Healing is a Very Individual Experience

As we discussed last podcast, healing is a very individual experience and what works for one person may not work for another. When it comes to dealing with someone who caused us pain in our lives, forgiveness can be a big part of the healing process, but it's not always necessary or even possible. As I mentioned earlier, I believe that we have an internal guidance system that can guide us in making decisions about whether or not to forgive someone.

If we decide that we need to forgive someone, it's a good idea to talk to other people and get their input. Talking to others can help us gain new perspectives and insights that we may not have considered on our own. Group therapy, for example, can be a great way to process our emotions and work through difficult experiences with the support of others. But ultimately, it's up to each individual to decide what they need to do in order to heal.

Decision Making is Crucial

Making decisions is a big part of our lives, and it's especially important when it comes to choices that can impact our physical health or well-being. As someone who has had a heart attack, I know firsthand the importance of making healthy choices. But sometimes, we have to deal with the consequences of our past choices, and that can be really tough.

As one person pointed out, sometimes we need to hit rock bottom before we're able to make a change. This is because when we're in denial or stuck in a pattern of behavior, it can be hard to see the damage we've done or the harm we've caused others. But once we reach that point and realize what's going on, it's often easier to make changes and start moving forward.

This can be really tough, though - changing our habits and behaviors takes time and effort, and it's not always easy. But I believe that it's worth it. As someone who has struggled with weight and health issues, I know how hard it is to make those kinds of changes, but I also know the incredible sense of freedom and empowerment that comes from making healthy choices.

Our Goal is to Help Each Other

At this podcast, our goal is to create a safe and supportive space for people to talk about their experiences and work through difficult emotions. We believe that healing is possible, even in the darkest of times, and we're committed to helping others find hope and inspiration on their journey.

If you're struggling with something in your life - whether it's a past trauma, a current challenge, or simply a feeling of being stuck - we want to hear from you. We encourage you to share your story, ask for advice, and offer support to others who may be going through similar experiences. By working together and supporting one another, I believe that we can create a community that is truly healing and transformative.

The Power of Hope

Finally, I want to leave you with a message of hope and encouragement. As someone who has experienced trauma and pain, I know how hard it can be to keep going when things seem dark or hopeless. But I also know the incredible power of hope and resilience, and I believe that these qualities are within each and every one of us.

As we move forward on this podcast, we're going to explore some difficult topics and experiences, but we're also going to focus on hope and inspiration. We'll talk about ways to cope with pain and trauma, and we'll share stories of resilience and transformation. Our goal is to help you find the hope and support that you need to move forward on your own journey.

So please, don't be afraid to reach out or share your story. We're here to listen, offer advice, and provide support. And if you have any suggestions for topics or themes we should explore, please don't hesitate to let us know. Your input is invaluable to us, and it's what makes this podcast truly special.

The Power of Our Conscience

As I always say, our conscience is like a inner compass that guides us in making decisions about how to live our lives. It's up to each individual to listen to their own conscience and make choices that align with their values and principles.

One person pointed out that sometimes we need to hit rock bottom before we can start making positive changes in our lives. This is because when we're in denial or stuck in a pattern of behavior, it can be hard to see the damage we've done or the harm we've caused others. But once we reach that point and realize what's going on, it's often easier to make changes and start moving forward.

The Importance of Seeking Help

As we move forward on this podcast, I want to emphasize the importance of seeking help when we need it. Whether it's talking to a therapist, joining a support group, or simply reaching out to a trusted friend or family member, having people in our lives who can offer us guidance and support is crucial.

I also want to encourage you to be patient with yourself as you work through difficult emotions and experiences. Healing takes time, and it's not always easy. But I believe that the rewards are well worth the effort, and I'm committed to helping others find hope and inspiration on their journey.

The Impact of Our Actions

Finally, I want to talk about the impact that our actions have on those around us. As someone who has experienced pain and trauma, I know how hard it can be to forgive or let go of past hurts. But I also know the importance of taking responsibility for our own actions and making amends when we've caused harm.

By choosing to make positive changes in our lives and by seeking help when we need it, we can create a ripple effect of kindness and compassion that impacts those around us. This is what this podcast is all about - helping others find hope and inspiration on their journey, and encouraging them to live their best lives possible.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enmy sister Lori valo murdered her children Tyler and JJ and buried them in a pet cemetery and we're all trying to make sense of it so let's talk about it welcome to this podcast we're very excited for this because we have already done 10 podcasts which was our original Target and now we're deciding we've decided we're going to continue we're deciding how that will happen and we want to incorporate you in the decision making of how we do this and so we don't have a hard set plan we do for today's podcast but beyond this we don't have a hard set plan for the structure of the podcast we're entertaining different ideas thanks to you we do want to talk continue talking about Silver Linings we want to continue honoring Tyler and JJ and the victims we don't know that we have to do that with a name we're open to changing the name of the podcast we haven't decided that we do want to continue where we feel we have a contribution to make obviously the more we have talked about Lori and the background there's only so much there that we can contribute so we don't pretend that we'll be able to go full time with the background but we feel we've really touched on something here with the healing and your comments have been confirming that because Adam and I both feel and I'll give him a chance to talk in a minute we both feel a lot of healing taking place at least in ourselves because of your comments because of all the love you've shared and the experiences you've shared so we're going to highlight some of those experiences of yours and talk about them in this podcast and as always the comments are open let me say something about the comments too this podcast goes out on somewhere around 100 different platforms between audio and and the visual that we do we read as many comments as we can and we don't even get to all of the comments on YouTube which is the easiest for us to read so if you have comments and you listen to us on any other medium other than YouTube any of the other 100 platforms it's on please send your comments to the email and the email will show on the outtake of the video of course some of you are will not see that well they can also hear it we give the we give the email address at the end as well yeah so yeah please email us and let us know what your comments are if we if we don't get to them give it now Kylie and JJ's Silver Linings at gmail.com podcast okay give me a give it to me one more time Tyler and JJ's oh do it Sean Tyler and JJ's silver liningspodcast Gmail perfect just like that why didn't you use that voice instead of yelling at us you know it's funny to be off mic when I'm like hey do what I'm telling you yeah so it's more gamey or whatever now if we listen to some of the more negative comments we wouldn't be doing any more podcasting Unfortunately they are some people are done with us they've said enough of you two were out and we're like okay that's fine you have every right to do that right that's right but they're done with us that doesn't mean we are because the majority of you are very kind very encouraging and we appreciate that we appreciate all comments but we know some people will not find what they're looking for here yeah we understand that and today's episode we are going to get to a lot of comments because I think going forward and I mentioned this before I feel like our podcast is a big group therapy now obviously Rex and I are um trying to heal from our family's disaster and that's the main reason we're doing this podcast is not just to help us talk it through and try to but to help other people who were you know sickened and hurt and that need healing from Lori's story and one listener reminded us he or she said I'm not I'm not broken I don't need healing I'm curious I'm listening to you because I'm curious fair enough sometimes I communicate that all of us are are need healing from this just because it's so offensive to people but not everyone feels that way and we appreciate them listening and commenting regardless of their motive yeah so we will get to a lot of comments today that you guys have made and we encourage you to make more comments um uh what's affecting you in your life and we're going to talk about some people's stories that have made some comments that really touched me in Rex and we're going to talk about um situations and you know our healing and other people's healing and I feel like there's just a lot of people there's some that don't need to be healed and that's fine too but I feel like there's so many people in life that have so many things go unexpected that there there's a scar somewhere inside your body that you need to heal from and so we're just we're just here as a group therapy we're going to lead the discussion but it's not like him and I are experts at you know we're not psychologists right and since we're talking about their comments let me throw one out just as a starting point this listener said I wish Rex was my Grunkle and Adam was my brother wait Adam is single okay let me strike the brother comment so here we go it may be a dating site for you there's a there's an opportunity no I this is definitely not a dating site okay um okay um but you know one day I hope to be remarried because I would do much better being married than single as everybody can tell like I hear people say I read one comments like well when Adam first started doing this podcast you can tell that he was just broken and he was out of you know and it seems like after the tenth one they said hey Phil I feel like Adam is really coming out of this maybe this is helping him so I hope all those things are true and I agree with that by the way okay good um so a lot of people were saying um you know comments are about you know they want to know about my family situation and you had said you read something that wasn't there a comment like that that there have been several questions about has your family forgiven you for um no apologized has your family apologized for how they treated you initially when they were on Lori's side of course once the children's bodies were found that changed everything dramatically and um this is one of the greatest Silver Linings in the story for our Collective family because I don't know how long it was into this was it a year into it or two years when your mother my sister Janice called me and asked she said it's time I need to open communication with Adam I'm not sure how to do it would you I can't remember how she said I think she said to mediate a conversation with this I said you mean like referee am I worried about physical violence um sorry not a laughing matter but we often laugh it matters even that aren't laughing matters and and I was glad to do it and to me that was a sign of healing just that she would want to have that conversation and so we did get together and I think that was healing and just the fact I don't you can tell us whether they if they said I'm sorry or not but just the fact that she would initiate that to me is somewhat of an apology and a sign of healing or progression in the healing process can you tell us about that sure well when I got the phone call from you well this was after the kids were found so the kids were found then my mom knew that Lori was lying where she had believed her the whole time before so my mom and my dad to meet me and my mom and dad in summer in case you don't know uh we didn't talk for up to two years um and so once the kids were found then they realized oh Lori was lying to us and Adam was telling the truth they realized that they really screwed up so when my mom called you you called me and said hey your mom wants to talk I was like okay it's been two years since I've been cut out for my family haven't talked let's let's go do this so you said I'll come pick you up I don't even know where my parents lived we lived in the same city for eight months or or nine or ten months or a year before I even saw them for the first time so you picked me up and took me over to the house and as you saw my mom apologized to me um and since that day every time that I would try to go to their house and uh have dinner with them and try to rebuild some kind of relationship with my mom and dad my mom would cry and apologize to me again she apologized to me over a hundred times she's consistently apologizing to me and I said Mom you don't have to apologize anymore you've already done that um and as far as summer goes I was in Phoenix last weekend and I went to lunch with Summer um and me and summer are trying to rebuild our relationship together um and I love summer and summer has been through hell and back just like my mom and dad have been through hell and back and I've been through hell and back so different ways we we all share one thing in common but I have something different than they do most people know but summer is Adam's sister yes and so um and so I just love spending time with summer and seeing her her and her kids and we went to lunch and you know I miss what we used to have because I mean our family used to be really tight and just we just all love to be around each other so I know it's never going to be the same um but there is hope that in time things can get a lot better and you know so there's open communication we're trying to work things out I still have questions sometimes and I try to talk and and you know everybody still has their own you know talking points or their own views or whatever they thought happened um so and Lori had just created a huge mess with our family and there's still family situations to play out right they're still there for example yeah and a lot of people have questions about Melanie and Colby uh and we've we've addressed all these I know we keep getting comments on these podcasts but if you go through and you listen to our responses Rex and I have this a video that's out it's called responses we have like I don't know eight or something out and we respond to all the questions like that that people want to know about my family and those things so those are all out so we've told you everything that we know about Colby and and Melanie and things like that as things are stand now a year from now it may be completely different and the responses aren't satisfying some people they're still asking but like the Melanie situation that's all we know at this point yeah the Joe Ryan situation we don't know anything else right so we don't always have the answers even when it's a family situation right so we're we're we're well taking it day by day very good you didn't say anything about Barry and people ask about that and they ask why don't you mention Barry well Barry my dad is also with my mom um he's not an emotional person usually um so he talks and he listens and he you know every time I've mentioned something to my mom I feel like my dad was on my side and said yeah what about this and she you know had her reason for believing what she believed or still believes or whatever it is so um he's still trying to figure everything out I think um and as as a lot of people are because they're still like you said there's other things that have to be have to be played out Lori's going to go to Arizona there's going to be another trial everybody wants to know about was Melanie involved with Brandon's killing and if she was how much was she involved you know she is are her kids safe with her like there's so many different questions that people have because of what we learned on the text messages from Chad so with that being said we still have a lot more coming with that and we'll be glad to address anything that's new about the family or any other information we have so we aren't we aren't abandoning abandoning that as we talk more about natural laws about healing as they relate to the case so I want to get to a couple of comments if we can because I know you guys have commented and stuff and I want to read I want to read one in particular this came on actually on Facebook uh on our podcast on Facebook and it's from Jeanette she says Hey guys I've been following this story from the beginning and you have been watching your podcast since it started it's great thank you for your openness and honesty and we told you we tried it we're trying to be as honest and open as we can um it says as far as healing my kids and I suffer of a loss of my ex their dad who abandoned us for a life of drugs um he's been in and out of our lives for almost 10 years but I have pretty much raised them alone and continue to I have three kids two teenagers and a son who's JJ's age he has autism too so this story really hit home with me anyways our healing has been and continues to be a long journey for us um the only way we have walked through this has been time and we talked about that I feel like when it comes to healing time is a huge thing for people so so far she said uh time is a big thing for them and acceptance some days it's been so hard to believe that their dad would have done this to them it isn't something that I would ever believed he would do but with time we've come to a peaceful Acceptance in this situations an acceptance that he is lost and has no capability of love we just band together and love each other and move forward uh I've taught the kids not to be victims but to use their pain and experience to help others in similar situations they will always have Painful hole in their heart uh and the fact that they know that they're still going to be okay what helped me too is I started writing poetry and I have mentioned like for me writing our book and writing my thoughts and feelings on paper for some reason that's given me peace and for other people she likes to write poetry she says putting my pain into words helped me get get it out I also started a podcast of my own it's called single mom survive and thrive same goal as you guys have helping other moms in my shoes to know it's okay to hurt but healing is possible my thoughts and prayers are with you guys thanks again for the great podcast and I think she's in the UK that she sent that um I love that she's trying to heal and she's figuring out how to heal and she's saying time writing poetry are two big things and accepting that they know that their father her husband is lost so in my situation I have to accept Lori's lost Alex was lost they kill people my nephew and niece or my brother-in-law and Tammy and that's hard enough to to try to take in that they actually did that um is time gonna help me heal I hope it does and I I feel like time can help helping me is writing as well as that but I think just knowing that I have to accept what they did it's hard that that is what's hard I think for all of us in the family that knew them I think it's still hard for us to put our arms around the fact that people we know and love killed people we know and love that's just it's it's so hard I don't even know what it is yeah I can't get my arms around right um another uh thing that came across one of the comments and it was um it was about a mom like this Mom and she said that this was so hard for me this story because I have three kids and it's it's harder for me than I think it is for people who aren't moms can you explain why moms with Laurie's story is more difficult to handle no I I wish I could I wish I had that insight and not being a mother I I think I believe that is completely accurate I don't know the wiser or where's where fours that another one um on a personal note this is somebody who had complimented our podcast but she said the personal personal note uh your show has been healing for me um and I have I he I am healing from an extremely abusive childhood so I wanted to talk about this because I know there's lots of people who are listening that have had terrible childhoods and you've been abused there's been neglect there's been I know people whose parents have never told them one time in their whole life that they loved them I know people like this I've talked to them and then once you leave childhood you become an adult hold on to that and a lot of times you make excuses why you like like the way the path you're going on and you blame your childhood and blame your past how do we get past that Rex like what is a what's a good way to acknowledge your childhood but then yet somehow break out of that I put a lot of personal thought into this with my parents having been divorced and both of them died when I was Nine and Nine and 18. and even with that thinking of the situation now I wasn't abused I had a wonderful childhood not everyone thinks that because my dad wasn't there after age nine but right um but I put a lot of thought into that and I had to come to my own terms that the decisions I made were not because of my past I cannot blame any of it on the fact that I didn't have a father in the home because I still had complete latitude to make whatever decisions I wanted to I understand that I lost something I don't know what it is because it wasn't there but that does not change my responsibility for my decisions just like whatever is in Lori's past whatever her influences are whether it's family whether it's location religion whatever it is none of that absolves her of the re of responsibility for the decisions and action decisions she made and actions she took I feel the same thing about my life no matter what happened in my family situation how I was raised anything else I'm responsible for my decisions yeah um I had another comment that I wanted to talk about too um and that was um somebody had made a comment saying they they've been divorced for several years and they have some lonely days and I so there's certain things that trigger things for me um because of what we went through that I get triggered sometimes when I read and I hate watching People's pain I watched a movie called uh sounds of freedom and there's a scene in there that where there's a dad that you know he loses his kids and it was kind of like his fault that he did what he did at least that's what he felt and I could just feel his pain even though they didn't show him like 90 of the movie the rest of the movie all I did was feel that dad's pain so there's certain things that trigger me inside and so when I read this that she's divorced and lonely I remember when I first got divorced and I was I was by myself for the first six months and I've told you this that I mean I've always had somebody there I grew up with the family then I moved out and I had a roommate and then I got married I always had somebody I never spent any time alone so this was the first time I've ever spent alone was when I got divorced a couple years ago and I was it was just me and what you want to talk about lonely it was lonely and so when I read this and I saw her she's like you know I've been divorced I've had these really lonely days I started thinking about you know what how do you heal from being lonely and what do you do and here's some things Silver Linings at least for me and this may help you and it may not but for me I would look for my favorite comedian and go watch some YouTube clips of my favorite comedian his name is Craig Shoemaker he cracks me up he makes me laugh so I think laughter there's something about laughing and it gets your endorphins going there's something about laughing that can take loneliness out of you for a while the other thing is music now music to me I've been in radio for 30 years music has been a huge part of my life so I feel like music listening to your favorite music or singing or something like that does something to your soul I think we're connected with music and soul it's connecting so for you who who emailed or or made this comment I would suggest trying to when you get into those lonely spots your favorite music your favorite artist you can even go down rabbit holes with music sometimes which I do favorite comedian laugh those kinds of things I think those those help what other things Rex when somebody's lonely that's you know that they can help well I'm reading a comment right now from one of our um listeners that said that this is Phoenix Rising is their name on okay okay and they're talking specifically about forgiving which is a parallel topic here to what we're talking about with the loneliness yeah forgiving doesn't mean condoning this is a big misunderstanding forgiving means to Let It Go to let go the anger that causes all the suffering it means to have mercy on yourself because love is our nature I love this love is our nature it doesn't mean you stop loving the victims it means we simply move out of the past and into this beautiful moment that last phrase that's why I wanted to get to that relates to loneliness moving into this beautiful moment if I'm feeling lonely again this is me not everyone if I'm feeling lonely it's because of past I've lost something I don't have it now and there's no one in my mind to share anything with when I move into this beautiful moment there are people that care I can I know people I can reach out to not everyone has that but I think most of us have someone they can reach out to and we can create this beautiful moment and when I look around if people ever insinuate I've had a hard life I just don't see it because unbalance on balance everything is good and so I can't stay lonely very long looking at it like okay in this moment right now I can reach out and I have a wonderful life yeah um another thing that somebody had mentioned these are all these are all comments that we've taken off of our YouTube and Facebook uh comments um somebody says as for healing I'd like to know your feelings asking you and I uh on needing to forgive in order to heal and I've talked about this a couple times on different podcasts that you know I'm built my body is my mind my soul whatever you the connection for me I have to feel I have to forgive somebody or that poison will just eat me alive is it hard to forgive somebody who Did You Wrong especially people who've been abused and all these other things how do you get to the point where you can forgive somebody who caused so much pain in your life but is that is that part of healing do you have to do that to heal I think as a as I mentioned last podcast healing is very individual not everyone needs to forgive I know there's a religious injunction that says that we need to to forgive and I I believe that in general but as far as healing from a specific situation like you said someone that abused us I think that's an individual decision to make do I need to forgive that person and if so how and I still believe um from our last podcast that your internal guidance system can guide you in those decisions because it is only you that knows if you need to forgive them and then if you do you can ask other people's opinions you can get good ideas from situations like this or quote group therapy right this is our group therapy totally get ideas but you'll know what you have to do when you consider it as far as needing to forgive someone so I know we got enough time for one more and I I feel like this is you know Rex we've talked about Choice making choices is a big part of our podcast too right with your with your conscience and stuff and somebody made a point said you may you made a point about BlueBell ice cream last week uh on your uh on the podcast where you were talking about you have a decision to make to take a bite of this even though you've had a heart attack and you know this could be bad for you or whatever sometimes we have to deal with our consequences well somebody had had made a comment says at one time in my life I weighed almost 400 pounds because of the choices I made daily I did not going to I did not go to bed weighing 130 pounds and wake up the next day 400 pounds I chose to walk in denial for a very long time until I glanced in the mirror one day and it really hit me and I had been looking at mirrors all along but finally saw myself and decided I had to change um decision making we I think we just have to recognize sometimes when it comes to decision making and you until you get to that bottom I guess for me sometimes you just keep going down a thing until you hit the bottom of the barrel and once you hit the bottom of the barrel there's nowhere else to go except for up and you got to make a change so I appreciate that comment because it brings up something that I think a lot of us could use and thinking about man maybe there's some things in my life that I need to change that I just kept on going going going going is it hard to do absolutely it's very difficult to make big changes in life but please as we as we pleaded I think three podcasts ago or whenever it was if you recognize some of that in your life if if nothing else if you get nothing else out of the whole Tyler and JJ tragedy maybe for them maybe you're inspired to do something do that for yourself and the people around you if you notice you're going not to the point that their mother did who murdered them but right just something in your life you feel I am going down just like you described down the wrong path you're the one that can change it if any one of those three players had changed their path that would have made a huge impact we don't know what the difference would have been no but um it would have been a tremendously positive impact and so we as I said then we aren't preaching to you we aren't telling you what to do but I'm not above begging so if you find yourself going down a path like that please let your conscience help you make one change to stop stop whatever path that is yeah I love that please continue to make comments uh maybe something that happened in your life that you healed from or maybe there's a maybe there's a situation in your life that you're thinking about making a choice and if you need help with it or wanted help with it we would love to you know try to try to talk about things we want to keep this as an open group therapy for a lot of us because I think most people have something in their life that they need to heal from and this is the why we're doing this podcast does it have things to do with Lori and her decisions and all that yes there's things in there that we are going to talk about but there's also people in your your lives that you have your your own things that are going on so we're here we're doing this podcast we're going to try to continue to do this and Christina Melvin reminds us hope stands for hold on pain ends love it we'll see you guys next time JJ so Silver Linings podcast your input is helping us make sense of this we encourage your comments on our Facebook page or email Tyler and JJ silverlinings gmail.com this has been a production from a podcast Studiomy sister Lori valo murdered her children Tyler and JJ and buried them in a pet cemetery and we're all trying to make sense of it so let's talk about it welcome to this podcast we're very excited for this because we have already done 10 podcasts which was our original Target and now we're deciding we've decided we're going to continue we're deciding how that will happen and we want to incorporate you in the decision making of how we do this and so we don't have a hard set plan we do for today's podcast but beyond this we don't have a hard set plan for the structure of the podcast we're entertaining different ideas thanks to you we do want to talk continue talking about Silver Linings we want to continue honoring Tyler and JJ and the victims we don't know that we have to do that with a name we're open to changing the name of the podcast we haven't decided that we do want to continue where we feel we have a contribution to make obviously the more we have talked about Lori and the background there's only so much there that we can contribute so we don't pretend that we'll be able to go full time with the background but we feel we've really touched on something here with the healing and your comments have been confirming that because Adam and I both feel and I'll give him a chance to talk in a minute we both feel a lot of healing taking place at least in ourselves because of your comments because of all the love you've shared and the experiences you've shared so we're going to highlight some of those experiences of yours and talk about them in this podcast and as always the comments are open let me say something about the comments too this podcast goes out on somewhere around 100 different platforms between audio and and the visual that we do we read as many comments as we can and we don't even get to all of the comments on YouTube which is the easiest for us to read so if you have comments and you listen to us on any other medium other than YouTube any of the other 100 platforms it's on please send your comments to the email and the email will show on the outtake of the video of course some of you are will not see that well they can also hear it we give the we give the email address at the end as well yeah so yeah please email us and let us know what your comments are if we if we don't get to them give it now Kylie and JJ's Silver Linings at gmail.com podcast okay give me a give it to me one more time Tyler and JJ's oh do it Sean Tyler and JJ's silver liningspodcast Gmail perfect just like that why didn't you use that voice instead of yelling at us you know it's funny to be off mic when I'm like hey do what I'm telling you yeah so it's more gamey or whatever now if we listen to some of the more negative comments we wouldn't be doing any more podcasting Unfortunately they are some people are done with us they've said enough of you two were out and we're like okay that's fine you have every right to do that right that's right but they're done with us that doesn't mean we are because the majority of you are very kind very encouraging and we appreciate that we appreciate all comments but we know some people will not find what they're looking for here yeah we understand that and today's episode we are going to get to a lot of comments because I think going forward and I mentioned this before I feel like our podcast is a big group therapy now obviously Rex and I are um trying to heal from our family's disaster and that's the main reason we're doing this podcast is not just to help us talk it through and try to but to help other people who were you know sickened and hurt and that need healing from Lori's story and one listener reminded us he or she said I'm not I'm not broken I don't need healing I'm curious I'm listening to you because I'm curious fair enough sometimes I communicate that all of us are are need healing from this just because it's so offensive to people but not everyone feels that way and we appreciate them listening and commenting regardless of their motive yeah so we will get to a lot of comments today that you guys have made and we encourage you to make more comments um uh what's affecting you in your life and we're going to talk about some people's stories that have made some comments that really touched me in Rex and we're going to talk about um situations and you know our healing and other people's healing and I feel like there's just a lot of people there's some that don't need to be healed and that's fine too but I feel like there's so many people in life that have so many things go unexpected that there there's a scar somewhere inside your body that you need to heal from and so we're just we're just here as a group therapy we're going to lead the discussion but it's not like him and I are experts at you know we're not psychologists right and since we're talking about their comments let me throw one out just as a starting point this listener said I wish Rex was my Grunkle and Adam was my brother wait Adam is single okay let me strike the brother comment so here we go it may be a dating site for you there's a there's an opportunity no I this is definitely not a dating site okay um okay um but you know one day I hope to be remarried because I would do much better being married than single as everybody can tell like I hear people say I read one comments like well when Adam first started doing this podcast you can tell that he was just broken and he was out of you know and it seems like after the tenth one they said hey Phil I feel like Adam is really coming out of this maybe this is helping him so I hope all those things are true and I agree with that by the way okay good um so a lot of people were saying um you know comments are about you know they want to know about my family situation and you had said you read something that wasn't there a comment like that that there have been several questions about has your family forgiven you for um no apologized has your family apologized for how they treated you initially when they were on Lori's side of course once the children's bodies were found that changed everything dramatically and um this is one of the greatest Silver Linings in the story for our Collective family because I don't know how long it was into this was it a year into it or two years when your mother my sister Janice called me and asked she said it's time I need to open communication with Adam I'm not sure how to do it would you I can't remember how she said I think she said to mediate a conversation with this I said you mean like referee am I worried about physical violence um sorry not a laughing matter but we often laugh it matters even that aren't laughing matters and and I was glad to do it and to me that was a sign of healing just that she would want to have that conversation and so we did get together and I think that was healing and just the fact I don't you can tell us whether they if they said I'm sorry or not but just the fact that she would initiate that to me is somewhat of an apology and a sign of healing or progression in the healing process can you tell us about that sure well when I got the phone call from you well this was after the kids were found so the kids were found then my mom knew that Lori was lying where she had believed her the whole time before so my mom and my dad to meet me and my mom and dad in summer in case you don't know uh we didn't talk for up to two years um and so once the kids were found then they realized oh Lori was lying to us and Adam was telling the truth they realized that they really screwed up so when my mom called you you called me and said hey your mom wants to talk I was like okay it's been two years since I've been cut out for my family haven't talked let's let's go do this so you said I'll come pick you up I don't even know where my parents lived we lived in the same city for eight months or or nine or ten months or a year before I even saw them for the first time so you picked me up and took me over to the house and as you saw my mom apologized to me um and since that day every time that I would try to go to their house and uh have dinner with them and try to rebuild some kind of relationship with my mom and dad my mom would cry and apologize to me again she apologized to me over a hundred times she's consistently apologizing to me and I said Mom you don't have to apologize anymore you've already done that um and as far as summer goes I was in Phoenix last weekend and I went to lunch with Summer um and me and summer are trying to rebuild our relationship together um and I love summer and summer has been through hell and back just like my mom and dad have been through hell and back and I've been through hell and back so different ways we we all share one thing in common but I have something different than they do most people know but summer is Adam's sister yes and so um and so I just love spending time with summer and seeing her her and her kids and we went to lunch and you know I miss what we used to have because I mean our family used to be really tight and just we just all love to be around each other so I know it's never going to be the same um but there is hope that in time things can get a lot better and you know so there's open communication we're trying to work things out I still have questions sometimes and I try to talk and and you know everybody still has their own you know talking points or their own views or whatever they thought happened um so and Lori had just created a huge mess with our family and there's still family situations to play out right they're still there for example yeah and a lot of people have questions about Melanie and Colby uh and we've we've addressed all these I know we keep getting comments on these podcasts but if you go through and you listen to our responses Rex and I have this a video that's out it's called responses we have like I don't know eight or something out and we respond to all the questions like that that people want to know about my family and those things so those are all out so we've told you everything that we know about Colby and and Melanie and things like that as things are stand now a year from now it may be completely different and the responses aren't satisfying some people they're still asking but like the Melanie situation that's all we know at this point yeah the Joe Ryan situation we don't know anything else right so we don't always have the answers even when it's a family situation right so we're we're we're well taking it day by day very good you didn't say anything about Barry and people ask about that and they ask why don't you mention Barry well Barry my dad is also with my mom um he's not an emotional person usually um so he talks and he listens and he you know every time I've mentioned something to my mom I feel like my dad was on my side and said yeah what about this and she you know had her reason for believing what she believed or still believes or whatever it is so um he's still trying to figure everything out I think um and as as a lot of people are because they're still like you said there's other things that have to be have to be played out Lori's going to go to Arizona there's going to be another trial everybody wants to know about was Melanie involved with Brandon's killing and if she was how much was she involved you know she is are her kids safe with her like there's so many different questions that people have because of what we learned on the text messages from Chad so with that being said we still have a lot more coming with that and we'll be glad to address anything that's new about the family or any other information we have so we aren't we aren't abandoning abandoning that as we talk more about natural laws about healing as they relate to the case so I want to get to a couple of comments if we can because I know you guys have commented and stuff and I want to read I want to read one in particular this came on actually on Facebook uh on our podcast on Facebook and it's from Jeanette she says Hey guys I've been following this story from the beginning and you have been watching your podcast since it started it's great thank you for your openness and honesty and we told you we tried it we're trying to be as honest and open as we can um it says as far as healing my kids and I suffer of a loss of my ex their dad who abandoned us for a life of drugs um he's been in and out of our lives for almost 10 years but I have pretty much raised them alone and continue to I have three kids two teenagers and a son who's JJ's age he has autism too so this story really hit home with me anyways our healing has been and continues to be a long journey for us um the only way we have walked through this has been time and we talked about that I feel like when it comes to healing time is a huge thing for people so so far she said uh time is a big thing for them and acceptance some days it's been so hard to believe that their dad would have done this to them it isn't something that I would ever believed he would do but with time we've come to a peaceful Acceptance in this situations an acceptance that he is lost and has no capability of love we just band together and love each other and move forward uh I've taught the kids not to be victims but to use their pain and experience to help others in similar situations they will always have Painful hole in their heart uh and the fact that they know that they're still going to be okay what helped me too is I started writing poetry and I have mentioned like for me writing our book and writing my thoughts and feelings on paper for some reason that's given me peace and for other people she likes to write poetry she says putting my pain into words helped me get get it out I also started a podcast of my own it's called single mom survive and thrive same goal as you guys have helping other moms in my shoes to know it's okay to hurt but healing is possible my thoughts and prayers are with you guys thanks again for the great podcast and I think she's in the UK that she sent that um I love that she's trying to heal and she's figuring out how to heal and she's saying time writing poetry are two big things and accepting that they know that their father her husband is lost so in my situation I have to accept Lori's lost Alex was lost they kill people my nephew and niece or my brother-in-law and Tammy and that's hard enough to to try to take in that they actually did that um is time gonna help me heal I hope it does and I I feel like time can help helping me is writing as well as that but I think just knowing that I have to accept what they did it's hard that that is what's hard I think for all of us in the family that knew them I think it's still hard for us to put our arms around the fact that people we know and love killed people we know and love that's just it's it's so hard I don't even know what it is yeah I can't get my arms around right um another uh thing that came across one of the comments and it was um it was about a mom like this Mom and she said that this was so hard for me this story because I have three kids and it's it's harder for me than I think it is for people who aren't moms can you explain why moms with Laurie's story is more difficult to handle no I I wish I could I wish I had that insight and not being a mother I I think I believe that is completely accurate I don't know the wiser or where's where fours that another one um on a personal note this is somebody who had complimented our podcast but she said the personal personal note uh your show has been healing for me um and I have I he I am healing from an extremely abusive childhood so I wanted to talk about this because I know there's lots of people who are listening that have had terrible childhoods and you've been abused there's been neglect there's been I know people whose parents have never told them one time in their whole life that they loved them I know people like this I've talked to them and then once you leave childhood you become an adult hold on to that and a lot of times you make excuses why you like like the way the path you're going on and you blame your childhood and blame your past how do we get past that Rex like what is a what's a good way to acknowledge your childhood but then yet somehow break out of that I put a lot of personal thought into this with my parents having been divorced and both of them died when I was Nine and Nine and 18. and even with that thinking of the situation now I wasn't abused I had a wonderful childhood not everyone thinks that because my dad wasn't there after age nine but right um but I put a lot of thought into that and I had to come to my own terms that the decisions I made were not because of my past I cannot blame any of it on the fact that I didn't have a father in the home because I still had complete latitude to make whatever decisions I wanted to I understand that I lost something I don't know what it is because it wasn't there but that does not change my responsibility for my decisions just like whatever is in Lori's past whatever her influences are whether it's family whether it's location religion whatever it is none of that absolves her of the re of responsibility for the decisions and action decisions she made and actions she took I feel the same thing about my life no matter what happened in my family situation how I was raised anything else I'm responsible for my decisions yeah um I had another comment that I wanted to talk about too um and that was um somebody had made a comment saying they they've been divorced for several years and they have some lonely days and I so there's certain things that trigger things for me um because of what we went through that I get triggered sometimes when I read and I hate watching People's pain I watched a movie called uh sounds of freedom and there's a scene in there that where there's a dad that you know he loses his kids and it was kind of like his fault that he did what he did at least that's what he felt and I could just feel his pain even though they didn't show him like 90 of the movie the rest of the movie all I did was feel that dad's pain so there's certain things that trigger me inside and so when I read this that she's divorced and lonely I remember when I first got divorced and I was I was by myself for the first six months and I've told you this that I mean I've always had somebody there I grew up with the family then I moved out and I had a roommate and then I got married I always had somebody I never spent any time alone so this was the first time I've ever spent alone was when I got divorced a couple years ago and I was it was just me and what you want to talk about lonely it was lonely and so when I read this and I saw her she's like you know I've been divorced I've had these really lonely days I started thinking about you know what how do you heal from being lonely and what do you do and here's some things Silver Linings at least for me and this may help you and it may not but for me I would look for my favorite comedian and go watch some YouTube clips of my favorite comedian his name is Craig Shoemaker he cracks me up he makes me laugh so I think laughter there's something about laughing and it gets your endorphins going there's something about laughing that can take loneliness out of you for a while the other thing is music now music to me I've been in radio for 30 years music has been a huge part of my life so I feel like music listening to your favorite music or singing or something like that does something to your soul I think we're connected with music and soul it's connecting so for you who who emailed or or made this comment I would suggest trying to when you get into those lonely spots your favorite music your favorite artist you can even go down rabbit holes with music sometimes which I do favorite comedian laugh those kinds of things I think those those help what other things Rex when somebody's lonely that's you know that they can help well I'm reading a comment right now from one of our um listeners that said that this is Phoenix Rising is their name on okay okay and they're talking specifically about forgiving which is a parallel topic here to what we're talking about with the loneliness yeah forgiving doesn't mean condoning this is a big misunderstanding forgiving means to Let It Go to let go the anger that causes all the suffering it means to have mercy on yourself because love is our nature I love this love is our nature it doesn't mean you stop loving the victims it means we simply move out of the past and into this beautiful moment that last phrase that's why I wanted to get to that relates to loneliness moving into this beautiful moment if I'm feeling lonely again this is me not everyone if I'm feeling lonely it's because of past I've lost something I don't have it now and there's no one in my mind to share anything with when I move into this beautiful moment there are people that care I can I know people I can reach out to not everyone has that but I think most of us have someone they can reach out to and we can create this beautiful moment and when I look around if people ever insinuate I've had a hard life I just don't see it because unbalance on balance everything is good and so I can't stay lonely very long looking at it like okay in this moment right now I can reach out and I have a wonderful life yeah um another thing that somebody had mentioned these are all these are all comments that we've taken off of our YouTube and Facebook uh comments um somebody says as for healing I'd like to know your feelings asking you and I uh on needing to forgive in order to heal and I've talked about this a couple times on different podcasts that you know I'm built my body is my mind my soul whatever you the connection for me I have to feel I have to forgive somebody or that poison will just eat me alive is it hard to forgive somebody who Did You Wrong especially people who've been abused and all these other things how do you get to the point where you can forgive somebody who caused so much pain in your life but is that is that part of healing do you have to do that to heal I think as a as I mentioned last podcast healing is very individual not everyone needs to forgive I know there's a religious injunction that says that we need to to forgive and I I believe that in general but as far as healing from a specific situation like you said someone that abused us I think that's an individual decision to make do I need to forgive that person and if so how and I still believe um from our last podcast that your internal guidance system can guide you in those decisions because it is only you that knows if you need to forgive them and then if you do you can ask other people's opinions you can get good ideas from situations like this or quote group therapy right this is our group therapy totally get ideas but you'll know what you have to do when you consider it as far as needing to forgive someone so I know we got enough time for one more and I I feel like this is you know Rex we've talked about Choice making choices is a big part of our podcast too right with your with your conscience and stuff and somebody made a point said you may you made a point about BlueBell ice cream last week uh on your uh on the podcast where you were talking about you have a decision to make to take a bite of this even though you've had a heart attack and you know this could be bad for you or whatever sometimes we have to deal with our consequences well somebody had had made a comment says at one time in my life I weighed almost 400 pounds because of the choices I made daily I did not going to I did not go to bed weighing 130 pounds and wake up the next day 400 pounds I chose to walk in denial for a very long time until I glanced in the mirror one day and it really hit me and I had been looking at mirrors all along but finally saw myself and decided I had to change um decision making we I think we just have to recognize sometimes when it comes to decision making and you until you get to that bottom I guess for me sometimes you just keep going down a thing until you hit the bottom of the barrel and once you hit the bottom of the barrel there's nowhere else to go except for up and you got to make a change so I appreciate that comment because it brings up something that I think a lot of us could use and thinking about man maybe there's some things in my life that I need to change that I just kept on going going going going is it hard to do absolutely it's very difficult to make big changes in life but please as we as we pleaded I think three podcasts ago or whenever it was if you recognize some of that in your life if if nothing else if you get nothing else out of the whole Tyler and JJ tragedy maybe for them maybe you're inspired to do something do that for yourself and the people around you if you notice you're going not to the point that their mother did who murdered them but right just something in your life you feel I am going down just like you described down the wrong path you're the one that can change it if any one of those three players had changed their path that would have made a huge impact we don't know what the difference would have been no but um it would have been a tremendously positive impact and so we as I said then we aren't preaching to you we aren't telling you what to do but I'm not above begging so if you find yourself going down a path like that please let your conscience help you make one change to stop stop whatever path that is yeah I love that please continue to make comments uh maybe something that happened in your life that you healed from or maybe there's a maybe there's a situation in your life that you're thinking about making a choice and if you need help with it or wanted help with it we would love to you know try to try to talk about things we want to keep this as an open group therapy for a lot of us because I think most people have something in their life that they need to heal from and this is the why we're doing this podcast does it have things to do with Lori and her decisions and all that yes there's things in there that we are going to talk about but there's also people in your your lives that you have your your own things that are going on so we're here we're doing this podcast we're going to try to continue to do this and Christina Melvin reminds us hope stands for hold on pain ends love it we'll see you guys next time JJ so Silver Linings podcast your input is helping us make sense of this we encourage your comments on our Facebook page or email Tyler and JJ silverlinings gmail.com this has been a production from a podcast Studio\n"