The Art of Platforming: A Guide to Mastering Neo Dante's Challenges

As I sat down to play through the latest installment of the Metal Gear Solid series, I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread wash over me. You see, I have a confession to make: I absolutely hate platformers. The thought of navigating treacherous terrain, avoiding deadly obstacles, and precision-jumping across vast chasms makes my skin crawl. But, as with all things in life, there's no escaping the inevitable – and so, with a deep breath, I dove headfirst into the world of Neo Dante.

At first, everything seemed to be going according to plan. I had the skin packs and Lana's Neo Dante, which I thought would provide me with the necessary boost to overcome the challenges that lay ahead. But, as it often does, reality had other plans. My controller seemed to be finicky, with button presses registering erratically, leaving me wondering if it was a hardware issue or just a case of my own incompetence. "Restart" was the answer I kept muttering to myself, as I frantically tried to coax the game into behaving.

The level itself proved to be far more demanding than I had anticipated. The gamepad seemed to have a mind of its own, with button combinations registering in unexpected ways. I found myself repeatedly pressing the wrong buttons, only to watch as my progress was undone by the very device that was supposed to be helping me. It was like trying to solve a complex puzzle blindfolded – and, much to my dismay, I couldn't seem to get it right.

Somehow, with about 30 seconds to spare, we managed to scrape together enough health and fragments to progress to the next stage of the game. But, as we delved deeper into the level, things only became more complicated. The camera angles began to blur, and I found myself stumbling from one death after another. "What's going on?" I muttered to myself, "Why can't I just beat this one section?" It was like the game was trying to drive me mad – or, at the very least, make my head spin.

In a moment of desperation, I switched to our trusty Spits of Fury, hoping that their...ahem...'unique abilities' would somehow help us navigate the treacherous terrain. Alas, even this tried-and-true tactic failed to yield the results I desired. "How do we beat him again?" I lamented, as my poor protagonist took yet another beating at the hands of his nemesis.

And then, just when I thought things couldn't get any worse, our protagonist stumbled upon a mysterious "Spits of Fury" – an ancient ritual that required him to perform a series of increasingly complex dance moves. Because, you see, in this world of stealth and strategy, sometimes you have to throw caution to the wind and bust out some serious breakdancing skills. I was...flummoxed.

As we careened from one challenge to the next, our protagonist managed to stumble upon a Copper Key – a shiny little trinket that would grant him access to the fabled Tower of Mundus. But, as he grasped for this long-sought prize, I couldn't help but feel a sense of trepidation. What lay ahead? Would we be able to overcome the trials and tribulations that awaited us in this mystical realm?

And then, just as I thought things were going to get out of hand, our protagonist was confronted with an unexpected revelation: his very own father. It turned out that Sparta – a being from ancient legend – had left behind a legacy of sorts, one that bound him to this world and forced him to confront the darkness within himself.

The tower loomed before us, its secrets waiting to be uncovered. As we stood at the entrance, I couldn't help but feel a sense of trepidation. What lay ahead? Would we emerge victorious, or would we succumb to the trials that awaited us?

With a deep breath, our protagonist stepped forward – and, in doing so, embarked on a journey that would change him forever. Mission complete.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enmy my hello everyone my name is eposvox and welcome back to devil may cry it's been so so very long since i have played and recorded this game and a lot has happened since the last time i've played and recorded this game we're going to go ahead and start the mission here i've changed i've completely changed my windows installed to windows back to windows 7 for my gaming computer pokemon x and y came out and i've been out for a month and i've played the crap out of that wrecked my car actually i got a new car wrecked that car had to spend all my money fixing that car we still got to fix the car i've just paid for it a dog died school started raising my eye and i'll take you to the tower i have to get him his eye back he's missing half his head what but i would be a fool to say i haven't missed this game oh no what is that enjoy where am i going okay that's not what i'm doing what oh my god okay my god obviously been quite a while since i've played so i need to get my bearings back here i would be a fool to say that i haven't missed this game i've missed it quite dearly just got to figure out where the i'm supposed to go there we go that's where i'm supposed to go all right but yes i have thoroughly missed this game and i already need to apologize if the first if the first few episodes were a little blurry or less quality than you normally expect from an eposvox video at the time youtube had 2k capabilities and the ability for us to upload and higher than 1080p and so that's what i was doing however since i've recorded those videos and been doing that holy what since i've been doing that they've actually gotten rid of that ability for the moment so that really sucks all right how did i use the fists there we go this fury bam oh yeah green star like a boss all right come to papa oh what the what hold up what what are they wanting me to do oh okay whoa that is a train that come closer gladly that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a scary train all right but i have thoroughly barely missed this game it was a lot of fun i was originally playing through it i'm still having fun with it now flying masters oh you're so cool dante wow all right let's i've got this a fury of fury a fury a fury a fury all the uppercut nope festa come at me and you're in pieces like about brawler all right ow ow ow oh no you didn't oh no you didn't obviously my combat skills but this game's mechanics a little bit on the rusty side but you know what that is okay and we'll get used to it god damn it got him to ice himself use gold orb to resurrect oh god okay how many of those do i have left no more okay need to keep that in mind all right how am i supposed to kill him again okay with that weapon sucks that we had to waste that instead of using it on a boss battle but we will make it work okay okay good good we got it we're good we're solid do you mean we go that way you never know what you can find in these areas like that thing i totally forgot about that okay oh it's nice being back in this game it is nice very very very very very very very nice stop trying to kill me all right can we use upgrade points how many cells one i believe we can only use them at certain points all right boom all the red orbs let me get one of these here's divinity statue there we go upgrades what do we want to upgrade let's upgrade the fists since we're using them right now we got two upgrades great stomp and ricochet okay abilities oh whoops that's fine items nope oh we can buy items i see okay and we can just we bought a gold orb a small vital star all right we're good no big deal oh my god could run in your wusses what's his this is this is this is uh what is that popping up behind me hey i found you bro i found you concept art unlocked now i do that is how i do and over there we go what secrets do you have for me oh yeah how did i do that again i don't remember that's fine we'll be back for you yes we will all right let's go go go what else are you going to send at me i'm just going to break up these little hives no big deal give me all the upgrade points buy things with well this is a thing oh okay that's not what i wanted to do i was trying to avoid that actually nice try a glass falls into nothingness oh yeah that's why that's why give me that eyeball got it you must be the i i wonder what it does why it's so special that's half his head too kill trapped die an ambush you bastards oh god question your authority all i want oh hello oh nope nope stop that oh my god such dicks stop that why are they the hell are these things these things are so annoying come on there you go ow all right here's a small vital star come on down i'll you another one down another one down oh oh get off there another one down oh they died really well oh come on there we go no that was sufficiently annoying all right all right we killed them all right ideally hopefully maybe not see what's in here oh yeah this thing again i still don't know how you activate it items there we go i figured it out not enough urgent keys god damn it oh that worked for nothing that's fine we get to go back oh hi i have a new upgrade let's do abilities demon evade i like this okay all right i'm no no no no no no no not falling for that again oh look she's wanted how cute like they're going to do anything just stop her i don't know why it's getting all jittery here there we go oh there's a thing in there oh it's a thing oh that's that's not what i wanted yeah you get out of here oh come on now yeah use both powers anarchic boom boom goes the dynamite and how do i get in there on that key that's the key i need yo what's happening what's the dealio oh come on don't play me like that how do i get in there looks like there's a way off that way that i missed okay let me head back in here aha through there feel another one of those things there we go that's how you do it oh there's lots of stuff back here i'm glad i didn't miss that so many secrets and stuff in this level design i've actually been playing um doom 2 a lot recently and just the level design and the placement of secrets is something you don't see in games a lot nowadays and so it's really nice to go back and see games that actually do this right because modern games don't do a lot of secrets and complex level design that doesn't just move down the pathway now granted this one specifically has a lot of lineality to it but not quite the same as a lot of like modern shooters and things like that let's go back here where was i at where i need to go use this key i'm terrible with keeping direction in games though that's a problem yeah it's down here i wonder if those spiky things are gonna come back they were annoying all right was it the one up here no the one over yeah yeah that was it all right cool we found a secret room we found a secret room and a secret room we're gonna use our archer key let's welcome chaos let's go urgent moderate transversal reach the go within the time limit oh god here we go i see okay not too bad that one was a close one admittedly that's all right what what what what no oh let me start over there we go there we go this me for time though no what the god damn it oh oh anyone who knows me knows i absolutely hate platformers and i just lost the sergeant door no no no that really sucks ah so close we've yeah let's start over we can do it we can do it i know where i screwed up now go we're playing as neo dante by the way i got the skin packs and lana's neo dante in this one what i thought i had what i needed to do well it's not it's not registering a lot of my button presses i wonder if that's a controller issue or what all right we may still be screwed because we spent so long why did what restarts your missing that was stupid okay all right i'm messing up a button combination though so that's part of it okay and there's that part okay this one's a lot harder than i expected it's like the gamepad's really finicky about which order you press the buttons and that's kind of annoying all right there we go save my butt there okay we're getting there ha ha with about 30 seconds to spare there we go i knew we'd get it i wasn't going to keep doing it if we weren't going to get it oh look let me get one of those things awesome yeah go dante it's your birthday it's your birthday go dante all right how do we get back back to the start back in black no upgrade points we do have spinning points oh what did we get i'm confused what yeah those things oh we got health cross fragments okay and we need a fourth fragment to finish it up okay that makes sense all right item small vital star there we go which way do i go back i guess i go this way because he's got the blue thingy it's running really jittery for some reason but the frame rate is holding solid like i'm really confused what it's doing just keep them both up in the air the whole time that way they can't hurt me legitimate strategy is it not i don't see those things are intense sometimes just because you want to make sure you spam the x button in time and there's a dude bro but it looks like we go off to the left here i want to make sure i get him there we go save the poor lost souls all right no lovely time to switch to our spits of fury oh i forgot about that nope god damn it how do we beat him again oh like that okay dude camera angle you're so generous you damn it go away is that a feeling he would be charging me no he didn't get that do i have any help heal me heal me i don't think i was supposed to be able to do that all right all right big boy we didn't ever talk about your diet no wow that's all it took was one more hit too naturally that's fine that's why we bought the gold orb right right wait what i'm assuming that has something to do with it just doing god's work you what is all this for i'm confused that is definitely not what i wanted to do hmm of course they'd make one ridiculously hard to get into here i'm getting there i'm getting there don't rush me it's moving that one takes a lot more damage than the red ones for whatever reason i don't okay we're almost there i'm assuming yeah it's continuing damage okay no it's not it keeps healing what do i do and well let me stay on the wall what do i do here help almost there oh it's clear okay sure we did it totally i got enough i don't money to buy gold or orb i need a copper key now which i've definitely not found anything for but there are things over there oh well that's fine there you guys this episode is running a little bit long i'm assuming we're just going back right yeah there he is we found your eye you have it have you it is i i get it that's so disgusting and creepy i can see you can dante oh no no i know your father sparta i can see him in you sparta was a demon that's never good i like him no of course you are nephilim i can see that too what are you phineas scholar inventor prophet demon and until you arrived political prisoner of mundus i am grateful it wasn't a favor you said you take me to that tower of course my friend of course oh no this way i just don't trust him mission complete thank you for watching guys sorry i guess that wasn't too much longer than normal s rating d for time well only 63 completion but that was still pretty good he's a lot of items died twice are we gonna be that is okay we get one upgrade point awesome all right again thanks for watching guys see you next time youmy my hello everyone my name is eposvox and welcome back to devil may cry it's been so so very long since i have played and recorded this game and a lot has happened since the last time i've played and recorded this game we're going to go ahead and start the mission here i've changed i've completely changed my windows installed to windows back to windows 7 for my gaming computer pokemon x and y came out and i've been out for a month and i've played the crap out of that wrecked my car actually i got a new car wrecked that car had to spend all my money fixing that car we still got to fix the car i've just paid for it a dog died school started raising my eye and i'll take you to the tower i have to get him his eye back he's missing half his head what but i would be a fool to say i haven't missed this game oh no what is that enjoy where am i going okay that's not what i'm doing what oh my god okay my god obviously been quite a while since i've played so i need to get my bearings back here i would be a fool to say that i haven't missed this game i've missed it quite dearly just got to figure out where the i'm supposed to go there we go that's where i'm supposed to go all right but yes i have thoroughly missed this game and i already need to apologize if the first if the first few episodes were a little blurry or less quality than you normally expect from an eposvox video at the time youtube had 2k capabilities and the ability for us to upload and higher than 1080p and so that's what i was doing however since i've recorded those videos and been doing that holy what since i've been doing that they've actually gotten rid of that ability for the moment so that really sucks all right how did i use the fists there we go this fury bam oh yeah green star like a boss all right come to papa oh what the what hold up what what are they wanting me to do oh okay whoa that is a train that come closer gladly that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a train that's a scary train all right but i have thoroughly barely missed this game it was a lot of fun i was originally playing through it i'm still having fun with it now flying masters oh you're so cool dante wow all right let's i've got this a fury of fury a fury a fury a fury all the uppercut nope festa come at me and you're in pieces like about brawler all right ow ow ow oh no you didn't oh no you didn't obviously my combat skills but this game's mechanics a little bit on the rusty side but you know what that is okay and we'll get used to it god damn it got him to ice himself use gold orb to resurrect oh god okay how many of those do i have left no more okay need to keep that in mind all right how am i supposed to kill him again okay with that weapon sucks that we had to waste that instead of using it on a boss battle but we will make it work okay okay good good we got it we're good we're solid do you mean we go that way you never know what you can find in these areas like that thing i totally forgot about that okay oh it's nice being back in this game it is nice very very very very very very very nice stop trying to kill me all right can we use upgrade points how many cells one i believe we can only use them at certain points all right boom all the red orbs let me get one of these here's divinity statue there we go upgrades what do we want to upgrade let's upgrade the fists since we're using them right now we got two upgrades great stomp and ricochet okay abilities oh whoops that's fine items nope oh we can buy items i see okay and we can just we bought a gold orb a small vital star all right we're good no big deal oh my god could run in your wusses what's his this is this is this is uh what is that popping up behind me hey i found you bro i found you concept art unlocked now i do that is how i do and over there we go what secrets do you have for me oh yeah how did i do that again i don't remember that's fine we'll be back for you yes we will all right let's go go go what else are you going to send at me i'm just going to break up these little hives no big deal give me all the upgrade points buy things with well this is a thing oh okay that's not what i wanted to do i was trying to avoid that actually nice try a glass falls into nothingness oh yeah that's why that's why give me that eyeball got it you must be the i i wonder what it does why it's so special that's half his head too kill trapped die an ambush you bastards oh god question your authority all i want oh hello oh nope nope stop that oh my god such dicks stop that why are they the hell are these things these things are so annoying come on there you go ow all right here's a small vital star come on down i'll you another one down another one down oh oh get off there another one down oh they died really well oh come on there we go no that was sufficiently annoying all right all right we killed them all right ideally hopefully maybe not see what's in here oh yeah this thing again i still don't know how you activate it items there we go i figured it out not enough urgent keys god damn it oh that worked for nothing that's fine we get to go back oh hi i have a new upgrade let's do abilities demon evade i like this okay all right i'm no no no no no no no not falling for that again oh look she's wanted how cute like they're going to do anything just stop her i don't know why it's getting all jittery here there we go oh there's a thing in there oh it's a thing oh that's that's not what i wanted yeah you get out of here oh come on now yeah use both powers anarchic boom boom goes the dynamite and how do i get in there on that key that's the key i need yo what's happening what's the dealio oh come on don't play me like that how do i get in there looks like there's a way off that way that i missed okay let me head back in here aha through there feel another one of those things there we go that's how you do it oh there's lots of stuff back here i'm glad i didn't miss that so many secrets and stuff in this level design i've actually been playing um doom 2 a lot recently and just the level design and the placement of secrets is something you don't see in games a lot nowadays and so it's really nice to go back and see games that actually do this right because modern games don't do a lot of secrets and complex level design that doesn't just move down the pathway now granted this one specifically has a lot of lineality to it but not quite the same as a lot of like modern shooters and things like that let's go back here where was i at where i need to go use this key i'm terrible with keeping direction in games though that's a problem yeah it's down here i wonder if those spiky things are gonna come back they were annoying all right was it the one up here no the one over yeah yeah that was it all right cool we found a secret room we found a secret room and a secret room we're gonna use our archer key let's welcome chaos let's go urgent moderate transversal reach the go within the time limit oh god here we go i see okay not too bad that one was a close one admittedly that's all right what what what what no oh let me start over there we go there we go this me for time though no what the god damn it oh oh anyone who knows me knows i absolutely hate platformers and i just lost the sergeant door no no no that really sucks ah so close we've yeah let's start over we can do it we can do it i know where i screwed up now go we're playing as neo dante by the way i got the skin packs and lana's neo dante in this one what i thought i had what i needed to do well it's not it's not registering a lot of my button presses i wonder if that's a controller issue or what all right we may still be screwed because we spent so long why did what restarts your missing that was stupid okay all right i'm messing up a button combination though so that's part of it okay and there's that part okay this one's a lot harder than i expected it's like the gamepad's really finicky about which order you press the buttons and that's kind of annoying all right there we go save my butt there okay we're getting there ha ha with about 30 seconds to spare there we go i knew we'd get it i wasn't going to keep doing it if we weren't going to get it oh look let me get one of those things awesome yeah go dante it's your birthday it's your birthday go dante all right how do we get back back to the start back in black no upgrade points we do have spinning points oh what did we get i'm confused what yeah those things oh we got health cross fragments okay and we need a fourth fragment to finish it up okay that makes sense all right item small vital star there we go which way do i go back i guess i go this way because he's got the blue thingy it's running really jittery for some reason but the frame rate is holding solid like i'm really confused what it's doing just keep them both up in the air the whole time that way they can't hurt me legitimate strategy is it not i don't see those things are intense sometimes just because you want to make sure you spam the x button in time and there's a dude bro but it looks like we go off to the left here i want to make sure i get him there we go save the poor lost souls all right no lovely time to switch to our spits of fury oh i forgot about that nope god damn it how do we beat him again oh like that okay dude camera angle you're so generous you damn it go away is that a feeling he would be charging me no he didn't get that do i have any help heal me heal me i don't think i was supposed to be able to do that all right all right big boy we didn't ever talk about your diet no wow that's all it took was one more hit too naturally that's fine that's why we bought the gold orb right right wait what i'm assuming that has something to do with it just doing god's work you what is all this for i'm confused that is definitely not what i wanted to do hmm of course they'd make one ridiculously hard to get into here i'm getting there i'm getting there don't rush me it's moving that one takes a lot more damage than the red ones for whatever reason i don't okay we're almost there i'm assuming yeah it's continuing damage okay no it's not it keeps healing what do i do and well let me stay on the wall what do i do here help almost there oh it's clear okay sure we did it totally i got enough i don't money to buy gold or orb i need a copper key now which i've definitely not found anything for but there are things over there oh well that's fine there you guys this episode is running a little bit long i'm assuming we're just going back right yeah there he is we found your eye you have it have you it is i i get it that's so disgusting and creepy i can see you can dante oh no no i know your father sparta i can see him in you sparta was a demon that's never good i like him no of course you are nephilim i can see that too what are you phineas scholar inventor prophet demon and until you arrived political prisoner of mundus i am grateful it wasn't a favor you said you take me to that tower of course my friend of course oh no this way i just don't trust him mission complete thank you for watching guys sorry i guess that wasn't too much longer than normal s rating d for time well only 63 completion but that was still pretty good he's a lot of items died twice are we gonna be that is okay we get one upgrade point awesome all right again thanks for watching guys see you next time you\n"