**The Feeling of Injustice: A Creator's Frustration with YouTube Subscriptions**

I have a feeling but I'm not too sure that my fashion milk behind-the-scenes video did not get any of your subscription boxes in my last video with uh my good friend Joyce. I have a feeling that didn't show up in your subboxes either and I'm not complaining, I'm definitely not complaining. I'm just pissed off that people don't see what I put up because I put so much effort into it on a regular basis. My videos get about 55,000 views or higher, and um these two videos like the fashion milk one is at 23,000 which is amazing, and so much, and um the video with Joy which is a Yankee Candle Haul is now at 177,000 I believe, and I feel like 55,000 compared to 177,000 I feel like it's not in your subscription boxes and I'm not here to whine about oh my God I'm not getting enough views no I'm just pissed off because I want people to see those videos because um I only put up videos that I personally really like, and if I don't like something I don't upload it so everything that I've put up here on my channel is something that I'm proud of, that I'm happy with. And then when people can't see that or can't get it from their subscription box, it just pisses me off to fix this.

You can go to uh manage subscriptions here on your YouTube account and then you search for me Nikki tutorials and then uh you have this option for email notification and you check that on so when you uh want an email every time I upload something you check that on and once my video is up, you will get an email with like "ni tutorials uploaded blah blah blah blah blah blah". Okay, so enough with that. I left my agency the agency who I was with for makeup and hair assignments, jobs, shoots, shows, TV stuff, and everything. I left that agency um it's sort of A Private Matter so I won't go into detail too much but let's just keep it at it wasn't working anymore. I had to follow my heart and uh sort of listen to what my heart was telling me, and my heart was telling me to go.

So after like months of crying and not feeling myself, I decided to leave my agency and to no longer work with them and that was really hard because the the owner of that agency is the woman who taught me makeup, who taught me the things of the World in makeup, she taught me so many things, and it was so heartbreaking for me to kind of leave her and leave my fun colleagues. I was with them for two and a half years, and it was time for me to go. That brings me to the next part, so by leaving that agency, that also means that I uh left B Academy um and this is really hard for me because I loved teaching but I am no longer a teacher at B Academy.

Master Him... err, I mean Master Him's students might be surprised to hear this news. They have been getting emails asking if they can fly over to Amsterdam to learn makeup from me, which I highly suggest doing anyway because B Academy is one of the best makeup schools in Holland. However, since I'm no longer there, I would say do not go there to learn makeup from me unless you want a completely different experience.

In my last Vlog, I talked about lip injections and a couple of videos after that, I got questions like did you get the lip injections because you're lip look plumper and Fuller. Well, thank you so much um that you say that they look plumper and Fuller, but they actually don't. Because I never got the lip injections. Although Chloe Mel just put up a video on a new technique of sort of applying fillers to the lips and um that really caught my eye because I was like ooh now that looks good. I don't know like I have full lips from myself, like my lips are really full but I just want my top lip to be a little bit Fuller, just a little bit more.

**A New Chapter: Leaving My Agency and Pursuing My Dreams**

I left my agency um it's sort of A Private Matter so I won't go into detail too much but let's just keep it at it wasn't working anymore. I had to follow my heart and uh sort of listen to what my heart was telling me, and my heart was telling me to go.

So after like months of crying and not feeling myself, I decided to leave my agency and to no longer work with them and that was really hard because the the owner of that agency is the woman who taught me makeup. She's also the woman who taught me the things of the World in makeup. She taught me so many things, and it was so heartbreaking for me to kind of leave her.

I left my fun colleagues, I was with them for two and a half years, and it was time for me to go. That brings me to this new chapter in my life where I'm pursuing my dreams without the constraints of an agency holding me back.

**Staying True to Myself**

I only put up videos that I personally really like, and if I don't like something, I don't upload it. Everything that I've put up here on my channel is something that I'm proud of, that I'm happy with. And then when people can't see that or can't get it from their subscription box, it just pisses me off.

I hope you can understand where I'm coming from and support me in this new chapter of my life. Let's keep the conversation going in the comments below!

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enhey guys so uh today I thought it would be fun to do another Vlog I did one a couple of months ago and uh it was about tailbone Terrors and lip injections and all that kind of big and a lot of you seem to kind of like those videos so um you asked for more Vlogs and sort of more chit chatty sort of talking Vlogs so here I am sitting on my chair in front of all my lights and uh talking to you so how are you all doing I hope you're doing well I hope your day is is being fantastic so as you can probably tell I got new background lights I got two umbrella lights and I actually left the umbrella off so I don't really know why I got the umbrella lights so I have one right there and I have one right there um and I bought them from eBay a couple of days before New Year's Eve I discovered Shannon from New Zealand Shannon XO here on YouTube and I was just so upset you you guys know or she has over 600,000 subscribers and she has a really sort of like cute and perfect set up and it's really clean and light and white and she has the ring light by the way everyone has ring lights nowadays I I wish I could fit it in my sort of I have a wall behind the camera so I can't really fit anything like a lot of stuff there so I can't put the ring light there but uh ring lights everywhere in the beauty Community but uh Shannon XO shann XO uh obsessing over her videos like the way she talks and heaps and um her lighting and her background and I just I was so sort of drawn in and sort of like how did she do that so then I found her setup video with her lighting and her camera and everything and um I saw that she was using two umbrella lights to light up the background and I was like I love my background I love the twinkling lights and uh I know Christmas is over and dealt with but I I'm going to keep my twinkling lights because I love my twinkling lights I love the purple and the peach there but I wanted something new because I've been dealing with a dark background forever now I've been doing YouTube for almost 6 years now five and a half at this point and I've always had dark backgrounds so when I saw that Shannon lit her background up with umbrella lights I was like that's the perfect solution so I ordered the same eBay sort of umbrella lights that Shannon has and I put them up and I actually I kind of really do like it what I really like about it is that um uh colors of my skin tone and colors of makeup sort of pop a little bit more whereas before you had the dark background and I was as light as snow and then you sort of it was like too much contrast and I feel like with this background you sort of have more like an Angelic feeling and sort of more a pop of color like you can really see what I look like and maybe that's a really bad thing but I kind of I kind of do like it I also I noticed that in all my videos this side of my face was lighter I never understood why basically I was going to get new lights from my background so I was like I'm just going to replace these two as well I have a soft box here and a directional light here um and I noticed and it's so stupid I noticed that this softbox light had like 40 W Watts we call it watt in Holland so this had 40 watts and then the directional light at 12 so it was like oh that's why all of those years this side was light and this side was not so light so uh please say hi please welcome my new background lights and my sort of new feeling of Nikki tutorials and I hope you enjoy uh please let me know what you think it's definitely a really good sort of change for now and I really like that and um yeah before you ask this is a makeup tutorial I just recorded for a collab with Chloe Melo and that is going to be uploaded this Tuesday I'm so excited Chloe Millo has been one of my favorite YouTubers for so long and I just I love everything she puts up and uh we text a lot together and we're going to IMS London together so I was like let's do a cab together so uh this is my look for the CP it's a really uh smoky eye it has the denim blue eyeliner which I love and it just adds that pop of color so uh this look will be going up on Tuesday and then I will we'll give you a kind of a sneak peek it's cold versus warm sort of and if you know what I mean then sort of think where I live and where Chloe lives I'm not going to give away anything else but uh this Tuesday those videos will go up um and I'm just so honored to work with Chloe and just collab with her and I love her and her lips so you don't have to ask me what is on my lips or what is on my eyes you will all see this Tuesday speaking of Tuesday how are you liking the new uploading schedule uh two videos per week it's uh it's been a little bit hard for me to kind of keep up but uh so far right now I have I have mastered it and I'm doing good and I'm really liking it I like the sort of steadiness that um like I just know when to upload and I know when to edit and I know when to film and just it's it's it's definitely a really good feeling to have that schedule and have you guys know know that two times a week on Tuesday and Friday you will have a new video from me and that also kind of brings me to an early oh God know for January is that uh a lot of my videos have not been showing up in your subscription boxes and it kind of pisses me off because I work hard on my videos and I put a lot of effort into them the December in a god noes did not show up in your sub boxes I have a feeling but I'm not too sure that my fashion milk behind the scenes video did not get any your subscription boxes in my last video with uh my good good friend Joyce I have a feeling that didn't show up in your subboxes either and I'm not complaining I'm definitely not complaining I'm just pissed off that people don't see what I put up because I put so much effort into it on a regular my videos get about 55,000 views or higher and um these two videos like the fashion mil one is at 23,000 which is amazing and so much and um the video with Joy which is a Yankee Candle Haul is now at 177,000 I believe and I feel like 55,000 177,000 I feel like it's not in your subscription boxes and I'm not here to whine about oh my God I'm not getting enough views no I'm just pissed off because I want people to see those videos because um I only put up videos that I personally really like and if I don't like something I don't upload it so everything that I've put up here on my channel is something that I'm proud of that I'm happy with and then when people can't see that or can't like receive it from their subscription box it just pisses me off to fix this you can go to uh manage subscriptions here on your YouTube account and then you search for me Nikki tutorials and then uh you have this option for email notification and you check that on so when you uh want an email every time I upload something you check that on and and once my video is up you will get an email with like ni tutorials uploaded blah blah blah blah blah blah okay so enough with that I left my agency the agency who I was with for makeup and hair assignments and jobs and shoots and shows and TV stuff and everything I left that agency um it's sort of A Private Matter so I won't go into detail too much but let's just keep it at it wasn't working any longer I had to follow my heart and uh sort of listen to what my heart was telling me and my heart was telling me to go so after like months of crying and not feeling myself I decided to leave my agency and to no longer work with them and that was really hard because the the owner of that agency is the woman who taught me makeup who taught me the things of of the World in makeup and she taught me so many things and it was so heartbreaking for me to kind of leave her and leave my fun colleagues I was with them for two and a half years and it was time for me to go and um that brings me to the next part so by leaving that agency that also means that I uh left B Academy um and this is really hard for me because I loved teaching but I am no longer a teacher at B Academy and mster him so um if you're going there to learn makeup from me I won't be going there anymore I won't be teaching there anymore you won't see me there anymore I've been getting a lot of emails about hey I wanted to I'm from this and that country and I want to fly over and stay uh in Amsterdam for a couple of months to go to B Academy and to learn makeup from you now of course I highly suggest going to B Academy is one of the best makeup schools in Holland but if you wanted to go there to learn makeup from me um I would say do not do it because I'm not there anymore but hopefully one day I will have um the possibility to start my own Academy SL school and then you can all fly over and you can all sort of learn makeup from me in real life and everything so I know in my last Vlog I talked about lip injections and a couple of videos after that I got questions like did you get the lip injections because you're lip look plumper and Fuller uh well thank you so much um that you say that they look plumper and Fuller but they actually don't because I never got the lip injections although Chloe Mel just put up a video on a new technique of sort of applying fillers to the lips and um that really that really caught my eye because I was like ooh now that looks good I don't know like I have full lips from myself like my lips are really full but I just want my top lip to be a little bit Fuller just a little bit more so yeah that is all I have for you today this is fun I should do this more often maybe I should do one every month thank you guys so much for watching uh if you want to follow me on Twitter Facebook Instagram that all is sneaky tutorials you know it by now thank you and uh hopefully I will see you guys this is going up tonight hopefully I will see you guys on Tuesday bye guyshey guys so uh today I thought it would be fun to do another Vlog I did one a couple of months ago and uh it was about tailbone Terrors and lip injections and all that kind of big and a lot of you seem to kind of like those videos so um you asked for more Vlogs and sort of more chit chatty sort of talking Vlogs so here I am sitting on my chair in front of all my lights and uh talking to you so how are you all doing I hope you're doing well I hope your day is is being fantastic so as you can probably tell I got new background lights I got two umbrella lights and I actually left the umbrella off so I don't really know why I got the umbrella lights so I have one right there and I have one right there um and I bought them from eBay a couple of days before New Year's Eve I discovered Shannon from New Zealand Shannon XO here on YouTube and I was just so upset you you guys know or she has over 600,000 subscribers and she has a really sort of like cute and perfect set up and it's really clean and light and white and she has the ring light by the way everyone has ring lights nowadays I I wish I could fit it in my sort of I have a wall behind the camera so I can't really fit anything like a lot of stuff there so I can't put the ring light there but uh ring lights everywhere in the beauty Community but uh Shannon XO shann XO uh obsessing over her videos like the way she talks and heaps and um her lighting and her background and I just I was so sort of drawn in and sort of like how did she do that so then I found her setup video with her lighting and her camera and everything and um I saw that she was using two umbrella lights to light up the background and I was like I love my background I love the twinkling lights and uh I know Christmas is over and dealt with but I I'm going to keep my twinkling lights because I love my twinkling lights I love the purple and the peach there but I wanted something new because I've been dealing with a dark background forever now I've been doing YouTube for almost 6 years now five and a half at this point and I've always had dark backgrounds so when I saw that Shannon lit her background up with umbrella lights I was like that's the perfect solution so I ordered the same eBay sort of umbrella lights that Shannon has and I put them up and I actually I kind of really do like it what I really like about it is that um uh colors of my skin tone and colors of makeup sort of pop a little bit more whereas before you had the dark background and I was as light as snow and then you sort of it was like too much contrast and I feel like with this background you sort of have more like an Angelic feeling and sort of more a pop of color like you can really see what I look like and maybe that's a really bad thing but I kind of I kind of do like it I also I noticed that in all my videos this side of my face was lighter I never understood why basically I was going to get new lights from my background so I was like I'm just going to replace these two as well I have a soft box here and a directional light here um and I noticed and it's so stupid I noticed that this softbox light had like 40 W Watts we call it watt in Holland so this had 40 watts and then the directional light at 12 so it was like oh that's why all of those years this side was light and this side was not so light so uh please say hi please welcome my new background lights and my sort of new feeling of Nikki tutorials and I hope you enjoy uh please let me know what you think it's definitely a really good sort of change for now and I really like that and um yeah before you ask this is a makeup tutorial I just recorded for a collab with Chloe Melo and that is going to be uploaded this Tuesday I'm so excited Chloe Millo has been one of my favorite YouTubers for so long and I just I love everything she puts up and uh we text a lot together and we're going to IMS London together so I was like let's do a cab together so uh this is my look for the CP it's a really uh smoky eye it has the denim blue eyeliner which I love and it just adds that pop of color so uh this look will be going up on Tuesday and then I will we'll give you a kind of a sneak peek it's cold versus warm sort of and if you know what I mean then sort of think where I live and where Chloe lives I'm not going to give away anything else but uh this Tuesday those videos will go up um and I'm just so honored to work with Chloe and just collab with her and I love her and her lips so you don't have to ask me what is on my lips or what is on my eyes you will all see this Tuesday speaking of Tuesday how are you liking the new uploading schedule uh two videos per week it's uh it's been a little bit hard for me to kind of keep up but uh so far right now I have I have mastered it and I'm doing good and I'm really liking it I like the sort of steadiness that um like I just know when to upload and I know when to edit and I know when to film and just it's it's it's definitely a really good feeling to have that schedule and have you guys know know that two times a week on Tuesday and Friday you will have a new video from me and that also kind of brings me to an early oh God know for January is that uh a lot of my videos have not been showing up in your subscription boxes and it kind of pisses me off because I work hard on my videos and I put a lot of effort into them the December in a god noes did not show up in your sub boxes I have a feeling but I'm not too sure that my fashion milk behind the scenes video did not get any your subscription boxes in my last video with uh my good good friend Joyce I have a feeling that didn't show up in your subboxes either and I'm not complaining I'm definitely not complaining I'm just pissed off that people don't see what I put up because I put so much effort into it on a regular my videos get about 55,000 views or higher and um these two videos like the fashion mil one is at 23,000 which is amazing and so much and um the video with Joy which is a Yankee Candle Haul is now at 177,000 I believe and I feel like 55,000 177,000 I feel like it's not in your subscription boxes and I'm not here to whine about oh my God I'm not getting enough views no I'm just pissed off because I want people to see those videos because um I only put up videos that I personally really like and if I don't like something I don't upload it so everything that I've put up here on my channel is something that I'm proud of that I'm happy with and then when people can't see that or can't like receive it from their subscription box it just pisses me off to fix this you can go to uh manage subscriptions here on your YouTube account and then you search for me Nikki tutorials and then uh you have this option for email notification and you check that on so when you uh want an email every time I upload something you check that on and and once my video is up you will get an email with like ni tutorials uploaded blah blah blah blah blah blah okay so enough with that I left my agency the agency who I was with for makeup and hair assignments and jobs and shoots and shows and TV stuff and everything I left that agency um it's sort of A Private Matter so I won't go into detail too much but let's just keep it at it wasn't working any longer I had to follow my heart and uh sort of listen to what my heart was telling me and my heart was telling me to go so after like months of crying and not feeling myself I decided to leave my agency and to no longer work with them and that was really hard because the the owner of that agency is the woman who taught me makeup who taught me the things of of the World in makeup and she taught me so many things and it was so heartbreaking for me to kind of leave her and leave my fun colleagues I was with them for two and a half years and it was time for me to go and um that brings me to the next part so by leaving that agency that also means that I uh left B Academy um and this is really hard for me because I loved teaching but I am no longer a teacher at B Academy and mster him so um if you're going there to learn makeup from me I won't be going there anymore I won't be teaching there anymore you won't see me there anymore I've been getting a lot of emails about hey I wanted to I'm from this and that country and I want to fly over and stay uh in Amsterdam for a couple of months to go to B Academy and to learn makeup from you now of course I highly suggest going to B Academy is one of the best makeup schools in Holland but if you wanted to go there to learn makeup from me um I would say do not do it because I'm not there anymore but hopefully one day I will have um the possibility to start my own Academy SL school and then you can all fly over and you can all sort of learn makeup from me in real life and everything so I know in my last Vlog I talked about lip injections and a couple of videos after that I got questions like did you get the lip injections because you're lip look plumper and Fuller uh well thank you so much um that you say that they look plumper and Fuller but they actually don't because I never got the lip injections although Chloe Mel just put up a video on a new technique of sort of applying fillers to the lips and um that really that really caught my eye because I was like ooh now that looks good I don't know like I have full lips from myself like my lips are really full but I just want my top lip to be a little bit Fuller just a little bit more so yeah that is all I have for you today this is fun I should do this more often maybe I should do one every month thank you guys so much for watching uh if you want to follow me on Twitter Facebook Instagram that all is sneaky tutorials you know it by now thank you and uh hopefully I will see you guys this is going up tonight hopefully I will see you guys on Tuesday bye guys\n"