The speaker begins by expressing their reluctance to discuss their personal finances and the financial decisions they made when it came to paying for college.

I hate talking about it. I'm not going to lie. That's why I didn't even want to do this. Because I hate talking about it. I did not really think about the finances, you know. Looking back now, seeing state school was so much less. That never crossed my mind. I knew that college was expensive and I just thought everybody took out student loans and that's just how you did it. You know, unless you had millionaire parents or something.

I think my mom believed, like me, that it was just a process. If you do the right things, if you go to college, then you'll be fine. And all of this is true. I went to college and I graduated. But what's not true is that my student loans are paid off. And what's not true is that I don't have a lot of money in the bank.

As the speaker reflects on their financial decisions, they begin to realize the true extent of their debt.

When we really start talking about it. My head races a million different ways so how can we do this? Like how can we get rid of this? These loans are not just in my name. They're in my mom's name too. They're in my dad's name too. They're in the names of every single person who took out a loan to pay for college. And I feel a ton of pressure that these loans are not just in my name.

The speaker begins to open up about their personal struggles with student loans, including the emotional impact they have on them.

It makes me feel very sad. And I feel like I'm going to cry. So we're going to have to stop there. There was a time when she called me on the phone and at that point, she wasn't making it. She was just crying. And I was crying. And I'm outside my office. And I'm hysterical. Just like this.

The speaker explains how they discovered public service loan forgiveness and how it has affected their daily life.

I discovered through consolidating and researching a lot about the student loans that there's this public service loan forgiveness. So that's for government employees. My mom happens to work for the federal government. After 10 years, if you make on time payments, then you're eligible for forgiveness. Whatever is leftover at that time. I can retire in a year from now.

The speaker talks about their current job and how it affects their financial situation.

But knowing that there's this forgiveness plan makes me question every day what am I going to do? Time to make some sales. After AES, I went to work for Sundance Vacations, which is my current employer. They pay commission only. So I help the folks that come in there try and find a vacation package that would work for them.

The speaker reflects on how their financial situation has affected their personal life.

I had always thought this far out of college, in 6 years, I would have pictured my life a lot more progressed by now. I would have pictured me with a family, maybe buying a house. You know, definitely at least living on my own and being independent in that way.

The speaker talks about their current living situation and how it affects their financial stability.

Northeast Philadelphia is not the safest, cleanest area. We're on our way to American Education Services, where I ironically used to work as a loan collector there. It just really opened my eyes as far as what I was going to probably be dealing with myself in the very near future. So it scared me a little bit.

The speaker talks about their current income and how it affects their financial stability.

At AES, they started paying $12.50 an hour. That's higher than what I used to make at my old job, but it's still not enough. I had only ever really made minimum wage. I had only made maybe, at the most, $8 an hour.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enI hate talking about it.I'm not going to lie.That's why I didn'teven want to do this.Because I hate talking about it.I did not really think aboutthe finances, you know.Looking back now, seeingstate school was so much less.That never crossed my mind.I knew that collegewas expensiveand I just thought everybodytook out student loansand that's just how you did it.You know, unless youhad millionaire parentsor something.I think my mom believed, likeme, that it was just a process.If you do the right things,if you go to collegeand you get the good grades,then it should all just kind ofwork out.So I don't thinkshe really worriedabout the finances as much.She did make it clearfrom the beginningthat she wouldn't beable to pay for it.And that it would be all on me.I, myself, didn't go to college.So I didn't have a wholelot of experience with it.And Jessie was thefirst one out my kidsthat was going to college.So I didn't ever reallyplan on it, I guess.I went to La SalleUniversity and Imajored in criminal justice.I chose La Sallebecause, in my mind,it was what collegeshould look like.And this is another reasonwhy I feel like 18-year-oldsshouldn't be allowed tomake these huge decisionson their own totally.Because I just thought itlooked like a nice school.It was a small campus setting.I had the ability to be a bigfish in a little pond there,which I liked.I just viewed itas, well, I'm goingto take out these loans anyway.And at that time, Iwas working at Wendy's.So if you were telling me$18,000 vs. $35,000 a year,it all seemed like amillion dollars to me.Growing up, it was justmy mom and my two sistersand I. I didn't know my dad.I met him when Iwas 18, actually.So it was just us fourgirls sticking together.I had my aunts and unclesand my grandma in my life.They were heavilyinvolved in everything.So it was like it takesa village, you know.Well, when they wereyoung I pretty muchwas in the restaurant business.Because I didn't want toput them in daycare and Ididn't want to not be therewith them during the day time.My sister raised herfamily in our hometownfor the first partof Jessie's life.And we did everything together.We spent regular eveningstogether, birthdays, vacations.My mom really didn't let usin on how much things costor bills.And I think thatwas a part of hernot trying to putthat burden of beinga single parent and anykind of struggles on us.We shopped at Kmart.She always went to yard sales.So I knew that saving andbeing frugal was important.But beyond that, not so much.Well, the reason Idecided first of allto not co-sign or take outany loans for her first yearwas because I wasn'tin a comfortable spotwith her behaviors at that time.When she was in senior year,she started coming homewith different friends.And I was not loving theserelationships at all.I just didn't trust her.So that's why shehad to call my sisterand asked her for the loan.Which did make mefeel pretty bad.But I said if you make itthrough the first year,I have no problem.She was about to go downone path or the other.And I figured that first yearwas going to make or break her.Jessie called me and asked meif I would co-sign a studentloan for her.And I loved her very dearly.If you don't help someone thatyou love, who do you help?I did understand thatthere was risk in that.Because I knew thatthat was going to betied to my financial history.There was an understandingthat it was her responsibilityto pay it back.It was always thatit was going to bea loan that was in my name.But Jessie was solelyresponsible for paying.I said, if you wantto go to school,then you're going to pay for it.I believe my first student loanpayment was about $140 or so.Which I thought,oh, this isn't bad.And that's because I putthem all on the lowestpayments possible and put themon deferments and forbearances.So they weren't allquite in repayment.So by the following year, itwas already up to, like, $600.When I was signingfor my student loans,I had absolutely no cluewhat that would meanfor me in my current life now.I never even botheredadding up how much it was.I thought, youknow, surely I wouldbe able to pay for these loans.They wouldn't set meup for failure, right?The community that mymom lives in nowis definitely moreof an urban area.It's not really thesafest, cleanest.We're on our way toAmerican Education Services,where I ironically used towork as a loan collector there.It just reallyopened my eyes as faras what I was going toprobably be dealing with myselfin the very near future.So it scared me a little bit.At that time, I was just reallylooking for any kind of incomeknowing that I was going tosoon have to start paying backmy student loans.I think their starting wageat AES was about $12.50 or so.I had only ever reallymade minimum wage.I had only made maybe,at the most, $8 an hour.I talked to a lot ofmoms that were, you know,they're telling me I'mnot going to pay this.I have kids to feed.And if I have to choose betweenfeeding my kids and the loans,you're not going to getany payments from me.I discovered throughconsolidating and researchinga lot about the studentloans that there'sthis public serviceloan forgiveness.So that's forgovernment employees.And my mom happens to workfor the federal government.After 10 years, if youmake on time payments,then you're eligiblefor forgiveness.Whatever is leftover at that time.I can retire in a year from now.But knowing that there'sthis forgiveness planmakes me question every daythat, what am I going to do?Time to make some sales.After AES, I went to workfor Sundance Vacations, whichis my current employer.They pay commission only.So I help the folks thatcome in there try and finda vacation package thatwould work for them.When I first startedthere, I stillhad the intentions of goingforward with law enforcement.I know myself a lotbetter now to know I don'tthink I want to risk my life.Right now I live inNortheast Philadelphia.And I just renta little bedroom.It's $400 a month.And it's the most affordablething I can do right now.I barely havesavings in general.The money I make is the moneyI use for bills and for living.And I want to start saving.They have an optionfor a 401(k) at my job.But I just can't see themtaking out anything more.Especially since I don'tget a steady paycheck.And I don't know what toexpect to make every time.I had always thought this farout of college, in 6 years,I would have pictured my lifea lot more progressed by now.I would have pictured me witha family, maybe buying a house.You know, definitely atleast living on my ownand being independentin that way.How does the debt make you feel?It makes me feel very sad.And I feel likeI'm going to cry,so we're going to have to stop.There was a time when shecalled me on the phone.And at that point,she wasn't making it.And she was just crying.And I was crying.And I'm outside my office.And I'm hysterical,just like this,because this is what itdoes to me all the time.When we really starttalking about it.My head races amillion different waysof how can we do-- Howcan we get rid of this?Like how?I feel a ton of pressurethat the loans are notjust in my name.If they were justin my name, I don'tthink I would be caring quiteas much that they were alwayson time.So I would neverdo that to them.I just couldn't do that.I would pay those onesthat have their names on itbefore I pay my own.This is my vision board.This is kind of the mainthing that I have on here.You can see it'sright in the center.Because to me it'sthe most important.If you can see, they sayall the balances are zero.So I just really believethat one day I willhave all these loans paid off.When I was backpackingin Central America,I actually took a tour-- itwas called a \"booze cruise,\"catchy title-- and it was justone of the most fun experiencesthat we had down there.And when I went toPanama, they didn't reallyhave anything like that there.So we have the idea of tryingto start a tour company downthere.And hopefully it's that idea.And if it's not that,then something else.Other than my friendshipsand my experienceat La Salle you know, my degree isnot helping me in any way.So for that reason,I don't regret it.But I do regret how Iwent about paying for it.Do I think that Jessie's collegeeducation has been worth it?$90,000 in debt is a large debt.And she's notworking in the fieldthat her college degreeprepared her for.It's a very high price to pay.I feel like I'm beingresponsible with the loans.I've never beendelinquent or defaulted.At this point, I feel likethey're never going down.So until I have$90,000, that's whenI feel like I'm goingto be able to pay it.Because the little paymentsaren't doing anything.So whether I put it onforbearance for a month or two,it's not really affecting,in my mind, that much.I don't feel like I'm a victimbecause I did do everythingby choice.Nobody forced me to do anything.But I do feel like I wasled into the situationkind of blinded.I don't think that Ihave a terrible life.I'm not complaining.I'm very blessed.And I know there's a lot ofpeople out there with wayworse situations.It's not that everybodyshould care because I'm notable to progress in life.It's that it's affectinga whole generation.If I could do itall over again, Iwould have definitelywent to community collegefirst and tried topay my way through.Or maybe even travel first.There's a limitedtime in life whereyou're able to just takeoff with no strings attachedand not too manyresponsibilities.If you do that and comeback and you know yourselfbetter than maybe before youinvest $90,000 into somethingyou'll actually useyour degree at the end.I think what I would tellother parents at this point,they really haveto do the research.And looking back at it now, Iwish that I educated myself.Because nobody's going to putmore of their heart and soulin it then you when it'ssomething that you'retrying to do for your child.\n"