**The Key to Happiness and Success**

As I reflect on my life's journey, I've come to realize that happiness and success are not just about achieving external goals, but also about cultivating inner fulfillment. It's about recognizing that relationships have to keep growing, and that we must be willing to reinvent ourselves in order to make the most of them.

I've been married to my lovely wife Lisa for 26 years, and I can attest to the fact that our relationship has evolved over time. We've both changed, grown, and learned new things about each other. What's remained constant is our commitment to nurturing and growing together. I believe that this is true for most important relationships in our lives - whether it's with our partners, friends, family members, or even ourselves.

One of the key principles I want to emphasize is that we must make love the driving force in our lives. Love is what will carry us through life's ups and downs, and it's what will give us the strength to overcome any obstacle. It's more important than wisdom, knowledge, or material success. When we prioritize love, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and opportunities.

But how do we cultivate this love? How do we become the kind of person who radiates warmth, kindness, and compassion? The answer lies in living in the present moment. We often get caught up in worrying about the past or future, but when we focus on the present, we begin to experience life in all its beauty and wonder. As Mark Twain said, "The most dangerous wording in the English language is 'if only.'"

So, let's throw off those self-doubting thoughts and take risks! Let's be willing to make mistakes and learn from them. When we live in the present, we avoid carrying around the baggage of past regrets or future anxieties. We become more fully alive, more fully ourselves.

And speaking of being ourselves, it's essential to remember that our bodies are temples, sacred vessels for the Soul. By taking care of our physical health and well-being, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and opportunities. Let's make a conscious effort to live in harmony with our bodies, to nourish them, and to honor their unique strengths and gifts.

As I look out at the world around us, I'm reminded that we're all connected, like drops falling into the ocean of humanity. Our individual experiences are part of a larger tapestry, woven together by threads of love, hope, and resilience. When we come together in kindness, compassion, and understanding, we create a world that's truly beautiful and worthy of our highest aspirations.

So, let's make a commitment to ourselves and each other to prioritize love, to live in the present moment, and to take risks. Let's be willing to learn from our mistakes, to grow, and to evolve. When we do this, I promise you that life will unfold in ways that are truly remarkable - ways that will leave you feeling happy, fulfilled, and at peace with yourself and the world around you.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enit is truly an honor to speak at an institution where my family has had some involvement for close to 100 years now my grandmother-in-law graduated from the seizure sitting in in the 1920s she received her honorary doctorate where I am standing in the 1990s my mother-in-law is On The Board of Trustees of this wonderful University and I've seen its prosperous future as you have seen it evolve through you the graduating students of 2011 and all the folks who have gone before you and will follow you my mother-in-law is a very direct person warned me before I started that blessed are the brief for they shall be reinvites so I've been told by the president I've got 10 minutes I'm going to take advantage of it I know how to finish on time usually and what I'm doing these days you go to commercial if you don't finish on time so I'm going to give you 10 tips 10 tips I wish I knew when I was sitting in your seats when I graduated from college these 10 tips I hope will come back to two fundamental issues the two questions that I suspect many of you are asking right now the first is am I headed for Success what does success really mean it's me in my opinion moving forward towards an understanding of what is important in life that's the first theme success the second theme is gratitude because gratitude drives happiness it is fundamentally what will make you happy for the rest of your life and the beliefs you have and take into the experiences you have in life will color that sense of gratitude so here it goes how do you become successful and happy in 10 Easy Steps step number one actually we'll do it backwards we'll do the letter them in style step number 10 every day feel productive and challenged in a tailor made system that works for you and what works in your life each of you have different strengths each of you has different weaknesses you might as well do the things you're good at and I have focused on that through many of teams that I've been blessed to be a part of throughout my life and it almost always works better there's very many ways we can find that experience but the best way in my opinion is to find out when you're having that Zen moment when you don't even see time passing by that's when you're doing what you truly crave and love and adore it will let you put your creative energies to to flare and it will take you where you want to be in life step number nine generate an expertise in an area other than the profession that you choose to make your living now what do I mean by that I'm a heart surger as you heard earlier I'm on the faculty at Columbia University I've taken great pride in that background when I was asked by Oprah to start doing her show more often and ultimately to do a show called The Dr Ra show with her it took me and it will take you in your own lives a major break from the routine that you have created to accept that reality it ended up being one of the best things I could have done for myself and I passed along this advice to you having made these difficult decisions and you'll have to make them as well the the decisions that we make that take us out of our comfort zone are the ones that make us comfortable being uncomfortable which is a fundamental reality in life we don't triage well within medicine but you learn the triage when you get outside of the field and truly learn what it means to make those difficult decisions it taught me to move from being someone who was interested in only acting and doing and achieving to someone who's interested in validating and witnessing it taught me a different skill set which made me a better physician so that's step number nine to get outside your specialty area that you would have taken up in Step number 10 step number eight develop a system for living your life every day when I was training as a resident and I trained at Columbia University I would take my bike and we live in New Jersey I'd ride across the major bridge that goes into Manhattan at 5:30 in the morning rain or shine it was my system you couldn't get in touch with me while I was on my bike it gave me a moment to focus I could triage I could think about things that I needed to go through but having this system helped me avoid omitting the key steps for Success a mistake that many of us make if we don't have symptoms and if we don't have those symptoms it means sometimes you end up living without awareness because when you have a routine and you know how to be aware of the world around you as you live that routine you can achieve more it's similar unfortunately to what happens to many of us as we go through life not really knowing where we're headed analogously jumping off the Empire State Building right with seems pretty good while you're on your way down so good so far you'll say to yourself but when you hit that ultimate dead end that rock bottom that many of us will hit in our life it it takes that roote Awakening to push you back into a system avoid those pains you can take advantage of some of these insights step number seven find a mentor I want you right now as you sit in your seats to think about who your mentors are identify one or two of them if you don't know them go meet them go find them find out who's doing what you want to be doing and find out how to get close to them and understand their strengths and their weaknesses my mother-in-law and father-in-law are here today they're watching from upstairs we you normally be telecasting this event and they have always insisted on me making connections to others in my life that actually is my big weakness I'm good at achieving things I'm not good at slowing down to to understand what's really happening in the life around me and they have pushed me to be comfortable being uncomfortable because they are my mentors and your Mentor should do the same for you you can stand on their shoulders that way and see much further step number six whatever you choose to do do it with a childlike passion that childlike passion will make it a ton more fun and if you don't do it that way if you go through the motions you won't have fun and you won't succeed probably either my father immigrated to this country in the 1950s from Turkey that's why my name is so strange it actually has a real meaning in Turkish it means Pure or strength my father when he got on that plane to come to this country was stopped by his mother my grandmother who said wait a minute you're getting on this big bulky plane I'm not going to let you go on there until I speak to the captain so highly unusually for at Turkish culture they were willing to bring the captain down my mother-in my grandmother dressed in a burka greeted the captain as he came to the tarmat and he said you have my boy on your plane take this bag it's his lunch I want you to fly This Plane really really slowly and stay low to the ground it is what many of us seek to do when we engage in life especially in troubling moments but going slow doesn't take you where you want to go in life you have to make that bungee core jump and if you don't have the childlike enthusiasm and passion to do it you won't be willing to take the risks number five this is a big one no one and I mean no one is a jerk on purpose people are jerks because they don't realize they're being jerks as you look around your classmates some of you have taken humility to a new low level at that State we have complex emotions that govern what we do in life many of us are having difficult times recovering from the challenges that we Face along the Route let people surprise you it is one of the most valuable lessons that I ever learned on the Oprah show it was I think an imperative to learn in our lifetimes if you let people surprise you they almost always will and if you serve their higher good while you do that it will take you both to a better place number four recognize that relationships have to keep growing I'm going to give you one number that's important seven the average relationship lasts about seven years unless you reinvent it so my lovely wife Lisa who I've been married to for 26 years is actually four different women I can attest to that it is absolutely the truth but what ends up happening is I want you know and this is a male female thing and you'll get this immediately but men marry the women they want to marry and then those women change and Women Marry the men they think he can become come and he doesn't want to change the same is true in most of the important relationships you have in your life remember to reinvent your relationship with your workplace with your hobes the people you love with your parents the people you end up forming long-term relationships with will benefit from that otherwise you'll be like two ships moving away from each other number three never forget that the body is a temple of the Soul this is not a thinly veiled desire to push you away from drugs or cigarettes although that's involved too but those of you those of you who have seen the show know how passionate I am about getting folks to realize how sacred the human body is the more you understand how cool it is the more you can understand how you take care of it the more you'll be able to look the way you look now when you come back for your 25th reunion because that is unfortunately when many people look up and say my goodness what the heck happened to me so take advantage of that live in the moment and you'll enjoy it all the more number two the important things to do if you're going to be happy and successful is to live in the present like the old adage yesterday is history tomorrow is mystery today is a gift that's why they call the present you've heard that but think about it for a moment because too often we ignore it most people are unhappy in their lives because they're thinking about the past or the future it is really hard to be unhappy thinking about the present if you live in the bag in the present you avoid that baggage that so many of us carry around and if I give you one important clue to this the most dangerous wording in the English language is if only if only I had done that don't let that be part of who you are you will almost never regret the things you do and if you're like me and many of us who are now I'm turned 50 this year you will regret the things you did not do so throw off those ball lines as Mark Twain said and sail to open Waters take those chances do those things it's okay to make the mistakes it's how you cope with the mistakes that Define who you are as a human being and ultimately what you'll look back on and take joy on many years from now and number number one the number one most important way to be happy and successful in life is to remember that you must make the driving force in your life love I cannot emphasize how important that is it's more important than wisdom it's more important than anything else you may think to be important humans die not of the darkness they die of the cold when I graduated from my medical school class in 1982 another guest there mentioned that half of what we had learned read medical school would during the course of our careers be proven wrong the problem of course is we didn't know which half but it is probably true for you too that the world will evolve so rapidly that you will not be able to rely on what you learned here what you were taught here was how to learn not a specific facts those around you have to know that love is your governing influence and if you look at what children take into adulthood the definition generally speaking of being a happy adult is a child who felt loved not a child who was loved but a child who felt loved it is imperative that you demonstrate that glow that beam around you as you touch the lives of others around you they have to know that you care for them they have to know that you love them that love has to be transparent you got that from the people in your love and is Our obligation to pass it along the analogy is often made that we have to be like individuals as individuals like drops falling into the ocean of humanity that means many things it means you'll have deep sorrows great Sorrows that will touch you in many ways but those are part of the joy you will feel in life as you make sense of them because hope is not about a good outcome hope is being able to make sense of the things that have happened around you I plead to you to not take yourselves too seriously but always be extremely proud of who you are because you deserve it God bless you and congratulationsit is truly an honor to speak at an institution where my family has had some involvement for close to 100 years now my grandmother-in-law graduated from the seizure sitting in in the 1920s she received her honorary doctorate where I am standing in the 1990s my mother-in-law is On The Board of Trustees of this wonderful University and I've seen its prosperous future as you have seen it evolve through you the graduating students of 2011 and all the folks who have gone before you and will follow you my mother-in-law is a very direct person warned me before I started that blessed are the brief for they shall be reinvites so I've been told by the president I've got 10 minutes I'm going to take advantage of it I know how to finish on time usually and what I'm doing these days you go to commercial if you don't finish on time so I'm going to give you 10 tips 10 tips I wish I knew when I was sitting in your seats when I graduated from college these 10 tips I hope will come back to two fundamental issues the two questions that I suspect many of you are asking right now the first is am I headed for Success what does success really mean it's me in my opinion moving forward towards an understanding of what is important in life that's the first theme success the second theme is gratitude because gratitude drives happiness it is fundamentally what will make you happy for the rest of your life and the beliefs you have and take into the experiences you have in life will color that sense of gratitude so here it goes how do you become successful and happy in 10 Easy Steps step number one actually we'll do it backwards we'll do the letter them in style step number 10 every day feel productive and challenged in a tailor made system that works for you and what works in your life each of you have different strengths each of you has different weaknesses you might as well do the things you're good at and I have focused on that through many of teams that I've been blessed to be a part of throughout my life and it almost always works better there's very many ways we can find that experience but the best way in my opinion is to find out when you're having that Zen moment when you don't even see time passing by that's when you're doing what you truly crave and love and adore it will let you put your creative energies to to flare and it will take you where you want to be in life step number nine generate an expertise in an area other than the profession that you choose to make your living now what do I mean by that I'm a heart surger as you heard earlier I'm on the faculty at Columbia University I've taken great pride in that background when I was asked by Oprah to start doing her show more often and ultimately to do a show called The Dr Ra show with her it took me and it will take you in your own lives a major break from the routine that you have created to accept that reality it ended up being one of the best things I could have done for myself and I passed along this advice to you having made these difficult decisions and you'll have to make them as well the the decisions that we make that take us out of our comfort zone are the ones that make us comfortable being uncomfortable which is a fundamental reality in life we don't triage well within medicine but you learn the triage when you get outside of the field and truly learn what it means to make those difficult decisions it taught me to move from being someone who was interested in only acting and doing and achieving to someone who's interested in validating and witnessing it taught me a different skill set which made me a better physician so that's step number nine to get outside your specialty area that you would have taken up in Step number 10 step number eight develop a system for living your life every day when I was training as a resident and I trained at Columbia University I would take my bike and we live in New Jersey I'd ride across the major bridge that goes into Manhattan at 5:30 in the morning rain or shine it was my system you couldn't get in touch with me while I was on my bike it gave me a moment to focus I could triage I could think about things that I needed to go through but having this system helped me avoid omitting the key steps for Success a mistake that many of us make if we don't have symptoms and if we don't have those symptoms it means sometimes you end up living without awareness because when you have a routine and you know how to be aware of the world around you as you live that routine you can achieve more it's similar unfortunately to what happens to many of us as we go through life not really knowing where we're headed analogously jumping off the Empire State Building right with seems pretty good while you're on your way down so good so far you'll say to yourself but when you hit that ultimate dead end that rock bottom that many of us will hit in our life it it takes that roote Awakening to push you back into a system avoid those pains you can take advantage of some of these insights step number seven find a mentor I want you right now as you sit in your seats to think about who your mentors are identify one or two of them if you don't know them go meet them go find them find out who's doing what you want to be doing and find out how to get close to them and understand their strengths and their weaknesses my mother-in-law and father-in-law are here today they're watching from upstairs we you normally be telecasting this event and they have always insisted on me making connections to others in my life that actually is my big weakness I'm good at achieving things I'm not good at slowing down to to understand what's really happening in the life around me and they have pushed me to be comfortable being uncomfortable because they are my mentors and your Mentor should do the same for you you can stand on their shoulders that way and see much further step number six whatever you choose to do do it with a childlike passion that childlike passion will make it a ton more fun and if you don't do it that way if you go through the motions you won't have fun and you won't succeed probably either my father immigrated to this country in the 1950s from Turkey that's why my name is so strange it actually has a real meaning in Turkish it means Pure or strength my father when he got on that plane to come to this country was stopped by his mother my grandmother who said wait a minute you're getting on this big bulky plane I'm not going to let you go on there until I speak to the captain so highly unusually for at Turkish culture they were willing to bring the captain down my mother-in my grandmother dressed in a burka greeted the captain as he came to the tarmat and he said you have my boy on your plane take this bag it's his lunch I want you to fly This Plane really really slowly and stay low to the ground it is what many of us seek to do when we engage in life especially in troubling moments but going slow doesn't take you where you want to go in life you have to make that bungee core jump and if you don't have the childlike enthusiasm and passion to do it you won't be willing to take the risks number five this is a big one no one and I mean no one is a jerk on purpose people are jerks because they don't realize they're being jerks as you look around your classmates some of you have taken humility to a new low level at that State we have complex emotions that govern what we do in life many of us are having difficult times recovering from the challenges that we Face along the Route let people surprise you it is one of the most valuable lessons that I ever learned on the Oprah show it was I think an imperative to learn in our lifetimes if you let people surprise you they almost always will and if you serve their higher good while you do that it will take you both to a better place number four recognize that relationships have to keep growing I'm going to give you one number that's important seven the average relationship lasts about seven years unless you reinvent it so my lovely wife Lisa who I've been married to for 26 years is actually four different women I can attest to that it is absolutely the truth but what ends up happening is I want you know and this is a male female thing and you'll get this immediately but men marry the women they want to marry and then those women change and Women Marry the men they think he can become come and he doesn't want to change the same is true in most of the important relationships you have in your life remember to reinvent your relationship with your workplace with your hobes the people you love with your parents the people you end up forming long-term relationships with will benefit from that otherwise you'll be like two ships moving away from each other number three never forget that the body is a temple of the Soul this is not a thinly veiled desire to push you away from drugs or cigarettes although that's involved too but those of you those of you who have seen the show know how passionate I am about getting folks to realize how sacred the human body is the more you understand how cool it is the more you can understand how you take care of it the more you'll be able to look the way you look now when you come back for your 25th reunion because that is unfortunately when many people look up and say my goodness what the heck happened to me so take advantage of that live in the moment and you'll enjoy it all the more number two the important things to do if you're going to be happy and successful is to live in the present like the old adage yesterday is history tomorrow is mystery today is a gift that's why they call the present you've heard that but think about it for a moment because too often we ignore it most people are unhappy in their lives because they're thinking about the past or the future it is really hard to be unhappy thinking about the present if you live in the bag in the present you avoid that baggage that so many of us carry around and if I give you one important clue to this the most dangerous wording in the English language is if only if only I had done that don't let that be part of who you are you will almost never regret the things you do and if you're like me and many of us who are now I'm turned 50 this year you will regret the things you did not do so throw off those ball lines as Mark Twain said and sail to open Waters take those chances do those things it's okay to make the mistakes it's how you cope with the mistakes that Define who you are as a human being and ultimately what you'll look back on and take joy on many years from now and number number one the number one most important way to be happy and successful in life is to remember that you must make the driving force in your life love I cannot emphasize how important that is it's more important than wisdom it's more important than anything else you may think to be important humans die not of the darkness they die of the cold when I graduated from my medical school class in 1982 another guest there mentioned that half of what we had learned read medical school would during the course of our careers be proven wrong the problem of course is we didn't know which half but it is probably true for you too that the world will evolve so rapidly that you will not be able to rely on what you learned here what you were taught here was how to learn not a specific facts those around you have to know that love is your governing influence and if you look at what children take into adulthood the definition generally speaking of being a happy adult is a child who felt loved not a child who was loved but a child who felt loved it is imperative that you demonstrate that glow that beam around you as you touch the lives of others around you they have to know that you care for them they have to know that you love them that love has to be transparent you got that from the people in your love and is Our obligation to pass it along the analogy is often made that we have to be like individuals as individuals like drops falling into the ocean of humanity that means many things it means you'll have deep sorrows great Sorrows that will touch you in many ways but those are part of the joy you will feel in life as you make sense of them because hope is not about a good outcome hope is being able to make sense of the things that have happened around you I plead to you to not take yourselves too seriously but always be extremely proud of who you are because you deserve it God bless you and congratulations\n"