The Future Version's Gift: A Tale of Time Travel and Meat

As I stood before my future self, I couldn't help but feel a sense of confusion. This version of me was handing me a fat wad of meat, and I had no idea why. The distinction between past and future versions of myself seemed to blur as I looked at the meat, knowing that this was the future version's gesture, not the one from my own memories.

"Technically, I should be repaying this to you," my future self said with a hint of amusement. "But that's you now, so you'll have to do what you need to do." The offer seemed generous, but I couldn't shake the feeling that there was an ulterior motive behind it. After all, wouldn't the future version be making more money in the future? Wouldn't that mean this wasn't a loan, but rather a gift?

I hesitated for a moment before accepting the meat, knowing that my future self would likely regret giving me something later on. "Just think of it as a no-interest loan," my future self said with a chuckle. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at their sense of humor.

As I continued to talk to my future self, I realized that this meeting was more than just an exchange of goods – it was also a chance for me to ask questions and gain insight into the world beyond my time. "I have money," I said, trying to stall for time. "Do I need to pay myself back?" My future self responded with a laugh, saying "About 300 bucks."

With that, our conversation came to an abrupt end as I bid farewell to my future self and set off into the unknown. But I wasn't prepared for what lay ahead – a maze of twists and turns that seemed designed to keep me lost forever.

As I navigated the twisting corridors, I couldn't help but feel a sense of frustration with myself for not paying attention earlier. The maze was full of traps and obstacles, and I soon found myself stuck in another spider web – this one just as massive as the first. With a sigh, I turned around and tried to find my way back.

But every path seemed to lead me further into the heart of the maze, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was being led on a wild goose chase by some unseen force. And then, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I stumbled upon an exhibit hall filled with strange artifacts.

A friendly attendant greeted me warmly, saying "Hello nice hat nice hat what's the exhibits here?" but I knew better than to take them at their word. As I wandered through the halls, I came across a diary belonging to someone named Delia Putnam – and a brief history of her encounter with Peter Proctor.

Delia's account was one of anger and frustration, detailing how she had been cursed by the very same person who now stood before me as an attendant. The details were harrowing, but what struck me most was the realization that I was standing in a room filled with the detritus of a long-forgotten era – including ancient artifacts like rubbing paper and sandwich cream.

I wandered through the halls, lost in thought, until I stumbled upon an exhibit on the history of curses. A small plaque caught my eye, detailing how some objects were made to target specific individuals – including one labeled "Misses or Miss Boring". The more I read, the more I felt a sense of unease wash over me.

As I continued to explore the halls, I came across a large gazebo and a collection of strange items that seemed to have been used for brewing potions. A note attached to one of the exhibits caught my eye – "Fried fronds check the footnote point out to us". The more I read, the more I felt like I was trapped in some kind of time loop, reliving events that were meant to remain hidden.

Eventually, I made my way up to the second and a half floor, where I stumbled upon another exhibit – one that seemed to be dedicated to the Outhouse. As I stood there, feeling a sense of confusion and disorientation, I realized that I had been wandering through this place for hours.

With a sigh, I gave up on trying to make sense of it all and decided to leave. But as I walked towards the door, I caught sight of a small cemetery filled with the names of people I recognized – including Peter Proctor and Nicholas Proctor. The older version of my future self had lived for 230 years.

As I made my way through the crowds, I spotted a familiar figure standing by a pipe in the distance – one that was fishing with an ethereal rod. "Welcome to do fishing," the attendant called out as I approached. "You caught everything there was in it." But as I drew closer, I saw that the catch was far more complicated than I had ever imagined.

The fish were not just ordinary creatures – but rather living beings from another realm. And as I watched in amazement, they began to transform before my very eyes, their bodies shifting and morphing into new forms. It was a sight unlike anything I had ever seen before.

And with that, our conversation came to an abrupt end as I bid farewell to my future self and set off back into the unknown – with a newfound appreciation for the complexities of time travel and the mysteries of the universe.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enhello everybody my name is Markiplier and welcome back to Shadows overloathing I don't even remember where the hell we are so I'm just gonna go to the new places and there's a new place as you're walking down one of ocean City's residential streets on the way to where you're going you hear eerie music coming from the upstairs window of a nearby house well this is a good excuse as any so I guess I'll go there Zimmer's house this seems like a pretty normal house in a pretty nice neighborhood but there's something odd about it some sort of uncomfortable energy that makes a hair on your back your neck stand up maybe it's something to do with the weird droning tone you can hear from inside like a pained inhuman moan constantly rising in Pitch maybe that's it yeah yeah it might be that oh my God you knock but you're no response so you knows your way inside that Eerie sound is even louder in here it seems to be coming from upstairs also the owner's interior design sensibilities are a little strange huh okay you hold the crap a bunch of books about music theory even the most basic one would be totally Beyond you a day stand a Dusty disused chess set today's stand no it's a chair tea time was a long time ago there's nothing left here but stains played rack is a statement and the statement is I have too many plates cabin is full of backup plates trophies for music competitions you pull out a sheet but it's all in German that was the worst German anyone has ever heard in their life Bob would not be proud of me okay well um Gabby you have anything to say about this sounds like a cat meowing yeah let's go upstairs I guess oh hey bud I don't know what I was expecting hey tired looking man playing the cello what who are you why are you in my house sorry for intruding but I heard the music and I guess I have an intrusive nature the name's Marky plier well I'm Ernst Zimmer forgive me for not stopping but it is vital that I continue playing what are you doing there's a Darkness beneath my house did you check the fuse box no I it's probably that then listen to me I had a dream a premonition of a dark rift appearing in my basement and growing until it swallowed the entire house and then the neighborhood and then the world uh surely it was just a dream though it's not a dream I went downstairs to check the basement and there is indeed a rift as of now it is still small I must keep playing this cello to prevent it from growing any larger I was playing the cello help the bass vibration reverberates downward and is focused by the circle of furniture downstairs this resonance inhibits the rift I don't really get it but okay are you a physicist or something no I'm only a cellist I cannot explain how I knew this would work uh do you mind if I take a look at the rift very well I cannot blame you for wanting to see him with your own eyes you will have to reach into my pocket and take the key to the basement for yourself as I require both hands to play okay huh gave you this key so you could inspect the dark rift in his basement probably unwise but when has that ever stopped you please do not get too close to the rift all right um sure there's a rational explanation probably just a trick of the light well I'm pretty sure your living room furniture can't create reality strengthening sonic waves haha you're probably right just an old man jumping in Shadows happens to the best of us don't worry everything uh oh wait a minute hi hello maybe that wasn't the best idea oh maybe convincing Zimmer to stop playing his channel wasn't such a good idea after all oh no oh what have I done play Man play uh I have bad news uh remember how I said everything was fine I do remember that yes are you telling me that you were incorrect let's just say that your house is incredibly haunted ah I should not have trusted you we're both fools did The Rift open I'll go check I'm gonna guess yes though oh God every one of the mouldering books is titled blood oh no two ghosts playing very spirited game of chess Day stand has become a nightstand oh no shares upside down frighteningly non-right oh vicious black sludge bubbles in the fish office we nailed that this isn't tea I got Eldritch this is not tea oh my God chair is barely there table is slip the Surly Bonds of the floor Moss have eaten all the contents in most of the container a shelf of trophies for murder competitions chair is Whispering is it sit in me in you all right you sit in the chair for a few minutes and nothing bad happens apparently it was all bark and no bite just as well chair isn't speaking to you ever again oh what do we got you pull out a sheep it's a piece of entitled all our bit and no spill makes Ernst a dull boy well I got a bad feeling about this this door has seen better James oh geez that sure if it's dark rift in Space over there just like Zimmer was afraid of well nuts huh um all right I'm gonna tell him that is there's definitely a riff there Zimmer zimmy uh I checked the basement and and there's definitely a big swirling Rift of Darkness down there yep oh no what are we gonna do well if I were you I don't worry I I'll think of something well I'm out of here I've thought of something and I'm done with this I'm going home all right let's go fight this Rift or something like that I don't know come here are you I'ma beat the Dickens out of you it's a big hole in in here step in really yeah sure why not I'm in you find yourself in an infinite black void or it looks like an infinite black void but you have an uneasy feeling that your brain is only showing you an infinite black void because it doesn't want to try and process what this place actually looks like it's a weird feeling oh interesting thrumming Spike of negative energy dampen I'm dampening it somehow okay all right I don't know what's with the weird wimbley well I'll talk to him you know actually I'll talk to him come here you come here are you all right never mind then how am I dampening this I don't even understand this it's working somehow I did it hello okie dokie then well I can't even talk to that guy so uh did I do it hopefully this leads back to the basement and not you know anywhere else it might be likely to lead like deep space you're the middle of the Sun or 10 feet below the basement ore hey look I'm in the basement well I did it maybe turns out I didn't do it so there probably has to be some sort of resonance with the energy spikes um well so there I'm if I had to guess there's a circle what spooky so there's a circle of things here oh I got bubbling black sludge apparently I'll go from The Haunted teapot so if I had to identify these things the circle downstairs I believe relates to the stuff up here right that's what it seems to be and so if I looked at it that way I do believe this is indicative of the things upstairs so there might be some kind of a cluey clue whoa never mind this creature is built more or less like a large muscular person if you built a large muscular person out of some kind of writhing black ooze and or smoke and or just plain raw Darkness it is if his size glowing crystal embedded in its chest about where its sternum would be and as you draw near you can feel it radiating invisible waves of energy kind of like heat coming off a radiator except also the opposite of that and also not at all related to that look incomprehensible forces are tricky to describe okay the creature samples back and forth waving its arms in a way that almost looks like it's dancing or praying now maybe just absent-minded Leaf lailing it seems as oblivious to your presence although that will probably change very quickly if you try to interfere with it like say if you tried to pry the glowing crystal out of its chest okay creature looks extremely weak almost docile give me that you make a quick grab for the Crystal but it's firmly lodged in the creaser's chest the creature howls and its long spindly arms flail and effectually as you barely cognizant of your actions plunge your hands into murky flesh fingers questing through lukewarm guitar until they find ribs gritting your teeth forcing open the cage creaking cracking snapping like dry branches you grab your eyes and tear free of the muck the creature evaporates in a sigh of smoke the crystal is both warm and cold in your hand and has a slight buzzing I'll take it something tells you the crystal is very important as well as being really shiny and pretty all right yeah it occurs to you that taking the weird crystal out of here might be a bad idea on the other hand it's yours now and you prefer to keep it I guess I'll stay here for a mom I guess so what happens huh there's definitely something good you don't want to go too far at the rift it would be a real bummer to get stuck here for all of eternity uh okay so I can't look at my inventory whoa what have I always been able to jump that's something I can do you know what it's my crystal I'm going in all right sweet I have go to sleep why is that my ah whatever I'm taking it this is probably a terrible idea oh it's still haunted huh interesting hello I got a weird Crystal check out this neat Crystal I found that what is it where'd you get it it was inside the rift it makes me uncomfortable to look at can I have it no it's mine you found it inside my house in another dimension another dimension inside my house forget it it's mine well let's see I guess what do I do what do I do let's see as you start to leave the house something tells you it would be bad to take the weird crystal out of here that something is definitely not the crystal because it's a really great Crystal and you're driving great satisfaction from owning it ah leave the house as you shut the door behind you hear a sudden grinding cracking noise and you turn to see the entire house and implode into splinters and get sucked into a whirling black vortex can't say I didn't warn you oh no it did warn me it did warn me really really hard that I shouldn't have done that ah I get a feeling that if I try to get out of this one I got a bad feeling that uh I did something up yep okay all right uh distinct lack of house well that's my bad but I do have no there's no house there um oh nothing hovers towards you I mean something hovers towards you but that something is literally nothing let me try that again a thing that appears to be a hole in physical space the opposite just not just of matter but of existence hovers towards you through it you can see the faint twinkling lights of ancient dying stars and the black smoke drifting out of what appears to be more of itself more nothingness or perhaps anti-thinkness leaking into this world is that a better description nothing it'll have to do oh here comes another one oh Shadow Bonk no all right well this is gonna go great I have a good feeling about this I have a great feeling about this oh why'd they make a dude why does he need to make a doo doo dude foreign you won the orbs dissolve into black smoke and I don't know angst probably okay good I'm gonna go talk to um what was that whatever her name was uh so I have this thing I got attacked by some kind of weird shadow monster like a sort of crazy abstract nightmare thing yeah you've seen him nope never murated though he did describe them to me once did he add some kind of ultra scientific name for them yeah weird Shadow monsters is there anything I can do about them well here take this ring Murray gave it to me and said I could use it to banish them if I ever got attacked by one but I never have so you might as well take it okay that's helpful Maybe helpful maybe better than this weird ring I was wearing well what's to do go to sleep I'll somehow okay hey Mark before you go to bed I need you to prove a new tenant for the storefront next door what why is that up to me someone's got to do it there's three applicants for the place okay what are they first applicant is jar jard wears Hardware I guess if your name is Yardware your options for rhyming business names are pretty limited second is La Table and chanti it's like a high-end kitchen store magical utensils and the like last applicant is Texas Instruments guy from Texas selling musical instruments I suppose uh uh kitchen for my Cheeseman okay I guess that worked I'm gonna go to sleep now because I bet that I really did a good job in whatever I was doing well uh this is in this is on fire even here oh my favorite pants gone it's Jeff the kid who used to bully you make amends hey Jeff listen I just no hard feelings okay I understand in retrospect that you must have had problems at home and I just want you to know everything is okay now Jeff swats the overdue library book out of your hands I see this is just a dream version of you you're still just as much of a jerk as you were in third grade Jeff suddenly punches you knocking out all of your teeth hey if this actually happening I'd be really mad I've got my teeth what a jerk hello what it's that creepy crimbo lady from the refrigerator Factory now in a literal nightwear form excuse me I need to get past you why are you in a hurry to wake up darling it's crimbo you should be making Mary crimbo is still months away oh but it's always crimbo and dreams oh Merry crimbo then Mary crimbo I didn't have time to properly introduce myself I'm dark Noel and in effect affectation is Goofy as her name she curtsies dark Noel huh you're really taking this Motif seriously right down to your weird evil looking grimo hat her smile falters evil looking I told you at the refrigerator Factory it's just a wait she points to the weird device she's holding at her hat it starts beeping in a fast irregular pattern you're telling me that you can see the special crimble magic with your eyes yeah if that's what it is this is decidedly on festive news I'd better talk to the president you want to talk to Calvin Coolidge about your crimbo hat I want to talk to the real president about you I see yeah that's a problem dear and I'll see you soon with the solution she jumps off the edge of whatever this is you're standing on okay bye I don't know what that was all about whatever bookshelf is not behaving the way bookshelves do when you're awake oh oh the only way to interact with your inventory during a dream is if you had convinced Freddie to hold it for you at the exact moment you went to sleep I did that though oh I did fine you got me all right throw our way back into the waking world okay man these dreams are getting weird sure hope all right what's up hey nice hat alarmingly a man in an expensive suit is standing at the foot of your bed what the heck who are you you may call me Don Toblerone I represent a certain organization of shall we say like-minded criminals organized criminals like the mob wait you're the dawn of the local mob the mob boss in my room personally no no no no no no no no I'm not the Don this is merely my uh nomenclature it's an abbreviation for Donald oh well that's confusing it has been a matter of some conversation yes I do have a sober K but I don't care for it very much what is it Donnie thesaurus I'm gonna Hazard to Guess that they call you that because you like long words there's various food of you of course it's aesthetician comes as no surprise to me my associators tell me you handled yourself well during the conflagration at the refrigerator manufactorium and I'm here to profound for your considerationing a certain proposition come again I'm here to make you an offer can I refuse it certainly though your refusation would be uh shall you say unadvisatory all right what's the offer from time to time a Collegiates and I have certain requirements black the necessary necessary manpower to achieve them at such junctures we make lucrative arrangements and with certain capable individualists we find ourselves at this moment at a juncture such as the Junctions I have thus subscribed so you want me to do contract work for the mob exactingly no why not on excellent excellent so what happens now just sit tight as they say we will call upon you telephonically he gives the current nod then leaves the room through the window it takes him three or four times to work the latch ah right I don't know what that was about I'm not 100 sure what's going on I don't know why I'm working for the mob now hey how'd you sleep uh fine until a mob guy crawled in my bedroom window yeah yeah window's pretty lousy anyway the next antique I needed to find is a compass the directions kind not the circle's kind the detectotron says it's out near Crystal dream Lake I don't know where that is but I bet it's too far to walk do you have a car I can borrow no but I have something even better than that two cars a bus pass stop out front is your gateway to a whole wide world of Adventure wow good for an entire year that's swell thanks where do I go unfortunately I couldn't get more specific reading than near the lake something about the place is making the instruments go all screwy you take this map okay okay there's a postcard now there's a map of the lake on it it has a picture of the lake on it yeah that's what a map is a picture of a place I mean I guess I I guess I can't really argue with that I I was about carpet right right as a carpet who would dampen The Stomping that makes sense hey look whoa not yet buddy not yet for you a blonde flapper cracks her chewing gum then gives you a Sharky grin and a little wave hey there big boy you mock eye player right who's he asking oh look at you being all tough and mysterious well Molly buttons is who's asking buck and I do like games but don't push your luck with me okay you got me so how do you know my name but the boy sent me to lend your hand had to keep an eye on you Savvy what hey now I put in my two weeks notice before I left pekeepsie fair and square no no not that boss yeah poloka the boss the boss you know places over both shoulders and hisses the mob boss all that the boss sheesh I can't tell if you got a screw looser if you're just funning with me I'd like to keep people guessing so what are you supposed to partner up with me that's the deal McNeil and and do what that's what's a 20-something girl like you're gonna working for the mob anyway hey now I ain't just a pretty face she pulls a Tommy gun with a full-size drum magazine behind her back gives it a flip in the air catches it with a mad glitter in her holy geez put that thing away perhaps you have to whisper the boss but you're fine with waving a machine gun around in public so we teaming up or what I've always got room for a gun toting cutie pie oh you flirting with me that's real sweet but I get a sweetheart already and no offense but she's cuter than you Shucks welcome to the party anyway peachy you want I should come with you right now cool my heels of thumperdincks drink for a while you come with me you got it let's hit the bricks hit those bricks oh I see Gabby go well okay Gabby Gabby can leave that five let me let me let me chit chat with you a little bit don't mind my uh don't mind my uh shoes all right Chit Chat oh baby it's the berries for sure where else can you farm kale by drilling rats all day and go out hoofing in your choice or Josh I don't know oh boy it's the berries for sure okay hi I'm Mark ah bonzu my name hesitate to ask man this my normally incredible French accent is really being thrown off by this great thanks are any of your kitchen implements magical I see you're a man of the sounding glass for purposes wow I keep playing me but they will be happy to show them to you that was for sale oh do I have enough oh no I don't have enough is there anything I could sell there's nothing ever well I am unable to do anything that I was hoping to do but I'm gonna equip this because it was better than my spatula and I can do stench damage but if I had the other one I would be able to do physical damage oh well when I get when I get more money I'll do that all right to the bus stop what do you want to take the bus Crystal dream Lake please oh apparently it's chapter two already I feel like I've been jumping around the stories so much hello some kind of funky pump contraption light out from this house no but no hello how are you Lighthouse Keeper excuse me are you a light housekeeper sorry to bother you my name is Mark eplier I uh red leather yellow leather red yellow leather yellow leather are you okay I uh I just ain't talked out loud in a while I get rusty I see Lighthouse keeping's a lonely job huh well it's solitary that's for sure I ain't minded though ain't exactly a people person um what do they do well it used to be I had to light the lamp every Sundown and then Dows it again at Sunrise to save on fuel used to be when it was an oil lamp we got a hook up to the electrical grid a couple years ago so now I just leave it on all the time about all I have to do now is change the bulb once in a while sounds very peaceful ah that it is nice and quiet and plenty of time on my hands you must have a bunch of hobbies got a book got a little knife plenty of middle distance to stare into well how'd you get into this have you seen an old Compass the directions kind or the circles kind directions I got an old one I picked up an estate sale about 20 odd years ago I reckon I show it to you but it's upstairs and the lighthouse is flooded flooded oh filled right to the top have a look through the window there to see you might see a fish pass by how'd that even happen bump rope no I mean how does the lighthouse just fill up with water we aren't even below sea level here something to do with the tides I reckon this is a leak oh yeah you need I need a glaxton valve to fix the pump there's a hardware store down the road a piece if you mind to help out why is this my job through the window you can see that the lighthouse Tower is entirely filled with water the Lighthouse Keeper has put a little cork in the keyhole ah it'll do it do some cooking oh I can make things fancy foods yes more fancy foods oh oh I don't have anything you want to play some uh chess did you Whittle the pieces yourself six took me 16 years it takes you six months to carve each piece pawns went quicker than the tall ones but more or less a horse are particularly tricky no sense in rushing them wanna play a game can already got a game in progress the only piece has been moved is a single white Pawn ew I went first that was about two years ago who are you playing with nobody well here I'll play you you push one of the black pawns forward interesting it's your turn don't rush me I want to consider all the possibilities come back in three or four months all right hi Mark bye mark single book War and Peace huh that's a hefty one mind the bookmark now of course oh it looks like you just started been reading about how five and a half years The Bookmark is still in chapter one I just got up to the last sentence of it I've been reading one word every day War and Peace is almost 600 000 words long yeah don't tell me how it ends I won't let us Keeper's bed is simple but very tidy okey-dokey then I'm on a go to wherever the hell this was hardware store oh Molly points out a sign posted a fork in the trail ooh witches let's go check it out you like the kind of spooky stuff it's the berries get some blood pumping well if they have a haunted house you promise not to shoot any of the actors no promises I'll check it out on the way back is right by the hardware store after a short hike you find a small hardware store nestled into sports wood surrounding the lake it's the very model of a Down Home Country Hardware Store except it doesn't have any old timers sitting out front chewing the fat maybe it's their day off or maybe they ran out of fat hello I you got any pump things oh best hardware store selection of the prices because it's the only hardware store been a long time since the guy usually that joke man I should have spoiled it for you I'm sorry uh do you have a valve Glaston was it a Glaston valve pretty sure that anything maybe something else was it a snackston he's having trouble with his phone oh glarston it was garpston uh malston Marston something else glaxton blackston he was glaxton it just wasn't Glaston well Shucks they stopped making those nearly a decade ago I guess there's a slight chance there's someone in the back room ain't been there back since the termites got in the inventory or maybe after it got flooded anyway it's a real Biblical style of a disaster back there I'll unlock the door for you so you can take a look around if you want to find a glaxon valve in that mess you're welcome to it all right thank you I forgot I have no shut up I have a shut up I have a books wait books I need to read them oh pretty good but I'm not gonna get there just yet read medical Manchego huh that's pretty good have I do I have 100 XP holy crap I have a 107 unused XP wow but I should probably focus on just upgrading my actual abilities before doing any of that nonsense I could get subcutaneous gouda a thick layer of cheese under your skin insulates you from the heat wall so making you look more muscular well damn no no no no I'm going to Blue Brilliance and I'll get this armor you can relate to rocks on both on an emotional level and on being difficult to break an aft level thank you thank you very much anything that'll give me a bonus XP is probably good wow it is a Biblical disaster here good thing you don't care what month it is because this calendar is worthless seepage has always caused this concrete to come see set in its ways blow its mind you open the concrete's mind to the wonders of the world that feels stronger and more capable powerful grid even though it's just a nerd powder you're still pretty sure it's going to bully you wow let's see how much of a door has to be gone before it doesn't count as a door anymore I don't know something wrong with this door in a way that termites and flooding doesn't readily explain Dorian immediately feels sickening Lurch in your stomach and a burst of this was a bad idea in your mind like when you hit the first drop of a traveling Carnival's Rusty and hastily assembled roller coaster after a moment when the feeling is subsided enough you open your eyes and look around it looks like you're still in the same place you were except someone came in and cleaned everything up while you weren't looking huh fascinating workbench workbench an abrasive discus yes yes please interesting huh there's a 1917 calendar on the wall by the desk it looks brand new as you leave the store room the shopkeeper spins around and you will stare at each other in surprise you because the shopkeeper looks quite a bit younger than when he did you went in there and him because Hannah what the heck you were doing in my back room and let's get back there without me seeing you I'm uh the termite inspector I didn't call for any termite inspector no I do surprise inspections so the termites won't find out in advance wow'd you get past me I'm very good at my job well I don't expect you found any termites I make my own custom pesticide yes it seems pretty effective I might have to go back in there and follow up check later though that's fine I suppose just don't move yourself around too much I like to keep it tidy back there uh uh interesting best hardware store in the valley because it's the only hardware store in the valley that's a good one I'll have to remember that I'd like to buy one of those new glaxton valves ah sorry government fellas bought my entire stock what ew for the Big Dam they're building I can order you one though how long would it take six to eight weeks would you mind holding onto it for me if I'm knocking back right away oh sure that's no problem how long you figure 11 years but what no forget how I said that's not a problem well nuts listen I can tell you they bought a heap more galaxian valves than what they're gonna need for that Dam if you go up to the work site you might be able to get the foreman to sell you one of their spares where is it Southeast end of the valley you got a map I have a postcard Crystal dream Lake I never heard of that but it's got a little picture of a dam on it here there see that's about the same place relative to here okay interesting this door doesn't seem to be anything on the other side weird ah I see why I need to go back to the you to the present present hello what do you have for sale oh you do have things for sale I don't have any money steel toed boots people will hear you coming good honestly great that's what I was hoping for oh fuse I imagine I'm gonna need that I'm gonna get this match ooh comfy online nice battery no goodbye I'm going to the dam well I guess I'll visit the museum first two of those hovering Shadow orbs float up to you they look basically like the ones you saw before that is they look like nothing and perhaps holes in everything but these ones move with purpose and that purpose is Menace the two are squint at you in dark Noel's voice Echoes inside your head in a way that makes your eardrums itch well well if it isn't my favorite holiday party crasher perhaps I need to be more explicit about the fact that you weren't invited I don't really get the whole holiday thing I like crimbo okay it's my thing and I'm sticking with it you must have had a weird childhood you need to learn to keep your nose out of other people's Affairs I'm just trying to find my uncle how about you keep your nose out of my Affairs what a disagreeable little urchin you are do you know what naughty children find in their criminal stockings socks you suck dark eyes one with each fist the orbs recoil in pain that's it you're on the very naughty list now next time we make I'm Really Gonna deck your Halls oh that's uh that's silly the village of sandwich was home to a terrifying witch cult until all the inhabitants were convicted and executed in witch trials in 1692 and the village stood empty for years and uninhabited for hundreds of years come explode to John and learn more hi what's wrong with your cat shelves Laden with identical jars of off-white stuff the Danforth residence has been converted into a gift shop for your convenience why not take home a jar of the sandwich cream which was The Village's chief export besides sandwich Cream Sandwich cream this condiment purports to be the perfect topic for any sandwich but the ingredients list suggests that it's just old congealed cream special piece of paper is for making rubbings of historical Graves damn I don't have enough money why don't I have enough money I've got nothing to sell I need to wander around a bit because I need all right I'm gonna do some farming real quick because I I need to wander because I need to extract the oil I need to get money or meat I guess stylish gel wow you'll never be as cool as this slime it's a little a little rude movement out of the corner of your eye well nothing you were ready to face a bunch of spiders or something but there's nothing there but Shadows it must have been some tree branches oh no wait it's The Shadows the Shadows are literally also spiders it turns out burnison take that idiot oh Crystal dream Valley Crystal shop I'll keep wondering blue Cola check the meat return slot damn on nuts hold the line I stepped in some kind of weird mushrooms spores all over my good dancing shoes for crying out loud dancing as in actual dances her back alley shootout why'd I want a different pair for each they ain't that dissimilar okay I got spores see familiar looking person as I get nearer you realize the reason he looks so familiar is because he looks exactly like you hi are you a clone or is this a Time Paradox turns out it's a Time Paradox I guess wow crazy I agree high five you lean in for a kiss no tongue is there anything smooch wink now you get to look forward to a second one you still building your Gap in the trees there's a large sign painted on the side of the building that says quality Spirits so presumably it's either a Distillery or a ghost farm I'm Gonna Keep wandering on God damn that was great okay it's Shadows banish them ah damn I'm good I have gotten no meat though oh red sunshine you catch a glimpse of large gaily colored butterflies nearby you move towards them slowly so not to startle them as you get closer you realize that instead of having regular insect bodies they're little people fairies wow hello there gosh you're really beautiful you're beautiful that sounded just like my voice are you guys mimics that's real ah it's on my face no not my eyes are what what the hell you swat away the ferry that had fluttered up next to you and attempted to stab you in the neck with a rusty needle Kerry is approaching lugging a full-size snub-nosed revolver man I need to get Bewitched I'll fight him though yeah this is what you get I oh mine melt interesting twig Thumper we got thump Grady okay I can I can finish you off and I can finish you off with two attacks yeah oh my God actually I should have checked if any of them have high mysticality because I think that's what mine yeah that's what mind melt does but I can still Mash two of these dudes take this that's what Garlic's all about what oh hi that's not what you intended to do oh shoot random enemy one for seven times holy crap got a knee captain I just shoot him a bunch nice oh I hate that no Grady no all right you're done for now I think take one of these dude I have psychic powers and then shoot him a bunch man a gun really is a great thing fairy dust okay follow the trail of fairy dust fairy Lair all right I still need to farm okay me finally need more meat mushroom cave nope man I didn't even wander in the last area I should have wandered more let's see well I picks up a flat stone skims it expertly nice one thanks hey Buck how big a rock do you think you can Chuck raw muscle isn't exactly my forte but I guess I'll do all right you pick up a fist side rock and pinch it and Pitch it into the lake with a splash allowed Planck Falls soon behind you turn to see Molly picking up a softball sized rock with a grin that's impressive I may look girly girl but my Tommy's gotta kick like a mule gotta keep the rust off of these Pistons you know is Tommy your boyfriend that sounds kind of my girlfriend's name is Nancy Tommy is short for m1921 Thompson submachine gun ah I see well Molly is now stronger which is great familiar looking person oh good wow nice he leans in for a kiss goodbye now you get to look forward to a circle I'm glad I saw that all right me return slot I don't want a blue Cola I need to farm my meat Greta's compassionate pet store I don't trust that red Cola empty damn drink it for your country I'm not going to I'm all right check the drawer oh matches oh all right Beppo's hole check out the terrible I'm gonna I'm gonna go check out Beppo's hole I'm gonna check out the terrible spider roll that sounds like it might have something for me there aren't as many spider eggs in here as there could be but there are still too many the plexus Beppo's hole at the top and there's some fine print peppo's hole is named after Beppo P saricho who purchases plot of land in 1903 with the stated intention of creating a shark Sanctuary he managed to dig one decent sized pit but before he could fill it up with sharks I filled itself up with spiders or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the spiders filled it up themselves and their offspring they're teeming hordes of awful venomous Offspring it is the opinion opinion of the crystal dream Lake historical society that Beppo's hole should be avoided at all costs in fact we probably shouldn't have put this placard here or included on any of our Maps May those you leave behind forgive us oh good definitely a lot of spiders in here oh well hold on let me look at this weird wriggling cocoon it's roughly person size it's either a person who's slowly been cocooned by a spider and is slowly suffocating to death or a person-sized mass of baby spiders talk to him heard them hello are you a person or a mind-breaking quantity of baby spiders is that the kind of noise a whole lot of baby spiders would make all right I'll cut them free you've cut apart the Cocoon bracing yourself for true horror fortunately it turns out to just be a guy in there oh thanks friend you had me worried for a sec they call me Doc I came here for to get some free gauze got a bit more than I bargained for hi doc I'm Mark I assume you're a doctor hat thing that you're literally a doctor in a sense that doctoring is my profession yes in the sense that I have a legal license for practicing it no you're looking for gauze yep the webs from big spiders like this make really great surgical gauze strong self-adhesive and even sterile if it's really fresh unfortunately I bit off more than I could chew you can chew it too no I'm at metaphorically one of the great big spiders that live in beppa's hole caught sight of me I don't recommend messing around with that hole especially if you're flush to the gills on medicinal alcohol I see ask him about hobo code can you teach me hobo code oh cool uh there's a camp you could go to the camp I'm much too eager to get doctor oh I could use some patience I'm much too eager to get doctoring that's a joke that works better out loud than in print anyways either okay goodbye I guess good thing I checked for code first this is you're going not well owie why this might have been a mistake um how much mysticality you guys got uh too much interesting interesting well I can definitely kill one of you intends to give birth to something terrible no no no no no no all right I'm gonna cook one of you and then I'm gonna heal and cure myself focus at a Marcus and then I'm gonna do a surplus Cola Wars grenade to kill you and make sure you don't birth anything and then I'm going to garlic oh it's horrible no oh good good well I'm gonna melt your brain all right so kill you good oh I should have hit that one with oh with her because her she does seven right that would have been good that would have been smarter but I'm not smart kill I got with spider webs fewer spiders is better spiders good I'm not gonna fight anymore I need to get more meat I've gotten the future version of you strolls up to you and hands you a fat wad of meat you know it's the future version and not the past version because you don't remember this happening before here take this meat technically I guess I should be repaying it to the Future me but that's me now so you'll have to do what but what's the point in giving me meat if I have to give it back to me later you'll be making meat much more easily later so this won't seem like as much then just think of it as a no interest loan on the contrary I actually am interested he rolls his eyes at you sheesh feature you is a jerk yeah anyway don't forget to pay you back or the universe will probably explode or something all right I have money do I need to pay myself about 300 me Mama Jama I gotta go I gotta go don't take my money me okay who solved the maze wait well I'm short having nearly walked straight into a huge spider web while you weren't paying attention although I guess some part of you was paying attention good job whatever part that was you turn ahead in another Direction and soon find yourself stopped by another big spider web so you turn around to try another Direction nope that path ends in the big spider web looks like the attention paying part of you wasn't paying enough attention to keep you from getting lost in the huge spider web maze maybe in the future you should pay attention to these things solve it I'm so smart spider says Shucks all right so now that I'm here I finally can get things that I probably am going to need in the future like rubbing paper and sandwich cream I don't know why I need it but I need it hello nice hat nice hat what's the exhibits here sorry I just get paid to stand here keep an eye on things I don't actually know anything I guess all right sure old book a little description Diary of Delia Putnam 6th of March 1692 oh God hit that Peter Proctor so much he thinks he can just go around being as mean as he wants just because he has lots of money and lives in a big house I should have used a much stronger curse would have more the trouble okay antique Ragdoll a bunch of old pins some reason the word boring improverted little plaqueses which is frequently use special dolls called puppets to curse their enemies this one is apparently made to a target of Misses or Miss boring though none of the names seem to be listed the pins were not found with the puppet but were added for demonstration oh all right goodbye why did I come here I have no idea nice gazebo plant matter in these dubs proved they were used to brew all kinds of horrible poisons fried fronds check the footnote point out to us okay is any of this important go up to the second and a half floor uh uh interesting oh wow okay I did all this for nothing I did all of it for nothing was the Outhouse is great wow I'm availing myself all right okay little Cemetery all right good Peter Proctor he was a duty head until the very end Nicholas Proctor what the heck he lived to be 230 years old Proctor oh oh I'm so close to knowing that I have that thing of the rubbing paper nah all right I don't know why I came here I don't know why I did any of this why did I do this I'm going to the dam screw all this nonsense that I don't need to know about I don't need to know what's this full never race a rodent I don't have nearly enough Moxie for that this what do you call it is huge damn I'm fishing in a pipe you caught oh oh okay welcome to do fishing okay I can sell that at least that's good caught everything that was in there boring our glass skin valve the valve is had in place by Decades of corrosion even if you could detach it he'd get wrecked in the process well damn literally nasty goo awesome rabbit ah damn hobo code can't um seems to be a maintenance maintenance access to an ethereal Dimension well before I do that I'm gonna have to end this episode for now because I'm out of time we will just have to go back in time and talk to our time Bearer toxic ourselves and hopefully never give ourselves money again in order to be able to solve this I'm not going to break the space I'm Continuum by saying that there won't be an episode in the future because there will be but you're watching this in the future when I recorded this in the past so thank you for watching when you did and when you will and as always I will and won't never not see you in the future and past when I see you bye-byehello everybody my name is Markiplier and welcome back to Shadows overloathing I don't even remember where the hell we are so I'm just gonna go to the new places and there's a new place as you're walking down one of ocean City's residential streets on the way to where you're going you hear eerie music coming from the upstairs window of a nearby house well this is a good excuse as any so I guess I'll go there Zimmer's house this seems like a pretty normal house in a pretty nice neighborhood but there's something odd about it some sort of uncomfortable energy that makes a hair on your back your neck stand up maybe it's something to do with the weird droning tone you can hear from inside like a pained inhuman moan constantly rising in Pitch maybe that's it yeah yeah it might be that oh my God you knock but you're no response so you knows your way inside that Eerie sound is even louder in here it seems to be coming from upstairs also the owner's interior design sensibilities are a little strange huh okay you hold the crap a bunch of books about music theory even the most basic one would be totally Beyond you a day stand a Dusty disused chess set today's stand no it's a chair tea time was a long time ago there's nothing left here but stains played rack is a statement and the statement is I have too many plates cabin is full of backup plates trophies for music competitions you pull out a sheet but it's all in German that was the worst German anyone has ever heard in their life Bob would not be proud of me okay well um Gabby you have anything to say about this sounds like a cat meowing yeah let's go upstairs I guess oh hey bud I don't know what I was expecting hey tired looking man playing the cello what who are you why are you in my house sorry for intruding but I heard the music and I guess I have an intrusive nature the name's Marky plier well I'm Ernst Zimmer forgive me for not stopping but it is vital that I continue playing what are you doing there's a Darkness beneath my house did you check the fuse box no I it's probably that then listen to me I had a dream a premonition of a dark rift appearing in my basement and growing until it swallowed the entire house and then the neighborhood and then the world uh surely it was just a dream though it's not a dream I went downstairs to check the basement and there is indeed a rift as of now it is still small I must keep playing this cello to prevent it from growing any larger I was playing the cello help the bass vibration reverberates downward and is focused by the circle of furniture downstairs this resonance inhibits the rift I don't really get it but okay are you a physicist or something no I'm only a cellist I cannot explain how I knew this would work uh do you mind if I take a look at the rift very well I cannot blame you for wanting to see him with your own eyes you will have to reach into my pocket and take the key to the basement for yourself as I require both hands to play okay huh gave you this key so you could inspect the dark rift in his basement probably unwise but when has that ever stopped you please do not get too close to the rift all right um sure there's a rational explanation probably just a trick of the light well I'm pretty sure your living room furniture can't create reality strengthening sonic waves haha you're probably right just an old man jumping in Shadows happens to the best of us don't worry everything uh oh wait a minute hi hello maybe that wasn't the best idea oh maybe convincing Zimmer to stop playing his channel wasn't such a good idea after all oh no oh what have I done play Man play uh I have bad news uh remember how I said everything was fine I do remember that yes are you telling me that you were incorrect let's just say that your house is incredibly haunted ah I should not have trusted you we're both fools did The Rift open I'll go check I'm gonna guess yes though oh God every one of the mouldering books is titled blood oh no two ghosts playing very spirited game of chess Day stand has become a nightstand oh no shares upside down frighteningly non-right oh vicious black sludge bubbles in the fish office we nailed that this isn't tea I got Eldritch this is not tea oh my God chair is barely there table is slip the Surly Bonds of the floor Moss have eaten all the contents in most of the container a shelf of trophies for murder competitions chair is Whispering is it sit in me in you all right you sit in the chair for a few minutes and nothing bad happens apparently it was all bark and no bite just as well chair isn't speaking to you ever again oh what do we got you pull out a sheep it's a piece of entitled all our bit and no spill makes Ernst a dull boy well I got a bad feeling about this this door has seen better James oh geez that sure if it's dark rift in Space over there just like Zimmer was afraid of well nuts huh um all right I'm gonna tell him that is there's definitely a riff there Zimmer zimmy uh I checked the basement and and there's definitely a big swirling Rift of Darkness down there yep oh no what are we gonna do well if I were you I don't worry I I'll think of something well I'm out of here I've thought of something and I'm done with this I'm going home all right let's go fight this Rift or something like that I don't know come here are you I'ma beat the Dickens out of you it's a big hole in in here step in really yeah sure why not I'm in you find yourself in an infinite black void or it looks like an infinite black void but you have an uneasy feeling that your brain is only showing you an infinite black void because it doesn't want to try and process what this place actually looks like it's a weird feeling oh interesting thrumming Spike of negative energy dampen I'm dampening it somehow okay all right I don't know what's with the weird wimbley well I'll talk to him you know actually I'll talk to him come here you come here are you all right never mind then how am I dampening this I don't even understand this it's working somehow I did it hello okie dokie then well I can't even talk to that guy so uh did I do it hopefully this leads back to the basement and not you know anywhere else it might be likely to lead like deep space you're the middle of the Sun or 10 feet below the basement ore hey look I'm in the basement well I did it maybe turns out I didn't do it so there probably has to be some sort of resonance with the energy spikes um well so there I'm if I had to guess there's a circle what spooky so there's a circle of things here oh I got bubbling black sludge apparently I'll go from The Haunted teapot so if I had to identify these things the circle downstairs I believe relates to the stuff up here right that's what it seems to be and so if I looked at it that way I do believe this is indicative of the things upstairs so there might be some kind of a cluey clue whoa never mind this creature is built more or less like a large muscular person if you built a large muscular person out of some kind of writhing black ooze and or smoke and or just plain raw Darkness it is if his size glowing crystal embedded in its chest about where its sternum would be and as you draw near you can feel it radiating invisible waves of energy kind of like heat coming off a radiator except also the opposite of that and also not at all related to that look incomprehensible forces are tricky to describe okay the creature samples back and forth waving its arms in a way that almost looks like it's dancing or praying now maybe just absent-minded Leaf lailing it seems as oblivious to your presence although that will probably change very quickly if you try to interfere with it like say if you tried to pry the glowing crystal out of its chest okay creature looks extremely weak almost docile give me that you make a quick grab for the Crystal but it's firmly lodged in the creaser's chest the creature howls and its long spindly arms flail and effectually as you barely cognizant of your actions plunge your hands into murky flesh fingers questing through lukewarm guitar until they find ribs gritting your teeth forcing open the cage creaking cracking snapping like dry branches you grab your eyes and tear free of the muck the creature evaporates in a sigh of smoke the crystal is both warm and cold in your hand and has a slight buzzing I'll take it something tells you the crystal is very important as well as being really shiny and pretty all right yeah it occurs to you that taking the weird crystal out of here might be a bad idea on the other hand it's yours now and you prefer to keep it I guess I'll stay here for a mom I guess so what happens huh there's definitely something good you don't want to go too far at the rift it would be a real bummer to get stuck here for all of eternity uh okay so I can't look at my inventory whoa what have I always been able to jump that's something I can do you know what it's my crystal I'm going in all right sweet I have go to sleep why is that my ah whatever I'm taking it this is probably a terrible idea oh it's still haunted huh interesting hello I got a weird Crystal check out this neat Crystal I found that what is it where'd you get it it was inside the rift it makes me uncomfortable to look at can I have it no it's mine you found it inside my house in another dimension another dimension inside my house forget it it's mine well let's see I guess what do I do what do I do let's see as you start to leave the house something tells you it would be bad to take the weird crystal out of here that something is definitely not the crystal because it's a really great Crystal and you're driving great satisfaction from owning it ah leave the house as you shut the door behind you hear a sudden grinding cracking noise and you turn to see the entire house and implode into splinters and get sucked into a whirling black vortex can't say I didn't warn you oh no it did warn me it did warn me really really hard that I shouldn't have done that ah I get a feeling that if I try to get out of this one I got a bad feeling that uh I did something up yep okay all right uh distinct lack of house well that's my bad but I do have no there's no house there um oh nothing hovers towards you I mean something hovers towards you but that something is literally nothing let me try that again a thing that appears to be a hole in physical space the opposite just not just of matter but of existence hovers towards you through it you can see the faint twinkling lights of ancient dying stars and the black smoke drifting out of what appears to be more of itself more nothingness or perhaps anti-thinkness leaking into this world is that a better description nothing it'll have to do oh here comes another one oh Shadow Bonk no all right well this is gonna go great I have a good feeling about this I have a great feeling about this oh why'd they make a dude why does he need to make a doo doo dude foreign you won the orbs dissolve into black smoke and I don't know angst probably okay good I'm gonna go talk to um what was that whatever her name was uh so I have this thing I got attacked by some kind of weird shadow monster like a sort of crazy abstract nightmare thing yeah you've seen him nope never murated though he did describe them to me once did he add some kind of ultra scientific name for them yeah weird Shadow monsters is there anything I can do about them well here take this ring Murray gave it to me and said I could use it to banish them if I ever got attacked by one but I never have so you might as well take it okay that's helpful Maybe helpful maybe better than this weird ring I was wearing well what's to do go to sleep I'll somehow okay hey Mark before you go to bed I need you to prove a new tenant for the storefront next door what why is that up to me someone's got to do it there's three applicants for the place okay what are they first applicant is jar jard wears Hardware I guess if your name is Yardware your options for rhyming business names are pretty limited second is La Table and chanti it's like a high-end kitchen store magical utensils and the like last applicant is Texas Instruments guy from Texas selling musical instruments I suppose uh uh kitchen for my Cheeseman okay I guess that worked I'm gonna go to sleep now because I bet that I really did a good job in whatever I was doing well uh this is in this is on fire even here oh my favorite pants gone it's Jeff the kid who used to bully you make amends hey Jeff listen I just no hard feelings okay I understand in retrospect that you must have had problems at home and I just want you to know everything is okay now Jeff swats the overdue library book out of your hands I see this is just a dream version of you you're still just as much of a jerk as you were in third grade Jeff suddenly punches you knocking out all of your teeth hey if this actually happening I'd be really mad I've got my teeth what a jerk hello what it's that creepy crimbo lady from the refrigerator Factory now in a literal nightwear form excuse me I need to get past you why are you in a hurry to wake up darling it's crimbo you should be making Mary crimbo is still months away oh but it's always crimbo and dreams oh Merry crimbo then Mary crimbo I didn't have time to properly introduce myself I'm dark Noel and in effect affectation is Goofy as her name she curtsies dark Noel huh you're really taking this Motif seriously right down to your weird evil looking grimo hat her smile falters evil looking I told you at the refrigerator Factory it's just a wait she points to the weird device she's holding at her hat it starts beeping in a fast irregular pattern you're telling me that you can see the special crimble magic with your eyes yeah if that's what it is this is decidedly on festive news I'd better talk to the president you want to talk to Calvin Coolidge about your crimbo hat I want to talk to the real president about you I see yeah that's a problem dear and I'll see you soon with the solution she jumps off the edge of whatever this is you're standing on okay bye I don't know what that was all about whatever bookshelf is not behaving the way bookshelves do when you're awake oh oh the only way to interact with your inventory during a dream is if you had convinced Freddie to hold it for you at the exact moment you went to sleep I did that though oh I did fine you got me all right throw our way back into the waking world okay man these dreams are getting weird sure hope all right what's up hey nice hat alarmingly a man in an expensive suit is standing at the foot of your bed what the heck who are you you may call me Don Toblerone I represent a certain organization of shall we say like-minded criminals organized criminals like the mob wait you're the dawn of the local mob the mob boss in my room personally no no no no no no no no I'm not the Don this is merely my uh nomenclature it's an abbreviation for Donald oh well that's confusing it has been a matter of some conversation yes I do have a sober K but I don't care for it very much what is it Donnie thesaurus I'm gonna Hazard to Guess that they call you that because you like long words there's various food of you of course it's aesthetician comes as no surprise to me my associators tell me you handled yourself well during the conflagration at the refrigerator manufactorium and I'm here to profound for your considerationing a certain proposition come again I'm here to make you an offer can I refuse it certainly though your refusation would be uh shall you say unadvisatory all right what's the offer from time to time a Collegiates and I have certain requirements black the necessary necessary manpower to achieve them at such junctures we make lucrative arrangements and with certain capable individualists we find ourselves at this moment at a juncture such as the Junctions I have thus subscribed so you want me to do contract work for the mob exactingly no why not on excellent excellent so what happens now just sit tight as they say we will call upon you telephonically he gives the current nod then leaves the room through the window it takes him three or four times to work the latch ah right I don't know what that was about I'm not 100 sure what's going on I don't know why I'm working for the mob now hey how'd you sleep uh fine until a mob guy crawled in my bedroom window yeah yeah window's pretty lousy anyway the next antique I needed to find is a compass the directions kind not the circle's kind the detectotron says it's out near Crystal dream Lake I don't know where that is but I bet it's too far to walk do you have a car I can borrow no but I have something even better than that two cars a bus pass stop out front is your gateway to a whole wide world of Adventure wow good for an entire year that's swell thanks where do I go unfortunately I couldn't get more specific reading than near the lake something about the place is making the instruments go all screwy you take this map okay okay there's a postcard now there's a map of the lake on it it has a picture of the lake on it yeah that's what a map is a picture of a place I mean I guess I I guess I can't really argue with that I I was about carpet right right as a carpet who would dampen The Stomping that makes sense hey look whoa not yet buddy not yet for you a blonde flapper cracks her chewing gum then gives you a Sharky grin and a little wave hey there big boy you mock eye player right who's he asking oh look at you being all tough and mysterious well Molly buttons is who's asking buck and I do like games but don't push your luck with me okay you got me so how do you know my name but the boy sent me to lend your hand had to keep an eye on you Savvy what hey now I put in my two weeks notice before I left pekeepsie fair and square no no not that boss yeah poloka the boss the boss you know places over both shoulders and hisses the mob boss all that the boss sheesh I can't tell if you got a screw looser if you're just funning with me I'd like to keep people guessing so what are you supposed to partner up with me that's the deal McNeil and and do what that's what's a 20-something girl like you're gonna working for the mob anyway hey now I ain't just a pretty face she pulls a Tommy gun with a full-size drum magazine behind her back gives it a flip in the air catches it with a mad glitter in her holy geez put that thing away perhaps you have to whisper the boss but you're fine with waving a machine gun around in public so we teaming up or what I've always got room for a gun toting cutie pie oh you flirting with me that's real sweet but I get a sweetheart already and no offense but she's cuter than you Shucks welcome to the party anyway peachy you want I should come with you right now cool my heels of thumperdincks drink for a while you come with me you got it let's hit the bricks hit those bricks oh I see Gabby go well okay Gabby Gabby can leave that five let me let me let me chit chat with you a little bit don't mind my uh don't mind my uh shoes all right Chit Chat oh baby it's the berries for sure where else can you farm kale by drilling rats all day and go out hoofing in your choice or Josh I don't know oh boy it's the berries for sure okay hi I'm Mark ah bonzu my name hesitate to ask man this my normally incredible French accent is really being thrown off by this great thanks are any of your kitchen implements magical I see you're a man of the sounding glass for purposes wow I keep playing me but they will be happy to show them to you that was for sale oh do I have enough oh no I don't have enough is there anything I could sell there's nothing ever well I am unable to do anything that I was hoping to do but I'm gonna equip this because it was better than my spatula and I can do stench damage but if I had the other one I would be able to do physical damage oh well when I get when I get more money I'll do that all right to the bus stop what do you want to take the bus Crystal dream Lake please oh apparently it's chapter two already I feel like I've been jumping around the stories so much hello some kind of funky pump contraption light out from this house no but no hello how are you Lighthouse Keeper excuse me are you a light housekeeper sorry to bother you my name is Mark eplier I uh red leather yellow leather red yellow leather yellow leather are you okay I uh I just ain't talked out loud in a while I get rusty I see Lighthouse keeping's a lonely job huh well it's solitary that's for sure I ain't minded though ain't exactly a people person um what do they do well it used to be I had to light the lamp every Sundown and then Dows it again at Sunrise to save on fuel used to be when it was an oil lamp we got a hook up to the electrical grid a couple years ago so now I just leave it on all the time about all I have to do now is change the bulb once in a while sounds very peaceful ah that it is nice and quiet and plenty of time on my hands you must have a bunch of hobbies got a book got a little knife plenty of middle distance to stare into well how'd you get into this have you seen an old Compass the directions kind or the circles kind directions I got an old one I picked up an estate sale about 20 odd years ago I reckon I show it to you but it's upstairs and the lighthouse is flooded flooded oh filled right to the top have a look through the window there to see you might see a fish pass by how'd that even happen bump rope no I mean how does the lighthouse just fill up with water we aren't even below sea level here something to do with the tides I reckon this is a leak oh yeah you need I need a glaxton valve to fix the pump there's a hardware store down the road a piece if you mind to help out why is this my job through the window you can see that the lighthouse Tower is entirely filled with water the Lighthouse Keeper has put a little cork in the keyhole ah it'll do it do some cooking oh I can make things fancy foods yes more fancy foods oh oh I don't have anything you want to play some uh chess did you Whittle the pieces yourself six took me 16 years it takes you six months to carve each piece pawns went quicker than the tall ones but more or less a horse are particularly tricky no sense in rushing them wanna play a game can already got a game in progress the only piece has been moved is a single white Pawn ew I went first that was about two years ago who are you playing with nobody well here I'll play you you push one of the black pawns forward interesting it's your turn don't rush me I want to consider all the possibilities come back in three or four months all right hi Mark bye mark single book War and Peace huh that's a hefty one mind the bookmark now of course oh it looks like you just started been reading about how five and a half years The Bookmark is still in chapter one I just got up to the last sentence of it I've been reading one word every day War and Peace is almost 600 000 words long yeah don't tell me how it ends I won't let us Keeper's bed is simple but very tidy okey-dokey then I'm on a go to wherever the hell this was hardware store oh Molly points out a sign posted a fork in the trail ooh witches let's go check it out you like the kind of spooky stuff it's the berries get some blood pumping well if they have a haunted house you promise not to shoot any of the actors no promises I'll check it out on the way back is right by the hardware store after a short hike you find a small hardware store nestled into sports wood surrounding the lake it's the very model of a Down Home Country Hardware Store except it doesn't have any old timers sitting out front chewing the fat maybe it's their day off or maybe they ran out of fat hello I you got any pump things oh best hardware store selection of the prices because it's the only hardware store been a long time since the guy usually that joke man I should have spoiled it for you I'm sorry uh do you have a valve Glaston was it a Glaston valve pretty sure that anything maybe something else was it a snackston he's having trouble with his phone oh glarston it was garpston uh malston Marston something else glaxton blackston he was glaxton it just wasn't Glaston well Shucks they stopped making those nearly a decade ago I guess there's a slight chance there's someone in the back room ain't been there back since the termites got in the inventory or maybe after it got flooded anyway it's a real Biblical style of a disaster back there I'll unlock the door for you so you can take a look around if you want to find a glaxon valve in that mess you're welcome to it all right thank you I forgot I have no shut up I have a shut up I have a books wait books I need to read them oh pretty good but I'm not gonna get there just yet read medical Manchego huh that's pretty good have I do I have 100 XP holy crap I have a 107 unused XP wow but I should probably focus on just upgrading my actual abilities before doing any of that nonsense I could get subcutaneous gouda a thick layer of cheese under your skin insulates you from the heat wall so making you look more muscular well damn no no no no I'm going to Blue Brilliance and I'll get this armor you can relate to rocks on both on an emotional level and on being difficult to break an aft level thank you thank you very much anything that'll give me a bonus XP is probably good wow it is a Biblical disaster here good thing you don't care what month it is because this calendar is worthless seepage has always caused this concrete to come see set in its ways blow its mind you open the concrete's mind to the wonders of the world that feels stronger and more capable powerful grid even though it's just a nerd powder you're still pretty sure it's going to bully you wow let's see how much of a door has to be gone before it doesn't count as a door anymore I don't know something wrong with this door in a way that termites and flooding doesn't readily explain Dorian immediately feels sickening Lurch in your stomach and a burst of this was a bad idea in your mind like when you hit the first drop of a traveling Carnival's Rusty and hastily assembled roller coaster after a moment when the feeling is subsided enough you open your eyes and look around it looks like you're still in the same place you were except someone came in and cleaned everything up while you weren't looking huh fascinating workbench workbench an abrasive discus yes yes please interesting huh there's a 1917 calendar on the wall by the desk it looks brand new as you leave the store room the shopkeeper spins around and you will stare at each other in surprise you because the shopkeeper looks quite a bit younger than when he did you went in there and him because Hannah what the heck you were doing in my back room and let's get back there without me seeing you I'm uh the termite inspector I didn't call for any termite inspector no I do surprise inspections so the termites won't find out in advance wow'd you get past me I'm very good at my job well I don't expect you found any termites I make my own custom pesticide yes it seems pretty effective I might have to go back in there and follow up check later though that's fine I suppose just don't move yourself around too much I like to keep it tidy back there uh uh interesting best hardware store in the valley because it's the only hardware store in the valley that's a good one I'll have to remember that I'd like to buy one of those new glaxton valves ah sorry government fellas bought my entire stock what ew for the Big Dam they're building I can order you one though how long would it take six to eight weeks would you mind holding onto it for me if I'm knocking back right away oh sure that's no problem how long you figure 11 years but what no forget how I said that's not a problem well nuts listen I can tell you they bought a heap more galaxian valves than what they're gonna need for that Dam if you go up to the work site you might be able to get the foreman to sell you one of their spares where is it Southeast end of the valley you got a map I have a postcard Crystal dream Lake I never heard of that but it's got a little picture of a dam on it here there see that's about the same place relative to here okay interesting this door doesn't seem to be anything on the other side weird ah I see why I need to go back to the you to the present present hello what do you have for sale oh you do have things for sale I don't have any money steel toed boots people will hear you coming good honestly great that's what I was hoping for oh fuse I imagine I'm gonna need that I'm gonna get this match ooh comfy online nice battery no goodbye I'm going to the dam well I guess I'll visit the museum first two of those hovering Shadow orbs float up to you they look basically like the ones you saw before that is they look like nothing and perhaps holes in everything but these ones move with purpose and that purpose is Menace the two are squint at you in dark Noel's voice Echoes inside your head in a way that makes your eardrums itch well well if it isn't my favorite holiday party crasher perhaps I need to be more explicit about the fact that you weren't invited I don't really get the whole holiday thing I like crimbo okay it's my thing and I'm sticking with it you must have had a weird childhood you need to learn to keep your nose out of other people's Affairs I'm just trying to find my uncle how about you keep your nose out of my Affairs what a disagreeable little urchin you are do you know what naughty children find in their criminal stockings socks you suck dark eyes one with each fist the orbs recoil in pain that's it you're on the very naughty list now next time we make I'm Really Gonna deck your Halls oh that's uh that's silly the village of sandwich was home to a terrifying witch cult until all the inhabitants were convicted and executed in witch trials in 1692 and the village stood empty for years and uninhabited for hundreds of years come explode to John and learn more hi what's wrong with your cat shelves Laden with identical jars of off-white stuff the Danforth residence has been converted into a gift shop for your convenience why not take home a jar of the sandwich cream which was The Village's chief export besides sandwich Cream Sandwich cream this condiment purports to be the perfect topic for any sandwich but the ingredients list suggests that it's just old congealed cream special piece of paper is for making rubbings of historical Graves damn I don't have enough money why don't I have enough money I've got nothing to sell I need to wander around a bit because I need all right I'm gonna do some farming real quick because I I need to wander because I need to extract the oil I need to get money or meat I guess stylish gel wow you'll never be as cool as this slime it's a little a little rude movement out of the corner of your eye well nothing you were ready to face a bunch of spiders or something but there's nothing there but Shadows it must have been some tree branches oh no wait it's The Shadows the Shadows are literally also spiders it turns out burnison take that idiot oh Crystal dream Valley Crystal shop I'll keep wondering blue Cola check the meat return slot damn on nuts hold the line I stepped in some kind of weird mushrooms spores all over my good dancing shoes for crying out loud dancing as in actual dances her back alley shootout why'd I want a different pair for each they ain't that dissimilar okay I got spores see familiar looking person as I get nearer you realize the reason he looks so familiar is because he looks exactly like you hi are you a clone or is this a Time Paradox turns out it's a Time Paradox I guess wow crazy I agree high five you lean in for a kiss no tongue is there anything smooch wink now you get to look forward to a second one you still building your Gap in the trees there's a large sign painted on the side of the building that says quality Spirits so presumably it's either a Distillery or a ghost farm I'm Gonna Keep wandering on God damn that was great okay it's Shadows banish them ah damn I'm good I have gotten no meat though oh red sunshine you catch a glimpse of large gaily colored butterflies nearby you move towards them slowly so not to startle them as you get closer you realize that instead of having regular insect bodies they're little people fairies wow hello there gosh you're really beautiful you're beautiful that sounded just like my voice are you guys mimics that's real ah it's on my face no not my eyes are what what the hell you swat away the ferry that had fluttered up next to you and attempted to stab you in the neck with a rusty needle Kerry is approaching lugging a full-size snub-nosed revolver man I need to get Bewitched I'll fight him though yeah this is what you get I oh mine melt interesting twig Thumper we got thump Grady okay I can I can finish you off and I can finish you off with two attacks yeah oh my God actually I should have checked if any of them have high mysticality because I think that's what mine yeah that's what mind melt does but I can still Mash two of these dudes take this that's what Garlic's all about what oh hi that's not what you intended to do oh shoot random enemy one for seven times holy crap got a knee captain I just shoot him a bunch nice oh I hate that no Grady no all right you're done for now I think take one of these dude I have psychic powers and then shoot him a bunch man a gun really is a great thing fairy dust okay follow the trail of fairy dust fairy Lair all right I still need to farm okay me finally need more meat mushroom cave nope man I didn't even wander in the last area I should have wandered more let's see well I picks up a flat stone skims it expertly nice one thanks hey Buck how big a rock do you think you can Chuck raw muscle isn't exactly my forte but I guess I'll do all right you pick up a fist side rock and pinch it and Pitch it into the lake with a splash allowed Planck Falls soon behind you turn to see Molly picking up a softball sized rock with a grin that's impressive I may look girly girl but my Tommy's gotta kick like a mule gotta keep the rust off of these Pistons you know is Tommy your boyfriend that sounds kind of my girlfriend's name is Nancy Tommy is short for m1921 Thompson submachine gun ah I see well Molly is now stronger which is great familiar looking person oh good wow nice he leans in for a kiss goodbye now you get to look forward to a circle I'm glad I saw that all right me return slot I don't want a blue Cola I need to farm my meat Greta's compassionate pet store I don't trust that red Cola empty damn drink it for your country I'm not going to I'm all right check the drawer oh matches oh all right Beppo's hole check out the terrible I'm gonna I'm gonna go check out Beppo's hole I'm gonna check out the terrible spider roll that sounds like it might have something for me there aren't as many spider eggs in here as there could be but there are still too many the plexus Beppo's hole at the top and there's some fine print peppo's hole is named after Beppo P saricho who purchases plot of land in 1903 with the stated intention of creating a shark Sanctuary he managed to dig one decent sized pit but before he could fill it up with sharks I filled itself up with spiders or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that the spiders filled it up themselves and their offspring they're teeming hordes of awful venomous Offspring it is the opinion opinion of the crystal dream Lake historical society that Beppo's hole should be avoided at all costs in fact we probably shouldn't have put this placard here or included on any of our Maps May those you leave behind forgive us oh good definitely a lot of spiders in here oh well hold on let me look at this weird wriggling cocoon it's roughly person size it's either a person who's slowly been cocooned by a spider and is slowly suffocating to death or a person-sized mass of baby spiders talk to him heard them hello are you a person or a mind-breaking quantity of baby spiders is that the kind of noise a whole lot of baby spiders would make all right I'll cut them free you've cut apart the Cocoon bracing yourself for true horror fortunately it turns out to just be a guy in there oh thanks friend you had me worried for a sec they call me Doc I came here for to get some free gauze got a bit more than I bargained for hi doc I'm Mark I assume you're a doctor hat thing that you're literally a doctor in a sense that doctoring is my profession yes in the sense that I have a legal license for practicing it no you're looking for gauze yep the webs from big spiders like this make really great surgical gauze strong self-adhesive and even sterile if it's really fresh unfortunately I bit off more than I could chew you can chew it too no I'm at metaphorically one of the great big spiders that live in beppa's hole caught sight of me I don't recommend messing around with that hole especially if you're flush to the gills on medicinal alcohol I see ask him about hobo code can you teach me hobo code oh cool uh there's a camp you could go to the camp I'm much too eager to get doctor oh I could use some patience I'm much too eager to get doctoring that's a joke that works better out loud than in print anyways either okay goodbye I guess good thing I checked for code first this is you're going not well owie why this might have been a mistake um how much mysticality you guys got uh too much interesting interesting well I can definitely kill one of you intends to give birth to something terrible no no no no no no all right I'm gonna cook one of you and then I'm gonna heal and cure myself focus at a Marcus and then I'm gonna do a surplus Cola Wars grenade to kill you and make sure you don't birth anything and then I'm going to garlic oh it's horrible no oh good good well I'm gonna melt your brain all right so kill you good oh I should have hit that one with oh with her because her she does seven right that would have been good that would have been smarter but I'm not smart kill I got with spider webs fewer spiders is better spiders good I'm not gonna fight anymore I need to get more meat I've gotten the future version of you strolls up to you and hands you a fat wad of meat you know it's the future version and not the past version because you don't remember this happening before here take this meat technically I guess I should be repaying it to the Future me but that's me now so you'll have to do what but what's the point in giving me meat if I have to give it back to me later you'll be making meat much more easily later so this won't seem like as much then just think of it as a no interest loan on the contrary I actually am interested he rolls his eyes at you sheesh feature you is a jerk yeah anyway don't forget to pay you back or the universe will probably explode or something all right I have money do I need to pay myself about 300 me Mama Jama I gotta go I gotta go don't take my money me okay who solved the maze wait well I'm short having nearly walked straight into a huge spider web while you weren't paying attention although I guess some part of you was paying attention good job whatever part that was you turn ahead in another Direction and soon find yourself stopped by another big spider web so you turn around to try another Direction nope that path ends in the big spider web looks like the attention paying part of you wasn't paying enough attention to keep you from getting lost in the huge spider web maze maybe in the future you should pay attention to these things solve it I'm so smart spider says Shucks all right so now that I'm here I finally can get things that I probably am going to need in the future like rubbing paper and sandwich cream I don't know why I need it but I need it hello nice hat nice hat what's the exhibits here sorry I just get paid to stand here keep an eye on things I don't actually know anything I guess all right sure old book a little description Diary of Delia Putnam 6th of March 1692 oh God hit that Peter Proctor so much he thinks he can just go around being as mean as he wants just because he has lots of money and lives in a big house I should have used a much stronger curse would have more the trouble okay antique Ragdoll a bunch of old pins some reason the word boring improverted little plaqueses which is frequently use special dolls called puppets to curse their enemies this one is apparently made to a target of Misses or Miss boring though none of the names seem to be listed the pins were not found with the puppet but were added for demonstration oh all right goodbye why did I come here I have no idea nice gazebo plant matter in these dubs proved they were used to brew all kinds of horrible poisons fried fronds check the footnote point out to us okay is any of this important go up to the second and a half floor uh uh interesting oh wow okay I did all this for nothing I did all of it for nothing was the Outhouse is great wow I'm availing myself all right okay little Cemetery all right good Peter Proctor he was a duty head until the very end Nicholas Proctor what the heck he lived to be 230 years old Proctor oh oh I'm so close to knowing that I have that thing of the rubbing paper nah all right I don't know why I came here I don't know why I did any of this why did I do this I'm going to the dam screw all this nonsense that I don't need to know about I don't need to know what's this full never race a rodent I don't have nearly enough Moxie for that this what do you call it is huge damn I'm fishing in a pipe you caught oh oh okay welcome to do fishing okay I can sell that at least that's good caught everything that was in there boring our glass skin valve the valve is had in place by Decades of corrosion even if you could detach it he'd get wrecked in the process well damn literally nasty goo awesome rabbit ah damn hobo code can't um seems to be a maintenance maintenance access to an ethereal Dimension well before I do that I'm gonna have to end this episode for now because I'm out of time we will just have to go back in time and talk to our time Bearer toxic ourselves and hopefully never give ourselves money again in order to be able to solve this I'm not going to break the space I'm Continuum by saying that there won't be an episode in the future because there will be but you're watching this in the future when I recorded this in the past so thank you for watching when you did and when you will and as always I will and won't never not see you in the future and past when I see you bye-bye\n"