I bought the DUMBEST (and most hideous) BMW M-car ever built (X6M) and it's a TOTAL DISASTER

The Agony and Ecstasy of a Ruined BMW: A Descent into Madness

It seems hard to believe but it absolutely does if it even starts hopefully the battery is charged enough to go oh god what have I done all right we'll have the juice to start it does it's it's running but uh not very well yeah that's a BMW running right now of course there's the obvious vacuum leak but then listen to it sound that bad right now but it's not in full limp mode at the moment okay no it's not how I swapped it's not cammed it's just a massive vacuum leaks and other problems but uh while we actually have some power uh let's go because it doesn't last for very long out we go oh even in the heads up display you can't escape the check engine light it says engine malfunction reduce power and it's all over as well three different places to tell you your BMW is completely screwed

But while we were still holding on for dear life, I couldn't help but think about how this car was once a beast of a machine. Somebody paid a hundred thousand dollars for this car new and rode that depreciation gave up all the practicality of an SUV uh gave up all the fun of a sports car and they bought something absolutely hideous and let that depreciate to next to nothing so I don't know who's Dumber the person who bought it new or me for just wanting to experience this total awfulness but something inside me wants to see if this thing can be fixed

Can it be brought back from the brink of death? Only one person, Johnny the car ninja, my BMW mechanic, could possibly pull us off at a reasonable number. But even he might not be able to save this one. This thing is in the worst shape I've ever seen. The owner's manual is still intact, but that's about where it ends for any semblance of reason or sanity.

I put the car into gear and floor it, feeling 550 horsepower and every time I get in one of these I'm confused because I'm primarily a Mercedes man I gotta put it in gear here and it turns on the windshield wipers they put the windshield wipers where like the car shifter was on the 7 Series and on Mercedes no it's down here. Well, here's me flooring the 550 horsepower v8 right now we are going 20. still 20. still 20. I have to shift to get it to go faster shift there we go 25 30. 35 about time to shift now to get more speed we'll hit 40 eventually but a 60 horsepower Mercedes 240D is quicker than a 550 horsepower x6m right now that's how screwed this thing is

And then there's the suspension which you see me bouncing around it's ruined as well yep there's the suspension warning this is on a car that's barely 10 years old and 70 000 miles I don't care how neglected this car is yeah there's the level control and the headset display as well I don't care how neglected a car is 10 years 70 000 miles and all these lights are on real me that now

I was able to drive this thing from Euro Asian Bob's back to my house on the highway it eventually does get up to highway speeds but it is downright dangerously slow in the suspension you hit any kind of significant bump and you are flying into this low roof it's a complete hunk of junk this thing but I don't oh God oh God it made sense to buy and oh it made sense for me to buy this thing as a completely depreciated hunk of garbage but somebody somebody paid a hundred thousand dollars for this car new and rode that depreciation gave up all the practicality of an SUV uh gave up all the fun of a sports car and they bought something absolutely hideous and let that depreciate to next to nothing so I don't know who's Dumber the person who bought it new or me for just wanting to experience this total awfulness but something inside me wants to see if this thing can be fixed

Can It Be Fixed? The Search for Johnny the Car Ninja

In the end, only one person could possibly pull us off at a reasonable number. That's where Johnny the car ninja comes in. My BMW mechanic and wizard of all things automotive, he's the only one who might be able to bring this hunk of junk back from the brink of death. But will it be worth saving? Only time (and money) will tell.

The Smoke Show: A Descent into Madness

I've driven it far enough that the smoke show is starting now this is just absolutely insane look at this oh God it's annoying sound in the world too but well this is just disconnected I'm screwed