The Power of Recovery: A Life-Changing Novel About Eating Disorders

Not even just that it has really great representation for you know sorters is the fact that it is so focused on recovery. Like, a lot of books about eating disorders are they have a huge chunk of the book devoted to showing what it is like to experience into disorder which is great but at the very end of the book when the character just starts to get help and realize that they are in danger that's when it ends and I have a problem with that because it doesn't really show that recovery is possible or that it's something people can actually achieve. What I lost does that perfectly all throughout the book we have Elizabeth and the rest of the patients in Whaling Field you know we really see their journey with recovery starting from when they don't want to get better and when they are really resentful for treatment to them starting to take the first steps on their own to really be motivated to get better and realizing how much of their life they have been missing because of how they're eating sort of has impacted them.

The Importance of Recovery Representation

I loved this book so much it is at the very top of my list of mental illness recommendations. It is number one on my list of recommendations for people with eating disorders given you can handle the content but I would also recommend it to people who are family members or loved ones of people who are suffering or if you're just looking to learn about you stores more in general like this is a fantastic way a fiction book that shows you what it is like to suffer from an eating disorder and how it is possible for someone to recover. I truly believe this book has the ability to do good in the world and to impact others in a positive way.

The Author's Vision

I felt it ended a little too abruptly I don't know if I'm just being greedy and I wanted more but at the endpoint of this novel like things ended on a perfect note like I am so satisfied with the ending of this book. I would have liked just a few more chapters even just like an epilogue a few months into the future as to where Elizabeth it's now that would've been a great asset to the book. But like I said, where it ends is satisfying and Elizabeth's journey does end on a perfect note.

The Power of Representation in Literature

Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry this review was so long but I had to gush like if you've heard me talk about this book, I think you understand why it's so long. I loved this book so much that it is at the very top of my list of mental illness recommendations. It is number one on my list of recommendations for people with eating disorders given you can handle the content but I would also recommend it to people who are family members or loved ones of people who are suffering or if you're just looking to learn about you stores more in general like this is a fantastic way a fiction book that shows you what it is like to suffer from an eating disorder and how it is possible for someone to recover. I truly believe this book has the ability to do good in the world and to impact others in a positive way.

A Novel About Recovery

Not even just that it has really great representation for you know sorters is the fact that it is so focused on recovery. Like, a lot of books about eating disorders are they have a huge chunk of the book devoted to showing what it is like to experience into disorder which is great but at the very end of the book when the character just starts to get help and realize that they are in danger that's when it ends and I have a problem with that because it doesn't really show that recovery is possible or that it's something people can actually achieve. What I lost does that perfectly all throughout the book we have Elizabeth and the rest of the patients in Whaling Field you know we really see their journey with recovery starting from when they don't want to get better and when they are really resentful for treatment to them starting to take the first steps on their own to really be motivated to get better and realizing how much of their life they have been missing because of how they're eating sort of has impacted them.

Recovery is Possible

The main thing I want to focus on about this book you know not even just that it has really great representation for you know sorters is the fact that it is so focused on recovery. Like, a lot of books about eating disorders are they have a huge chunk of the book devoted to showing what it is like to experience into disorder which is great but at the very end of the book when the character just starts to get help and realize that they are in danger that's when it ends and I have a problem with that because it doesn't really show that recovery is possible or that it's something people can actually achieve. What I lost does that perfectly all throughout the book we have Elizabeth and the rest of the patients in Whaling Field you know we really see their journey with recovery starting from when they don't want to get better and when they are really resentful for treatment to them starting to take the first steps on their own to really be motivated to get better and realizing how much of their life they have been missing because of how they're eating sort of has impacted them.

The Power of Recovery

Not even just that it has really great representation for you know sorters is the fact that it is so focused on recovery. Like, a lot of books about eating disorders are they have a huge chunk of the book devoted to showing what it is like to experience into disorder which is great but at the very end of the book when the character just starts to get help and realize that they are in danger that's when it ends and I have a problem with that because it doesn't really show that recovery is possible or that it's something people can actually achieve. What I lost does that perfectly all throughout the book we have Elizabeth and the rest of the patients in Whaling Field you know we really see their journey with recovery starting from when they don't want to get better and when they are really resentful for treatment to them starting to take the first steps on their own to really be motivated to get better and realizing how much of their life they have been missing because of how they're eating sort of has impacted them.

"WEBVTTKind: captionsLanguage: enhey what's up hello my name is Emma and today I am going to be giving you guys my spoiler for your view of what I lost by Alexander Ballard as a note I apologize for the AC being on I am under so many hot lights right now I just I got to do what I got to do what I lost follows sixteen-year-old Elizabeth as she has entered an inpatient treatment facility for her anorexia Elizabeth and hers wailing field not thinking that she's all that sick she thinks she's just going to spend a few days there and then she'll be able to go home and continue with your previous behaviors because she doesn't think that what she's been doing has been that detrimental to her Elizabeth also has a really strange relationship with her mother who is also very weight conscious that plays a lot into her own personal experience small Elizabeth distant wailing field she starts receiving anonymous packages who she has an idea of who they're from but she's not entirely sure and it really has a book all about Elizabeth coming to terms with her anorexia and focusing on recovery I loved what I lost so so much it is absolutely my new favorite book about eating disorders that I would recommend above all else it is that freaking good this book has so much quality eating just sort of representation and that's honestly what the majority of this review is gonna be I'm literally going to be rambling about why this book has such fantastic even just photo representation as somebody who is also suffered from anorexia and has been recovered for the past six years this book means so much to me it's gonna mean so much to so many other people and I'm so excited to share my thoughts on it with you guys again this review it spoiler free so you don't have to have read what I lost in order to listen to my thoughts but I do want to place a very obvious trigger warning for eating disorders on this book as well as on this review because I'm going to be talking a lot about eating disorders as a result specifically for the content inside of what I lost I would place content warnings for things like anorexia disordered eating habit specific weights calories and just all-around specific behaviors relating to an eating disorder so if that is something that you do not believe you can handle at the moment please put your mental health first focus on your own personal recovery and getting yourself to a place where feel stable and confident and then pick up what I lost if it's something that still interests you but I wanted to put that out there right in the beginning because I find that to be so important relating to this book and its author one thing that made me really happy was after I had read the book I was on Alexandra Ballard's website which I will link below and she had a whole page dedicated to resources for people dealing with evenness or duress and that just proves to me that this is somebody who genuinely cares about the topic they are writing about right so fast forward like a month after I filmed this review initially I just recently found out that what I lost is technically an Owen Voices novel meaning and is a book about a main character with an eating disorder and the author herself has also battled an eating disorder Alexandra Ballard wrote a really amazing post on how she had to explain her eating disorder to her young daughters as this book is coming out although I did not know this while reading it was a very evident to me from the beginning that this is a book that carries a level of authenticity and truth that is totally absent from a lot of other novels dealing with eating disorders and I can't tell you how happy I am to be able to promote it as an own voices mental health level and that Alexandra is in recovery now and she's doing great for herself so I just needed to add that because I think it is so important to recognize when authors channel their own experiences into writing fiction for young teens it's fabulous just continue with the review and just on the exterior of this book I do want to talk about the cover because personally I do love this cover I think it is so beautiful I love the graphic on it but I do have a bit of a problem with books that focus on 80s orders that have things on a cover like food or tape measurers or like utensils and plates and such I think it is just like a not great decision there are so many things in this book that I think would have better represented it on the cover as opposed to just a piece of food to say this is a book about eating disorders I find that decision a little bit tasteless and I understand that is something that usually has to do with the publishers especially in regards to a debut novel but I definitely think we need to start getting some more sensitive covers for books about eating disorders because that can play a huge role in the readers experience of that novel has a warning this is gonna be a really long review because I have so much to talk about this summer I have been interning at the National Eating Disorders Association which is an organization that is very close to my heart I am currently raising money as a part of their meet a lot I'm participating in this October so if you would like to donate or to share your support and sharing my page I will link that below because I think it is such an amazing cause and I would love it if some of you were able to contribute well I had some downtime in my internship I had realized that fair screes has released the first five chapters of this book and I knew it was something that was already on my radar after talking about it in my 2017 mental health releases video so if you want to check that out I'll link it below as well but I run all first five chapters in one sitting it was amazing I knew I had to read the book in full immediately so I ran to a book store and I read it so quickly it's so great such a powerful novel I cannot tell you how much I am in love with this book from page one of this book the very first sentence mentions lanugo which I don't even know if I'm actually pronouncing correctly but nobody talks about lanugo and eating disorder books I was so happy and nobody ever talks about it is one of the less desirable parts of an eating disorder and I was so happy that finally someone mentioned this very real part of dealing with an eating disorder like at that moment I knew I was in for a ride with this book full of accuracy and truth about eating disorders one of the first things I do want to talk about in this book is the inclusion of triggering content like I said there's a lot of weights and calories and like specific behaviors included that I find could be very harmful to somebody with an ease order who is currently reading this book like I am in recovery I'm very privileged and I'm able to read these books and not get too triggered somebody who is not in recovery somebody who is just starting to develop their eating disorder or somebody who is in the midst of it like they may not benefit from it the same way I have not only just from having my internship at NIDA but I've learned so much for Mooney Buck's about you know sorters as to why it is so harmful to include things like calories for specific foods or specific weights a prime example of this like really could not give you a better example of why this can be harmful if I tried is that in the beginning of the book Elizabeth is talking about a coffee geek muffin from Dunkin Donuts and she says the amount of calories that are in it as I am reading this book as someone who is tempering from the eating disorder while I am eating a coffee cake muffin from Dunkin Donuts and after I have spent months trying to forget the amount of calories in that coffee cake muffin so I can enjoy it is there on the page and it is looked at as something that is disgusting and I'm just here like how dare you try and trigger me obviously that's not the intention I just think a lot of authors focus on the fact that like we need to be so specific and we need to truly show what it's like to have an eating disorder which you can do without giving us everyone's size and weight and specific calories and specific behaviors like it's fully possible to have a great book about eating disorders without the inclusion of that it's just specifically in the beginning of this book I think things are extra triggering because everything is triggering to Elizabeth which totally makes sense but I would have liked it if there was like a little bit less on specifics and numbers and stuff like the rest of the book does lawlessly at the very beginning of this book when Elizabeth is still getting adjusted to whaling field she is starting to eat substantial food for the first time in months she's in the refeeding period which is what it's referred to and at some point after one of her meals she vomits up because her body is not used to processing food she wasn't intentionally trying to purge which is another part of certain eating disorders but her body physically couldn't understand the concept of food because she had been depriving herself for it for so long that is personally a huge part of my recovery that no one has ever really mentioned before I didn't know that other people went through this as well I had missed so much school in the first few months of treatment because my body was so deprived from food and it didn't understand how to process nutrients so it would immediately come back up and I just felt so identified in that moment and it was it was a really really amazing there's a lot of great lines in regards to eating disorder recovery in this book one of my favorites is in the very beginning when Elizabeth is still just there and she's talking with her roommate and they're talking about the fact that they're stuck he and in treatment and so Lexi who is Elizabeth's roommate asks her do you want to get better and Elizabeth Ponder's for a moment and her response is if I have to gain weight I don't if there is a way to sum up recovery from anorexia in a sentence I think that's it it is such a true statement and definitely throughout the book we see that this is not something that Elizabeth truly feels and she really does want to get better but in the moment when you first enter recovery that's a very common thought and again I've also identified like I felt like I was reading me at 15 and during recovery for the first time it was so great even six years into recovery that's something I still consider all the time and to see that printed on page and for somebody to recognize that this is a thought that somebody even just one person with a niece or has is a really amazing feeling there's another really great line from Lexie where she's talking about the cycle of a new federal recovery because it's not linear like there are so many ups and downs to either sort of recovery and I think she really summarizes at least inpatient and this where she says you basically have two choices when you're here you can either refuse to do everything and then eventually they'll kick you out that's what happened to me my last place or you can do what they tell you get fat go home when your insurance runs out and do it all over again it's up to you and the reason I love it is because it not only focuses on the issue of money it regards to eating disorder treatment and how the only people who can really access treatment are the people who can pay for it like eating disorder treatment is extremely expensive and your insurance eventually stops paying for it so I love that they touched on that really briefly but the significant point of this is 35 pages the novel Elizabeth says what about the girls who want to get well this is this is a thought of Elizabeth to your friends from saying it because she doesn't want to be under the impression that she wants to get better and she wants to eat but it showed me from the very beginning that Elizabeth wants to recover she wants to get better she wants to nourish her body she wants to have healthy relationship of food and she wants to live the life she hasn't been able to live for all of these months because of the control of her eating disorder and I think that was just so important to include in the beginning of the novel it really set up the atmosphere for the rest of the book because like I will say over and over and over again this is a book about recovery and that is probably why it is so important to me this is a book that is a prime example of my recovery so important and how it's possible and that is why I love it so much another thing I absolutely love about this book is the fact there is so much medical information throughout the entire book if there's one sentence I can use to sell this book to you it's that this book does not glamorize even disorders in any way shape or form in addition to this book being focused on recovery which is so amazing it's so necessary it shows the dangers and the consequences and the grossest parts of eating disorders like I don't think anyone can read this book and say I want this life with all of the correct and accurate information that is included for example I mentioned the very first sentence of this book mentions lanugo and it is definitely one of the less desirable parts of an eating disorder nobody thinks about that when they think of girls who are starving themselves or restricting their food intake one of the main characters in this book finds out that she has developed mitral valve prolapse which is a very serious heart condition that can develop from a news that are like anorexia it is very very serious and that character does come to realize how serious that condition really is and I think that was important there's talk of the kind of different levels of a disorder treatment where you know you have outpatient counseling you might have intensive outpatient men have day programs then that you got to where whaling field really is where people are like living there as they are recovering which is a step before like severe hospitalization and the different types of heating tubes that some people have when they refuse to eat orthostatic hypotension is included which is a drop in blood sugar when you stand up again very serious side effect dealing with an eating disorder and I'm so happy they included we talked about these foundations of Venus orders how it is related to genetics but not necessarily every single person who has an eating disorder parent will have any use for themselves they also talked about how there are current research like this is a very recent research concluded that there are certain genetic markers for eating disorders but there is not enough research to be conclusive osteopenia and osteoporosis which is another very very serious side effect of dealing with an illness that are like anorexia the girls have to go for tests and it is like a very intense suspenseful moment because again it's a huge condition that is lifelong and a lot of people deal with it one of the characters in this book finds out that she has osteo Pina which is like the step before osteoporosis and she's elated that responds she says I might not have messed up my body so badly like I before I thought it was too late but now I might actually have a chance and that is something that I really identified with when I first got my menstrual cycle back after having the diagnosis of anorexia which leads me into the next part medical info like I said there is so much in here and it's great is that about like halfway through the book I was getting a little disappointed because they didn't mention a menorah which is the loss of a menstrual cycle and a huge marker of an eating disorder but I mean character does get her period back which was very exciting for me because not only is that a sign of her recovering like at least in a physical sense but she also dealt with some of the shame and embarrassment that can come from getting her period back after having an eating disorder at least in recovery from an e disorder when you have suffered extreme changes to your body having it returned back to a healthy state can be very shameful time because their eating disorders teach us that this is a sign of failure and this is something that we should not want or something we should be grossed out by so when Elizabeth gets her period again she starts feeling like an outsider among the girls because she's the first to get it back and she feels like they think that she is weaker or that she is less than them and all that's obviously not true and she later realizes that this is a really great sign it's a very valid experience and that's great there is just so much important corrective medical info in this book that made me so happy as somebody who is not only a sufferer but as well as somebody who is hoping to treat eating disorders in the future I was so pleased with the amount of accuracy in regards to medical info and dangers of eating disorders I really could not be happier with that execution there was one line in this book that I really wasn't particularly a fan of one of the nurses is trying to get Elizabeth to eat her lunch and she says to her that she has a disease which is true anorexia is a disease in a certain sense the same way that alcoholism is a disease but she says that food is her medicine and food will cure her disease which I personally have a problem with because I think that concept feeds into the idea that the way to solve and even sort of the way to cure yourself is to eat which is so untrue food is obviously extremely important you know it allows her body to amazing things but I would never consider it the medicine that cures eating disorders if there is anything that fills that role I would say it's therapy and actual treatment so I do wish this statement was a little bit more challenged and made knowing that like this isn't true and you can't just eat yourself better but there's so much good in this book that like I want to mention the critiques but they really just don't take away from how amazing this book was so another slight critique of this book is that there isn't a huge acknowledgement of different types of eating disorders or diversity among people who are afflicted by eating disorders the majority of girls that Elizabeth is staying with it where I feel have anorexia nervosa and there is one girl that is suffering from bulimia nervosa so I would have liked a little bit more of a kind of message that there are other eating disorders and these two that we see in the media over and over and over and over again but I do have to say within this novel I completely understand that whaling field is a specific type of treatment center that happens before hospitalization so it is reserved for a very distinct group of people with even that's not to say that other eating disorders are not deserving of treatment or that they aren't as dangerous or a serious because absolutely they are but like this book focuses on a very specific population whaling fields is a treatment center that it's very focused on people with very serious health risks as a result of their eating disorder they're focused on the refeeding period which is why mostly people with anorexia are being represented in this novel contextually I fully understand why this book focuses mostly on people with anorexia and one patient with bulimia so I'm not mad about that because I get it but I do wish that there was a little bit more of diversity and inclusivity in the patients in regards to things like ethnicity or sexuality in regards to um bulimic character we had I was a little upset in a very beginning of the introduction of her character because I don't think the treatment of her was very fair with an Amelia Souter community especially among people with anorexia there is a huge stigma against people with bulimia it's kind of ingrained into a community and it's something that we have to work through in recovery so I was upset with the way that other people in the novel were maybe treating margo at first or the way that she was just being presented in the novel throughout the novel that totally changed like elizabeth reaches out to margo very early on even if Margo is not as responsive back but eventually Margo really does become a huge part of this community among groups of these girls who are all suffered from the nurse order and in the end the execution was great I was just a little bit upset at the introduction of her character you know speaking of the fact that we have all girl patients there aren't any male patients at whaling field at the moment which does kind of feed them to the stereotype that eating disorders are a woman's mental illness which is totally untrue but at the very beginning of the novel Elizabeth does ask if there are any male patients in her ward and the nurse replies with currently there is not they stay with the other branch of the hospital in regards to other mental illnesses but it is made clear that they are aware of the fact that the rate men with the us orders is rising whether that is a result of Mormon actually suffering newsletters or just more of them being diagnosed and reporting their habits and they are trying to create a men's award 480 disorders in the future so it's not like the best representation for males with eating disorders but it is at least acknowledged which made me happy another really interesting part of this book is the relationship between Elizabeth and her mother like I said Elizabeth's mother is very focused on weight you know we have a lot of flashbacks in this book that can also potentially be very triggering and a lot of them do involve Elizabeth's mother as she has said some really hurtful things to Elizabeth and we've seen how her eating habits have affected Elizabeth and how she does not model proper recovery behavior for somebody with an eating disorder I was definitely able to see a lot of my own experiences in the relationship and between Elizabeth and her mother definitely not to that extent whatsoever but I think it is very important that people see the influence that family members can have on people with eating disorders and what they need to do better in order to help this person recover it was just really interesting watching how really field affected Elizabeth but how it also impacted her mother and father like it was a really interesting dynamic that I think should be represented more I'm so sorry this review is so long but it really just cannot stop gushing about it another part is going loved is that it is very clear that Elizabeth loves food I am so sick of this stereotype that people with eating disorders like anorexia don't like food that is not true we love food we just don't always let ourselves eat it just the distinction between it's not that Elizabeth doesn't like food she loves certain foods but she hasn't allowed herself to eat them for some time like that was really validating another really important acknowledgement in this book is the fact that eating your shoulder is not a choice this is not a lifestyle or a diet it's not something we can turn on or off it is something that we are compelled to engage and like I said it's a disease it's not something we have control over but the author doesn't make a note which I totally agree with is that we make a decision to engage in that first behavior you know whether that is the first time you decide to purge the first time you just started to binge eat or the first time you decide to skip a meal like that itself is a conscious decision but the rest of it the way it takes over our life and all of the actions after that once we get addicted to this behavior that's not our fault that's a result of our eating disorder and that is again really really important because it shows it's not something we have control over it really isn't so that was really important to me as well everything in this book is so great the main thing I want to focus on about this book you know not even just that it has really great representation for you know sorters is the fact that it is so focused on recovery you know like a lot of books about eating disorder is they have a huge chunk of the book devoted to showing what it is like to experience into disorder which is great but at the very end of the book when the character just starts to get help and realize that they are in danger that's when it ends and I have a problem with that because it doesn't really show that recovery is possible or that it's something people can actually achieve what I lost does that perfectly all throughout the book we have Elizabeth and the rest of the patients in whaling field you know we really see their journey with recovery starting from when they don't want to get better and when they are really resentful for treatment to them starting to take the first steps on their own to really be motivated to get better and realizing how much of their life they have been missing because of how they're eating sort of has impacted them and like the the main point of this book really is recovery and that is so amazing it just means so much to me that there is a book out there for people with either swears whether you can read it right now or you need to wait until your mental health is more stable for you to tell them that the content in this book it warms my heart to know that like someone can pick up this book and they'll really learn how amazing recovery is and all of the ways that it can change your life for the better and that just makes me really really happy and my final thing about the book other than the fact that recovery is possible and that's amazing that that is message of this book I felt it ended a little too abruptly I don't know if I'm just being greedy and I wanted more but at the endpoint of this novel like things ended on a perfect note like I am so satisfied with the ending of this book I cannot tell you but I really would have liked just a few more chapters even just like an epilogue a few months into the future as to where Elizabeth it's now I think that would've been a great asset to the book but like I said like where it ends is satisfying it ends on the note that it should even if I felt there should be a little bit more like me message and the place that Elizabeth is in when the story ends is so important and that's important to me so that is really its form your view of what I lost by Alexander Ballard oh my goodness I'm so sorry this review was so long but I had to gush like if you've heard me talk about this book I think you understand why it's so long I loved this book so much it is at the very top of my list of mental illness recommendations it is number one on my list of recommendations for people with eating disorders given you can handle the content but I would also recommend it to people who are family members or loved ones of people who are suffering or if you're just looking to learn about you stores more in general like this is a fantastic way a fiction book that shows you what it is like to suffer from an eating disorder and how it is possible for someone to recover I can't express to you at how much this book has meant to me personally is just such a powerful novel with the most important message that I could possibly preach to you guys and I just I think it is so amazing as this book exists and I can't wait to see all of the good that it does because I truly believe this book has the ability to do good in the world and to impact others in a positive way if you haven't read what I lost I would love to know your thoughts below because I definitely need more people to gush about it with but if you're also interested in reading what I lost after this review I would also like to know because I am just I'm so happy and able to recommend this book to you guys it's not just the fact that I loved it like I am genuinely elated at the thought people picking up this book and it meaning so much to them in the way that it has meant to me so I loved what I lost please pick it up support this book because it definitely deserves to be a widespread novel about eating disorders in the Y a fiction genre it's fabulous please read it I'm dashing too much I'm done that is it for this video thank you guys so much for watching and I'll see you soon for a new video byehey what's up hello my name is Emma and today I am going to be giving you guys my spoiler for your view of what I lost by Alexander Ballard as a note I apologize for the AC being on I am under so many hot lights right now I just I got to do what I got to do what I lost follows sixteen-year-old Elizabeth as she has entered an inpatient treatment facility for her anorexia Elizabeth and hers wailing field not thinking that she's all that sick she thinks she's just going to spend a few days there and then she'll be able to go home and continue with your previous behaviors because she doesn't think that what she's been doing has been that detrimental to her Elizabeth also has a really strange relationship with her mother who is also very weight conscious that plays a lot into her own personal experience small Elizabeth distant wailing field she starts receiving anonymous packages who she has an idea of who they're from but she's not entirely sure and it really has a book all about Elizabeth coming to terms with her anorexia and focusing on recovery I loved what I lost so so much it is absolutely my new favorite book about eating disorders that I would recommend above all else it is that freaking good this book has so much quality eating just sort of representation and that's honestly what the majority of this review is gonna be I'm literally going to be rambling about why this book has such fantastic even just photo representation as somebody who is also suffered from anorexia and has been recovered for the past six years this book means so much to me it's gonna mean so much to so many other people and I'm so excited to share my thoughts on it with you guys again this review it spoiler free so you don't have to have read what I lost in order to listen to my thoughts but I do want to place a very obvious trigger warning for eating disorders on this book as well as on this review because I'm going to be talking a lot about eating disorders as a result specifically for the content inside of what I lost I would place content warnings for things like anorexia disordered eating habit specific weights calories and just all-around specific behaviors relating to an eating disorder so if that is something that you do not believe you can handle at the moment please put your mental health first focus on your own personal recovery and getting yourself to a place where feel stable and confident and then pick up what I lost if it's something that still interests you but I wanted to put that out there right in the beginning because I find that to be so important relating to this book and its author one thing that made me really happy was after I had read the book I was on Alexandra Ballard's website which I will link below and she had a whole page dedicated to resources for people dealing with evenness or duress and that just proves to me that this is somebody who genuinely cares about the topic they are writing about right so fast forward like a month after I filmed this review initially I just recently found out that what I lost is technically an Owen Voices novel meaning and is a book about a main character with an eating disorder and the author herself has also battled an eating disorder Alexandra Ballard wrote a really amazing post on how she had to explain her eating disorder to her young daughters as this book is coming out although I did not know this while reading it was a very evident to me from the beginning that this is a book that carries a level of authenticity and truth that is totally absent from a lot of other novels dealing with eating disorders and I can't tell you how happy I am to be able to promote it as an own voices mental health level and that Alexandra is in recovery now and she's doing great for herself so I just needed to add that because I think it is so important to recognize when authors channel their own experiences into writing fiction for young teens it's fabulous just continue with the review and just on the exterior of this book I do want to talk about the cover because personally I do love this cover I think it is so beautiful I love the graphic on it but I do have a bit of a problem with books that focus on 80s orders that have things on a cover like food or tape measurers or like utensils and plates and such I think it is just like a not great decision there are so many things in this book that I think would have better represented it on the cover as opposed to just a piece of food to say this is a book about eating disorders I find that decision a little bit tasteless and I understand that is something that usually has to do with the publishers especially in regards to a debut novel but I definitely think we need to start getting some more sensitive covers for books about eating disorders because that can play a huge role in the readers experience of that novel has a warning this is gonna be a really long review because I have so much to talk about this summer I have been interning at the National Eating Disorders Association which is an organization that is very close to my heart I am currently raising money as a part of their meet a lot I'm participating in this October so if you would like to donate or to share your support and sharing my page I will link that below because I think it is such an amazing cause and I would love it if some of you were able to contribute well I had some downtime in my internship I had realized that fair screes has released the first five chapters of this book and I knew it was something that was already on my radar after talking about it in my 2017 mental health releases video so if you want to check that out I'll link it below as well but I run all first five chapters in one sitting it was amazing I knew I had to read the book in full immediately so I ran to a book store and I read it so quickly it's so great such a powerful novel I cannot tell you how much I am in love with this book from page one of this book the very first sentence mentions lanugo which I don't even know if I'm actually pronouncing correctly but nobody talks about lanugo and eating disorder books I was so happy and nobody ever talks about it is one of the less desirable parts of an eating disorder and I was so happy that finally someone mentioned this very real part of dealing with an eating disorder like at that moment I knew I was in for a ride with this book full of accuracy and truth about eating disorders one of the first things I do want to talk about in this book is the inclusion of triggering content like I said there's a lot of weights and calories and like specific behaviors included that I find could be very harmful to somebody with an ease order who is currently reading this book like I am in recovery I'm very privileged and I'm able to read these books and not get too triggered somebody who is not in recovery somebody who is just starting to develop their eating disorder or somebody who is in the midst of it like they may not benefit from it the same way I have not only just from having my internship at NIDA but I've learned so much for Mooney Buck's about you know sorters as to why it is so harmful to include things like calories for specific foods or specific weights a prime example of this like really could not give you a better example of why this can be harmful if I tried is that in the beginning of the book Elizabeth is talking about a coffee geek muffin from Dunkin Donuts and she says the amount of calories that are in it as I am reading this book as someone who is tempering from the eating disorder while I am eating a coffee cake muffin from Dunkin Donuts and after I have spent months trying to forget the amount of calories in that coffee cake muffin so I can enjoy it is there on the page and it is looked at as something that is disgusting and I'm just here like how dare you try and trigger me obviously that's not the intention I just think a lot of authors focus on the fact that like we need to be so specific and we need to truly show what it's like to have an eating disorder which you can do without giving us everyone's size and weight and specific calories and specific behaviors like it's fully possible to have a great book about eating disorders without the inclusion of that it's just specifically in the beginning of this book I think things are extra triggering because everything is triggering to Elizabeth which totally makes sense but I would have liked it if there was like a little bit less on specifics and numbers and stuff like the rest of the book does lawlessly at the very beginning of this book when Elizabeth is still getting adjusted to whaling field she is starting to eat substantial food for the first time in months she's in the refeeding period which is what it's referred to and at some point after one of her meals she vomits up because her body is not used to processing food she wasn't intentionally trying to purge which is another part of certain eating disorders but her body physically couldn't understand the concept of food because she had been depriving herself for it for so long that is personally a huge part of my recovery that no one has ever really mentioned before I didn't know that other people went through this as well I had missed so much school in the first few months of treatment because my body was so deprived from food and it didn't understand how to process nutrients so it would immediately come back up and I just felt so identified in that moment and it was it was a really really amazing there's a lot of great lines in regards to eating disorder recovery in this book one of my favorites is in the very beginning when Elizabeth is still just there and she's talking with her roommate and they're talking about the fact that they're stuck he and in treatment and so Lexi who is Elizabeth's roommate asks her do you want to get better and Elizabeth Ponder's for a moment and her response is if I have to gain weight I don't if there is a way to sum up recovery from anorexia in a sentence I think that's it it is such a true statement and definitely throughout the book we see that this is not something that Elizabeth truly feels and she really does want to get better but in the moment when you first enter recovery that's a very common thought and again I've also identified like I felt like I was reading me at 15 and during recovery for the first time it was so great even six years into recovery that's something I still consider all the time and to see that printed on page and for somebody to recognize that this is a thought that somebody even just one person with a niece or has is a really amazing feeling there's another really great line from Lexie where she's talking about the cycle of a new federal recovery because it's not linear like there are so many ups and downs to either sort of recovery and I think she really summarizes at least inpatient and this where she says you basically have two choices when you're here you can either refuse to do everything and then eventually they'll kick you out that's what happened to me my last place or you can do what they tell you get fat go home when your insurance runs out and do it all over again it's up to you and the reason I love it is because it not only focuses on the issue of money it regards to eating disorder treatment and how the only people who can really access treatment are the people who can pay for it like eating disorder treatment is extremely expensive and your insurance eventually stops paying for it so I love that they touched on that really briefly but the significant point of this is 35 pages the novel Elizabeth says what about the girls who want to get well this is this is a thought of Elizabeth to your friends from saying it because she doesn't want to be under the impression that she wants to get better and she wants to eat but it showed me from the very beginning that Elizabeth wants to recover she wants to get better she wants to nourish her body she wants to have healthy relationship of food and she wants to live the life she hasn't been able to live for all of these months because of the control of her eating disorder and I think that was just so important to include in the beginning of the novel it really set up the atmosphere for the rest of the book because like I will say over and over and over again this is a book about recovery and that is probably why it is so important to me this is a book that is a prime example of my recovery so important and how it's possible and that is why I love it so much another thing I absolutely love about this book is the fact there is so much medical information throughout the entire book if there's one sentence I can use to sell this book to you it's that this book does not glamorize even disorders in any way shape or form in addition to this book being focused on recovery which is so amazing it's so necessary it shows the dangers and the consequences and the grossest parts of eating disorders like I don't think anyone can read this book and say I want this life with all of the correct and accurate information that is included for example I mentioned the very first sentence of this book mentions lanugo and it is definitely one of the less desirable parts of an eating disorder nobody thinks about that when they think of girls who are starving themselves or restricting their food intake one of the main characters in this book finds out that she has developed mitral valve prolapse which is a very serious heart condition that can develop from a news that are like anorexia it is very very serious and that character does come to realize how serious that condition really is and I think that was important there's talk of the kind of different levels of a disorder treatment where you know you have outpatient counseling you might have intensive outpatient men have day programs then that you got to where whaling field really is where people are like living there as they are recovering which is a step before like severe hospitalization and the different types of heating tubes that some people have when they refuse to eat orthostatic hypotension is included which is a drop in blood sugar when you stand up again very serious side effect dealing with an eating disorder and I'm so happy they included we talked about these foundations of Venus orders how it is related to genetics but not necessarily every single person who has an eating disorder parent will have any use for themselves they also talked about how there are current research like this is a very recent research concluded that there are certain genetic markers for eating disorders but there is not enough research to be conclusive osteopenia and osteoporosis which is another very very serious side effect of dealing with an illness that are like anorexia the girls have to go for tests and it is like a very intense suspenseful moment because again it's a huge condition that is lifelong and a lot of people deal with it one of the characters in this book finds out that she has osteo Pina which is like the step before osteoporosis and she's elated that responds she says I might not have messed up my body so badly like I before I thought it was too late but now I might actually have a chance and that is something that I really identified with when I first got my menstrual cycle back after having the diagnosis of anorexia which leads me into the next part medical info like I said there is so much in here and it's great is that about like halfway through the book I was getting a little disappointed because they didn't mention a menorah which is the loss of a menstrual cycle and a huge marker of an eating disorder but I mean character does get her period back which was very exciting for me because not only is that a sign of her recovering like at least in a physical sense but she also dealt with some of the shame and embarrassment that can come from getting her period back after having an eating disorder at least in recovery from an e disorder when you have suffered extreme changes to your body having it returned back to a healthy state can be very shameful time because their eating disorders teach us that this is a sign of failure and this is something that we should not want or something we should be grossed out by so when Elizabeth gets her period again she starts feeling like an outsider among the girls because she's the first to get it back and she feels like they think that she is weaker or that she is less than them and all that's obviously not true and she later realizes that this is a really great sign it's a very valid experience and that's great there is just so much important corrective medical info in this book that made me so happy as somebody who is not only a sufferer but as well as somebody who is hoping to treat eating disorders in the future I was so pleased with the amount of accuracy in regards to medical info and dangers of eating disorders I really could not be happier with that execution there was one line in this book that I really wasn't particularly a fan of one of the nurses is trying to get Elizabeth to eat her lunch and she says to her that she has a disease which is true anorexia is a disease in a certain sense the same way that alcoholism is a disease but she says that food is her medicine and food will cure her disease which I personally have a problem with because I think that concept feeds into the idea that the way to solve and even sort of the way to cure yourself is to eat which is so untrue food is obviously extremely important you know it allows her body to amazing things but I would never consider it the medicine that cures eating disorders if there is anything that fills that role I would say it's therapy and actual treatment so I do wish this statement was a little bit more challenged and made knowing that like this isn't true and you can't just eat yourself better but there's so much good in this book that like I want to mention the critiques but they really just don't take away from how amazing this book was so another slight critique of this book is that there isn't a huge acknowledgement of different types of eating disorders or diversity among people who are afflicted by eating disorders the majority of girls that Elizabeth is staying with it where I feel have anorexia nervosa and there is one girl that is suffering from bulimia nervosa so I would have liked a little bit more of a kind of message that there are other eating disorders and these two that we see in the media over and over and over and over again but I do have to say within this novel I completely understand that whaling field is a specific type of treatment center that happens before hospitalization so it is reserved for a very distinct group of people with even that's not to say that other eating disorders are not deserving of treatment or that they aren't as dangerous or a serious because absolutely they are but like this book focuses on a very specific population whaling fields is a treatment center that it's very focused on people with very serious health risks as a result of their eating disorder they're focused on the refeeding period which is why mostly people with anorexia are being represented in this novel contextually I fully understand why this book focuses mostly on people with anorexia and one patient with bulimia so I'm not mad about that because I get it but I do wish that there was a little bit more of diversity and inclusivity in the patients in regards to things like ethnicity or sexuality in regards to um bulimic character we had I was a little upset in a very beginning of the introduction of her character because I don't think the treatment of her was very fair with an Amelia Souter community especially among people with anorexia there is a huge stigma against people with bulimia it's kind of ingrained into a community and it's something that we have to work through in recovery so I was upset with the way that other people in the novel were maybe treating margo at first or the way that she was just being presented in the novel throughout the novel that totally changed like elizabeth reaches out to margo very early on even if Margo is not as responsive back but eventually Margo really does become a huge part of this community among groups of these girls who are all suffered from the nurse order and in the end the execution was great I was just a little bit upset at the introduction of her character you know speaking of the fact that we have all girl patients there aren't any male patients at whaling field at the moment which does kind of feed them to the stereotype that eating disorders are a woman's mental illness which is totally untrue but at the very beginning of the novel Elizabeth does ask if there are any male patients in her ward and the nurse replies with currently there is not they stay with the other branch of the hospital in regards to other mental illnesses but it is made clear that they are aware of the fact that the rate men with the us orders is rising whether that is a result of Mormon actually suffering newsletters or just more of them being diagnosed and reporting their habits and they are trying to create a men's award 480 disorders in the future so it's not like the best representation for males with eating disorders but it is at least acknowledged which made me happy another really interesting part of this book is the relationship between Elizabeth and her mother like I said Elizabeth's mother is very focused on weight you know we have a lot of flashbacks in this book that can also potentially be very triggering and a lot of them do involve Elizabeth's mother as she has said some really hurtful things to Elizabeth and we've seen how her eating habits have affected Elizabeth and how she does not model proper recovery behavior for somebody with an eating disorder I was definitely able to see a lot of my own experiences in the relationship and between Elizabeth and her mother definitely not to that extent whatsoever but I think it is very important that people see the influence that family members can have on people with eating disorders and what they need to do better in order to help this person recover it was just really interesting watching how really field affected Elizabeth but how it also impacted her mother and father like it was a really interesting dynamic that I think should be represented more I'm so sorry this review is so long but it really just cannot stop gushing about it another part is going loved is that it is very clear that Elizabeth loves food I am so sick of this stereotype that people with eating disorders like anorexia don't like food that is not true we love food we just don't always let ourselves eat it just the distinction between it's not that Elizabeth doesn't like food she loves certain foods but she hasn't allowed herself to eat them for some time like that was really validating another really important acknowledgement in this book is the fact that eating your shoulder is not a choice this is not a lifestyle or a diet it's not something we can turn on or off it is something that we are compelled to engage and like I said it's a disease it's not something we have control over but the author doesn't make a note which I totally agree with is that we make a decision to engage in that first behavior you know whether that is the first time you decide to purge the first time you just started to binge eat or the first time you decide to skip a meal like that itself is a conscious decision but the rest of it the way it takes over our life and all of the actions after that once we get addicted to this behavior that's not our fault that's a result of our eating disorder and that is again really really important because it shows it's not something we have control over it really isn't so that was really important to me as well everything in this book is so great the main thing I want to focus on about this book you know not even just that it has really great representation for you know sorters is the fact that it is so focused on recovery you know like a lot of books about eating disorder is they have a huge chunk of the book devoted to showing what it is like to experience into disorder which is great but at the very end of the book when the character just starts to get help and realize that they are in danger that's when it ends and I have a problem with that because it doesn't really show that recovery is possible or that it's something people can actually achieve what I lost does that perfectly all throughout the book we have Elizabeth and the rest of the patients in whaling field you know we really see their journey with recovery starting from when they don't want to get better and when they are really resentful for treatment to them starting to take the first steps on their own to really be motivated to get better and realizing how much of their life they have been missing because of how they're eating sort of has impacted them and like the the main point of this book really is recovery and that is so amazing it just means so much to me that there is a book out there for people with either swears whether you can read it right now or you need to wait until your mental health is more stable for you to tell them that the content in this book it warms my heart to know that like someone can pick up this book and they'll really learn how amazing recovery is and all of the ways that it can change your life for the better and that just makes me really really happy and my final thing about the book other than the fact that recovery is possible and that's amazing that that is message of this book I felt it ended a little too abruptly I don't know if I'm just being greedy and I wanted more but at the endpoint of this novel like things ended on a perfect note like I am so satisfied with the ending of this book I cannot tell you but I really would have liked just a few more chapters even just like an epilogue a few months into the future as to where Elizabeth it's now I think that would've been a great asset to the book but like I said like where it ends is satisfying it ends on the note that it should even if I felt there should be a little bit more like me message and the place that Elizabeth is in when the story ends is so important and that's important to me so that is really its form your view of what I lost by Alexander Ballard oh my goodness I'm so sorry this review was so long but I had to gush like if you've heard me talk about this book I think you understand why it's so long I loved this book so much it is at the very top of my list of mental illness recommendations it is number one on my list of recommendations for people with eating disorders given you can handle the content but I would also recommend it to people who are family members or loved ones of people who are suffering or if you're just looking to learn about you stores more in general like this is a fantastic way a fiction book that shows you what it is like to suffer from an eating disorder and how it is possible for someone to recover I can't express to you at how much this book has meant to me personally is just such a powerful novel with the most important message that I could possibly preach to you guys and I just I think it is so amazing as this book exists and I can't wait to see all of the good that it does because I truly believe this book has the ability to do good in the world and to impact others in a positive way if you haven't read what I lost I would love to know your thoughts below because I definitely need more people to gush about it with but if you're also interested in reading what I lost after this review I would also like to know because I am just I'm so happy and able to recommend this book to you guys it's not just the fact that I loved it like I am genuinely elated at the thought people picking up this book and it meaning so much to them in the way that it has meant to me so I loved what I lost please pick it up support this book because it definitely deserves to be a widespread novel about eating disorders in the Y a fiction genre it's fabulous please read it I'm dashing too much I'm done that is it for this video thank you guys so much for watching and I'll see you soon for a new video bye\n"