The Joy of Windows: A Comedy of Errors

As I sat down to give a demonstration of my favorite operating system, Windows, I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement and anticipation. That is, until I realized that my aliases had gotten mixed up, and I was stuck with a bunch of shortcuts that led to... well, let's just say not-so-great places.

"Shortcuts they're called shortcuts and windows," I muttered to myself, "I better fix those but I can't now because it's such a crappy operating system." And with that, my adventure began. I tried to upload a video to Vimeo, but alas, it was not meant to be. The website seemed to have other plans for me.

"Okay, let's try Facebook," I thought to myself, "maybe things will go better this time." But nope, even the social media giant had its own set of problems. It seems that uploading a file on Facebook is not as easy as it sounds. In fact, it was so frustrating that I decided to upload something else... Rick Rolling, anyone?

As I tried to close out the window and move on to the next task, I realized that my storage 2 Drive was corrupted. "Well, let's see," I thought, "I made a BM Death Star. That's funny." But humor would not be enough to save me from the woes of Windows.

"Southern digital prob dis," I muttered to myself, "that's the only one that's working now." Little did I know, my troubles were far from over. The next application I tried to open, Google Earth, was met with a disappointing result: "the program needed a timeout. I had to close it."

"Let's try again," I thought optimistically, but nature seemed to have other plans. As I clicked on the screen, I was greeted by an unexpected surprise... and not in a good way. It turned out that clicking on the wrong button would give me bad news, and lots of it.

"I had a surprise if you click bad news what is this?" I asked myself, confused. But the answer was clear: more disappointment. "Oh, it's the same stupid thing," I thought to myself, "oh anyway forget that." It seemed like Windows had a special talent for ruining my day.

Next up on the agenda was word processing. I decided to try out Microsoft Word, but what do you get? A software that's too outdated to be of any use. The ribbon feature, once touted as a game-changer, now seemed like a joke. "We blocked access to this feature," it read. Talk about a letdown.

I tried to type something into the document, but my keyboard seemed to have other plans. The software was so broken that I couldn't even get it to display properly. It was as if Windows was playing a cruel joke on me.

But wait, there's more! Next up was Excel, and what did I find? A spreadsheet program that looked like it belonged in the Stone Age. The graphics were fancy, but the functionality was lacking. "Get ready to work press enter to begin," it read, but I didn't need any encouragement to stop using this ancient software.

And if all that wasn't enough, I decided to try out Photoshop. But of course, Windows had one more trick up its sleeve. The software crashed on me, and even trying to shut down the computer was too much for it to handle.

In a final act of defiance, I decided to try out Flash 10.x Builder. Who knows what kind of magic this program would bring? Alas, my hopes were dashed when the software uninstalled itself. "Well that's just great," I muttered to myself.

As the day drew to a close, I found myself stuck in front of Notepad, trying to type out some boring text. "Unless you're falling off a bridge or dead shot you don't need no help." Ouch, harsh words indeed.

Finally, I decided to try my hand at painting. And to my surprise, Windows 10.x gave me the tools I needed to create something truly beautiful... for about two seconds. Then it crashed on me, leaving me with a "more button error 10,492" that seemed to be mocking me.

As I sat there staring at the screen, I couldn't help but think of the Pentagon's malware database. "Nothing suspicious," it said. Yeah, right. Windows had other plans for me.

And just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, I stumbled upon a little Easter egg that promised to bring me some help. The "BS" logo appeared on screen, and with it came a message that read: "welcome to BS so.exe here you can experience the best crashing experience ever." It was as if Windows had taken all its broken software and mashed them together into one glorious mess.

The final straw came when I tried to use the built-in help feature. The menu kept popping up, each time with a new and exciting way to confuse me. "Get help now," it read, but I didn't need any more help than this.

As I finally managed to shut down the computer, I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief. But deep down, I knew that Windows had left its mark on me. After all, what's a little frustration and disappointment when you're trying to have fun with an operating system?

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enhello my name is Ben do I work with Alpha Kenny Body at The Sofa King it's a really good sofa store and for some reason I'm not demoing today I'm demoing Windows crap Edition x or 10 I think it's a Roman numeral I don't know my Roman numerals okay so let open the start menu first thing you'll notice is it's very glowy it has a shiny effect there mhm um apparently the person testing this is Billy Bob that's pretty interesting let's go to his user directory you got a close out apps to do this and you get some social networking features like a Twitter and orcut who the heck uses orcut I don't know who uses orcut please navigate to Twitter through Google Chrome well I guess we'll do that but first let's see if we can upload a YouTube video okay we got to go through Google Chrome okay forget all this let's just close all these windows let's go to Google Chrome Okay Google google.com is blocked I don't know why uh why was this site blocked the site is unknown information is not available at this time while Google Chrome doesn't recognize google.com that's good okay let's close this window H how about we go to uh music okay the application has quit on purposed or something must close all windows that's okay with me okay so we have illegal downloads. ink and lime wire. ink oh no I guess it got shut down or something I don't know this is illegal you know oh that's interesting H and Al it's almost like these aliases got mixed up I'm sorry shortcuts they're called shortcuts and windows I better fix those but I can't now because it's such a crappy operating system let's see what else we got here um not videos okay so we can upload it oh can't upload the Vimeo can't upload the Facebook I guess the only choice is YouTube let's do YouTube all right called me an idiot I got to choose a file okay file I may only upload Rick rolls okay let's just to close this let's see let's go to computer okay I don't know what that means oh crap my storage 2 Drive is corrupted well let's see we got a Seagate ultra power uh I made a BM death star that's funny name uh Southern digital prob dis that's the only one that's working now whatever let me just close close that um when I open another application it'll probably crash it now yeah look at that the dll failed let's just close this okay so let's go Google Earth here let's do something oops okay um let's choose the bad news you were adopted oh I I knew it my parents were lying to me oh the program needed a timeout I had to close it let's try it again dang it not again bad news no no no it's the same thing okay let's try again gole F good news the good news is you have a surprise if you click bad news what is this oh it's the same stupid thing oh anyway forget that let's um let's do some word processing let's go into a word o this is nice let's see uh let me uh change the page layout H wait what we see that you tried to use the ribbon due to its infinite amount of fail we blocked access to this feature oh let's just type something oh you have to upgrade to win Word 2010 Professional Home Premium ultimate basic I don't want to do that let me close this there we go okay let's just do some Excel o fancy splashing welcome to excel get ready to work press enter to begin oh this is bad oh yes this is bad it's horrible yeah whatever I don't really care anymore uh Photoshop error oh error loading everything that's just a darn shame a fre freak oh it's stuck close stupid app okay let me oh flash This Can't Fail okay cool flash 10. X Builder choose a 101 ooh what am I smoking well that's a very good question I'm not going to tell you a 10 to okay it uninstalled itself well that's too bad let me close this window closing all apps that's cool okay where didn't work so let's use notepad now screw you do you want to type use word ah I need some help unless you're falling off a bridge or dead shot you don't need no help well what kind of grammar was that let's see what else paint yeah paint oh this is cool and it's not giving me a fatal error this is where the fun is all these little colors all this just so much fun okay I'm bored let's see what else have they got oh a more button error 10,492 I don't know what that means oh there's no more oh okay well let me just to close this let's see what else do we have ooh Network ooh the Pentagon nothing suspicious malware database oh it's offline I better fix that let me go to the Pentagon the military detect your activity will crash your system oh that's not good a welcome to BS so. exe here you can experience the best crashing experience ever thank you for choosing Windows crap Edition x 10 as your operating system we promise that this system is truly great to use however crash right now so this problem please press aut to restart the computer don't press the key to accomplish nothing press B to perform a useless task press h to get some useful some helpful information press enter to continue running the system I need help welcome to help okay cool press okay to continue thank you for using help press okay to quit well that sucks all right let's try B to complete a useless task a useless task has been completed this error message is brought to you by nor T antivirus well this sucks let's try continue running the system oh it's busy okay let's just restart ah that was very cool well I guess everything else is not working too well um I hope you enjoy though I mean I think it was a pretty cool um I'll just shut this down so yeah thank you for watching my demo and um maybe Alpha Kenny bu will be back soon so we can start doing demos again with him and we can work at The Sofa King together and so if you want any good sofas just stop by the sofa king um thank you and bye I don't even think the system can shut down correctlyhello my name is Ben do I work with Alpha Kenny Body at The Sofa King it's a really good sofa store and for some reason I'm not demoing today I'm demoing Windows crap Edition x or 10 I think it's a Roman numeral I don't know my Roman numerals okay so let open the start menu first thing you'll notice is it's very glowy it has a shiny effect there mhm um apparently the person testing this is Billy Bob that's pretty interesting let's go to his user directory you got a close out apps to do this and you get some social networking features like a Twitter and orcut who the heck uses orcut I don't know who uses orcut please navigate to Twitter through Google Chrome well I guess we'll do that but first let's see if we can upload a YouTube video okay we got to go through Google Chrome okay forget all this let's just close all these windows let's go to Google Chrome Okay Google google.com is blocked I don't know why uh why was this site blocked the site is unknown information is not available at this time while Google Chrome doesn't recognize google.com that's good okay let's close this window H how about we go to uh music okay the application has quit on purposed or something must close all windows that's okay with me okay so we have illegal downloads. ink and lime wire. ink oh no I guess it got shut down or something I don't know this is illegal you know oh that's interesting H and Al it's almost like these aliases got mixed up I'm sorry shortcuts they're called shortcuts and windows I better fix those but I can't now because it's such a crappy operating system let's see what else we got here um not videos okay so we can upload it oh can't upload the Vimeo can't upload the Facebook I guess the only choice is YouTube let's do YouTube all right called me an idiot I got to choose a file okay file I may only upload Rick rolls okay let's just to close this let's see let's go to computer okay I don't know what that means oh crap my storage 2 Drive is corrupted well let's see we got a Seagate ultra power uh I made a BM death star that's funny name uh Southern digital prob dis that's the only one that's working now whatever let me just close close that um when I open another application it'll probably crash it now yeah look at that the dll failed let's just close this okay so let's go Google Earth here let's do something oops okay um let's choose the bad news you were adopted oh I I knew it my parents were lying to me oh the program needed a timeout I had to close it let's try it again dang it not again bad news no no no it's the same thing okay let's try again gole F good news the good news is you have a surprise if you click bad news what is this oh it's the same stupid thing oh anyway forget that let's um let's do some word processing let's go into a word o this is nice let's see uh let me uh change the page layout H wait what we see that you tried to use the ribbon due to its infinite amount of fail we blocked access to this feature oh let's just type something oh you have to upgrade to win Word 2010 Professional Home Premium ultimate basic I don't want to do that let me close this there we go okay let's just do some Excel o fancy splashing welcome to excel get ready to work press enter to begin oh this is bad oh yes this is bad it's horrible yeah whatever I don't really care anymore uh Photoshop error oh error loading everything that's just a darn shame a fre freak oh it's stuck close stupid app okay let me oh flash This Can't Fail okay cool flash 10. X Builder choose a 101 ooh what am I smoking well that's a very good question I'm not going to tell you a 10 to okay it uninstalled itself well that's too bad let me close this window closing all apps that's cool okay where didn't work so let's use notepad now screw you do you want to type use word ah I need some help unless you're falling off a bridge or dead shot you don't need no help well what kind of grammar was that let's see what else paint yeah paint oh this is cool and it's not giving me a fatal error this is where the fun is all these little colors all this just so much fun okay I'm bored let's see what else have they got oh a more button error 10,492 I don't know what that means oh there's no more oh okay well let me just to close this let's see what else do we have ooh Network ooh the Pentagon nothing suspicious malware database oh it's offline I better fix that let me go to the Pentagon the military detect your activity will crash your system oh that's not good a welcome to BS so. exe here you can experience the best crashing experience ever thank you for choosing Windows crap Edition x 10 as your operating system we promise that this system is truly great to use however crash right now so this problem please press aut to restart the computer don't press the key to accomplish nothing press B to perform a useless task press h to get some useful some helpful information press enter to continue running the system I need help welcome to help okay cool press okay to continue thank you for using help press okay to quit well that sucks all right let's try B to complete a useless task a useless task has been completed this error message is brought to you by nor T antivirus well this sucks let's try continue running the system oh it's busy okay let's just restart ah that was very cool well I guess everything else is not working too well um I hope you enjoy though I mean I think it was a pretty cool um I'll just shut this down so yeah thank you for watching my demo and um maybe Alpha Kenny bu will be back soon so we can start doing demos again with him and we can work at The Sofa King together and so if you want any good sofas just stop by the sofa king um thank you and bye I don't even think the system can shut down correctlyhello my name is Ben do I work with Alpha Kenny Body at The Sofa King it's a really good sofa store and for some reason I'm not demoing today I'm demoing Windows crap Edition x or 10 I think it's a Roman numeral I don't know my Roman numerals okay so let open the start menu first thing you'll notice is it's very glowy it has a shiny effect there mhm um apparently the person testing this is Billy Bob that's pretty interesting let's go to his user directory you got a close out apps to do this and you get some social networking features like a Twitter and orcut who the heck uses orcut I don't know who uses orcut please navigate to Twitter through Google Chrome well I guess we'll do that but first let's see if we can upload a YouTube video okay we got to go through Google Chrome okay forget all this let's just close all these windows let's go to Google Chrome Okay Google google.com is blocked I don't know why uh why was this site blocked the site is unknown information is not available at this time while Google Chrome doesn't recognize google.com that's good okay let's close this window H how about we go to uh music okay the application has quit on purposed or something must close all windows that's okay with me okay so we have illegal downloads. ink and lime wire. ink oh no I guess it got shut down or something I don't know this is illegal you know oh that's interesting H and Al it's almost like these aliases got mixed up I'm sorry shortcuts they're called shortcuts and windows I better fix those but I can't now because it's such a crappy operating system let's see what else we got here um not videos okay so we can upload it oh can't upload the Vimeo can't upload the Facebook I guess the only choice is YouTube let's do YouTube all right called me an idiot I got to choose a file okay file I may only upload Rick rolls okay let's just to close this let's see let's go to computer okay I don't know what that means oh crap my storage 2 Drive is corrupted well let's see we got a Seagate ultra power uh I made a BM death star that's funny name uh Southern digital prob dis that's the only one that's working now whatever let me just close close that um when I open another application it'll probably crash it now yeah look at that the dll failed let's just close this okay so let's go Google Earth here let's do something oops okay um let's choose the bad news you were adopted oh I I knew it my parents were lying to me oh the program needed a timeout I had to close it let's try it again dang it not again bad news no no no it's the same thing okay let's try again gole F good news the good news is you have a surprise if you click bad news what is this oh it's the same stupid thing oh anyway forget that let's um let's do some word processing let's go into a word o this is nice let's see uh let me uh change the page layout H wait what we see that you tried to use the ribbon due to its infinite amount of fail we blocked access to this feature oh let's just type something oh you have to upgrade to win Word 2010 Professional Home Premium ultimate basic I don't want to do that let me close this there we go okay let's just do some Excel o fancy splashing welcome to excel get ready to work press enter to begin oh this is bad oh yes this is bad it's horrible yeah whatever I don't really care anymore uh Photoshop error oh error loading everything that's just a darn shame a fre freak oh it's stuck close stupid app okay let me oh flash This Can't Fail okay cool flash 10. X Builder choose a 101 ooh what am I smoking well that's a very good question I'm not going to tell you a 10 to okay it uninstalled itself well that's too bad let me close this window closing all apps that's cool okay where didn't work so let's use notepad now screw you do you want to type use word ah I need some help unless you're falling off a bridge or dead shot you don't need no help well what kind of grammar was that let's see what else paint yeah paint oh this is cool and it's not giving me a fatal error this is where the fun is all these little colors all this just so much fun okay I'm bored let's see what else have they got oh a more button error 10,492 I don't know what that means oh there's no more oh okay well let me just to close this let's see what else do we have ooh Network ooh the Pentagon nothing suspicious malware database oh it's offline I better fix that let me go to the Pentagon the military detect your activity will crash your system oh that's not good a welcome to BS so. exe here you can experience the best crashing experience ever thank you for choosing Windows crap Edition x 10 as your operating system we promise that this system is truly great to use however crash right now so this problem please press aut to restart the computer don't press the key to accomplish nothing press B to perform a useless task press h to get some useful some helpful information press enter to continue running the system I need help welcome to help okay cool press okay to continue thank you for using help press okay to quit well that sucks all right let's try B to complete a useless task a useless task has been completed this error message is brought to you by nor T antivirus well this sucks let's try continue running the system oh it's busy okay let's just restart ah that was very cool well I guess everything else is not working too well um I hope you enjoy though I mean I think it was a pretty cool um I'll just shut this down so yeah thank you for watching my demo and um maybe Alpha Kenny bu will be back soon so we can start doing demos again with him and we can work at The Sofa King together and so if you want any good sofas just stop by the sofa king um thank you and bye I don't even think the system can shut down correctly\n"