I recently found myself in the uncomfortable position of having to spend time alone, first at a coffee shop and then in a park. I must say, it was an eye-opening experience that forced me to confront my emotions and my tendency to avoid being alone.

The first attempt at spending time alone was at a coffee shop. I had been procrastinating on this for quite some time, and I finally decided to take the plunge. I sat down at a table, ordered a cup of coffee, and began to read from my book. However, as I started to journal, I realized that I was not very in tune with my own emotions. I get jumbled thoughts and I think I just need to actually like journal them down so I can work on being more aware of my emotions. This experience made me realize that I am an avoider - I avoid emotions and anything that is not a positive feeling, including being uncomfortable in public alone.

The second attempt at spending time alone was even more challenging. This time, I went to the park. I had decided to bring a blanket with me, but unfortunately, it was windy and cloudy, which made me feel a little bit downtrodden. Being alone in the park was a completely different experience from being at the coffee shop. The silence and emptiness of the park were quite eerie, and I couldn't help but feel like I was living in a bubble. However, as I sat there, I began to realize that I actually enjoyed being alone in the park. It was peaceful and calming, and it allowed me to connect with my own thoughts and emotions.

As I reflect on these experiences, I am starting to realize that I prefer being alone at times. While I still enjoy spending time with people and gaining energy from their company, I also love being alone in certain situations. Being alone at the airport or in the car gives me a sense of comfort and relaxation that I don't experience when I'm around others.

One of the most interesting things about these experiences was how they made me feel tired. As someone who tends to get energized from being around people, it was surprising to find out that being alone actually wore me down. However, this fatigue is not necessarily a bad thing - it's just a reminder that I need to pace myself and take time for self-reflection.

I also discovered that my brain works overtime when I'm outside, and I become paranoid due to my small stature as a woman. This realization made me realize the importance of journaling and self-reflecting, not just to understand myself better but also to learn how to manage my anxiety.

The experience has taught me that being alone is not something to be feared or avoided, but rather an opportunity to connect with oneself. I am still learning to navigate these feelings and push through my comfort zone, but I am excited for the journey ahead.

One of the last things I want to mention is how much I love reading in public spaces. When I'm at a coffee shop or in the park, I like to listen to podcasts in the background while I read from my book. This experience has made me realize that being alone doesn't have to be boring or uncomfortable - it can actually be a source of comfort and relaxation.

I also got to try out a new hairstyle today which I am very happy about as some good cakes were involved

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enpreviously on in my 20s i love friendships so last week i introduced you to all my friends and tried to give a little bit of advice about friendships in your 20s and i don't know if you guys can tell but i love friendship so much i love people and i love to be around human beings constantly well people i know i thought i should do a complete 180 this episode and try to get comfortable being alone going to the gym going to a coffee shop just hanging out by myself because a lot of people say it's part of the human experience and it's something we should learn to enjoy good morning girlie pops it's monday morning it's not that early actually i've been procrastinating i'm trying to get myself to go to the gym right now but it's been kind of a while since i've gone to the gym alone because i was getting consistent for the first week and then we went to california for five days totally broke the routine and now the fear has built back up but once i start going again for a few days in a row it won't be that bad my routine has been to just make a little coffee and then go to the gym but if i procrastinate too long and get hungry then i eat a kodak kodiak cake not kodak like film so freaking hot oh my gosh let's do this i'm hyped up i'm so hyped up yes i am no i'm not let's go okay i just pulled up and it looks so incredibly empty so i'm very hyped up i'm actually feeling very hyper which is perfect because today is a big booty judy day i'm gonna walk in and i'm immediately going to sit down do hip thrusts then i'm gonna do some dumbbells and then i'm gonna get on the stair supper which is gonna hurt really bad after doing a leg workout excited for life honestly which is a great feeling on a monday usually i feel overwhelmed on a monday watch this if you wear a mask and you wear ginormous headphones it's like you're literally in a different dimension and no one knows no no one can see anything yeah this is the cheat code like who is going to like i'm in a different dimension right now i guess that's a little bit of my gym anxiety advice and another really big tip is to stop looking at people because i remember when i first started going to the gym i was just so terrified and freaked out by the whole idea that all of these strangers were coming into this one area picking up and putting down heavy things and not acknowledging each other and then i realized that because i was staring at all of them they would look back at me and then i'd be like oh my gosh why is everyone looking at me and it was because i was looking at them so if you just don't make eye contact with people it is a thousand times more comfortable in the gym and now i actually i'm starting to enjoy it although it's still hard to get myself to walk in alone once i'm actually there i find it very peaceful yeah i don't know that's my advice but i still have gym anxiety so it's like think that one day i'll just get over it especially once i'm super swoll then i'll definitely get over it i was about to come on here and talk about how i had an amazing day at the gym i had so much energy for some reason and then i drove home and i had the scariest experience with a road rage driver in my entire life the light turned green so i started going and these are like small back roads this truck from the left pulled out of the gas station really fast but i was already going so we were about to collide and then he got really pissed off at me so instead of like stopping he sped up and like it felt like he was trying to hit me like i literally was like bracing for impact because i could have sworn we were so close to like hitting each other and so i sped up so that we wouldn't and then he got mad that i sped up because now i was in front of him so then he like sped up super fast like went around me and he was in a truck which is just scarier for some reason and then i was nervous that he was gonna follow me because he was so mad and like middle fingers and just oh it would have been so scary if he actually hit me though and then we had to get out and talk to each other i think i would have rather just stayed in my car that was so scary and it's so weird to go through those experiences alone in your car as like a small woman it's just literally terrifying and it's so weird because i made a different vlog a while ago on my vlog channel where i spent the day alone and i tried to go to a movie theater alone to like for the first time just experience that and i had a scary experience with the guy next to me who was like screaming when the movie got loud and then not talking it was just so weird but before any of that happened god bless that i did not get hit all is well he didn't follow me or anything i drink my protein i'm gonna go shower and then give you this update about how much i've been loving being an active person not necessarily like working out to look a certain way but just like sports with my friends and going on walks and stuff let me go shower we have fun but our trails will never run forever yeah i'm a chef now my face is so tan compared to my body okay i've been making these protein pancakes and turkey bacon and i just love the routine of working out and then feeling that buzz in your body taking a shower feels so extra good after workout and then making myself a meal just the simple things makes life feel good my back really hurts though i need to stretch the other side of my back hurts which usually it's the left side see the issue is i don't know what to stretch to make you feel better but this one usually feels like it's getting it i feel like i did too much at the gym because i'm really tired now i'm gonna need another coffee i did 40 minutes on the stair stepper granted i did level five instead of six but it didn't even feel hard this time that's why i was confused why i had so much energy but get this is my favorite thing ever i grew up playing sports or just like you know having fun playing sports at school with my friends nothing serious but before i found dance i tried like soccer basketball volleyball and now our group of friends here loves to play sports so lately we've been playing ultimate frisbee which is kind of like football but with a frisbee you have to throw it your teammate catches it and then they can't move and they have to throw it to the next person and they catch it they can't move it's so fun and it's like tons of running and that is just one of the most fun ways to be active ever it makes you feel so good and happy after because you're just having a good laugh with your friends some friendly competition the sun is out you're getting to experience nature but you're also getting active and i feel like i woke up so positive and with so much energy today because i've been more active like going on walks playing sports so that my sleep is like way better and not restless and then i wake up i don't know just something about it i feel different like my body feels different and i really enjoyed the gym today and i'm really excited to go on a walk later like once you get into the habit of it i feel like your body just craves it like my body just craves going on a walk right now i'm talking about how much i love physical activity but i feel like i could just collapse right now oh i'm popping all over also this little jumpsuit was a gift so cute it's from free people i love free people so much it makes me want to change my whole style to be a granola girl i'm reading this book right now 99 days by katie cotegno i did a book shopping vlog and haul on my second channel and i'm kind of obsessed with this book so i'm going to use it as an excuse to read while i stretch a little bit oh man i just want to curl up and sleep okay so i know this video is about me getting over like gym anxiety just doing things alone in general i'm getting ready for a coffee date with a friend but she's moving in like a week so this is priority but anyways i think something i've recently learned about myself is that i'm actually an extrovert but i didn't know that because i have social anxiety in public and like certain random situations but then i realized introverts you lose energy hanging out with people and extroverts you gain energy because i was gaining so much energy that was kind of scary that was kind of a fun realization like oh i'm a extrovert with some social anxiety that's a really fun little mix keeps things interesting keeps things spicy but because i'm an extrovert i think i generally just don't like to be alone and i feel like it's because people bring out parts of me that are not brought out when i'm alone which i hope doesn't mean that i'm bad company for myself because i was an only child growing up and i feel like i could always entertain myself i was always getting into new little hobbies and that's why i like get obsessed with things and like research all of them i don't really stay bored but if i were to go on a walk or go to a coffee shop i would rather do that with people even if we're silent i would enjoy it more i guess in this vlog we're going to explore not doing that because when you're uncomfortable you learn a lot about yourself so let's go be uncomfortable but first i'm going to be comfortable because i'm going to be with lily so that'll be really fun oops my instagram story pop off i'm pretending to be granola today because my hair is oily here's the thing right something i do love alone is car time i wish i could do every car ride alone i love to sing i actually have a really weird irrational fear that my phone is randomly going to go on instagram live while i'm belting my heart out or that like someone is pranking me and they're like in the backseat or they're like recording i don't know why it's just because i really go hard in the car by myself but i'm parked lily's not here yet and the thought of me having to like walk there alone holding my camera and all my stuff i just that's the part that makes me anxious i don't know why i want to meet up with someone and walk with them because i just feel like a freak for being alone even though like most people are alone it doesn't really make any sense what's your irrational fear lily brought her own coffee creamer and i thought it was hilarious it's so good sweet cream creamer y'all i love coffee dates invite me for a one-on-one conversation and my heart just soars okay but it's time okay it's time for me to go be by myself and experience that and see what comes of it so let's do it good morning my face is so tan it looks like i put bronzer on my face but it's just from the sun and then nothing else is tan i am struggling this morning i woke up late and i've just been sitting here it's one of those days where i don't have a clear plan for the day and instead of actually sitting down and figuring out a clear plan i'm just procrastinating and scrolling on my phone and going on take talk my eyes already hurt from being on my phone too much in the morning obviously i have my bible open but i haven't read it yet because i'm scrolling on my phone don't want to go to the gym because my body's sore but i'm not even doing legs again i'm going to do like arms which are not sore at all but i do have lash appointment today at 11 30 so i should go to the gym and come home and shower before i have to go do that and then i want to go somewhere alone after i get my lashes done to read atomic habits maybe read my bible more so yeah i thought i would turn my camera on just to i don't know i feel like i keep saying like oh like guys these i'm making these videos but like i'm still having low moments but i'm not showing the low moments not that this is like a low moment that's a little dramatic but it's not it's not productive it's not something that i would want to show it's not like improvement really it's kind of me going back to my my old ways so yeah just thought i'd let you guys know that i'm procrastinating oh my gosh look at my eyes whoa this kind of looks like a really cool thumbnail a ryan tray hand thumbnail if you sit for too long you're going to convince yourself not do it that's why the five second rule exists because it only takes five seconds for you to convince yourself not to do something okay i'm going i'm wearing these new leggings that set active set made they're so pretty i love looking at them okay i'm leaving i'm leaving i'm leaving right now let's go have you guys noticed that this entire video has just been me procrastinating hanging out by myself and i am not lying to you when i say it makes me uncomfortable and i do not like it in public that is okay i just got my lashes done they look real thick on the first day i'm gonna go to a coffee shop alone ooh scary i'm so scared no i'm kind of excited actually but i don't want to film myself alone that's for sure but i'm going to actually i don't think i've ever been to a coffee shop alone is this a first time experience for me something i want to work on actually is i'm not very in tune with my own emotions and i get very jumbled thoughts and i think i just need to actually like journal them down so i'm gonna do that and i'll let you know how my experience goes if i figure anything out that i was wrestling with prior to this experience a lot of coffee and i forgot my bag with my computer and my books and my bible and everything that i was gonna do but i did grab my book and i have 30 pages of it left so i'm just gonna sit in this very empty park which should make me feel more comforted because it's very empty and i'm just going to read my book alone and that alone is going to make me uncomfortable and i need to get uncomfortable so let's do that this is extremely peaceful and also a little bit eerie there's like no one out here it's such a busy park usually there's like no one even near me to hear this but i still feel strange i can just see people out in the distance living their lives but it seems so far away and so quiet i must really not liking hanging out with myself because i don't i'm just because i've been procrastinating going to a coffee shop alone for like an hour and a half here's my outfit i figured if i felt confident in what i'm wearing then that would take some of the pressure off you know or maybe i'll go to the park but i need to get a blanket for the park i actually have bible study tonight and i have to do like two chapters of this which is probably gonna take an hour and a half so i actually need to get this done somewhere yesterday my time at the park was good but i didn't have a blanket so i just felt kind of strange sitting there on the grass for 15 minutes and then leaving what should i bring okay let's try this being alone thing again as you can see it was a bit of a windy day it's been kind of cloudy and windy and kind of uh i don't know makes me a little bit downtrodden to be honest is that a word oh downtrodden is not what i thought it meant it just makes me feel a little bit down but what did i learn about myself this second time hanging out in the park alone well what i've learned even just me editing this video is that i am an avoider i avoid emotions i avoid anything that is not a positive feeling including that of being uncomfortable in public alone i think i really need to make it a goal to actually journal every day and see if that transforms the awareness of my emotions and i need to just keep forcing myself to do uncomfortable things i'm back home i picked up some groceries curbside pickup and you know that was nice and for the sake of the series i really want to be like wow i just love being alone now honestly i prefer it that's just not the truth yet like i feel really tired which is probably because of the weather and because it's like midday slum but i get so much energy from hanging out with people and i feel like i lose energy being by myself but i love being by myself at the airport in the car and at home i could gain energy from those things like i'm very excited to just read and like do the journaling thing at home but it feels like my brain is working overtime when i'm outside because i'm also a paranoid person because i'm a small woman then i just come home and i feel a little bit exhausted it was nice to journal and self-reflect you guys are giving me energy this feels like a social experience is that good or bad who knows i got my bang to swoop today kind of i still don't know how to do my bangs see usually right now i would be listening to a podcast in the background but i'm being silent right now and it actually feels very therapeutic spock just awkwardly stands there though damn some good cakes so did i learn the beauty of being alone not yet but i didn't know how much i loved being alone in airports until i was forced to do it over and over again and now it's one of the most comforting feelings to me so i'm gonna keep pushing and keep exploring the boundaries of my uncomfortability until one day i will watch this video and not be able to relate to it at allpreviously on in my 20s i love friendships so last week i introduced you to all my friends and tried to give a little bit of advice about friendships in your 20s and i don't know if you guys can tell but i love friendship so much i love people and i love to be around human beings constantly well people i know i thought i should do a complete 180 this episode and try to get comfortable being alone going to the gym going to a coffee shop just hanging out by myself because a lot of people say it's part of the human experience and it's something we should learn to enjoy good morning girlie pops it's monday morning it's not that early actually i've been procrastinating i'm trying to get myself to go to the gym right now but it's been kind of a while since i've gone to the gym alone because i was getting consistent for the first week and then we went to california for five days totally broke the routine and now the fear has built back up but once i start going again for a few days in a row it won't be that bad my routine has been to just make a little coffee and then go to the gym but if i procrastinate too long and get hungry then i eat a kodak kodiak cake not kodak like film so freaking hot oh my gosh let's do this i'm hyped up i'm so hyped up yes i am no i'm not let's go okay i just pulled up and it looks so incredibly empty so i'm very hyped up i'm actually feeling very hyper which is perfect because today is a big booty judy day i'm gonna walk in and i'm immediately going to sit down do hip thrusts then i'm gonna do some dumbbells and then i'm gonna get on the stair supper which is gonna hurt really bad after doing a leg workout excited for life honestly which is a great feeling on a monday usually i feel overwhelmed on a monday watch this if you wear a mask and you wear ginormous headphones it's like you're literally in a different dimension and no one knows no no one can see anything yeah this is the cheat code like who is going to like i'm in a different dimension right now i guess that's a little bit of my gym anxiety advice and another really big tip is to stop looking at people because i remember when i first started going to the gym i was just so terrified and freaked out by the whole idea that all of these strangers were coming into this one area picking up and putting down heavy things and not acknowledging each other and then i realized that because i was staring at all of them they would look back at me and then i'd be like oh my gosh why is everyone looking at me and it was because i was looking at them so if you just don't make eye contact with people it is a thousand times more comfortable in the gym and now i actually i'm starting to enjoy it although it's still hard to get myself to walk in alone once i'm actually there i find it very peaceful yeah i don't know that's my advice but i still have gym anxiety so it's like think that one day i'll just get over it especially once i'm super swoll then i'll definitely get over it i was about to come on here and talk about how i had an amazing day at the gym i had so much energy for some reason and then i drove home and i had the scariest experience with a road rage driver in my entire life the light turned green so i started going and these are like small back roads this truck from the left pulled out of the gas station really fast but i was already going so we were about to collide and then he got really pissed off at me so instead of like stopping he sped up and like it felt like he was trying to hit me like i literally was like bracing for impact because i could have sworn we were so close to like hitting each other and so i sped up so that we wouldn't and then he got mad that i sped up because now i was in front of him so then he like sped up super fast like went around me and he was in a truck which is just scarier for some reason and then i was nervous that he was gonna follow me because he was so mad and like middle fingers and just oh it would have been so scary if he actually hit me though and then we had to get out and talk to each other i think i would have rather just stayed in my car that was so scary and it's so weird to go through those experiences alone in your car as like a small woman it's just literally terrifying and it's so weird because i made a different vlog a while ago on my vlog channel where i spent the day alone and i tried to go to a movie theater alone to like for the first time just experience that and i had a scary experience with the guy next to me who was like screaming when the movie got loud and then not talking it was just so weird but before any of that happened god bless that i did not get hit all is well he didn't follow me or anything i drink my protein i'm gonna go shower and then give you this update about how much i've been loving being an active person not necessarily like working out to look a certain way but just like sports with my friends and going on walks and stuff let me go shower we have fun but our trails will never run forever yeah i'm a chef now my face is so tan compared to my body okay i've been making these protein pancakes and turkey bacon and i just love the routine of working out and then feeling that buzz in your body taking a shower feels so extra good after workout and then making myself a meal just the simple things makes life feel good my back really hurts though i need to stretch the other side of my back hurts which usually it's the left side see the issue is i don't know what to stretch to make you feel better but this one usually feels like it's getting it i feel like i did too much at the gym because i'm really tired now i'm gonna need another coffee i did 40 minutes on the stair stepper granted i did level five instead of six but it didn't even feel hard this time that's why i was confused why i had so much energy but get this is my favorite thing ever i grew up playing sports or just like you know having fun playing sports at school with my friends nothing serious but before i found dance i tried like soccer basketball volleyball and now our group of friends here loves to play sports so lately we've been playing ultimate frisbee which is kind of like football but with a frisbee you have to throw it your teammate catches it and then they can't move and they have to throw it to the next person and they catch it they can't move it's so fun and it's like tons of running and that is just one of the most fun ways to be active ever it makes you feel so good and happy after because you're just having a good laugh with your friends some friendly competition the sun is out you're getting to experience nature but you're also getting active and i feel like i woke up so positive and with so much energy today because i've been more active like going on walks playing sports so that my sleep is like way better and not restless and then i wake up i don't know just something about it i feel different like my body feels different and i really enjoyed the gym today and i'm really excited to go on a walk later like once you get into the habit of it i feel like your body just craves it like my body just craves going on a walk right now i'm talking about how much i love physical activity but i feel like i could just collapse right now oh i'm popping all over also this little jumpsuit was a gift so cute it's from free people i love free people so much it makes me want to change my whole style to be a granola girl i'm reading this book right now 99 days by katie cotegno i did a book shopping vlog and haul on my second channel and i'm kind of obsessed with this book so i'm going to use it as an excuse to read while i stretch a little bit oh man i just want to curl up and sleep okay so i know this video is about me getting over like gym anxiety just doing things alone in general i'm getting ready for a coffee date with a friend but she's moving in like a week so this is priority but anyways i think something i've recently learned about myself is that i'm actually an extrovert but i didn't know that because i have social anxiety in public and like certain random situations but then i realized introverts you lose energy hanging out with people and extroverts you gain energy because i was gaining so much energy that was kind of scary that was kind of a fun realization like oh i'm a extrovert with some social anxiety that's a really fun little mix keeps things interesting keeps things spicy but because i'm an extrovert i think i generally just don't like to be alone and i feel like it's because people bring out parts of me that are not brought out when i'm alone which i hope doesn't mean that i'm bad company for myself because i was an only child growing up and i feel like i could always entertain myself i was always getting into new little hobbies and that's why i like get obsessed with things and like research all of them i don't really stay bored but if i were to go on a walk or go to a coffee shop i would rather do that with people even if we're silent i would enjoy it more i guess in this vlog we're going to explore not doing that because when you're uncomfortable you learn a lot about yourself so let's go be uncomfortable but first i'm going to be comfortable because i'm going to be with lily so that'll be really fun oops my instagram story pop off i'm pretending to be granola today because my hair is oily here's the thing right something i do love alone is car time i wish i could do every car ride alone i love to sing i actually have a really weird irrational fear that my phone is randomly going to go on instagram live while i'm belting my heart out or that like someone is pranking me and they're like in the backseat or they're like recording i don't know why it's just because i really go hard in the car by myself but i'm parked lily's not here yet and the thought of me having to like walk there alone holding my camera and all my stuff i just that's the part that makes me anxious i don't know why i want to meet up with someone and walk with them because i just feel like a freak for being alone even though like most people are alone it doesn't really make any sense what's your irrational fear lily brought her own coffee creamer and i thought it was hilarious it's so good sweet cream creamer y'all i love coffee dates invite me for a one-on-one conversation and my heart just soars okay but it's time okay it's time for me to go be by myself and experience that and see what comes of it so let's do it good morning my face is so tan it looks like i put bronzer on my face but it's just from the sun and then nothing else is tan i am struggling this morning i woke up late and i've just been sitting here it's one of those days where i don't have a clear plan for the day and instead of actually sitting down and figuring out a clear plan i'm just procrastinating and scrolling on my phone and going on take talk my eyes already hurt from being on my phone too much in the morning obviously i have my bible open but i haven't read it yet because i'm scrolling on my phone don't want to go to the gym because my body's sore but i'm not even doing legs again i'm going to do like arms which are not sore at all but i do have lash appointment today at 11 30 so i should go to the gym and come home and shower before i have to go do that and then i want to go somewhere alone after i get my lashes done to read atomic habits maybe read my bible more so yeah i thought i would turn my camera on just to i don't know i feel like i keep saying like oh like guys these i'm making these videos but like i'm still having low moments but i'm not showing the low moments not that this is like a low moment that's a little dramatic but it's not it's not productive it's not something that i would want to show it's not like improvement really it's kind of me going back to my my old ways so yeah just thought i'd let you guys know that i'm procrastinating oh my gosh look at my eyes whoa this kind of looks like a really cool thumbnail a ryan tray hand thumbnail if you sit for too long you're going to convince yourself not do it that's why the five second rule exists because it only takes five seconds for you to convince yourself not to do something okay i'm going i'm wearing these new leggings that set active set made they're so pretty i love looking at them okay i'm leaving i'm leaving i'm leaving right now let's go have you guys noticed that this entire video has just been me procrastinating hanging out by myself and i am not lying to you when i say it makes me uncomfortable and i do not like it in public that is okay i just got my lashes done they look real thick on the first day i'm gonna go to a coffee shop alone ooh scary i'm so scared no i'm kind of excited actually but i don't want to film myself alone that's for sure but i'm going to actually i don't think i've ever been to a coffee shop alone is this a first time experience for me something i want to work on actually is i'm not very in tune with my own emotions and i get very jumbled thoughts and i think i just need to actually like journal them down so i'm gonna do that and i'll let you know how my experience goes if i figure anything out that i was wrestling with prior to this experience a lot of coffee and i forgot my bag with my computer and my books and my bible and everything that i was gonna do but i did grab my book and i have 30 pages of it left so i'm just gonna sit in this very empty park which should make me feel more comforted because it's very empty and i'm just going to read my book alone and that alone is going to make me uncomfortable and i need to get uncomfortable so let's do that this is extremely peaceful and also a little bit eerie there's like no one out here it's such a busy park usually there's like no one even near me to hear this but i still feel strange i can just see people out in the distance living their lives but it seems so far away and so quiet i must really not liking hanging out with myself because i don't i'm just because i've been procrastinating going to a coffee shop alone for like an hour and a half here's my outfit i figured if i felt confident in what i'm wearing then that would take some of the pressure off you know or maybe i'll go to the park but i need to get a blanket for the park i actually have bible study tonight and i have to do like two chapters of this which is probably gonna take an hour and a half so i actually need to get this done somewhere yesterday my time at the park was good but i didn't have a blanket so i just felt kind of strange sitting there on the grass for 15 minutes and then leaving what should i bring okay let's try this being alone thing again as you can see it was a bit of a windy day it's been kind of cloudy and windy and kind of uh i don't know makes me a little bit downtrodden to be honest is that a word oh downtrodden is not what i thought it meant it just makes me feel a little bit down but what did i learn about myself this second time hanging out in the park alone well what i've learned even just me editing this video is that i am an avoider i avoid emotions i avoid anything that is not a positive feeling including that of being uncomfortable in public alone i think i really need to make it a goal to actually journal every day and see if that transforms the awareness of my emotions and i need to just keep forcing myself to do uncomfortable things i'm back home i picked up some groceries curbside pickup and you know that was nice and for the sake of the series i really want to be like wow i just love being alone now honestly i prefer it that's just not the truth yet like i feel really tired which is probably because of the weather and because it's like midday slum but i get so much energy from hanging out with people and i feel like i lose energy being by myself but i love being by myself at the airport in the car and at home i could gain energy from those things like i'm very excited to just read and like do the journaling thing at home but it feels like my brain is working overtime when i'm outside because i'm also a paranoid person because i'm a small woman then i just come home and i feel a little bit exhausted it was nice to journal and self-reflect you guys are giving me energy this feels like a social experience is that good or bad who knows i got my bang to swoop today kind of i still don't know how to do my bangs see usually right now i would be listening to a podcast in the background but i'm being silent right now and it actually feels very therapeutic spock just awkwardly stands there though damn some good cakes so did i learn the beauty of being alone not yet but i didn't know how much i loved being alone in airports until i was forced to do it over and over again and now it's one of the most comforting feelings to me so i'm gonna keep pushing and keep exploring the boundaries of my uncomfortability until one day i will watch this video and not be able to relate to it at all\n"