LGR - Chex Quest - DOS PC Game Review

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enYou know one of the best things about cereal?Well, other than the whole \"eating itin order to not starve\" thing.Prizes.I'm not talking about those stupid oneswhere you have to collect abunch of UPCs, mail them inand pay postage cost for something that sucks.But prizes that come right in the boxand you know they suck immediatelyinstead of having to wait six to eight weeks.What makes them amazing is when they don't sucklike today's classic game, Chex Quest,developed by Digital Café and published by...*tsk* I dunno, frigging Chex cereal,then owned by Ralston Purina in 1996.Though it was manufactured by America Onlineas part of a promotional partnership,since the game included a50 free hours subscription offerfor their dial-up Internet service.Oh, no! I showed you my secretpassword for my free trial of AOL.Now I'll never cruise the information superhighway.\"Ready! Aim! Zorch! You know they're in there,\"cheesy story for a cheesy game, blah blah.Yeah, you might think this would be kind of weak.I mean, it's a free game from a cerealthat honestly tastes a hundred times bettermixed with other things than it does on its own.But thinking that would be a mistake,since the game is actually basedon the one and only Doomby id Software.In fact, it's a five-level totalconversion of The Ultimate Doom,to be more precise.And even though it's aimed at kidsand has all the awesome goreand hellish landscapes removed,it's become a cult classic with a following even today.So let's see if we can figure out why.Before you can play, you have aninstallation to take care of in Windows,though the game runs entirely in DOS.Uh, make sure to sign up for AOL when you're doneand don't use those 50 free hours all in one day.The game starts off with a splash screenshowing the protagonist, the Chex Warrior,zapping the gooey Flemoids on the planet Bazoik,which makes me questionwhat exactly was in that brownie I ate earlier.You then get a Doom-like menu with a Doom-like demoplaying in the background,along with some Doom-like options to choose from,because this is freaking Doom wearing another skin.It's probably pretty obviouswhat to do if you've played Doom,but if you want to, you can read this,which allows you to read this.Start a game, choose your difficulty, and you're off,taking control of the Chex Warrior--who is apparently a lefty--brandishing a mini-zorcher weapon.Just like Doom, the goal here is to navigate the level,collect any color-coded keys,shoot dudes and find the exit.Won't be long before you run across some Flemoids,which are apparently here from another dimensionto screw up operations on this mining planetsimply by being sticky and green.What is their motivation?What do they have against you?What... the balls does thishave to do with frigging cereal?I have no idea, and it doesn't matter.Zap them with whatever weaponsyou have at your disposalto teleport them back to their home planet.That's right, you don't kill them,or even incapacitate them.You just beam them to another world.Though I guess it's possible yourzorcher isn't calibrated correctlyand you're actually condemning them to ahorrible, agonizing death in the vacuum of space.After all, teleportation is a tricky thing,even for a guy wearing breakfast as armor.But yeah, the idea here is that it's all kid-friendly.There's no explicit violence going onand nothing too extreme to take part in,unlike its deliciously demonic source material.And you know what?It doesn't matterbecause this is awesome.Even if you somehowexpected the game to be good,despite being sold in the sameplace as pickles and yogurt,Chex Quest is genuinely fun to play.For one thing, while the weapons don't packthe same exact punch as those in Doom,they somehow remain enjoyableto use to take dudes out.You've got alternatives to all the classic guns,so they have a very similar feel, whilelooking and sounding like their own thing.There's something oddly satisfying aboutblasting away floating booger dudeswith a rapid-fire laser gun thing,and something even more satisfying aboutbashing away at monsters with a spoon.Heh heh.Would that be death by spooning?Anyway, the point being is it's still a lotof fun to run around and shoot thingsunlike certain other kid-friendlyDoom clones, like H.U.R.L.And on top of that, I found the level designsto be quite enjoyable to navigatewith only a modicum ofmaze-like madness to maneuver.Alliteration.Unfortunately, there's only five levelsand sections of them do start feelinga bit samey and tough to tell apartfrom another in spots.But it was never to the point thatI got irritated at how it was laid out,unlike several other shooters of the time.I supposed that has somethingto do with it being aimed at kids,and-- I guess I'm sayingthat I like simpler games sometimes.But you know what?I don't care!There are days when you just wantto unwind with a classic shooterwithout anything getting in the wayand not having to think too much.Sure, the characters are generic,the sounds can get a tad obnoxious,the difficulty is negligibleand the game is short,but dude, it's got charm.It's made of quality funand it came from a cardboard boxfull of oven-toasted corn and rice.All things considered,THIS is pretty special.And, hey, if you want more,there's always Chex Quest 2,which was available to download onthe Chex Quest website back in the day.It's mostly the same kind ofthing but with new enemiesand level types and all that sequelly stuff.And beyond that, there waseven a third game made in 2008,not to mention a ton of fan-made levels and episodes.What it boils down to is that Chex Questmakes for good, but brief, DOS gaming times.It's not only an amusing diversion,but it was a huge success for everyone involved,having been distributed to millions of eager youngstersunder the guise of a balanced breakfast,increasing the sale of Chex cereal by nearly 250%and winning multiple awards forexcellence in advertising and such.It probably even suckered a few people into AOL's bloated dial-up service.So, really, everyone was a winner here.Unless you just wanted to browse gaudy '90s websiteswithout being bothered with a turgid user interface.Though the Chex Quest game diskisn't the easiest to find anymore,but if you look around, you canprobably find a link to it online.I wouldn't exactly recommend it over the Doom games,but it would recommend it if you enjoy classicfirst-person shooters with some character.So, if you want something different, a bit silly,and just as solid--and avoidingliquid form--as the game it's based on,why not give it a look?\n"