**A Challenging and Frustrating Fighting Game Experience**

The controls in Tongue of the Fatman are notoriously clunky, making it difficult to navigate even the simplest movements. The game is designed to be played on a joystick with only one button, which leads to a complex control scheme that requires players to hold down buttons, press multiple directions simultaneously, and use specific combinations of actions to perform basic moves. This can lead to frustration as players struggle to execute even simple attacks.

**A Control Scheme Gone Wrong**

Item use and management are also added to the mix, further complicating the already convoluted control system. Players must manage inventory items while navigating the game world, using a combination of button presses and joystick movements to perform various actions. This leads to a sense of disorientation and confusion, as players must constantly switch between different actions and buttons.

**Cheap AI and Hit Detection Issues**

The game's AI is also woefully inadequate, with opponents that are often cheap and exploitable. The hit detection system can be inconsistent, leading to instances where attacks fail to land or result in unexpected outcomes. This can lead to an abundance of cheap deaths, as players are frequently knocked down or thrown around the screen by the AI.

**A Game of Trial and Error**

The combination of poor controls, cheap AI, and questionable hit detection makes Tongue of the Fatman a game that is often more frustrating than fun. Players must be prepared to spend hours trying to master the controls, only to be thwarted by the AI's antics and poor design choices.

**A Game That Is More About Nostalgia Than Enjoyment**

Despite its flaws, Tongue of the Fatman is still an interesting example of a game that was ahead of its time. The designers clearly had fun creating the game, and the resulting product shows a sense of personality and humor that is both admirable and frustrating to play. For fans of retro gaming, however, there are likely better reasons to seek out Tongue of the Fatman than for purely entertainment value.

**A Game Collection Oddity**

For those who grew up playing the game or are simply interested in collecting obscure DOS games, Tongue of the Fatman may be worth a look. However, for most players, the experience will be more of a chore than an adventure. The game's poor design choices and frustrating gameplay make it a challenging experience that is best left to those with a strong sense of nostalgia or a morbid curiosity about bad games.

**A Final Verdict**

In conclusion, Tongue of the Fatman is a game that is both fascinating and infuriating. While it shows promise as a fighting game, its poor controls, cheap AI, and questionable hit detection make it a frustrating experience that is more often endured than enjoyed. For fans of retro gaming or those looking to add an unusual game to their collection, Tongue of the Fatman may be worth a look. However, for most players, there are likely better options available.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enOh, what is this?Seriously what...the crap...is...I mean, I know it says Tongue of the Fatmanby Activision from 1989,but...really?!The Fatman?And his tongue?Who in their right mind would want to play with that?And who actually though that this box artwith its eyebrowed evil nose and purple lipsbeneath little beady eye things inside nostrilswould even sell a single copy?Because whoever they are,I must pronounce them a GENIUS!Because this entire package is absolutely amazing.I mean, hey, its completebizarreness has gotten me to buy it,so they were doing something right.This is the original DOS PC version of Fatman here,though there were also otherversions made for the Commodore 64and Sega Genesis, with varying degrees of success.Along with differences to the gameplay,these versions also saw name changes,with the C64 game going by Mondu's Fight Palaceand the Genesis version going by Slaughter Sport.In fact, even the Japaneseversion went by the name Fatman,which really says something when Japanfinds your full title too ridiculous.Inside the gloriously hideous box,you get a gloriously average manual,averagely showing the glorious features of the game.as well as copious amounts of sillyalien humor and character descriptionswhich double as the game's copy protection.So yeah, you'll need to look up andenter the stats in order to play the game.It also comes with this trading cardshowing the game's nasty-looking namesake.And thank goodness, too, becauseI don't know how I could go on livingwithout this in my life.The game itself comes on 5¼-inchand 3½-inch double-density floppy disks,though you should really onlybother with the 5¼-inch version.Oddly enough, to cut down costs,Activision had the digitized sound effectsand some of the stage backgrounds removedto fit the game on a single 3½-inch disk.So unless you install from the 5¼-inch floppies,you're missing out on...well, not much...really, to be honest.But you're still technically missing out,and you don't want to do that, right?Tongue of the Fatman starts with...ugh, aww...the nipples of the Fatman.Seriously, does he have to fondlehis man-boobs in front of youwith that nasty grin on his face?I already feel dirty playing this and Ihaven't even gotten into the game yet.After this...awkwardly arousing aereola action,you're greeted with three fightersand one of the few bits of digitized speech in the game.Greetings!Mondu welcomes you to the fight palace!- So, the Fatman's name is, uh, Mondu the Fat,and this is apparently his illegal fight palace.At the beginning, you're ableto choose from three fighters,each of a different race with different fighting styles,strengths and weaknesses.Choose whichever fighter tickles your nipples,and you're shown the Fatman himself once again,along with a selection of his harem of freaks,just to remind you that, yes,you brought this upon yourselfand you're still playing for some reason.Then some slimeball calls you a slimeballwhile some bizarrely upbeat and cheery music plays,which means it's time for the pre-fight preparations.This is one of the most unique aspects of the game,where you're able to bet on the outcome of the fightand take a look at your opponent bio if you want,then choose how long youthink it'll take for you to beatsaid opponent into submission.You can bet it all or bet conservatively,and at the beginning, it's probablya good idea to do the latter,if only to save some cash for weaponsand perhaps a revival if you lose.Yes, you can also buy weaponsand power-ups before each match,which is the largest reason to make smart betsand earn some more nipple dollars,or whatever they're called here.You've got some items to increase attack power,shield you, trip up your opponents,and even give you temporary invisibility.And yes, both fighters can go invisible at the same time.And yes, this completely breaks the gamedue to the fact that no one cansee anything that's going on. Ha!Of course, as you're about to see, that'sthe least of Tongue of the Fatman's troubles.So, here's the deal:it's a one-on-one fighter in the veinof Karateka, Street Fighter, Budokan,and other mid-to-late-'80s brawlersbefore Street Fighter II came alongand showed everyone else how it's done.So it does things a little differently,like starting you out on the rightside of the screen instead of the left,popping up random, ugly alien heads infront of the action and obscuring your view,and using four different meters toshow each fighter's current conditioninstead of just one or two.The first is the EKG, which looks differentfor each fighter, but is effectively uselesssince you don't need to see yourheart rate to know you're dead.The corpse on the floor kind of makes that obvious.The green line shows thefighter's level of offensiveness.If you ask me, ALL the fighters inTongue of the Fatman are pretty offensive,but no, it just shows how the fight is currently going.So if you're beating the crap out of your opponent,your green bar is longer.The blue line shows your health,so when that runs out, you're dead.And the red line shows your attack effectiveness,which is quite intriguing.The more you perform individual attacks,the less effective they become,which encourages you tochange up your attacks frequently.Of course, actually performing these attacksis about as manageable as performingbrain surgery with a cheese grater.In other words, the controls suck.Majorly.And trust me, I'm not justbeing harsh for harshness' sake,I really did give this a chance.Controlling your fighter really and truly sucks in Fatman,no matter how much I get used to them.It's one of those where it's made toplay on a joystick with only one button,so each direction does a different action.And even more actions can also be triggeredby simultaneously holding down the action button.Item use and management is alsomixed into this mess of a control scheme,all using the same directions and action button.For instance, if you want to jumpbackwards away from your opponent,you have to stand still, turn to face youropponent by holding down the action buttonand pressing diagonally in the right direction,then holding down the actionbutton and pull straight back.A high kick is standing still, thenpulling back and upward diagonally,or if the action button already pressed,then you just push directly up.There are something like 18 moves per character,plus the items and power-ups,so this drawn out control methodis incredibly counterintuitive.And this was developed on the PC,not the C64 or something elsethat used a one-button joystick,so I have no idea why they didn't just give theoption to map these moves across the keyboard.Though it is a tad easier toplay with a two-button joystick,since the second button controls inventory items,but it doesn't really help any of the rest of the moves.You eventually kind of get used the funky controls,although I still find myself fighting with myselfmore often than I'm fighting with my opponent.Not that fighting opponents is much betterdue to the insanely cheap AI and bizarre hit detection.Be prepared to be knocked down,thrown, and jumped on endlessly,resulting in a ton of cheap deaths.Not to mention the AI's liberal usage ofseveral special moves and item power-ups,sometimes instantaneously at the start of the match.And then the hit detection sometimes just craps outand your kicks and punches are left doing nothingwhile your opponent throws you tothe ground for the hundredth time.And if you die, you'll be sent two opponents back.Or if you're out of money, it's back tosquare one with the first opponentand all progression lost.You can at least start as differentcharacters once you've beaten them, though,but it's still a freakin' pain whenyou get pretty far up the ladder,only to be killed off by a cheap fighterthat spams power-ups, knockdownsand stomping on your face.If you have a friend you'd liketo subject to the clunky controls,there is a two-player mode available.But if I'm going to go to the troubleof playing with another person,the least I can do is provide a fun game.So, yeah, I really have a bit of a hard timesaying that Tongue of the Fatman is worth playing.Yes, it's fun when you somewhatget a grip of the clunky controls,but the cheap opponents andlackluster hit detection ruins that for me.Yes, the game has a bunch of cool features like betting,earning money and weapons,and little extras like the greenchick at the end of a matchholding up a sign saying how awesome you are.But the gameplay itself more often than notjust feels broken due to thestruggle it is to even turn around,or kick without getting pummeled with jump attacks,spammed slimeballs and Zan Zan needles.Yeah, I know that illegal alien bloodsportis probably *supposed* to be a bit unfair,but that doesn't make for a fun game, if you ask me.It's certainly a game that gets your attentionwith its twisted characters, dark humorand enjoyable sense of progression.And for a 1989 PC fighting game,it's actually not that bad.And you can tell the designersof the game had fun creating it,but for me it's just not a fun game to actually play.The only reasons I have that oneshould seek out Tongue of the Fatmanis for the nostalgia, if you grew up playing it,or if you're into playing andcollecting bizarre DOS gamesand just want to say you've experienced it.I fall into the latter categorybecause while I'm happy to havesuch an oddity in my collection,it's simply not something that Ican make myself play for very longbefore getting a headache.\n"