The Temu vs Wish Case: A Daring Challenge to Fashion Supremacy

All rise! The Temu Court is now in session, and today we'll be hearing the case of Wish v. Temu. Gentlemen, please present your cases to the court.

So, ladies and gentlemen, it's 2023, and Wish might as well be dead because Temu is here to take the world by storm. I'm here to show you that the items from Temu are better than Wish. My opponent would like you to think that they are the new Wish, but "they wish."

So, gentlemen, I would like to refer for the official record that I am a certified Wish and Temu expert, having been scammed by both of your firms numerous times.

Objection, allegedly. No, it's not allegedly. Allegedly, Allegedly. Your Honor, objection. Bull-- Hugs.

Sustained. So, today we have a number of categories to determine which is truly the best – Temu or Wish. Let us start out with the best... Drip? What is drip?

The clothes. Ah, clothing items, yes. How you dress. I mean, I only dress one way. I look like this when I wake up in the morning, when I go to sleep, when I go to the beach.

Gentlemen, would you like to present your opening drip items? I would like to bring in exhibit witness A. So, when you're looking for the drip, look at the fit that you could get.

All right. It clearly didn't come ironed. I'll tell you that. Here we have Wish baby blue blazer for all occasions. Is there a reason why you are not wearing the drip?

It may or may not have been ordered in my size and arrived at a size for Kinsey. Exhibit B. B? Suspenders! Oh, okay. They don't work in the front. They only work in the back.

They're lighting up like the Aurora Borealis. Wow, that must be the dimmest Aurora Borealis. Well, here's the thing. Wish allowed me to share the drip with someone else. But don't you worry, I got plenty of my own drip, for I got my stylish cane. My eagle cane.

Your evil cane. Bird. Also, I want to get in on the light party, so... Oh, my God. Okay, that's pretty cool.

Thank you, exhibit witness A. Thank you very much. You're excused from the court. I have to point out that my opponent did not dress for court, whereas I double– I'm dressed to represent my client, Temu. Also, don't mind you; it kind of looks like a prison shirt.

It's true. You literally just look like you got out of jail. This is where I mention that the loser does go directly to jail. Counsel for Temu, would you like to present your drip to the court?

I will. I do need to actually dress up in it, though. All right. You can do that in front of the camera. That's fine.

A brief recess while the counsel for Temu comes back and wows us with some real drippage-Drippings. All right, you may enter the courtroom.

I come from 2077 – Future! Did you even change? Yes. Are you sure this is not what you normally wear on a regular basis? That's kind of the point.

I think that if we're buying stuff from our respective clients, we should be willing to want to wear what we buy there on a regular basis. How much did you spend on your drippage?

I spent... Did you bring on as your paperwork?

WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: en- All rise!Tech Court is now in session.Today, we'll be hearingthe case of Wish v. Temu.Gentlemen, please presentyour cases to the court.- So, ladies and gentlemen,it's 2023,we're out of the pandemicand Wish might as well be dead,because Temu is here totake the world by storm.I'm here to show youthat the items from Temuare better than Wish.- My opponent would like you to thinkthat they are the new Wish,they wish.- So, gentlemen,I would like to referfor the official recordthat I am a certifiedWish and Temu expert,having been scammedby both of your firms numerously.- Objection.Allegedly.- No, it's not allegedly.- Allegedly.Allegedly.- Your Honor, objection.Bull-- Hugs.- Sustained.So, today we have a number of categoriesto determine which is truly the best,Temu or Wish.Let us start out with the best...Drip?What is drip?- The clothes.- Ah, clothing items, yes.- How you dress.- I mean, I only dress one way.I look like thiswhen I wake up in the morning,when I go to sleep,when I go to the beach.Gentlemen, would you like to presentyour opening drip items?- I would like to bring inexhibit witness A.So when you're looking for the drip,look at the fit that you could get.All right?- It clearly didn't come ironed,I'll tell you that.- Here we have,Wish baby blueblazer for all occasions.- Is there a reasonwhy you are not wearing the drip?- It may or may nothave been ordered in my sizeand arrived at a size for Kinsey.Exhibit B.- B?- Suspenders!- Oh, okay.- They don't work in the front.They only work in the back.- They're lighting uplike the Aurora Borealis.- Wow, that must be the dimmestAurora Borealis.- Well, here's the thing.Wish allowed meto share the drip with someone else.But don't you worry,I got plenty of my own drip,for I got my stylish cane.My eagle cane.- Your evil cane.- Bird.But also,I want to get in on the light party, so.- Oh, my God.- Okay, that's pretty cool.- Thank you, exhibit witness A.- Thank you very much.You're excused from the court.- I have to point outthat my opponent did not dress for court,whereas I double-- I'm dressed torepresent my client, Temu.Also, don't mind you,it kind of looks like a prison shirt.- It's true.You literally just looklike you got out of jail.- This is where I mentionthat the loser does go directly to jail.Counsel for Temu,would you like to presentyour drip to the court?- I will.I do need to actuallydress up in it, though.- All right.You can do that in front of the camera.That's fine.A brief recesswhile the counsel for Temucomes back and wows uswith some real drippage-Drippings.All right,you may enter the courtroom.- I come from 2077.- Future!- Did you even change?- Yes.- Are you sure this is notwhat you normally wearon a regular basis?- That's kind of the point.I think thatif we're buying stufffrom our respective clients,we should be willing to want to wearwhat we buy there on a regular basis.- How much did you spend on your drippage?- I spent-- Did you bring on as your paperwork"GTA 3" cheats?- "Grand Theft Auto 3" cheats.For my drippage,my client only charge,I will say that the suspenderswere a little expensive.- How expensive can suspenders be?- They were $15.- Wow.- Where as, my jacket was $13.My cane was $28.- Wow.- Okay, so,you are in the neighborhood of what?$80?- 80?Yeah.- Okay, how about Temu?- Okay, so mine's gonnabe a little relative'cause I have more pieces here.- More pieces?Oh, I thought we weregoing for outfits hereand not just excuses.- Yeah, but it's all relative, right?It has to be proportional.First, I have my shoes,which in hindsightyou can't even see.Look, these things are rad.- Wow, look at the bottom of that shoe.- They have-Look at this.They got tie your ownshoelaces with a strings.Yeah, they were $30.- $30!That was more than oneof my items entirely.- My pants were $15.The jacket, $30.This shirt that says, "What," is $5.And then this nice littlehelmet that lights up-- That lights up?- It lights up.It lights up as bright as your tie.- Okay.- This goes for 89 bucks.- Oh!- Your Honor, every single pieceof my opponent's "drip"is dripping down money.It's expensive.- Yeah, I actuallywill agree with you, counsel.That's quite expensive.That helmet looks niceand I appreciate the factthat you're color coordinated.This courtroom is not here to determinewhat's better.Oh, wait,actually that's exactly what it is.- It's about-- All right, let us move onto the best gaming techfrom your respective stores.- All right.So my gaming entryis actually a pretty tried and true oneby the community.The fact that it'savailable on Temu is awesomeand I think there's gonna be no denyingthat this is a good product.It's the MIYOO Mini Plus emulator device.- Oh, emulator.Now, has that been tested legalby a court of law?- Yes, I would lovefor my opponent to submit receiptsfor every game and ROMthat's on this device-- Yeah.It's actually in my Temu order.It comes with all the games.Just cut and simple,a really awesome gaming devicethat you can put in your pocket for $69with a great screen,awesome batteryand a retro color.- Fair.- I have one of those too.It's called the telephone.- Did you buy a telephone on Wish?- I didn't,because what is the mostpopular gaming deviceof the last 300 years?- Google Stadia.- Absolutely not.Meow-meow cat ear headphoneshas taken the gaming world by storm,and everyone who's a true gamerhas a pair of cat ear headphones.But how do you stand out in the crowdwhen you don't wanna be a stray cat?You wanna be a glorious unicorn.Here we got-- Is that as far as they adjust?- Well, they're meant for someonea little smaller than myself.- Well, this Barbie is full of bull-- Hugs.- Can you tellme a little bit moreabout your unicorn headphones?So, they're 3.5 only,no Bluetooth?- Correct.- Okay.- Not only did they send me one pair...- Excuse me?- They sent me a second pair.- Wait, wait.- Completely different.- And you purchased one itemand you received two.Are you sure about that?- Oh, and these are the better ones.So these-We don't even need these anymorebecause they sent me the upgradefree of charge.- I'll have order in my courtroom!Why do you have two items herepassing off for the price of one?I do not believe you.- I ordered these for $33.- Okay.- They canceled my order.- Yep.- Refunded me that $30.- Okay.- I ordered these for $13.- And you received them.- I have both of them in my handsfor a net gain of two unicorns and $20.- I will allow this bit of shenanigansto take place in my courtroompurely because you are representingthe fair and honest way that Wish works,which is half the timeyou don't get your stuffand at least you do get a refund.So as much as I thinkthis is a little bit of an edge case,we will accept into the recordthat you were ableto get two pairs of headphones for $13.- Negative $20.- Don't push it.- No.- We're going to move ondirectly to the best health and fitnessfrom Temu and Wish respectively.Please present yourhealth and fitness itemsto the court.- Everyone knowsthe way to health and fitnessis through your feet.- What?- Through your feet.You take your footand it goes, "Foo-chop!"- There is some basis for that, though.You know all of those, like,Asian footpads that you can buyand they kind of detox your foot.- I'm glad you talked aboutAsian footpads.- Yes!He got the thing!Oh, that looks painful.- I got every piece of fitness right here.I got you covered with brain,forehead, eye,thyroid, lung,shoulder, stomach,liver, heart, ureter.Erter?- Can you pointat where that is on the body?- I don't think so'cause we'd have to censor it.- Okay.Fair. Fair.- I'd like to callmy second witness to the stage.- Second witness?- I call the judge.- Oh, no, not again.So, I believe that I just step on this.This is known as reflexology.- You don't just step on it.You experience it.- Oh, damn.For free?- No, you've signed up for my-Everyone in this roomhas signed up for my OnlyFans, right?I mean-Sorry. Nevermind.I wasn't supposed to talk about that.- Might I askwhy you're not testing thisif you wanna be 47 years younger?- I don't wanna be 47 years younger.- Oh, this is very sharp.This is incredibly painful.These are all very sharp.All my weightis on a bunch of very sharp little things.- Okay.- You can have this back, counsel.That was not good.I don't like that at all.- This was a mere $4.74.- It probably felt like it.- It felt like $4 worth of rocksthat I was standing on with my feet.All right.Temu representative,would you please bringyour item to the court?- All right, Your Honor,this right here is a knee massager.This is something thatI had actually boughtfor a special witness.- A special witness?- Yes.This witness is none otherthan the defense for wish.comwhose knees rattle.- Basically, you're asking himto go against his own best intereststo serve your case.- Sorry, no,other surprise witness.- Oh, you asked Kyle to do it.I see.All right, I'll allow it.Please proceed with the knee massaging.- So, Your Honor,this knee massagernot only will take care of your knees-- After years of skateboarding.- Yes.So this has a 3000 milliamp hour batteryand it almost looks like a helmet,but this can accommodatea lot of size knees.We have vibration and heating,Kyle likes both of those.- Yeah, he does.- He also likesthat infrared light too.So it looks like we gota lot of different waysto massage our knees.- I like how this is all going onunderneath the desk.It's a little bit sus for my courtroom.- I am, I would say,sufficiently docked.- Yeah.So, mind you,I don't want Kyle to take off his pantsso he's just gonna doit on top of his pants.- Neither do I.- It makes this very difficultto evaluate truly,but I think we couldat least get the massaging going.So I'm gonna hit the power button.Oh, look at that.- Oh.- I can hear it from here.- So I'm going to hit the buttona little bit here.Can I get it to the high?Oh, I think it ran out of battery.- As Kyle, I could tell you thatI did feel vibrationand it's what I would call pleasurable.Your Honor,can I cross examine the witness?- Proceed.- Would you say that this knee massageris fitness relatedor just pleasure related?- What is happening in my courtroom?- Because I remind youthat you are under oatheven though you did not take an oath.But you're under it.Yeah.- All right. All right.Court is back in session.It's time to move on to the next exhibit,which in this case is going to bethe most "helpful gadget."Remember, counsel,helpful is the operative wordfor this particular category.- All right,I figured I would be very helpful herein case you couldn't hear anything.- I'll give you,this is quite helpful.- It is.So there are a lot of stuff on the side.There's, like, IO on it.So you can plug in anSD card or a USB stickand actually record off this thing.- Check, check, check.Oh, wow.Hello.- Isn't it empowering?- Subscribe and ringalingthe dingaling button.Otherwise I will wake you upat 3:00 AM with the megaphone.It's mine now.How much did you pay for it?- $69.- Nice.- Your Honor.Your Honor,you're letting fancy numberscloud your judgment.- I'm gonna saythat Temu has preemptively won this,but feel free to tell mewhat Wish has got,but this is cool.- You asked me to findthe most useful thingon my platform of wish.com.So I've already shownyou my wonderful caneof its beautiful emeralds.But also,it's a sword!- Put the weapon down.Put the weapon down.- Watch how effective this is.Forfeit.- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.- Forfeit or I stab you.- This is taking quite the turn.All right. All right.Order in the court.I will freely grantboth of these are quite usefulfor being stabbyor for being annoying.Can we move onto the final categoryfor today's proceedings,which is the most,and I regretfully say this out loud,cursed item from yourrespective storefronts.- Your Honor,you have children, right?- I most certainly do.- Well, I have a solution for that.Should you lose one...- Oh, my goodness.- I have another.- Uh.Oh, God!- Don't shake the baby.- Don't shake the baby.- Also, I also havea bedwetting alarm.- That's quite useful.Can I borrow that after the shoot?- Yeah, yeah.I didn't buy that for the baby.I bought that for you.- It is an alarmthat goes off when you piss the bed.- Yes.- Please tell me thatthe defendant from Wishhas a better itemthan the doll that keeps staring at methat I don't really like looking at.- Your Honor,I took this challengea little bit moreliterally than my opponent.We have an authentic fingerfrom the Pharaoh, Too-Tutt Ah-Ramen.- Ramen?- Too-Tutt Hamen's third cousin.Here, give him the cursed finger.- No, don't do that.Don't do that.Oh, no!After much deliberation,my jurisprudence, my wisdom,and my authoritywill now be meted out upon the defendants.So, first of all,we're gonna start at the very beginningwith the best drip.I will say, Matt,you brought a terrific accoutrementof many different accessories.Ken, you came inwith an incredible amount of drip,and it is impossible to argue with that.However, where it went southis with the price.By spending well over a hundred dollars,that is not in the spirit of Temu.I'm going to give thewin to Matt and Wish.- Yeah!- Next up we have the best gaming tech.Now, this is one of those areasthat is difficult.Matt had an interesting argumentthat he got two headsetsfor the price of half of one.But where I have some problems isrecommending you to buy from a platformthat would maybe give you an item,maybe give you another item.And on top of that,neither of them wereparticularly gaming heavy.Whereas Ken chose an excellently priced,well qualitized,and very delightful little emulator box.Meaning that the winis very clearly going to Temu.- Your Honor, objection.His costs more thaninfinity times what I paid.- That's not true.All right, we're gonna fast forwardto the most cursed item.I would say that the baby was very cursed,It makes me feel deeply uncomfortable.I think that I'm gonnahave to give the clear win to Wishon the most cursed tech just becausethe finger is quite literally cursed.That's just a creepy kid,which I agree is kind of cursed.So, next up we have,the most helpful gadget.And for helpful,you actually both had very good items.So I really appreciatethe surprise of the helpful canethat you already used for drip,and then you surprise revealed the sword.I think that makesthe value for that itemparticularly strong.And it's quite nice to seean additional little hidden artifact,although you may get arrested.But besides that, quite impressive.On the other side,the megaphone is really funnyand I think that it could be quite helpfulI think when you wantto yell at your little sisterfor eating all the Lucky Charmsbut only the marshmallowsand putting back allthe cereal in the box.- Don't eat the Lucky Charms.- So I'm gonna actuallyhave to give this oneto Ken and Temu.- Let's go!- Which leaves us with the decider,which is the best healthand/or fitness item.Ken's item is a knee massager,which while slightly susdid function and massageand/or heat things.However, Matt's itemwith a rectum defining buttonmade me feel a waythat I have not felt in a while.- You were a 2:37 guy, weren't you?- I don't know what that meansand I'm gonna have tohave my bailiff look that up.But that thing sucks and I hate it.Which means Ken and Temu all the wayare the winners of Tech Court!- This is kangaroo court!- Thank you very muchfor watching this episode of Tech Court.Subscribe and ringalingthe dingaling button.And we're gonna neednew plaintiffs next timebecause I don't think either of youare ever gonna be hiredin the attorney business ever again.Don't shake the baby!