The Unfiltered Life: A Day in the Life of a YouTube Personality

As I sat down to record this episode, I couldn't help but feel a sense of nervousness wash over me. It's been a week since Angelica gave birth, and my brother-in-law had taken it upon himself to check on her progress. I must admit, I was a bit put off by his enthusiasm. As he gazed lovingly at my sister's belly, I couldn't help but feel a sense of unease. It's as if the world had suddenly shifted and I found myself in uncharted territory.

I took a deep breath and tried to focus on the present moment. My mind began to wander, and before I knew it, I was stalling for time. I turned to my phone and hesitated, unsure of how to navigate the sea of spam calls that seemed to be suffocating me. It's days like this that make me wonder if I'm doing enough to take care of myself. The anxiety was palpable, and I found myself on the verge of tears.

As I struggled to come to terms with my emotions, I stumbled upon a video by Grace Beverly, a creator who specializes in helping individuals with ADHD manage their day-to-day lives. Her strategies for tackling tasks and breaking down large projects into smaller, manageable chunks resonated deeply with me. It's clear that I need to find ways to regain control over my life, even if it means stalling for time.

I decided to create a schedule for the day, dividing tasks into three categories: quick ticks (anything that takes five minutes or less), tasks (anything from 10 to 30 minutes), and projects (the larger tasks that often leave me feeling overwhelmed). My non-negotiables for the day were to take my medication, film a YouTube video, and sign into Tick-Tock. It was a start, but I knew it would be far from easy.

As I delved deeper into my schedule, I found myself thinking about more mundane things. Like what it's like to keep a dog outside at all times, with no escape from the heat or barking. Or how I wish I could be as carefree as others, like the neighbor who always says hello and invites themselves over for a visit. It's a peculiar world we live in, where some people seem to take pleasure in making us feel like we're doing something wrong.

I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of Dennis and I waiting outside my house for me to get back online during our last live stream. It was almost as if we were kids again, trying to outdo each other with silly antics. And then there's the Dr Pepper – a drink that's become synonymous with feeling old and creaky.

As I wrapped up this episode of my day, I couldn't help but think about how far we've come. From being young, carefree individuals to the people we are today. It's a journey filled with twists and turns, some of which leave us feeling like we're stuck in quicksand. But that's okay – it's a reminder that life is precious, and every moment is an opportunity to start anew.

I took one last sip of my Dr Pepper and smiled wistfully into the camera. It was time for me to say goodbye, but I knew that our conversation had just begun. In the world of YouTube, quality time is paramount, and I'm grateful to have found a community that values it as much as I do.

As I closed out this episode, I couldn't help but wonder what the future holds. Will we ever master the art of scheduling our lives into manageable chunks? Can we find peace in the midst of chaos? And will I ever learn to say goodbye without feeling like a part of me is missing? Only time will tell, but for now, I'll take it one quick tick at a time.

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**The Connection that Unites Us**

As I navigated my day, I found myself thinking about the strange connections we make with others. From sharing our deepest secrets to laughing together over silly antics, it's these moments of shared humanity that bring us closer together. But what does it mean to be on the receiving end of someone's kindness or generosity? Is it a validation of our worth as individuals, or is it something more?

For me, being stalked isn't about being a victim; it's about recognizing when my boundaries have been crossed. And yet, I've found myself wondering why some people feel the need to keep tabs on us, to know where we live and what we do. Is it out of genuine concern or a desire to control? The fact that my family has made an effort to avoid being stalkers is a testament to our ability to communicate openly and honestly with one another.

But even in the midst of this openness, I find myself struggling to accept gifts from people I don't know well. Is it because I'm not interested or because there's something else at play? Perhaps it's because I'm trying to create my own sense of identity, separate from the expectations of others. Whatever the reason, I know that I need to find a way to navigate these complex social dynamics with more ease.

As I reflect on this experience, I realize that our connections are what make us human. They're messy and complicated, but they're also what give our lives meaning. By embracing the complexities of relationships and communication, we can create spaces where love and kindness can flourish.

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**Stalling for Time**

The anxiety was palpable as I sat down to record this episode. My mind was racing with thoughts of what could go wrong, what might be holding me back from moving forward. It's a familiar feeling – one that I've grown accustomed to over the years.

As I scrolled through my phone, I found myself drawn into the world of spam calls. They're the ultimate symbol of our era's obsession with technology and instant gratification. In a world where information is at our fingertips, we've lost sight of what truly matters: human connection and meaningful conversation.

But even as I struggled to shake off the feeling of overwhelm, I found solace in the words of Grace Beverly. Her strategies for tackling tasks and breaking down large projects into smaller, manageable chunks resonated deeply with me. It's clear that I need to find ways to regain control over my life – even if it means stalling for time.

As I looked around my room, I realized that this feeling wasn't unique to me. We're all struggling to keep up with the pace of modern life, whether we acknowledge it or not. The pressure to be productive, to produce content, to present a perfect facade is suffocating at times.

But what if I told you that stalling for time isn't a weakness? What if it's a sign of self-awareness, of recognizing when we need to take a step back and recharge? It's not about being lazy or unmotivated; it's about acknowledging our limitations and finding ways to work around them.

As I closed out this episode, I couldn't help but smile at the absurdity of it all. The world may be moving at breakneck speed, but we're still figuring out how to keep up. And that's okay – it's a reminder that life is precious, and every moment is an opportunity to start anew.

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**The Power of Community**

As I wrapped up this episode of my day, I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude towards the community that has supported me on this journey. From sharing my deepest fears to laughing together over silly antics, it's these moments of shared humanity that bring us closer together.

But what does it mean to be part of a community? Is it about finding like-minded individuals who share our values and passions? Or is it something more – a sense of belonging, of being seen and heard?

For me, community is about creating spaces where love and kindness can flourish. It's about recognizing that we're not alone in this world, that there are others out there who understand us on a deep level.

As I look around my room, I'm reminded of the power of connection that exists between us all. We may be individual threads in a larger tapestry, but together, we can create something truly beautiful.

In the end, it's not about finding answers or solutions; it's about being present in the moment. It's about embracing the complexity and messiness of life, and finding ways to navigate them with kindness and compassion.

As I say goodbye for now, I want to leave you with a sense of hope and possibility. We may be stalling for time, but we're also taking steps towards creating a better world – one conversation at a time.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enI just think I'm like overwhelmed uh like a guided fire Brett Club I know it sounds silly but that you know I love it I love breathing hard I know a beautiful fire breathing like I don't feel like I breathe enough you know what I mean like I feel stuck it doesn't help that I used to be like a fat child and then my mom was always like suck it in it in oh my God right oh you're okay I bet you called me a lot I'm so sorry I definitely like I partied way too hard this weekend you can't relate oh my gosh yeah I have to tell you something it's not horrible okay but remember I told you about that guy yeah I don't know it feels nice and also I think it's nice that he would apologetic not that he has I don't remember John oh my God man with John is my BFF that he was drinking okay I had drink okay maybe I was drunk but not as drunk as that you know can't rule for yourself this week all I found is a schedule you know I have calendars all around me oh gosh no it's chaotic no big picture just like one thing at a time that's my issue I can't think one thing at a time like I see it all why like I used to get so much done uh no I have like a million other things I have to get I know it's self-sabotaging hard I just wish I had been like diagnosed earlier so that like I understood about it you just do it yeah just like Nike says just do it oh my God thanks so Dennis told me he's like start out by listing out what your stresses you out right now I know right that's what I'm thinking I don't know if I feel any better after I Journal so should I trick myself into thinking everything is fine it inspires you and like my prepared answer was gonna talk about like how you inspire me well it doesn't inspire me you're a walking inspirational quote from Target oh that's good how are you struggle like everybody else but you don't let that stop you like I feel like you never actually give up I'm happy all the time and you're gonna struggle with but I bought a vibrator at Target yeah obviously I could go to like a sex store but I don't know why that feels taboo and so we're gonna try it it's called a mini massager small and versatile to my interview that was like gonna be like my little Rubble maybe pull out a vibrator I do have a husband one or the other you need maybe you need some sort of release screams I wish I could like drive and not be afraid but last week I actually drove yeah look at that which could be helpful that this is your release this is your screaming oh this is my screaming well I love you all right love you too hope you have a great day foreign my mind is all over the place I do my best to like just write out what I need to get done but in my head I have all these other to do's and that I have to do so it's like how can I get myself to relax foreign I've done this a million times what this and I'm like I don't know like what to do first me and Natalie joke about how once you hit like your late 20s you start liking Dr Pepper more than Pepsi or Coke I don't know I don't know what I'm doing should I go put on my makeup or what it's 2 p.m in the afternoon 203 and I've literally done nothing like nothing except talk to my cousin this is what my life consists of literally always writing reminders this is what you gotta do this is how you do well and then I don't do it one thing that does really help me though is like teaching my house organized and that's bothering me noise bothers me I've always known that about myself but I just like now I understand my Saving Grace has been my headphones like right now somebody is outside mowing their lawn and I'm literally like I cannot focus I recently came across Brown noise and it is so calming like I absolutely hate driving which now it all makes sense because not only is driving super stimulating for me like I always am just like oh my God there's too much happening so I watched the Selena Gomez documentary I really resonated with her like wanting to get back into it and like kind of promising her team like yes I could do it yes I could do it and then she like is in it and then she can't I think Lunch is ready Jupiter always sneaks under and pretends he's sad excuse me I don't know if anyone else is like me but sometimes it hits me hard when it's the end of the day because I just feel like unaccomplished and I try to work on this with my life coach she makes me do this thing where every time we get on a call we talk about our celebrations like that's the very first thing it just puts you in like a better mood I did want to celebrate a few things with you I got through Elias one year that was a huge celebration this week I also worked on two really big projects that I have just been wanting to work on forever and making progress with like my ADHD which I think has been really great just like trying to figure out how to balance everything and what systems work for me and how to like properly write things down so I can prioritize and not get overwhelmed I'm just relaxing on a Friday it feels really good so I had my call with my psychiatrist I've never been on medication it's been kind of difficult for me and it was so embarrassing because I talked to my psychiatrist today she's like so how's the medication going and to be honest you guys like I started taking ADHD medication and it has been really hard for me because I took the medication and it was was like very helpful it was extremely helpful it was almost as this is how life should be I felt relaxed I felt like clear-minded I could like pick and choose my thoughts it was great and then I just like felt it wear off and it was a really sad feeling and every time it happens I just get really sad and I start crying because I'm like am I gonna have to live like this like for the rest of my life I was supposed to be taking medication and I literally didn't pick it up and you know how long it was since our last call a whole last month so I didn't do that I also told her I was gonna do my blood work and I didn't go to that somehow I slept in this morning so it's just I gotta get my life together and this is just a reality I wanted to share with this with you because I think that a lot of you always think that my life is like super put together and for the most part I just try really really hard but a lot of the times I also slip and I fall face first hello you guys so this is actually a completely brand new day and I just wanted to capture this moment right here because even though it's not fully something that we're discussing what we're doing here this is something really special and Dennis is working on it and it just feels so nice I'm excited today's also Halloween and all I want to do is eat candy I couldn't help it I really need the Halloween candy I can't I can't I'm just gonna lie to Dennis okay I am a really big procrastinator and I realized like with my ADHD like it kind of just makes sense now and then today I'm going in to go and get my medication and you can't get it so now I'm freaking out I'm calling the psychiatrist I'm like what do you do like I don't want to be put into this position where like there's no medication for me like it's on back stock so yeah that was my venting story damn part of me genuinely feels like I can't be left alone whenever I work because I just get like distracted by everything and I don't want to do stuff and this is a project that it hurts me to do but I feel like I need to do to get it off my chest and I think it's important for me to realize this is my life this is what we've been going through but just like looking at all these pictures like it hurts like look at this my brother-in-law looking at my sister's belly this was after Angelica gave birth like she was literally a whole week and he was the most supportive husband ever but just like looking at all this I'm like how do we get through this like again I think that's just how trauma is but which is why I'm stalling and eating candy I'm like do I be doing this to myself right now if I could just picture a beautiful future it would be like my parents with all their grandkids my sister healed me healed me having kids and not being afraid how you doing what for I want it out of pocket I'm not interested in if I could be uh taken off the phone list I would prefer that okay what makes you not could you just get me off the phone list sorry I'm about to hang up I don't know how to be nice to like I literally I want to be a nice person but I'm also so annoyed that every single day there's like a Spam call like I'm not interested I just want to mention I also got really nervous on those calls I never pick it up but the fact that you guys were here with me I'm like okay I'm gonna pick it up and that usually always happens and it's so annoying and I'm literally like my heart's being out of my chest like I feel like they're gonna like come to my door and be like hey like you need to have this and I'm like I'm literally not interested can you please take me off the damn list like please too much today's too much for Monday foreign with you I've been stalling all day and now I'm just eating hummus you know the transitions where like YouTubers come in like this like I was about to do this and now we're in the conference room it just doesn't land anymore so I came across this video by Grace Beverly and she talks about how she positions her day a lot of people with ADHD have found her videos to be helpful all at a glance so you have your quick ticks which is anything that takes five minutes or less then you have your tasks which is anything from like 10 to 30 minutes then your projects those are the things that get me stuck the thing just looks so big that you have to break it up into tasks which really are just quick ticks she tells you to do this schedule for today and then your three non-negotiables today my three non-negotiables were to get my medication I'm filming a YouTube video and I was supposed to sign into Tick Tock because Tick Tock allowed me the book out I just did a tick tock live that was so much fun the older you get the more you like Dr Pepper oh man it's felt so good talking to you today I'm so grateful for you this thing connects us you know what I mean oh my God I don't want to be a Karen but I cannot deny the fact that sometimes I am a current here's the thing is it normal to keep your dog outside at all times in the floor to heat barking all the time I wish you could hear it just listen to this tell me would you go up to the neighbor Hi Neighbor like this is what I was thinking of doing so let's just pretend huh what that's embarrassing were you guys literally waiting here for me so my phone died wait this is so funny Dennis is like wait your live is still live I was like what do you mean like I I got off of it obviously this is my first time doing this I know it got paused because I have phone limits on my phone on the Vlog oh my God that was honestly iconic what would it look like if I actually went live like once a week I thought we should do it another year oh not a Halloween costume dammit you know you're old when you like Dr Pepper I already told him that you know you're old when you repeat your spouses we're gonna be going to Dennis's parents house for our very much our Halloween anyways we never give out candy here in our house because we don't want people to know where we lived uh even though everybody knows where we live thank you guys for not being stalkers some of you do send me gifts every once in a while and I'm like oh it's cute but damn it thanks for hanging out with me today it was a fun day my first chocolate of the day I hope you guys have an amazing day you want to say bye quality time with Dennis I said do you want to say bye lemon beer grow up let's let this roll out a little bit sweet you wanna say bye I just wish okay bye bye have a wonderful day talk thing that I do okay yeah you do it what you talking about hey why do you swear my cousins oh hell to the no bye-bye ew oh Mother of God\n"