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Hello and Welcome to Temu.com: A Paradise for Knockoffs and Luxuries

As I stepped into temu.com, the home of knockoffs, fakes, cheap stuff, and apparently very expensive things as well, my mission was clear. I was on a quest to find the most expensive tech items available on this platform. Little did I know that my decision would lead me down a rabbit hole of confusion and skepticism.

A Brief Look at Temu's Luxury Offerings

My search began with a product that caught my eye - eight ounces of Ossetra caviar imperial, priced at $268. Yes, you read that right; for under three hundred dollars, I could indulge in a luxurious treat that usually comes with a hefty price tag. But was it worth it? I couldn't help but wonder if I'd be able to pull off the look without being ridiculed.

A Suit Fit for a Billionaire

As I browsed through temu's offerings, I stumbled upon a men's leaf pattern luxury two-piece embroidered suit. The description read like something straight out of a fairy tale - "shop like a billionaire." Sounds too good to be true? That was until I spotted the fine print. It turns out that you need to actually be a billionaire to afford the really expensive items on temu.com.

The Most Expensive Tech Item: A Red Flag

My eyes landed on an ROG desktop, touted as "direct from Sony" - but there was a catch. The product description revealed that it was actually provided by and shipped by Crabapple Tech, a company I couldn't find any information about. It's hard to ignore the feeling of skepticism when faced with such inconsistencies.

A $2,000 Scooter: What's the Catch?

Next up was an item that left me scratching my head - a scooter priced at $2,000. The description read "direct from Sony," but again, the fine print revealed that it was actually provided by Crabapple Tech. It just didn't add up. I couldn't help but wonder what made this scooter so special.

A 45-Ton Log Splitter: Is This a Joke?

Last but not least, I came across an item that left me speechless - a 45-ton log splitter priced at $8,400. What would we even do with such a massive machine? Was it for splitting logs or powering our cameras somehow? The thought of it was absurd.

Conclusion

As I navigated through the world of temu.com, I realized that sometimes the most expensive items on a website come with a price tag not just in dollars but also in skepticism. While some products may seem like a great deal, others leave you wondering if they're worth the investment. Will I be able to pull off looking like a billionaire? Only time will tell.

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WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: en- Hello and welcome to temu.com,the home of knockoffs,fakes, cheap stuff, and apparentlyvery expensive things as well.Today, my mission is very simple.I'm going to be searching forthe most expensive Temu tech.I'm going to regret thisdecision in about 30 seconds.$268 for Temu caviar?This is eight ounces ofOssetra caviar imperial.(Austin laughing)A men's leaf pattern luxurytwo piece embroidered suit.I think if I look thiscool, everyone will knowthat I'm a Richie Richwho shops on temu.com.You know what?They say shop like a billionaire.What the little fine print says is,you actually need to bea billionaire to affordthe really expensive stuff.Wow, okay, so the most expensive tech itemis just an ROG desktop.PS5 Slim, it says direct from Sony,but the thing is, itsays direct from Sony,but as soon as I click into it,provided by and ships by Crabapple Tech.Last time I checked, Crabapple Techwas not the secret codename for Sony Inc.There's no reason for this scooterto cost $2,000, like at all.Like, that just lookslike a regular scooter.A 45-ton log splitter that costs $8,400.What will we do with a log splitter?- Split logs.- Are we steam-poweringour cameras, perhaps?(Austin gasping)A couple years ago on "Mystery Tech,"we tried a sauna, and if you know anythingabout Austin Evans, youknow I'm a pretty big fanof sitting in the sauna.A little sweat never hurt anybody.A lot of sweat will kill you,but somewhere in the middlemake you feel real good.(Austin laughing)- You can, you know,use your Z Flip while you're.(Austin laughing)- A full size violin.Well, if you've have watchedthe channel for a whileand decide to subscribe,ring that ding-a-ling,you'll know that I ama virtuosic performer of all instruments.Everything I touch, I turninto beautiful, beautiful musicthat will make you weep tears of sadnessand of wishing that youhave brought ear plugs inor noise-canceling headphones,but I think for $108, thisfeels like perfect to find out,can I play a Temu violin?(Austin humming)So, with that, my friends,I have everything I needto place a very substantialorder on temu.com.I'll see you on the other side when allthis random nonsense shows up.Welcome to POV Temu Tech.You're the table.Welcome to Temu.All right, let's see what we got.(package tearing)(dismal music)This is a lot greener thanI thought it was gonna be.- Wow, that's some BobBarker-looking.- This is wow.Luxury quality.Okay, and thankfully I havesome very boring pants.What the, oh, nope, nevermind.(Austin laughing)Maybe not.Can I just do a little check here?- Baggy is in, man.- Welcome, my friends, to temu.com.(excited beeping)- Oh my God.- The premier online destinationfor all your expensive, fancy things.You may have shopped like a billionaire.How about you become an actual billionaireby buying dropship nonsense from temu.com?As you can see, I amdressed for the occasionin Temu's finest attire,which cost a mere.(crickets chirping)- $153.- Wow.- I look like I've at leastgot $153 in my bank account.I will say I feel like Ineed a hat of some kind.I'm not sure what kind of hat I need.Now that I have successfullyoutfitted myselfin Temu's finest, why don'twe take a closer look at...Why is this an Amazon label?Well, if you signed upfor my marketing courseon how to make lots of money,I'm gonna steal this ideaand sell you stuff from Amazon on Temufor only a small markup.Cause profit.These are all ice packsbecause when you makean investment in yourown happiness like this,then you want nothing but the best.This my friends, isactual legitimate caviar.As you can see by thecondensation and by the factthat I don't wanna hold it toolong because it's very cold,it's very cold, thisis not no fake caviar.This is the real thing.What's caviar again?Behold my friends.(film whirring)- Oh, wait, no.This is not a spin top, dude.This is a.- I don't know.- This is a, this is a.- You think I open my owncaviar? (Austin chuckling)The LTT screwdriveravailable for many things,including opening your caviar, apparently.- Also for rich people.(Austin laughing)- Are we missing the fact thatthere's like a caviar toolthat exists in life andwe just don't own it?I'm getting hungrier by the minute.I'm about to be very angry.Oh my God, you just dented.- Huh?- Ken, you dented the eggs.The caviar is ruined.Oh, I'm going to have totalk to Smithers about this.Oh god, this smells bad.This is what caviar smells like?- Okay, I have iFixittools to open the caviar.The thing is that like,this is what iFixit kitswere made for, right?- Yes, of course.Of course.(Austin cackling)What if there's no caviarin here and they just thinkthat it's so hard thatpeople are gonna like,keep this in the fridgeand forget about it?(Austin grunting)(tin slamming)For the record, we'renot doing this as a bit.We can't open the caviar.(Ken laughing)This is actually likelegitimately a difficult.- Okay.- Damn it.Wait, what if I take a second hammerand you claw at my hammer?Wait, do you need likea can opener for it?- Maybe you just need to useyour please and thank yous.(Austin laughing)(hammer tapping)- Oh, oh, oh.I think I got it.- Okay, okay, okay.Is it?(Ken laughing)- Yeah.wait, wait.Oh, oh, ew.- That's, sure.- It's the forbidden quinoa.- Could you just pleaserefresh me on how many ouncesthis is and how much wepaid for our Temu caviar?- This is an 80 ounce.- Eight-zero.- 8-0 ounce tin of caviar.It is $270.- All right.You can get, you can have the richer one.- Thank you, I appreciate it. All right.How about like, like, like that much?This is probably like $10 worth.Cheers, my friend.- Cheers.(glasses clinking)- Your face.- I actually kinda like that.- I looked up theaverage prices for caviar.- Yeah.- So this is osterra caviar.- Uh huh, yeah.- I don't know what that means,but the average price willbe at least $80 an ounce.- Still eating it.- What?It's good.Are you kidding me?- I have anidea of what might makethat a little bit palatable.- Yeah, cheetos.- All right, well maybesome of that will help.- Ah.- You wanna put it in the toaster?- No, I think we should putbread in the toaster actually.- Oh yeah.- I think it's probably more helpful.So because we are sophisticated,oh, there's caviar all over my hands,sophisticated Temu shoppers,we know that it is notjust a thing that we'regoing to purchase caviar,which is why...we have a beautiful,incredible touchscreen toaster.- We have like eighttoasters in the office now.- We can do a toast off.Now I will say this looksreally like, fancy and coolon the listing, but nowthat we've got the box,it's a very genericwhite box that looks likeit's probably supposed to be $20.- We're gonna eat ourvery fancy caviar withfreaking buttermilk bread.What is wrong with us?Jesus.It's not a baguette.- It's finely aged.It expired a week ago.(Austin chuckling)Is this a touchscreen or isthis just capacitive buttons?Dude, look, you can see.(Ken laughing)It's literally gonna be justlike a regular like, oh.It's like capacitive touch-How much was it?- $50.- I mean.- $50 is mid-range.Stop eating that.- Oh God.- I need wine.- Behold my friends, thesupposedly touchscreen toaster,which I have a strong suspicion,is not a touchscreen toaster at all.- It says breadpudding, but it's just likea piece of toast.- Is it bread?(record scratching)Oh, you know what?Okay, actually, oh well that's not touch.This is touch.Grain, En muffin, English muffin, waffle.I want bread.Okay.- We need this to bewhite so that the chardoesn't conflict with the taste of the.(Alex chuckling)- I like that it does have a countdown.It shows you you're goingfrom light to mediumand it is in fact hot,although the problem is, isthat you really can't judgea toaster by the first time you use it.- Don't judge a book by its cover.- Don't get.- Can't judge a toaster bythe first time you use it.- That smells like burning plastic.- Oh, whoa, whoa.- Yeah, that bread'sprobably not good to eat.Toast. Be careful you squishit, 'cause as you do it, the,you see all the caviar eggs like crack.- Oh, you're pop, popping off.- Yeah, okay, so I justlearned, don't do that.Actually, that's pretty good.(Alex cheering)- Yeah, there you go.- What the, why is that so?- I hope it's not fragile.- I also hope it's not fragile.- There's a sticker.So as you likely know, ifyou've watched the channelfor a while, I'm a man of many talents.Some might argue it's alittle unfair to the worldthat I could just be so talentedand so good at so many things,(Alex laughing)and today I'm going to showyou exactly how good I am.This is a violin, and assomeone who's never playeda violin a second in my life.- Oh god.(Ken laughing)It's a vi, you thinkyou could play the violin?- I'm gonna show you.You just take the violin, youput it on your collarbone,you hold it out, you take yourother arm, you take the bow,I know that's what it's called.You do it and then you go.(elegant violin music)While this was expensiveby Temu standards,I would argue, not thatexpensive by violin standards.(Austin scatting)Behold my friends, the Temu violin.(strings plucking)Oh, look.For beginners, the notes, the chords.This is a chin guard.I've seen these on TikTok.- What?(Ken laughing)- What kind ofTikToks are you watching, dude?- Like the violiners.Point out a single time I'veever been wrong about anything.Is this really what the bow looks like?- Yeah.- I've never seen a bowbefore. It's very like,soft.- It's not likethe hunting bow.It's supposed to be.- The violiners are gonna bereal mad at me for this video.Oh, that sounded bad.- Good beginnerviolins should costaround $500, give or take.- Oh, and this was how much?- $110.- So for $110, whatcould possibly go wrong?How do you do the shoulder thing?(quiet discordant music)- I think youneed to put some resin on it.- What?- I didn't see any in here.- Wait, you trying to tell me thatmy Temu violin didn't come complete?What, I need resin?What if, what happens ifI don't resin the strings?- I don't know,it probably sounds bad.(Ken laughing)- Wait, let me just try.Let's just try here.(discordant music)All right, okay, I just, I'm tuning it.Wait, is that stringsupposed to be on the side?- No.Maybe that's what the resin's for.- It makes no noise.What am I doing wrong?- You got chalk or something?I don't know.- What about some caviar to lube it?Can I just point out the factthat it's all the right colorexcept this part, theyjust forgot to stain it?- All right, I rosined ourbow and I'm gonna do thisbefore Austin does becausehe probably will doan even worse job than me.(violin music)We're getting there.At some point it'll be a full song.Cool, we did it.- Yay.- Just loop that over and over againand some version of music will happen.(discordant violin music)- Oh yes, my HiFi Dots.So as a sophisticated shopper on temu.com,I don't want to use fake AirPods, please.I can get my HiFi Dots.The packaging, I will say, pretty nice.This does seem a little bit more premium.You've got a magnet, ooh.Oh my god, it's heavy.This is like made out of metal.It does look nice though, I will say.It's got like a very sort of shiny finish,but it don't, it almost lookskinda like automotive paint.It's got a little bitof like, speckle in it.So if I push the button.(Austin gasping)Oh my god, that's cool.I feel rich as hell.You know what?The ear buds themselvesactually look okay.They have like small stems.So they have a largenumber of other ear tipsas well as a nice little USB-C cable,which is color matched to my suit.I'm in full noise cancellation mode.Let me experience the HiFi Dots.No, no, no.They're bass-y.They actually don't sound that good.All right, let me, I'mgonna download the FiiTii.Oh good Lord.The app has a 1.9 star rating.- These wonderfulheadphones were $190.- So we're talking likebasically the same priceas something like Galaxy Buds 3 Pro,some of the Sony, like, Linkbuds, AirPods.Like, this is like the real deal.So let me actually tryto see if I can EQ themand get them to sound a little bit better.These feel incredibly premium,but we're evaluating theseas $190 headphones that I bought on Temu.The EQ does allow me to kindof clean that up a little bit,but it's still like you'relacking a lot of sort of fidelityin like the high end andespecially in like the mid range.It's sort of very like,it's not even like a scoop.It's just bass.I can't justify that for $190.They just don't sound good.Temu, this ain't it.No, don't throw that.Okay, yeah.So thank you for carefullysetting our Sony A7S IIIon the table, but we didnot buy this from Temu.Oh no, we have an accessory,which is paramountto delivering the finestof optical quality.- Ha, I get it, Paramount.- A 420, nice, to 800 millimetersuper telephoto zoom lensfor all SLR cameras, as long asyou can mount it on your camera.This is an old school zoom lens.It's the extending ones, youknow what I'm talking about?Like the old school onesthat we go like, hmm.This is the kind of stuff that you seeat like, you know,football games or you know,races or whatever, or peoplewho take photos of birdsbecause they're weird, butthis is significantly smallerand also it looks adorable.Oh my goodness, it lookslike a little like 70 to 200.Pulls out, I'm gonnastop doing that motion.(lens whirring)Okay, so there's no aperture controlso you've gotta just entirelychange the shutter speed.So I'm now going to record.Almost in focus.There we go. So what you wouldnormally wanna do with thisis you actually wanna put it on a tripod.So I'm trying to hold it steady.That's gonna be a little challenging.So now that I'm on a tripod,it should look significantly more smooth.I mean you can see thatI've got a lot of details.So if I wanna say look at,oh wow, look at the bloom.Okay, let me try tosharpen up a little bit.So that is a quite tightshot of that plant,but if I unlock it, I can now zoom in.Go from 400 millimeter to 800.Now do you notice how as I do that,the image gets way darker?So I'm gonna go ahead and pull it outso you see it looks fine.We actually now aregetting sort of vignetting.So this is not really trulya full frame lens, which makes sense.So the context, this is whatit looks like at 800 millimeters.I'm very, very far away.(crickets chirping)Hi Matt.What's up?- What are you wearing?- This is my expensive Temu episode.We ate caviar earlier.- Honestly this isnot terrible, but like.- It's not terrible.- It has a weird.- Vintagey look.- Yeah, yeah.- Especially look at it when you point ittoward the blue light.Look, like it is incrediblypoorly sort of like corrected.So you see like the whole frame gets blue,especially when you zoomit in a little bit more.So for context, right nowwe're on our normal cameraat 16 millimeters, whichis a very wide angleand we cut over to the Temu lens,you'll see this is what itlooks like at 420 millimeters.- The depth of field is like.- Is it like this shallow?- Like a hair?- Now how much was this incredibly fancyTemu lens for our Sony A7?- $50.- Actually not bad.You're not gonna be ableto follow me at all.You're not even gonna,what are you zooming in on, Matt?Hey, what, what's going on over there?(Alex chuckling)Hey, my eyes are up here, buddy.Ah, why is this so heavy?Also, what is T-U-V, Tuv?All right, this is a jazz, one jazz.- Yeah, aren'tyou jazzed to see it?- Behold my friends the Jazzercise 9000.What did I buy?What is this?What?- That's not what.- Oh, this is not a jazz.This is a keyboard with a screen.The idea with this isthat it is a supposedlynice mechanical keyboardand you'll actuallyget yourself a secondary display.You also have a little nice dial,got an on/off switch, Mac versus Windows.So essentially what youcan do is you can plug thisinto your laptop or whateverand you could have like,I don't know, a widget,Discord, some small thingon the smaller display infront of your actual main one.So in "Mystery Tech" alittle while ago we lookedat a couple of the Freewrites,which were interesting concepts,but the problem was that theywere just like typewriters,and my big problem with them was thatthey were very, very limited.Now obviously this doesn't doanything until you plug it in,but at least it has actual functionality.So we have a USB-A, dual USB-A to female.I'm not sure unless we we need more power.We also have a USB-A to USB-Cand a key puller and a pen.Oh, a stylus.It's a touchscreen?Oh.I like the clear key caps.It's definitely a bit of a vibe,but let's see what it actuallysounds like, shall we?(knuckles cracking)Woo, that might be one ofthe creamiest keyboardsI've ever typed on.So I'm going to plug this into a laptop,which feels like theright way of doing thisbecause I mean, youcould certainly use thiswith a desktop setup,but I feel like to me,this is almost a little bit more of likea portable kind of guy.I don't know, let's see.So my laptop is on.Now I'm going to turn on thedisplay and see what happens.Theoretically the displaywill actually light upas a second monitor, but we'll see.Oh, I don't have two USB-Aports side by side, do I?You know what?Maybe this isn't meantfor laptops that havedual USB-A ports and it's meantto be used with a desktop.Heh heh.If we use a USB-C dongle though,that might actually get around it.So this does have two USB-As,so we're gonna go one and two.Oh it works.That's very strange.It took a long time towork, but it now works.So it's a really smalldisplay and I will say thatit's a little bit like, even thoughit's technically like1920 by 480 or something,yeah, it doesn't look sharp.It almost looks a little soft.The G key doesn't work.- Oh.Aw.Oh, that may have fixed it.Okay, cool.Anyway, let me do a typing test, shall we?90 words per minute my very first try.This is a nice keyboard.Now I'm not sure if it's thetype of switches or what.I will say I was having a couple of like,duplicate key pressesmaybe because the actuationis really very high on the key,like you only have tolike barely depress itbefore the key is actually registered.The space bar barely works now.So maybe our Temu keyboardis not of the absolutehighest quality 'cause I will tell.Oh my god, yeah, you think?I think I figured out my problem.(bar boinking)- Well it couldalso be that we've beentossing around the box quite a bit.- I would almost thinkit's probably worth itto like double check eachand every one of these keys.I mean they're hot swappableswitches, but make surethat every single one islike fully, fully inserted.That being said, with the key puller,I was able to fix boththe space and the G key,which were a little bit sus.How much was this thing?- It was $160.- I don't think that's crazy,if I'm honest with you.I mean the keyboardalone feels like a solid,like, $100 keyboardmaybe, and the fact thatyou've got the screen, it all works now.This whole goofy nonsense to plug it inis a bit of a downside.I wonder if I maybe uselike a higher, maybe likea USB-C to C cable or somethingand plug it directly in,it might have enough power.This thing types like a billionaire.Okay, that's big, that's big.Don't do that, don't do that.Okay, all right.When I saw this on Temu, Ihave never clicked add to cartfaster and I wish I hadone of these in my house.- What are you,a like 70-year-old man?- No, look at his jacket.What do you think he does with it?- This, my friends.(Austin laughing)Look at this.This, oh wait.Oh no, no.There's a oh, oh, there's alot of assembly, isn't there?- Yeah.(rain drizzling)- This is a protable steam sauna.- Protable?- Protable, P-R-O-T-A-B-L-E.Not portable.- Okay.- On "Mystery Tech" a number of years ago,we tried a Amazon sauna,which was a small tentwith a very warm light in it,which is definitely designedfor you as a human tosit inside and sweat.This takes it to awhole new protable levelby shrinking it down sothat you can be comfyand get a nice sweat.Hello, my friends.So I have successfullygotten myself into the sauna.It is already really hot in hereand I have not even turned it on yet.So thankfully I have a little remote.So let's find out.I'm gonna turn it on andhopefully I don't get burned.I also have my clothes on inhere so this is a bad idea.What does the screen say?Because I don't know,there's a little like tubethat's connected to thesauna that's supposedlygonna start dumping stuff.- It says P9-60.I don't know what that means.- Is this sus?Should I not do this with my feet anymore?So for some reason on this sidethere are a couple of areasfor your legs and I don't know whythat would be a good ideain any way whatsoever.Okay, so the steam is working now.I know this because Iaccidentally touched itand it was hot like youknow, steam should be.Now if you wanna seewhat it's actually like.(zipper unzipping)I guess the only problemis that all the steamis escaping through my face.So I feel like it's justconstantly fogging my glasses up.So the steam just comesup through a little pipeand I was touching itwhile I was waiting for itto come out, and it wentfrom like completely coldto boiling hot instantly.So I touched it.Three seconds later I touched it againand my finger's now burnt.(Alex laughing)- What the hell?- As you can probably see,it's nice and toasty in here.The steam is steaming like crazy.- I like how it has udders.Those are for your legsor for other thingsthat we're not gonna talk about.How much was my Temu Austin Steamer 9000?- $75.- Can you not fiddle with that?(Ken giggling)- This is the Wizard of Oz characteryou didn't know about.(Ken laughing)- I dunno what you'relooking at right now,but I'm sure it's a completelyunfair representationof what I look like at the moment.Thank you very much forwatching, my friends.Make sure to subscribe to the channel,ring-a-ling that ding-a-lingbutton, and stay tuned.Austin cooking himself,part two, coming soon.(Austin groaning)- Oh my God.Oh my God.(Ken laughing)- So I feel nice and toasty.