like you know having to be on the road away from his wife and kid kind of sucked but i don't know you know what else sucks using government websites online yes oh it's so true irs will soon require selfies for online access so this is working with id dot me which is a third party service and boy i just am not confident in the security of this of a third party service for the government yeah and as i was reading this i was thinking this is going to be an equifax situation they're going to leak all of this it's going to be an equifax thing where you use the a webcam on your laptop or your phone camera and you have to like move your face around uh which they retain i'm sure yeah to use for identification and the whole time i was thinking oh this is equifax and it's going to end badly and then they talk about how oh they have to do this because the irs was previously partnered with equifax which would use information from your credit report to verify your identity and since that's now a bit of a faux pas or doing this other thing and so it's like oh yes yes let's swallow the spider to eat the fly excellent there's also a precedent of government agencies losing this kind of data like didn't india try to do a face thing like this that immediately got hacked yeah yeah and so you know brian krebs brian krabs has got to skinny he knows he knows what's up he knows what's coming and so he's just he's written this wonderful article that's not saying oh this is going to end badly but it's definitely a you know a situation that's going to end badly so it's like oh you can you need a multi-factor authentication a push notification do you want to use our id dot me application on your phone it's like no i really don't want to install that but at least you could use a yubi key or something else but i would i would wager that once you've enrolled your yubi key that's really good of course what's going to happen is you know somebody installs a yubi key on grandma's irs account and then grandma can't actually get her tax refund or anything like that anymore because this is way beyond what you know that class of citizen is going to be capable of oh i hate it yeah it's like can you fill out a postcard that's like don't don't enable online service for my account because i don't want this yeah let's be honest i'm not getting a return anyway no no speaking of things that no one wants candace prince andrew high school announced his plan to change name probably a little overdue it's been like two years since we found out about some things but it just it's getting worse and worse the queen has disowned prince andrew basically well she's restrictive of his titles which i don't really understand a whole lot about the royal family outside of what i've seen on the crown for somebody that understands the royal family engagement challenge can you let us know like how bad is that i think it's pretty bad like he doesn't do any charity appointments at this point he's still the queen's son and he's allowed to live you know in one of their properties but he's he basically can't do anything public nice so yeah i mean i if i was his mom and i knew that he had done what he had done i'd probably be like you're not my son anymore but there was uh there was an episode of always sunny about that where uh frank admits that uh his he had a drink company that was selling soft drinks and it turns out that that was the drink company that would supply beverages to epstein's parties was that from the newest season yeah wow 13th or 14th season or something and uh and he's like look most of the parties were fine it's just five percent of the parties were a different kind of party and it ruined the other 95 of the party it's like i'm just supplying the beverages you know i'm not asking questions it's probably true someone had to supply those parties yeah it's a it's a dark kind of humor because it's so true to life and it would have had to come out because there's there would have been caterers and wow i never thought about that angle but of course they did eventually eventually it comes out kind of like what happened to the uh charity ceo in our next story oh cat charity ceo quits over colleague keeping 18 cats in-house so in their own guidelines they say you know all the cats you know need space if you have multiple cats they need their own water bowl and their old food bowl and their own scratching post and so you know somebody correctly pointed out here is like wait this does the ceo have 18 scratching posts and 18 food bowls and 18 water bowls and 18 litter boxes if i have like two litter boxes for eighteen cats well yeah that's just having one litter box and one cat i'm like oh yeah yeah uh or it's like you know you go to use the litter box and there's another cat in the litter box and it's just like yeah it's just it's just not it's not great that's really common with uh are not super common i guess but more common than you might think with animal shelters where if you look at their history of who they've adopted to a lot of times they don't have hardly any adoptions and then it's just a animal hoarder situation so you kind of have to vet yeah you have to vet your your animal shelter when you're looking for a pet have we ever had a story from anime news network no and i was wondering how ryan found this he reads this a lot final fantasy i don't know seven seven is that seven no eight eight no seven well watch americans struggle with uh roman numerals final fantasy 7 tifa fifa porn has interrupted an italian senate meeting we've been demonetized is tifa the name of the character yes okay so uh yeah final fantasy vii yeah it's just it wasn't anyone well as far as we know it wasn't anyone in the in the actual meeting they think this was a prankster yeah but it was like a long time before it got shut off which is really embarrassing 30 seconds yeah so and uh our award this week for the least researched headline goes to abc4.com i mean for the they go across it in the article a little just very slightly it's like uh woods cross police now have a canine trained to look out for the stuff that we were talking about to do with uh always sunny the stuff that you know chilling yeah children's yeah and so they're just like wait a minute how does how does the canine sniff that specific thing out and it turns out the canine sniffs out electronic devices which could be literally anything yes so you could you could just have a folder full of memes and it would sniff it out the same the police you know have spun that an amazing way but i guarantee you guarantee you if they find a usb drive with somebody's cold crypto wallet that is going right right into the helicopter fund oh i can't wait to get that tank to use on the civilians i mean yeah it's like do we want to charge you with a crime or prove that it's connected to any kind of criminal wrongdoing nope that's ours right into the helicopter the dog triggered on it so literally any piece of electronics and you know if you're accused of that are you even going to fight back against that it's like we think this is involved and and you know that's all they have to say right and if it gets picked up by media it's hard to fight it's like listen no you just you just keep all of that we just don't talk about this it's like they're like sounds great to us seems like extortion seems like a criminal act in and of itself what do i know i'm just an ordinary citizen clearly i'm naive to understand what you're saying is we should never travel with the usb stick or any electronics ever again yeah pretty much it seems how that's uh how that's going to go and then this happened oh we swift or we switched that around missouri highway patrol mistakenly sends batman themed alert so they were testing their what was it their blue alert system something yeah the blue alert system and they inadvertently and so the test message has like a missing person or i don't know blue alert golden alert is when it's a missing old person an amber alert's a missing child yeah which seems weird because what do you think amber is wait no no is it amber yeah timber alert for a kid okay so i don't know what what color would i pick for a child what what color do you think the real estate listing would be for a house that has this feature what's the zestimate for it probably a lot because it's a old victorian south milwaukee home features four four toilet communal bathroom which at first you're like that doesn't sound too bad but then you look at the picture and it's like wait there's no partitions here you can hold hands and communally poop together this is built in 1851. why i have so many questions about that can you imagine the listing too they're like there's four toilets oh there's four bathrooms no there's four toilets why yeah since 1851 several people have owned the house and no one has added partitions to the bathroom could the new owners be the ones to make the addition this article is strange this reminds me of a there's a subreddit that i discovered that i really like called uh zillow gone wild it's just weird posts like this yeah i don't i don't know this one was a lot of fun too chinese couple trapped on lockdown date get engaged good for them so they were they were locked down because because of the thing right they did another set of lockdowns in china they were on a date uh 28 year old woman and and then and then the date was much longer than expected because of the lockdown and it turns out you know they decided they could live together they could tolerate each other long enough to live together that's kind of surprising because well i don't i can't decide if it's just puppy love or if it's like the real thing because if you're locked in with someone it's really easy to get on each other's nerves but maybe they're still in the puppy love stage yeah our souls are compatible and we get along very well and both our parents are happy well call the priest let's get married they can't have a wedding ceremony until the lockdown's over so it would seem so it would seem i also probably would need to take care of this problem outside the current global problem because this is apparently another different problem caused by the other problem california city plans to use lasers to solve growing crow problem we had this problem uh in the town i went to university in why is there a growing crow problem because no one's outside so yeah sunnyvale plans to use small green lasers to try to scare off crows from roosting in the downtown area it's had a crow a crow problem for years but during the thing oh it's really taking off because there's nobody there nature is reclaiming well it's not that nobody's there just nobody's going outside nature is reclaiming downtown they're getting less scared of the people i think the town i went to college and they did like it would play a sound i think i don't know if it was crows or something else some other bird sound and that would like scare them off periodically oh it's starlings so if you if you played crow sounds it would scare off the starlings okay because the crows will eat starlings i guess if they get hungry enough that's brutal something something brutal like that i'm pretty sure that oscar meyer has the product to get rid of those crows it would scare them off oscar meyer's bologna face mask quickly sells out yeah it's not it looks like bologna but it's not actually yeah it's actually like a these are popular they're like paper masks but they're wet and you put them on your face and then just you look like that you look like you've got bologna on your face i'm pretty sure this is also photoshopped it might not be i mean it probably is because every media image is usually photoshopped or face tuned in some way but that's probably what the mask looks like downside is that you're the model that's submitting your photos to the stock photo website and it's like somebody buys your photo to use it and they've just seen it and then it's that it's just like oh it would be funny if it was just a regular face mask in the original and then they they just tuned it to be pink oh oh it's just so disappointing so disappointing this would also be really disappointing i don't i don't think that there's no i would get to the end of the seven hour wait and then just be like what am i doing with my life that's how i feel just walking into a disney fans at disney world reportedly wait almost seven hours for a dragon shaped popcorn bucket just a piece of plastic with disney's name on it store.level1tx.com why why is this happening also speaking of why is this happening wendell was really intrigued by this story so much so that he actually brought up other articles so we could look at it i think it might be the first time we've ever included 4chan mmm characters redesigned for a more dynamic progressive world you know cbs news here has a thousand words on this but let's just let's just go to the image so you see in the original the green eminem the first woman eminem was wearing gogo boots which were considered kind of and then they announced the uh the brown eminem also a woman was wearing kind of heels and now they've changed that hers are more work appropriate and they've removed the go-go boots from the green m m entirely also the the orange one is all supposed to be less anxious he's embraced his anxiousness which is not a way to go as someone who has anxiety but so yeah this is a this is a pr stunt so like the ad agency behind this is like we're gonna make up some crazy sounding nonsensical things that we're not actually serious about and we don't think these things but it's going to be so outrageous it's going to get lots of people it did rolling stone did an article that was like let the green eminem be a that was that was the title i probably didn't demonetize for that but that was the title of it and it was trending all over twitter people were losing their minds in the rolling stone it's like why should you feel guilty for enjoying yourself it's like okay it sounds good it's like this is a they just changed your shoes but okay there's also apparently like eminem's lore because some people thought that the green and the brown eminem were in a relationship and i was like did do people know about that well the the write-up from the ad agency said that they would they were kind of catty and would fight with each other oh that was the previous but now they're women supporting women yeah so i guess that's good so if you're a shipper for the green and brown m m you've got cannon proof from the company now i've just noticed too that uh another subtle change is like okay their legs are all pretty consistent and now their legs are tinted slightly the color they are so like no like blue guys his legs are slightly blue green slightly green yellow slightly yellow right now they're not all just like tan yeah interesting slightly orange i see you graphic designer screaming for originality trying to claw your way out of that poor graphic designer's like i went to you know some fancy school i have an mfa this is what i'm doing and i'm changing the color of legs well we have this and this is kind of a happy story i'm glad this is working out in all honesty i mean the world is going to be worse it could definitely be worse a formerly bullied man finds happiness married to hatsune miku we've done a story about this before yes this is a follow-up this is like the first story that we did on this was like three or four years ago he's very happy and uh i guess he does like social media posts it's like basically like uplifting content for people he looks very professional in his suit and tie like he got dressed up for the interview i think he did get dressed up in the interview so i don't understand it but i guess you know he's making it work he says he's become less socially anxious than what he used to be since he's been married to uh the anime girl nice sounds good good good for him you know what's the last story yeah you know his co-workers are still judging him though oh yeah absolutely well like you know they all invite hey do you want to come out and like get a beer do you want to go get lunch today or get a coffee don't bring hot sunni she really she really is just a damper on the whole party put a you know just strap her to a segway and you know bring her along i mean she's like the size of a coffee machine you could just tuck her under your arm though he has the doll too looks like yeah yeah yeah i wondered if this was shopped or real and i i couldn't i couldn't tell i i think that's real it looks like a doll i don't know i don't know i can't tell i can't i can't trust images anymore i don't want to know i kind of want to think that it's shocked and that this is the this is what he's really has a relationship with yeah but i don't know maybe maybe not it could go either way yeah it's been it's you've wasted another a block of time with level one news but we thank you for hanging out with us and we'll see you next week and ryan will probably be frozen by then hopefully not cryogenically frozen in his apartment or his house\n"