The Art of Fungus and Virus Combat: A Giggly Bitch's Guide to Survival

As I made my way through the wilderness, I stumbled upon an unlikely opponent - Joe. He was a formidable foe, but one that I was more than prepared to take on. With my trusty grub juice at my side, I was ready to rumble. Or should I say, "Whoa! Oh jeez!" indeed.

I began by engaging in a bit of banter with Joe, trying to get under his skin. "Oh bo - oh hey you wanna get punched?" he said, clearly amused by the prospect of getting hit. I laughed along with him, but made it clear that I was not to be trifled with. "Alright guess it's time to go toe-to-toe with Joe!" I declared, my war cry echoing through the forest.

The battle was on, and I quickly found myself in a world of hurt. Joe landed a solid punch to the jaw, sending me stumbling backward. "Ow!Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah ohOw!" I exclaimed, clutching at my face. But I was not one to give up easily. With a fierce battle cry, I launched myself at Joe once again.

The two of us clashed in a flurry of punches and kicks, each of us trying to outmaneuver the other. "Come on. WhoaCome onYeah, yeah, yeah, you ain't gonna do n - whoa" I taunted, before landing a particularly solid blow to his stomach. Joe doubled over, gasping for breath, but quickly regained his composure and retaliated with a series of swift jabs.

I blocked each of them with ease, my movements swift and precise. "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, here we go here we go here we go here we go!" I exclaimed, my voice rising in excitement. But Joe was not to be underestimated. He countered with a powerful uppercut, sending me flying backward.

I struggled to regain my footing, but it seemed that Joe had the upper hand. "Oh shit! *Laughs* Oh shit! Oh shit!Wha - what did that do?" I groaned, stumbling forward once again. But then, something unexpected happened. My trusty grub juice began to work its magic, restoring my strength and vitality.

With a newfound sense of determination, I launched myself at Joe once more. "Come on. There we go get some - hey, I gotta get some grub juice on me." I declared, before unleashing a flurry of punches that sent Joe stumbling backward.

The battle raged on, each of us trading blows and neither gaining the upper hand. But in the end, it was my grub juice that proved to be the deciding factor. With a final, mighty blow, I struck Joe down, securing victory in the most unlikely of ways.

As I stood victorious over my defeated foe, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. "Whoa whoa whoa!Ow! Ow!Yeah yeah yeah, yeahOh yeah oh yeah oh yeah the finisher." I exclaimed, triumphant. And as for Joe? Well, he was just left lying there on the ground, defeated and humiliated.

But even in defeat, Joe couldn't help but laugh at my antics. "I am impressed," he chuckled. "Time to celebrate with a grub. Come on Joe. You know you wanna." I grinned, happy to oblige. And as we sat down together to enjoy our meal, I couldn't help but wonder what other adventures lay ahead for us.

Oh wait, it seems that I got interrupted by some fungus and virus evolutions. "What's in this?" I exclaimed, peering at the mysterious substance in my hand. But before I could even consider using it, Joe spoke up again. "You didn't say that we could use our headsI've never used my head for anythingAnything - day in my life!" he laughed.

And with that, the battle resumed. But this time, it was different. We were no longer just punching and kicking each other - we were using our wits and cunning to outmaneuver each other. "Come on nowJust seeing a - oh god! I got a branch!" I exclaimed, stumbling backward in surprise.

Joe chuckled and took advantage of my momentary distraction. He landed a solid punch to the jaw, sending me flying backward once again. But I was not one to give up easily. I regained my footing and launched myself at Joe once more.

The battle raged on, each of us using every trick in the book to try and gain the upper hand. "Ow! Frick!" I exclaimed, stumbling backward as Joe landed a particularly solid blow. But then, something unexpected happened. My chem fluid began to work its magic, restoring my strength and vitality.

With a newfound sense of determination, I launched myself at Joe once more. "Come on nowLet's do this thing!" I declared, before unleashing a flurry of punches that sent Joe stumbling backward.

In the end, it was my chem fluid that proved to be the deciding factor. With a final, mighty blow, I struck Joe down, securing victory in the most unlikely of ways.

As we stood there on the ground, panting and exhausted, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride and accomplishment. "I am impressed," Joe said, grinning at me. And with that, our battle came to an end.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enHello everybody! My name is Markiplier and welcome back to Resident Evil 7. Now we got a croc situation in that creek and we gotTo take care of it, so don't worry ZoeI'm gonna go get a cure somehow and try not to think about how I ruined everything. Where'd that croc go? Hey!Hey, where are you going? You got scared of hitty and fisty? I know how it be. Hello? *giggling* punch oh ho ho ho hoA stealth kill you say, what are you doing here? Stealthy!Eugh! The silent-estYeah why do they have a croc head?Well that don't make any sense at all. How this camp be here long enough to get a croc- oohHey, do you want some of hitty and fisty? I even - well I g - I guess I could have snuck up on you. It didn't seem to matterHoooooooaaaaaaaa - booski!*Laughs* Ah!Oh, It's a fast one. Bwap. Oh!Jesum. Ah! Jesus.Holy shit, those guys - those guys don't ta - I gotta get kicky - kicky and swifty involved. My godAlright, well, time to come in low I guess. Alright let's see what I can do about that. I'm not-I'm not 100% sure I'm happy with how that went downGod you know, I don't know if I'm not picking up a gun by choiceOr if it's just the only way he knows how to fight. Eugh. Alright. Let's try to be a little more...Stealthy about all thisHello?Er - hello? Oh there you are.Okay, and there you go. You ain't gonna knowNoooh, DIDN'T SEE A THING, DIDN'T SEE A THINGThis big giant man is the stealthiest around. It's all that football I playedDefinitely got my stealth and skills up. What is this? Grub?(Chuckling) Why were they-? Why were they looking at grub?Through a microscope what kind of scientist is like: hmmm? This grub would mix well with chem fluid for some reasonAlright...Oh, hey buddy!(laughing)Oh g - oh god!Euh. You know I don't know if those things feel pain, but actually now, I'm pretty sure they doAlright, well. That was fun, glad I did that, but also, why?Ooh! (Gasp!)A stabby stick!A throw-(wheezing laugh)Hi-ya! (More wheezing laugh)Ho-holy shit!WowIt's just like I used to throw the football back in my footing days. Alright then. Wham, bam, bu-bu-bu bu boom!o-ho-okayJeezums!I love this so much, and I'm gonna be permanently stuck in an accent from now on. Oh boyI got two tiny punching Peters. Whatever I called them. Alright jeez this is so funnyI love this so muchOh, manYou guys don't understand. The bold choice of turning Resident Evil into a punching game. Like I can't believe itBut also I'm so happy they didAlright, orders are as follows, effective immediately: the mutamycete is on the loose in the swampAnd it'll keep mutating as it encounters new organismsWe can't allow the stock and medicine compounds to be exposed - if they suffer a mutationThey'll be useless. Transfer the whole anti-infective synthesizing station over to the paddle boatAh yes! The paddle boat - the most defensive of all military compoundsYeah, no joke about that one there Pappy slim. So, uh, any ancient coins around here? Alright anywayImma keep going. Ah, my lamp. Oh noCuz tha - woah!Uh oh, well, hi. You wanna go?You best stay back now. In case you wanna a bit of hitty and swifty. Hitty and lefty? Alright come on, come onHa!Bom miss me. Ah!Follow-up? Who'd have thought?Huuuuuuuuuu!Uh-oh!Ah I forgot he had a f - wha! No!Oh you tired? Oh you tired? Well I ain't!Okay, miss me!*Laughs*You suck! Whap, whap whap whap whap!And, no. Wow - wow nice hey maker. (?) WhoaHo ho ho!Caught ya! I call that a counter - oh, a kick? Really? Imma punch right in your ass. That's what you deserve.Oh yeah - oh, that's what I call a combooh-ho-ho oh-hoOh no, you ain't! My fist made sure of that! Ah you made of grub? OohYou look like.. ooh! Grub, grub! grub!! Oh, there's grub. Okay fine thenThen I'll be on my way, I supposeAlright. Enough grubbing up a storm heregrub-a-dub-dub*Gasp* GRUB!(Laughing) Crawfish?What is a crawfish doing on a rock this far from the crick? Alright fine thenAlright I'll call him a Craw-deadIs there a difference between Craw-dead and crawfish? As a kid -Oh hey, wow!Hey!Yeah, that ain't gonna happen. Or get back up I don't care. Fine by meOw!Whoa, ow!Woh-oh!Euh!Kick you in your ass, I know your weak spot. Fisty's going to town on that ass. Uh-ohOw!Whoa, I fell! Oh let me put some grub juice on me. *Splurt*Well you want some? Oh, I'll come back. I'll come - I'll come back up punch your ankles buddy. Oh really?Oh, he d - yeah, you better run I fell down this small alcoveAnd thusly you can't fight me no mo'. Alright fine then *laughs*Alright sure ok - grubMm! Yum. Yum yum - oohHey!Convenient spears! *laughs*Oh jeez - wait I gotta go in this building over hereOh, this is the best. The best thing ever. Craw-dead! Alright sure, sure why notAlright, hello? AhThere's still - oh! A tiny punching Peterson, manThey sure are giving me a ton of these. Save points hereSo exactly like is the most - most intrepid adventure going between these that I've ever seenBut you know I'll - I'll take what I can get. Euh it's so fun. Locked from the other sideOkay. So I guess I guess I can't just punch that gatorNow can I? You want to get speared? Oh you want to get speared?Hah hah, ho-ho!Ho whoa. Wow. Wow. Woah where are you going? Wait wait? It's not that deep. W - it's not that deep!Uh-oh!*Insert sounds here**Laughs*I mean I feel terrible for that - my gator! Uh-oh! Punch you gatorAh! Aaaaaaaay!What? What?!Ow, well, alright thenFair, fair, fair, I suppose, I suppose that's fair, fair, alright, okay, alright. Hi ZoeHow you doin'?Euh. Alright. Well, take twoooooooooo. So rule number one: don't punch the gators*Laughs*Rule number three (I think you skipped rule number two Mark) - oh, that one. Ohhhhhhhhhh that was always thereBlap!Oh another one. Another spear. Perfect. I'm glad these are just here lying in the water. Perfect for meOkay, ohHa-ha! Coo - If I'd have missed that I would've been eternally boned huh. Alright see yaUh-ohWell - ooooooooooooohWowie zowie I'm out of spears. OkayI'm just gonna hold - that's, that's no good that's no good. Uh-oh uh-oh uh-ohhhhhhhHow - errrrrrrOh *laughs*Okay. Alright that seems better. Yeah, I'll go up this way instead of going to certainDeath, which is usually what I like to do in these games they - oohHey - aww come on! Did the light give me away?Alright fine then - bam!B - lap bap bap bap!W - whap, w - whap, wh - whap, whop whop whop, whap, whoa I don't remember what the actual combos are so -Oh! What's that - what's that? Ho, couldn't hear you can you speak up - uh-ohOh yeah, oh - oh *laughs*God I feel so strong. This is not usually normal li - life. I do not usually feel this strong - hey!Hooooooooow did you get up here gator? On my pier? I'm assuming that all this territory is mine and not anybody else'sAlright wellYou er, you have a nice nap now gator. No no sorryI can't be seduced like that. Jeez I wonder what the - I wonder what the infection is gonna do to those when they fully infect themProbably not too fun, if I had to guess. Alright gator. Good thing I got this amazingly advanced spearShoot! Oh no! Right in your buttholeOhhh so sorr - oohRight in your - b - ear, I guess. Alright see ya. See ya. See ya!Well. Oh this must be the back door to that other shed - you think I'd be - with my punching skillsI coulda just bashed my way through that, but noooAlright, well there we are. Alright let's see. Okay another - no not there, not there. Hup! Okay*Laughs*Sorry I just - I'm tickled to death by this game. It's not usually you know this - Resident Evil 7It was a big surprise when it came down to it being aLike a fun game number one, but number two, the bigger surprise was that it had thisInteresting like, tongue-in-cheek nature to it. That was - oops sorry, erOh jeez, oh jeezIt had this like tongue-in-cheek nature to it that just made it a - a - a really like genuine experienceLike it was a game especially in the DLC and stuffIt was a game that took itself as a game more than it took itself as like a super serious storyWhich is why it leads to like incredulous moments where it's like, okay alrightThat's a little - that's a little silly billy there, but you know it's - it's just really fun, and - and I think that's - that's emphasizedIt's both fun and scaryLike it can do all of it, and - and it's kind of a trend that's happening in - in like modern media todayThere's a lot more like horror movies and horror genre stuff that has like a little bit of qu - humor to itand I think like, the campiness of old style like er, of erEr of like the old horror movies like, it was always campy and it was always a little tongue-in-cheekbecause it was so ridiculous, and we got away from that a little bit, I'mEr I - I - like I - I'm not a hundred percent sure there's plenty of movies that took them so seriously, but that little bit of likeSardonic humor, you know the - the - the little touch of sarcasm throughout the entirety of itThat's - that's what I really liked about some of these horror thingsAnd I think this game actually puts that forward in a really good way, and I don't know. I just love it because - oohOh, woah! Hey, what the hell?How am I gonna punch your head with spikes in it? This is bullshit alright well. You're newOkay - whoa, hey, sent you spiraling. Can I stop you? Or are you just dead? Okay he's dead. Alright well. That was weirdYeahBut it's - it's just the little evolutions that lead it down a road where it's semi-serious - centipede! Semi-seriousAnd yet so lovable. Like Joe Baker sure yeahJoe Baker doesn't exist. He was contrived after the thought and this is just uh this is just like a - oohThis is just an environmental thing that allows people to have a little bit more fun - oohWith what they're doing. And that's good, because sometimes that's neededWhich way you going? Okay?AlrightUh-oh!Hello? Oh you're twitchy huh? Oh you're gonna be twitchier now!Hi-ya!Okay, anyway got it going. Wait why did they put this on the paddleboat? Like putting it on the pa - I'm assumingI'm on the paddle boat right now*Laughs* Why was there a grub in the box?*More laugh* A tree branch!I've got a tree branch - a thick strong tree branch. Can't be used as is. *More laugh* Of course. Of course you can't*Even more laugh* Why would it be -*I think he might die of laughter soon D:*A stake bomb!*D:**D:* I just gotta put this -*DDD:* I just gotta put this chem fluidOn this treeAnd it turns into a bomb? *Ok I think he's toning down on the laughter now*Oh boy man if I'm putting that on grubs and they turn into medicineAnd I put it on a branch and it turns into a bomb. Oh, that's so funPress left click to stick it on the ground press R to detonate - that makes no senseHow did I make this with chem fluid? *D:*That makes no sense - oh hey you wanna go toe to toe buddy? Alright alright alright alri - let's go. Alright let's go let's goUh-oh. Wow, wow, he is not tough. You'd think I'd hurt my hands on him, but noo. Oh hello, scrap-metal. I'll take thatAlright what else we got? Oh, is that just the other way that I could have crawled through? Let me see if there's a - ooooohWell, that's probably the cure station. Let me see if there's a grub in this thing or maybe a tree branch - uh-ohWell, I don't like that guy. He seems to - wait hang on, wait wait, waitHang on, euh, put it on the grill. Okay. AlrightYou coming over here?Come on. Oh, okay, alright wait, hang on, wait, wait waitI got thisOk how do I - *laughs* wait wait wait ever - wait everybody, waitHold on - *more laugh* why isn't it beep - what in the -Was it the tree branch or the chemical that causes it to beep? Alright he - he's getting closer guys. He's getting closerHe's getting closer. I somehow got a remote for this*Noises* Boink!*Laughs D:*Tiny punching Peter, oh boy, I saved you from that box shard falling on you. Oh lookIt's a free throwing spear. This is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my lifeYou know ordinarily you know in some gamesThey could do these sort of things and I'd just be like ah this is ridiculousBut this is ridiculous in such a good way in such a honestly and truly good wayIt's so good. Oh man hang onI got to read up on my punching skills again because I want to just make sure that I got it. Right left left leftOkay, left right right right, right left left left, okayThose are the two combos. Got it. And I'm sure there's more combos that I could doBut I just don't know them right now. Alright who's there?Huh?Low guy or - or fisticuffs man. What are we gonna do about this?OhAhOkay wellWell I co - ooh. I can sneak up on youHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!AlrightHey, you're not gonna see me. What are you even doing?He's - he's j - he's just sick on the ground. He's like ah I c - I can't find my contacts, and I just rip his freaking head offCuz I'm an asshole like thatAlright, what do we got?Yeah, everything seems marginally less scary when I know that I can just punch things to death. I'm gonna eat some critters, so*Laughs*Not bad. Slimy yet satisfyingHa ha ha haOkay, alright, where are we going now? Oh boy I love this. I love this - oh is there a grub in this boxBonk! Tree branch *laughs*The tree branch was bigger than the box*More laugh* And who would put a branch in a box?Oh, this is the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life, okay, I could go down hereLet me explore around firstOh wait no something tells me this is gonna be the secret sneaky wayWhich is the way that I like to go, and the way that I'm definitely gonna be going. So there we goWhat do we got - ooh! Whoa!Whoa!Whoa! Champion effigyWhat?Oh shit a creepy doll used for black ma -*Laughs* - gicIs that what they are for? Black magic? Champion effigy. Alright, I got - I got way more punching power. Alright *laughs*Oh this is so - I hope there are minigames associated with this game mode. There better be like an unlimited mode after I get done - whoa, helloUh, hi, well, hang onOkayHang on, hang onMiss meHup! Hup!Hooooo!Yooooooo!Are you dead? You dead? You're twitching, like he ain't deadEugh god the way your teeth move. Well that ain't natural. Alright need another grub*Laughs*Haha, what a freakin' badass!What a - what aWhat an amazing human being. What an incredible person. And how does that heal him? I wonder I wonder. I wonder with thunder*Laughs* How?How, how does that work? I don't know and I don't care. Oh, that's a spear. Okay wellAlright then how did it get there? Who threw it? It was jutting that way! I don't know I don't understandI don't know anything, but I am amazed. I am just amazed - can I climb up here? Can I not climb up here?Oh, yeah, okay, alrightOkay alright, gotta go to the stairs. Yeah I can't climb up the two feet that it would require to be able to do thatYeah, definitely not. Okay alright. Well then, let's go in here then, and have a great time *laughs*Alright. Now we're gonna get the cure and hopefully something's gonna arise out of thisAuto synthesizer. Yeah, this is definitely the safest place for this, surrounded by all these -No, not everything's solved by punching, Joe! Joe!*Laughs for a really long time D:*This is really - uh, no game has made me laugh more than this game*More laugh for good measure*Apparently oh bo - oh hey you wanna get punched? *laughs*Oh jeez*Laughs even more D:*Wow okay he just threw me? Oh jeez *laughs*Alright guess it's time to go toe-to-toe with Joe! Alright come on man you want some of this?*Mark's warcry + laugh*Ow!Oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah ohOw! Holy crap! Whoa!Okay, alright. You wanna go? I got all my skill in here. Yeah, that's right. Oh, yeahOh, yeah, yeah, you ain't gonna do n - whoaCome on. WhoaCome onYeah, yeah. Hang on, I gotta restore some health. Gotta slap some goop juice on me don't mind meImma see what's in - what's in this. Ooh! Hey that's nice. Alright. Okay AlrightHang onGive it to me? What am I giving to you? What the hell? Hey I was guarding - uh-ohWh - ow!You didn't say that we could use our headsI've never used my head for anythingAnything - day in my life! Whoa hey, alright hang onJust seeing a - oh god! I got a branch! I got a branch! Hang on, I got a branch. Ah shit. Hang on, I got a branchOh shit, I'm out of chem fluid. What do I got? Whoa!Whoa what is that? What was that?What are you trying to do there? Come on, come on, come on! Come on!Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Miss meOw! Frick! Alright, hang on.Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, here we go here we go here we go here we go!Oh shit! *Laughs* Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!Wha - what did that do? *Laughs* I don't r -I don't frickin' wrestling moveOw! Backhand. Come on nowUh-oh! No no no no no noOw. Hang on, I'm blockingUh-oh!Ow I blockedCome on. There we go get some - hey, I gotta get some grub juice on me. I'm gonna think about this oneYeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah! Got you on the ropes now!Oh yeah! Ow ow ow ow!Whoa miss me baby - miss me babyUh-oh! Ahhhh running! Euuuuuh!Ow!Ah!Okay, okay, okayWhoa whoa whoa!Ow! Ow!Yeah yeah yeah, yeahOh yeah oh yeah oh yeah the finisher. The finisher, baby. I call this one the f - I don't know what I'm doing. Why am I grabbing your *incoherent* nowHo! Ohhhhhhhh shit!WhoaEuh manWho knew that these uhWho knew that these horrible evolutions of fungus and virus weren't the peak pinnacle of evolution?Cuz wowJoe, man, JoeJoe Joe JoeWow *laughs*I am impressed. Time to celebrate with a grub. Come on Joe. You know you wannaAh, oh - OOOAAAAAAA!*Laughs* Joe! Nooooooo!*More laugh* No, Joe, Joe, noJoe!Joe baby Joe, Joe no no oh. Call youNo no Joe Joe. Oh boy. Wow. Alright well anyway got what I came for I guess*Laughs* Holy crapAh good, chem fluid I can make that bomb I wanted to make *laughs*Perfect. Got a bomb, which is exactly what I needed. Alright shootilydoodilydooMaking my way back to Zoe now I guessEuh is anything gonna actually stand in my way? Oh! *Laughs*Well that was convenient! Alright well *laughs* here we go thenI swear I'm n - I'm a giggly bitch, but you know this is - this is goddamn funny. This is - this is so funnyOh what's gonna stop me? Uh-oh. Oh come on? Hey! What? Well that's not good!Oh you want to go for round three huh? Round three huh? Oh I'll get you through round three. Okay anywayThat's all the time we got for this episode, but goddamnThis is the funniest thing I've ever seen so thank you everybody so much for watchingLet me know what you thought down in the comments belowAnd as always, I will see you in the next video!BYE BYE! :D\n"