The Secret Life of Nick and Bob: A Christmas Story

It was a chilly winter morning when I sat down to enjoy a slice of homemade apple pie. As I took my first bite, I couldn't help but think that this entire pie was for me. I told Bob that it was homemade, but in reality, it was not. Man, I'm tired from all that food. Bob, you look tired too. Let's do a quick nap before we celebrate Christmas.

Just then, Santa Claus appeared, Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas, everybody. Check out that snow. It's big and beautiful, just like Bob. Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! Bob, welcome to my favorite holiday ever, Christmas. Santa Claus: We are going to celebrate with presents, and my job is to find out who's been naughty and who's been nice. And I might have some extras treats for you as well. Bob, now tell me, Nick, has Bob been good this year? Nick: Bob has been the best chicken ever. And we have these chicken cookies and milk for you here, Santa.

Santa Claus: In all the years I've been Santa Claus, I don't think anybody has ever made me a wonderful chicken cookie like this. Nick: Bob, that looks just like you. Santa Claus: I think we might have something very fun for Bob in his stocking. Bob, I know you're going to like it. If you're excited, say nothing. I've been thinking about what to get you all year. And of course, I thought maybe little chicken booties might be the ones to get for you.

Nick: Everybody gets a pair of socks on Christmas at some point, right? Santa Claus: Can't go wrong with the socks. Let's open your stocking, Nick, and find out what we have for you. Nick: Here we go. You gave me coal. Santa Claus: Nick. You know what you did. Nick: This is your gift. Santa Claus: Bob, I know you're going to like this. The elves worked very hard on this for you.

Nick: It's a movie. Santa Claus: We love to watch Chicken Run at the North Pole. Bob, I think you're going to be very inspired by that now, Bob, because it's your first Christmas. I've prepared a very special story for you. It was the night before Christmas when all through the coop, not a feather was ruffling. Not even a swoop.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. Nick: As Santa read the Christmas story, I realized that I'd forgotten to get Bob a Christmas gift. And because this was probably our last full day together before I cooked him, I thought I should get him something really special. So I thought to myself, if I were a chicken, what would be my one wish? And the answer was simple: I'd want to fly.

So I made a few quick phone calls and rented Bob a helicopter for the rest of the day. And while I can't be certain, I bet this is the first chicken ever to get a private helicopter ride. And that is a pretty special Christmas gift. But the fun didn't last for long, because it was time for my final day with Bob, and I wanted to do something extra special together.

Elephant in the room. It's day 100 and that means it's our last day together. But before it all ends, I wanted to do something special. Just me and you one last time. So I spent a while looking at all of our most exciting memories together. And that's why I made a movie about Nick and Bob.

Nick: Oh, this is gonna make me cry. And spoiler alert, it did make me cry. But I'm not going to show you that camera angle. So instead, I thought I'd show you a few scenes of that chicken movie that Bob got for Christmas while I wipe away my tears. And now that it's day 100, let's go get this over with.

I'm going to start by coating the whole chicken in olive oil. Really make sure to coat every nook and cranny. I'm sorry, Bob, once your chicken's fully been coated in all that olive oil, we're going to go ahead with a nice, generous pinch of salt. I'm using some really nice flaky salt to be special for Bob.

Now, at this point you can really just use whatever seasonings you want. It doesn't really matter. Nothing matters. In honor of Bob, we're going to be making my favorite food in the world rotisserie chicken. I actually told Bob multiple times that this was my favorite food, but never did he probably think that he was going to turn into one someday.

I don't want to watch this part. Behind this plate of chicken is four months of laughs, of new experiences, of food, of lots and lots of love. I'm going to dip it in Bob's juice.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enNick:Over the next 100 days, this chick willbecome my best friend.I'll give him the best life any chicken hasever had with five star sushi dinners, abirthday party, and so much more.But on day 100, I will cook him.We're starting here on day zero, where theseeggs are just about to hatch.They're starting to move around and I canhear little chirping sounds.Come on, little buddy, you can do this.I promise I won't cook you.At least not yet. Apparently, I'm notsupposed to touch them yet, so let's leavethem to hatch and we'll come back tomorrow.It's officially day one, and our chicksspent the night sleeping under a heat lamp.But apparently at this stage in the process,they can still die very easily.So we have to be careful.Oh, my.God, they're so cute.Today we're doing something very important.Choosing the chicken that I'll be raising inthis video.He's biting me. He is biting my arm.I wish I could pick all you guys, but Ican't.Which is why I've built this maze.The mission is simple.The chicks will start here, and whicheverone makes it all the way to the finish linefirst will become my best friend.On your marks.Get set.Go!We're getting some movement over to thecorner here.I'm going to start laying some food out inthe proper path, and we're going to see ifthat helps here. Alrighty.It looks to be working. This guy is all theway here.These guys are coming around the corner.No no no wrong way wrong way.You go out of bounds, you are disqualified.You go back in the bucket.This guy is on a runaway lead.Oh, he's close, he's close, he's close, he'sclose.We got a winner.We got a winner. Hey, buddy, this is my guy.We're gonna have the best time evertogether.Day two turned out to be cold and rainy.So I got our little friend here, anumbrella.But even with that, he was still cold, so hegot in the car to choose his name.I have a prize wheel here with ten differentnames.The options are omelet, Abraham Lincoln,Manny, salmonella.I see you're laughing a little bit.Butter Caesar, tikka, Yanni, Bob.And one of my favorites, doctor Pecker.Are you ready to find out your name?He just.Fell asleep. Here we go.Bob, say hi to the world.Bob.The farmer helping me out said that Bob wasalready showing signs that he'd grow big andfatty, which is perfect for eating, and tofatten him up even more.I brought him to a park and made a picnicfor just the two of us, where I told him abit about what we'd be doing together.Then we went to a farm to meet a few otheranimals, and before we knew it, it wasalready day 20.Bob, I know you're probably wondering whaton earth is going on here.On the count of three, I'm going to removeyour blindfold.Ready? One.Two. Three.This is called the sushi restaurant.I rented out the entire place just for thetwo of us.And I've also flown in Bayashi, the biggestcreator in Japan.And he's made a special omakase menu for usto enjoy.Bayashi:Nick.Bob, I'm gonna make the best sushi ever.Nick:And he's doing it all for you.Bayashi:Bob like wasabi?Nick:That's a no.Bob for you. Bayashi has made a mini tencourse omakase, perfect for a small chicken.And for me, he's made the exact same thing,but in regular human sized pieces.No no no no, it's not unfair that yours issmaller.That's just. I'm bigger than you.So, Bob, the way you eat sushi is with theselittle things here, which are calledchopsticks. Basically, they're like a fork.But for when you're eating certain types ofJapanese food.Bayashi:But I have special chopsticks for you.Nick:Bob, look. These are the smallest chopsticksin the whole wide world.They were made custom just for you.Why don't we take a bite?Bob. Here.Have some. Eat some sushi.It's so good, right?Mm.Bayashi:Bob, do you like my sushi?Nick:Do you think he likes it?Bayashi: Yeah.Nick: He's only eaten one.Bayashi:He's not hungry.Take this.Nick:You listed one chicken omakase for $8,000,and you listed one adult omakase for $1,000.Bayashi:It's really hard to make.Nick:Bob, I'm not paying that. You're doing thebill.Bob didn't end up paying the bill.But over the next 20 days, he did growtaller and fluffier.And his feet also turned a beautiful lightblue color.But most importantly, the farmer told me hewas finally old and strong enough to visitthe ocean.Welcome to day 40.Bob, tell them what we're doing today.Oh, that means beach day.Strap in. Bob. Now, Bob, when I was a kid, Icame to this exact beach all summer long, andI have some of my very best memories here.And that's why today you and I are going torecreate all of those memories.I'm going to set you up on this nice beachtowel with all these incredible toys.And while you're hanging out, Bob having afew drinks, I'm gonna head out to sea and tryto catch us some lobster to do a classic NewEngland clam bake.Does that sound good? This is one of thosemoments that should show you truly how luckyBob is. I'm literally going out right now ona boat to try to catch him a lobster lunch,and he's just hanging out on the beach doingabsolutely nothing right now.Here's our first trap. Oh.Oh, oh, we got one.First trap. Bob, how lucky are you?That is a beauty.I need at least one more lobster trap.Number two. Please have a lobster.Oh, we got a big one.Ooh, look at him.He's gorgeous to start out our lobster bakein go our lobsters.In my opinion, you can't have a good NewEngland clambake without freshly shuckedcorn. I'll hit it with a bit of oil, andthen I'm gonna toss on my mussels and myclams. And you can't have a New Englandclambake without classic red potatoes.I think we're ready to go. This amazingspread of food is a classic New Englandclambake, one of my favorite things in thewhole world.Bob, this is clam chowder.Oh, he loves the clam chowder.He's eating.Lobster. Oh.Bob, I knew I chose right when I chose you.It looks like Bob is in a food coma and hasfallen asleep.But he wasn't asleep for long because Iinvited some friends for a nice bonfire ands'mores to finish out our beach day.I think Bob thought I was going to cook himin the fire, but little did he know, he had abit more growing to do before that canhappen.Speaking of which, he continued to growsteadily over the next ten days, getting moreand more handsome every day.And because we were nearing his 50thbirthday, I decided to surprise him with acustom tuxedo. On Bob's birthday, I invitedmy three brothers and we got a chickenbirthday cake, chicken balloons, and eventhis beautiful chicken sculpture made fromfruits and vegetables.We even got him a birthday card!But I'll save the presents for the holidayslater in this video.Let's get this party started with somehibachi.Hibachi:Welcome, everybody. Who's ready for a chickenhibachi?Woman:Whoa! No need.To leave.Hibachi: Just kidding.Let's go.All right.You wanna try it, buddy? Don't worry.I'm here. I got your back.Nick:Do not break the egg in front of Bob.Hibachi:Break two. One in the head.Let's go. Oops.Pete:Someone cover Bob's eyes.Happy birthday.Hibachi:Bobby. This is fake act.Don't worry about that.Nick:Fake eggs. Hear that? Bob?Hibachi:I love you. Happy birthday.Nick:He's so loved. Oh, here comes the fried rice.Oh, are you kidding me?I'm gonna try some first.Now I'm gonna give you a little.He loves it, guys, as you can tell.Bob also loves his vegetables, but I thinkhe's saving most of his space for dessert.Happy birthday, dear Bob.Happy birthday to you.Woo! Bob, this is the coolest birthday cakeI have ever seen.And we got it for you because we love you.Here we go. Bob, it's a good looking cake.You deserve it. It was a great birthdayparty, indeed.But it means we're halfway through Bob'slife.And as I watched him grow up over anotherten days, I started to feel like his featherswere getting a little long.I ended up bringing him to my personalbarber for a haircut, and as crazy as itmight sound, it actually went really well.I noticed that during the haircut, Bob keptwatching the TV, which had a football gameon, and he actually seemed reallyinterested.So I knew right then and there what we weregoing to do next.We're here today with one goal and one goal,only to get Bob on the jumbotron.Growing up, I played all different kinds ofsports, and seeing this video of a chickenjuggling an egg makes me wish Bob could havedone the same.But he's just a regular, unathletic chicken.Lucky for Bob, we're in Boston, arguably themost famous sports city in the entire world.We have a luxury suite filled with all kindsof food, drinks, and even live insects foryou to snack on. Bob's getting the same typeof treatment Taylor Swift gets when she goesto a football game. Before the game starts.I have a few special messages for you.Tom:Hey Bob, what's up? Tom Brady here.I heard you're going to your first footballgame so I have a great time.Good luck. Go Pats.Christian:Hey Bob it's Christian Pulisic here.Captain of the USA soccer team.Hope you have a great time at your firstever football game.Zdeno:Hey Bob. Zdeno Chara here from the Bruins.I'm happy that you are a Boston sports fan,so enjoy the Patriots game.Red Sox Mascots:Hi, Bob, we are the Red Sox mascots!And we just want to wish you all the best atyour first big sports game.Nick:Now sit back and relaxBob. The game is about to start.Bob and I were having the best time.We had a few snacks, joked around with someof my friends, and after watching just a fewplays, Bob already seemed to understandfootball better than my girlfriend.Bob even got to meet a former quarterbackfor the Patriots.But just as I thought it might never happen,there we were.Mission complete, Bob.But there was still one big mission wehadn't yet completed, and that was findinglove. So over my next 20 days with Bob,which meant he'd soon have only ten daysremaining, by the way, I thought about how Icould get him a lover before the holidays,which it turns out, everybody calls cuffingSeason.I ended up traveling all the way to New Yorkand getting him one of the biggest billboardsin all of Times Square, but unfortunately itnever worked out.Luckily, I knew just the holiday to get hismind off things.Our first holiday is Halloween and as youcan see, we dressed up as chicken andwaffles. Bob, Halloween is scary and that'swhy we'll be doing this incredible hauntedmaze. Okay, I don't know if these things arereal or if these are fake people.If this moves, I'm gonna freak out, I can'ttell.I mean, this is so still.Oh, God. Oh, God, that was terrifying.I am on high alert.Oh my God, why is there someone on a swing?You can take the chicken. I don't want anyproblems now.I don't know which way to go.I think I'm gonna go this way.Oh no no no no no no no no no no no no no nono no.No no no no oh god oh God.Bob, you're on your own, Bob.I don't know how he's doing it, but Bob is ascool as a cucumber right now.Okay. Why is there a chainsaw?Oh, God.My heart is beating so fast right now.This is the very last thing we have to passthrough.It's called the doll house, and it's prettyobvious why once you're in here.Oh, what?Do not open. That is a sign that I'm gonnalisten to.I'm definitely not gonna touch that.Oh! Oh, God.Oh my God.After being brutally scared a few more times,we made it to the finish line, where therewas a pumpkin that had Bob carved into it,which I used to make a pumpkin pie for ournext holiday. Bob, take a seat.Welcome to Thanksgiving.I love this holiday. It's all about beingwith your loved ones, your friends, yourfamily. As you can see, I have made amassive spread of food for us.We have all the Thanksgiving classics,including a vegan turkey.Don't worry, we're not going to be eatingone of your cousins.But first, my family likes to go around thetable and say something that we're thankfulfor. I will start.I'm thankful that I met you, Bob.In the past, the only thing I've done withchickens are eat them.And you showed me a different side ofanimals that I've never seen before.Over the last 90 days, you've become myfriend.I've had a lot of fun.And I am so grateful that I met you.Why don't we carve the bird together?The things I do for you are insane.Talk about a dry turkey.I'm gonna try a piece here.Oh, no no no no.No no no no no no no no no.No no no no no.Chicken of mine is not going to want somemashed potatoes and gravy.Oh it's so good isn't it.And then Bob, there's this huge argumentamong a lot of people, whether they likecanned or fresh cranberry I like canned.I want you to try it and see what you think.But there's more. This entire apple pie isfor you.I told him it's homemade, but it's not.Man, I'm tired from all that food.Bob, you look tired too.Let's do a quick nap before we celebrateChristmas.Santa Claus:Ho ho ho!Merry Christmas, everybody.Check out that snow.It's big and beautiful, just like Bob.Ho ho ho!Merry Christmas! Bob.Nick:Bob, welcome to my favorite holiday ever,Christmas.Santa Claus:We are going to celebrate with presents, andmy job is to find out who's been naughty andwho's been nice. And I might have some extratreats for you as well.Bob. Now tell me, Nick, has Bob been goodthis year?Nick:Bob has been the best chicken ever.And we have these chicken cookies and milkfor you here, Santa.Santa Claus:In all the years I've been Santa Claus, Idon't think anybody has ever made me awonderful chicken cookie like this.Nick:Bob, that.Looks just like you.Santa Claus:I think we might have something very fun forBob in his stocking.Bob, I know you're going to like it.If you're excited, say nothing.I've been thinking about what to get you allyear.And of course, I thought maybe littlechicken booties might be the ones to get foryou.Nick:Everybody gets a pair of socks on Christmasat some point, right?Santa Claus:Can't go wrong with the socks.Let's open your stocking, Nick, and find outwhat we have for you.Nick:Here we go.You gave me.coal.Santa Claus:Nick. You know what you did.Nick:This is.Your gift.Santa Claus:Bob. I know you're gonna like this.The elves worked very hard on this for you.Nick:It's a movie.Santa Claus:We love to watch chicken run at the NorthPole.Bob, I think you're going to be veryinspired by that now, Bob, because it's yourfirst Christmas, I've prepared a veryspecial story for you.It was the night before Christmas when allthrough the coop, not a feather was ruffling.Not even a swoop.The stockings were hung by the chimney withcare.Nick:As Santa read the Christmas story, I realizedthat I'd forgotten to get Bob a Christmasgift. And because this was probably our lastfull day together before I cooked him, Ithought I should get him something reallyspecial.So I thought to myself, if I were a chicken,what would be my one wish?And the answer was simple I'd want to fly.So I made a few quick phone calls and rentedBob a helicopter for the rest of the day.And while I can't be certain, I bet this isthe first chicken ever to get a privatehelicopter ride. And that is a prettyspecial Christmas gift.But the fun didn't last for long, because itwas time for my final day with Bob, and Iwanted to do something extra specialtogether.Elephant in the room. It's day 100 and thatmeans it's our last day together.But before it all ends, I wanted to dosomething special.Just me and you one last time.So I spent a while looking at all of ourmost exciting memories together.And that's why I made a movie about Nick andBob.Nick:Oh, this is gonna make me cry.And spoiler alert, it did make me cry.But I'm not going to show you that cameraangle.So instead, I thought I'd show you a fewscenes of that chicken movie that Bob got forChristmas while I wipe away my tears.And now that it's day 100, let's go get thisover with.I'm going to start by coating the wholechicken in olive oil.Really make sure to coat every nook andcranny.I'm sorry, Bob, once your chicken's fullybeen coated in all that olive oil, we'regoing to go ahead with a nice, generouspinch of salt.I'm using some really nice flaky salt to bespecial for Bob.Now, at this point you can really just usewhatever seasonings you want.It doesn't really matter.Nothing matters.In honor of Bob, we're going to be making myfavorite food in the world rotisseriechicken. I actually told Bob multiple timesthat this was my favorite food, but never didhe probably think that he was going to turninto one someday.I don't want to watch this part.Behind this plate of chicken is four monthsof laughs, of new experiences, of food, oflots and lots of love.I'm going to dip it in Bob's juice.\n"